Kittens, apologies. Why did it take us more than 24 hours to post about the Legends of Origin match in Parramatta on Thursday night?
WE HAD A LOT OF SHIT TO DO. God.
It took us at least 2.5 hours to build our life-size shrine to Sam Backo … not to mention the multiple trips we had to make to Eastgardens shopping centre to procure enough newspaper and clag so we could make enough papier mache so we could replicate his glorious gut.
We also enrolled Intern Lachie in a summer school electronics course at TAFE. If all goes according to plan, in four to six weeks the papier mache Sam Backo will be able to automatically wipe his own gut with a towel JUST LIKE THE REAL SAM BACKO DID AT HALFTIME. Have you ever seen a greater sight than him in the locker room? We half expected him to pull out a turkey leg and munch away. What an amazing human.
Needless to say the concept of the Legends of Origin game turned out to be more amazing than we even dreamed. We both had actual goosebumps for most of the game.
Before we watched it, we thought Mark Geyer was heaps smart n shit for coming up with it, and that it was a brilliant cause and needed to be supported.
After we watched it, we had to have cold showers and a short sit down. All our childhood heroes in one place! Someone hold us while we swoon!
Gary Belcher, that old swaggering dreamboat! Remember when we made Andy Raymond tell Gary Belcher we thought he was a hot old man? And he took a photo in the Foxsports commentary box just to make us shut the hell up?
Well now we know that Badge isn’t just a Handsome Older Man, he’s still got some footwork on the field too. Kiki’s more obsessed than ever.
Although truthfully? That bitch has nothing on Cliffy Lyons setting up a brilliant try. Feet! Hands! Speed! Skill! Moustache! He’s incredible enough that we can’t even make sentences.
Gorden Tallis, Brett Hodgson-throwing champion and dancer extraordinaire. Crank up Flo Rida’s ‘Low’ and the man is like the rugby league version of Paul Mercurio in Strictly Ballroom. If Paul Mercurio was a giant indigenous league player with a penchant for hip hop music.
And in a blues jersey once again, Steelers legend Rod Wishart. WISHART! The man with the glass bones! A man who looks pretty much EXACTLY the same now as when he retired.
Facing up against Robbie O’Davis, who looks at least 8,000 times more shredded than he did when he played football. That bitch is like a human batman suit! You could shred cabbage on those nips. Abs. Whatever.
Consequently, Sassy has now been on a health and fitness plan for a full 48 hours, inspired by Robbie ‘the Machine’ O’Davis. He’s like an anatomy diagram. She figures if a footy player with a broken nose and probably impaired breathing to go with it can be that ripped, then she can at least be the kind of person who doesn’t live entirely on vodka, carbs and cheese.
It’s the same kind of attitude that made her start up a new fake-tanning regime when she saw that Shaun ‘Pinkman’ Kenny-Dowall now has a summer tan. She’s determined like that.
But mainly, the reason we took so long to say anything was cause we were recovering from the swoon-worthy sight of Freddy Fittler and Ryan Girdler together, on a footy field, in Blues jerseys.
Does Freddy know where he is? Of course not. He’s just thinking about eating a muffin.
Remember when Freddy won the Chooks the premiership? Remember when Girds had a flowing mane of black hair and scored 32 points to kick Queensland’s arse in origin? Remember when we didn’t hate ourselves? Remember when NSW was good at Origin?
REMEMBER WHEN RYAN GIRLDER DID A ‘THEIR HOUSE’ SEGMENT WITH FREDDY AND IT WAS THE GREATEST TELEVISION MOMENT YOU’VE EVER SEEN?
Fast forward straight to 5:46 and enjoy. So good. So very, very good.
To this day, whenever we see a kitchen counter, we still pretend to walk down stairs and say ‘let’s go down to the cellar’ … ‘there is no cellar!’ like Freddy.
Let’s talk about the fact Jason Smith used the half time break to…wait for it…SMOKE A CIGARETTE. We have picture proof!
Also, before we put this blog up, we had to go find ‘Tony Trim’ on facebook and like the hell out of him.
Trimster? You’re our new hero.
He paid $12,000 bucks to wear a blues jersey, ran out on the field, took a chip from Freddy and SCORED FOR NSW. And in case that wasn’t awesome enough, he tried to start biff with Gorden Tallis.
Marry us, Trimster? Or if you won’t do that, at least come play for NSW at Origin time. Not kidding. Seriously. We need you. You can have Kurt Gidley’s spot.
As for you, MG? What a pussycat. We could not love you more. Never ever change.
PS – The excitement of this game was such that we tweeted like mad women, people replied over and over again and low and behold….WE WERE THE NUMBER ONE TRENDING TOPIC IN AUSTRALIA! We trended over the Australian Open. Remember this day people, this is as famous as we will ever be.