a time for heroes

Intern Brownie and I have been having some terse words lately. While we were looking through old blog entries to retag them with our sparkly new “fattest man in league” tag we got onto the topic of why the beloved Wendell Sailor hasn’t been selected in the Dragons team to play the Bulldogs this week, and wasn’t selected for the game in Melbourne last week. Is it coincidence that just as Big Dell was removed from the side it lost to the Raiders and broke a seven-game winning streak? I say no.

But even if Brownie won’t show him some love, I will.

Sure he may not be the freshest guy in the squad. He may not be the fastest man in the squad. Or the fittest player in the squad. Okay, fine, I admit it. Maybe compared to Dell from eight years ago bitch is kinda old and fat and slow. HE’S NOT BACK TO PEAK FITNESS YET! But inside that barrel torso is a giant giant heart. Dell has PASSION. Passion and the heart of a lion! Rrrrrrawr.

I can’t believe it was only two months ago that super Dell ran across a four-lane freeway to rescue a distraught mother and her tiny precious baby infant from a car crash.

And what has Monsieur Gaz done for the community lately? Hmmmm? Anyway.

“By the time I got to the car Wendell Sailor had got the baby out of the back seat and was holding it and comforting the mother, who was pretty shaken,” a witness said.

“Once everything had calmed down Wendell started clearing bits of the bonnet and other pieces off the road.”

THE ANGELIC BITCH EVEN CLEANS. Amazing. (Related note: whoever Dell’s publicist is, hire him immediately Sonny Bill. You could use some good press like woah).

And while we’re throwing the love around, I think some Errol Awards for General Awesomemess* should go to baby skater Corey – who rescued a seventy year old nanna from drowning in a river without even taking off his backwards baseball cap – and to Rabbit the Rabbit – who woke up his owner and saved him from a fire. UM, ADORABLE.

And Rabbit the Rabbit is all the more admirable because if I had idiot owners unimaginative enough to name me ‘Rabbit’, I probably would’ve left them behind. Just saying.

I would like to humbly suggest that Big Brother be replaced with a Charlie’s Angels-esque weekly drama, starring Big Dell as the skateboard-riding ringleader, Corey as his devil-may-care offsider, and Rabbit as a super-intelligent problem-solving Lapine Kate Jackson. Just bear it in mind, is all I’m saying. God knows it can’t be worse than Big Brother.

* Prizes include one (1) molestation of your choice and one (1) chaperoned trip to the Judgy. Corey apparently may already be in line for some kind of Premier’s honour, but – be honest – which do you think he’d prefer?