90210 The Next Gen (with no one even half as awesome as Steve Sanders)

Can we talk about this 90210 ‘spinoff’? Awesome, thanks.

First of all, didn’t we already have ‘the 90210 of the new millennium’ that revolved around rich kids in California and a fish out of water scenario? It was called The OC, and it was shit. Second, how dare they try to recreate the sheer brilliance that was the original 90210? YOU JUST CAN’T DO THAT. I admit I’m pretty harsh on remakes and spinoffs but sometimes they’re not so bad – I’m a huge Degrassi fan and don’t mind The Next Generation, especially since it has some of the old cast in it including Joey Jeremiah and Caitlin ‘you were fucking Tessa Campanelli’ Ryan who totally got it on as adults. But this is not on. NOT ON.

Let’s look at the promo that’s just been released. “Cooler, sexier, more provocative”. REALLY? Do they not know that the very act of calling themselves ‘cool’ makes them deeply uncool? It’s like the Hanson of television. I also love that they’ve cast one of the most excruciatingly painful characters from Nip/Tuck (and that’s a huge call, for those of you who know your Nip/Tuck) – the girl with the curly hair who looks like she might have some sort of…syndrome. Nice to see she’s playing the ‘spoilt popular girl’. Girl has RANGE. She’s “a lot of fun”, apparently, which basically means she Gets Around ifyouknowwhatimean. Hang on, wait. One of the characters is named NAVID. Pronounced na-veed (or possible na-vee? Which is even better), which I will take great joy in pronouncing as nay-vid. Speaking of, apparently there is/was a guy on Home and Away named David who pronounced it Dar-vid. Bitch please, it’s Dayvid.

We also have a QUIRKY GIRL named Silver. We know she’s quirky because she’s named from the colour wheel and WEARS A SCARF ON HER HEAD! Craaaaazy. There’s also a young male teacher who ‘indentifies with the students’. Anyone who’s watched teen drama before knows a teacher who ‘identifies with the students’ is a teacher who ‘plays I’ll touch yours if you touch mine with the students’. And I think this quote from ONTD sums up the black dude

OMG this takes the alibi black kid to a whole new level XD. The only way he can be in Beverly Hills is through adoption. WTF?

They’ve also cast Aunt Becky from Full House and the amazing Jessica Walter who SHOULDN’T BE REDUCED TO THIS SHIT. ughhhhhh.

Anyway, I don’t think this monstrosity deserves any more of my blogging time. But I feel like I can’t leave without a screencap of one of the cool, sexy and provocative stars of The New 90210:

Says it all really.