12 

errol’s 12 days of christmas: day four

December 16th, 2010

On the fourth day of Christmas

Oh Errol gave to me

Some photos that are funnnnyyyy

Hi Errol friends. Hope you’re enjoying your daily dose of footy lolz. Our new e-best friend Kate tells us that yesterdays post made her friend cry from laughing at work and now his workmates think he’s a crazy person. This makes me proud. Next time I’ll post some half naked boys and then his colleagues can think he likes the dudes. Sweet.

Today I have the Worst Headache Ever and the only thing my brain can cope with is a) checking my hard drive for funny footy photos and b) posting them for you guyz. ENJOY!

6 

postcards from port macquarie: day three

May 6th, 2010

Here you have it, a very special edition of Errol TV. It was Sassy’s birthday, it was our first romantic sunset filming, we met a man CALLED ERROL … and we got you interviews with the hilarious Joel Thompson and Tom Learoyd-Lahrs from the Canberra Raiders. Our favourite part? When we get Tom Learoyd-Lahrs to make fun of his Raiders media manager (also the Country media manager) Ben Pollack. Also, when Tom Learoyd-Lahrs … exists.

Hope y’all like it!

18 

postcards from port macquarie: day one

May 4th, 2010

Let’s get this out of the way: WE GOT A HUG FROM JAMAL. IT’S ON VIDEO. YOU WILL SEE IT. IT WAS AMAZING.

Now, where were we?

Day 1 of our Port Macquarie Odyssey took us to local skills clinics with both City and Country teams and some Port Mac schoolkids. Pretty obviously, the weather was a massive bitch. Hence, we look like slightly drowned dogs, and did most of our interviews under a random signing marquee. Good times.

Here’s the rundown, before we get to the sweet video action: Intern Lachie is so teeny! Yes, we see him around the office every day, but we have an average height of 5’5″, so seeing him amongst other footy players is completely different and really worries us. Don’t break him please!

Lots of you asked for Josh Dugan interviews, but this morning he was far too busy talking on his mobile and being interviewed in a public toilet block by a really shifty looking ‘journo’ for us to get interviews … sorry guys! Next time, we promise.


Jamal got the same treatment; we like to call it George Michael TV.

Make sure you pay attention in our favourite bits of the video:

* Todd Carney shifting around like he has ants in his pants, thanks to Michael Robertson and Joel Thompson sitting off-camera and playing footsies with Todd’s Crotch.

* Ronnie Palmer gazing off into the distance as he talks about shorts, and how he secretly rolls his up when no one’s looking. What was he looking at? Carty was cracking up, at Ronnie’s expense.

* Carty fending off the ‘ambush’ questions about us being pests. According to him we are “very good girls”. AWWWW.

Sadly, what you can’t see in the video (but we could see) is how interested Greg Bird was in the informative literature we brought about the sights of Port Macquarie. He loved it! Couldn’t wait to find out what historical peccadillos Port had in store for him. We are also 99% sure Joel Thompson took home the Frangipanni massage pamphlet. Good choice.

After we wrapped up our interviews, we headed back to town for lunch. Something classy for two classy ladies … like Subway. As we were parking we drove past Carty and Ronnie – everyone’s favourite City rugby league power couple – heading out for a lunch date. They seemed to like Sassy’s mum’s sweet Subaru station wagon. “Nice car, girls”.

Apparently everyone had the same idea, because inside Subway we found half of the city team on a sandwich date: Trent Waterhouse, Lachlan Coote, Joel Reddy, Tim Grant and Michael Jennings. Before you ask, no we aren’t stalking them. And yes, they eat Subway, just like regular people!

Kiki had a Moment of Trauma in Subway when she found herself lined up behind Trent Waterhouse, really really wanting to order a footlong turkey sub, but kind of embarassed since giant prop Trent Waterhouse had just ordered a footlong, too. After a brief moment of indecision: does she just WHISPER her order? should she order a six-inch like a lady? … she thought DAMMIT. I REALLY WANT MY FOOTLONG. Cue the following exchange at the cash register:

Kiki: “I can’t believe I eat the same lunch as a footballer”
Subway dude: “… actually a little bit more”
Sassy: “Is that cause she ordered double cheese?”

Till next time darlings!

7 

it’s a double header, darlings!

May 3rd, 2010

HI KIDS!

We just arrived in the lovely Port Macquarie for City v Country week. We somehow ended up with an amazing suite right on the water, huge balcony and all. BEHOLD! The view from our sweet pad -

They start em young in regional Australia, because on our way to dinner we got propositioned by a group of grommets in the street. They were 14 at the most. Kiki got an eye fuck and ‘heeeeey beautiful’. Then when we crossed the road his mates were all OH MAN, YOU SCARED EM OFF. GOOD ONE.

We giggled for awhile until we realised, if we got knocked up in our teens, they could literally be our sons. This is truly a terrifying thought and we drowned our Fuck We Are Old Sorrows in huge portions of Thai food.

Anyways, last weekend we popped down to the adorable Leichardt Oval (if you’ve never been, get thyself there immediately) for a NSW Cup double header. Last time we were there Kiki was running in front of Robbie Farah, tripped on her thong and had the biggest stack of all stacks right in front of him. This time she once again embarassed herself by accidentally yelling “CHEESE DOGS!!!!!” in Tim Sheens face. Long story.

Here’s our video. Make sure you watch it, if only for the seriously hysterical Wests fans who declare they will “neck themselves” if the Maggies don’t take out the title this year. Brilliant.

Keep an eye out this week, we will be uploading heaps of episodes of Errol TV and other City v Country stuff. Also check out our Errol Twitter, plus our personal ones for more frequent updates. Kiki’s and Sassy’s.

16 

when you're a hawk

May 21st, 2009

Why yes, that is a reference to West Side Story and/or the character Ben from Sleeping with the Enemy. (Clearly Sassy is responsible for that bit). Thanks for noticing.

So the week we spent in Orange for Country vs City wasn’t just about rep footy. By lucky coincidence, it was also the week leading up to the local first grade league derby over at Wade Park. 

In Orange there is a fierce rivalry between the Hawks and the CYMs and we were a tad worried about who we would support when they played on the Sunday. We’d met so many awesome locals on the golf day from both sides, and they were all up in our bizness about why their team is the Only Team to Support.

We were also confused and/or or intrigued once we found out CYMs stands for Catholic Young Men. Would they glare suspiciously at Sassy for being only part Irish and part Jewish? Would there be whiskey?

Turned out to be the easiest decision we’ve ever made. During the week our new bestie Gary set up an afternoon for us to get all rugged up and head over to meet the Hawks at training. For those of you who don’t wanna keep reading: we fell in love. So charming, so hilarious, so GREAT.

lk

Um, did we mention HOT? Holy mother of god they breed them cute out in the country. Ladies of capital cities everywhere, get thyself to the country. Ask for Todd Barrow. Also maybe ask him for a photo and see if he does this pose again … it seemed very natural for him. We suspect he does it often.

You always know a night’s gonna be good when the first grade and reserve grade senior teams both have captain-coaches. How can you coach boys to run into giant forwards if you’re not out there running into them, right?  But as delightful as that is, those teams have nothin on the exreme awesomeness that is the under 16 Hawks/Bloomfield. HI BOYS! Seeeee told you we would write about you.

We have to shove in some background here: we had asked to interview some of them, thinking we would get you know … one or two at a time. But instead Hilly, the manager/speech-giver/head honcho of the Hawks, mustered the entire team over to us and into a vague line.

Picture us surrounded by a huge semi circle of 15-16 yr old boys fiddling with their shorts and wondering what the hell two old birds like us were doing at their training. SHIT WAS KINDA AWKWARD.

So we retreated to what we know best. Taking the piss.

[At this juncture I would like to apologise to 'Canvas' for making fun of your (admittedly shocking) haircut in front of the whole team. Yes it was shit for you, but didn't it break the ice well? Thanks champ. - K]

lk

At least having all the guys in one spot to begin with made it easy to get a team pic. At Sassy’s urging the pretty boy in the jersey down the front even dropped to the ground for a few pre-photo push-ups.

But not after they mocked us in return. Seems that teenagers really didn’t get the Polaroid thing, and to quote directly: ‘why have youse got that old camera? Can’t you afford a new one?’ Apparently 15 year olds aren’t big into nostalgia. Good to know.

They are all over a nickname though, in the grandest Aussie tradition. Canvas got his name from being the unfortunate recipient of a punch on the footy field, when the guy who it was intended for ducked unexpectedly. He spent, as you would expect, the rest of the game on the canvas.

Hilly, as you would expect, has the last name Hill. Doc, as you would expect, is their strapper. He won us over when a reserve grader left the field with a possibly-pulled ligament, and Doc coolly finished telling us a yarn before he moseyed off to look after the lad. I guess when you were trained by a strapper who used to bash out corks in the muscle with a mallet, you get hardened to suffering.

If you believe Doc, the man who trained him – ‘Old Soldier’ – was the town eccentric, famous for serving snails at dinner, and having a completely featherless bird called cunthead (excuse our language). A Brazilian bird! We love a story that ends with the phrase ‘poor old cunthead’.

We talked in our other posts about how eye-opening it is to head out to the country for a footy game. You come face to face with exactly how much a sport does for community spirit, but we didn’t realise exactly how much history can be kept in a footy team.


Coach Johnny King, Geoff Lousick, Nelson Smith and Terry Fahey with the 1974 Amco Cup.

The late ‘TV’ Ted Ellery is a beloved son out West, and between all the ex-Hawks in Orange, we ended up seeing a full recreation of the famous day in 1974 when the Western Division team pulled off a magic upset over Penrith to win the first ever Amco Cup at Leichhardt Oval. It was the ultimate underdog victory: “little old Western Division” downing glamour clubs Manly and Penrith to win the trophy.

Footy in the country is also overwhelmingly about family: the Barrow boys are all Hawks, the Hurfords (including Canvas) are all Hawks, and two of the Big Boss Hilly’s sons popped up at training, too. One coaching the Under 18s team, and one, Tige, playing for the under 16s. 


Hi Jacko!

Even Hilly’s grandson Jacko was running around at training, rocking his knitted beanie and his super-special newly-AUTOGRAPHED Wests Tigers’ shirt. Sassy asked him a few days later if he wanted to be a fullback (Jacko is tres reliable under the high ball) but he has his heart set on playing halfback. He even demonstrated his kick-ass Benji Marshall sidestep.
 

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We should also confess something about Tige. He’s without a doubt the most self assured, relaxed and hilaaaarious teenager we have ever met. He was in charge of looking after us and he may be our favourite new Orange BFF. He’s super sarcastic and cracks our shit up. Tige, thanks for talking to us for literally hours and not fervently looking around for someone to save you. WE LOVES YOU CHICKEN!

To the whole U16 team, we are tres sorry for not coming to watch you on Saturday but we were too hungover tired. We did however make it to the big local first grade derby on Sunday. Oh my, it was brilliant. It was like watching the Jets at Henson Park but BETTER. Yes, there is something better than Henson Park. We can’t believe it either.

lk

There was everything you need at the footy: a thriller of a game with only TWO POINTS in the scoreline; adorable kids playing footy; super-cute dogs; beer; snags; and people beeping the tries from the warmth of their cars.

Not to mention when the awesomely biased announcer (*cough*Gary*cough*) demanded a group of kids stop playing on the sideline … who coincidentally happened to be CYMs supporters. I GO FOR THE HAWKS. YOU CYMS CHILDREN STOP HAVING FUN PLS.

And guys, there was biff. Like actual knock down drag out biff. None of this pussy you shove me, I shove you, lets grab each others jerseys NRL bullshit. No no. At this game people were being punched while on the ground!

Just when we think the day couldn’t get better, Gary Norton, our Orange bestie and big man around town, ANNOUNCED US OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER. Like, telling everyone how great we are and how funny Errol is and how everyone should read it. Amen Gary, we are great.

Sadly, the two points difference in the match were for our Hawks boys, defeated 28-26.

Thanks so much to all the Hawks for inviting us to The Royal to drown our sorrows and watch the after-match presentation over chips and gravy. Our highlight was when the Player’s Player was feeling a little too shy to come up and accept his accolades, so Hilly yelled COME ON YA SOFT SOCK! Brilliant.

… when you’re a Hawk, and all that. We miss you boys!

20 

an orange wrap up: country vs city

May 17th, 2009

lk

OKAY. HI!

We have been rather crap at posting regularly huh? Sorry, my darlings. I know you rely on us for your footy lolz. And the lack of blogging has turned some bitches crazy. I swear we found a fan outside the office the other day, clad in a soaking wet tee, screaming ERRRROLLLLLL. Totally channelling Marlon Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire.

(You love our pop culture references don’t you kids? Everyone does. Don’t ever challenge us to a game of Trivial Pursuit, we will whip yo ASS.)

lk

So anyway, we are home from Orange. And we are straight up sad about it. We fell in love with that pretty lil town and it’s residents. We only spent a week there, but with it’s autumn coloured gorgeousness (and its amazing pubs), Orange totally stole our hearts. Damn you, Sydney, and your lack of deciduous trees!

Let’s wrap up the Country v City game shall we? (Notice this year it was officially changed to have Country first. And we like it). There was alot of talk from arrogant Sydney journalists that the game was a non event and no one would turn up to watch it. Well … they were wrong. FUCKERS! HAH!

lkm

Yes that’s right kids, the people of the Central West turned out big time. Wade Park was not only packed to capacity (that’s over 8000 people), but ppls had to be turned away at the gate. May I take this opportunity to remind you all that we ensured this would happen during our appearance on 105.9 Star FM the morning of the game. Yes, we were right and the mainstream media was wrong. NOT THE FIRST TIME. NOR THE LAST. *karate chop*

So we love the Country team so much we even … gulp … wore maroon. In public. I felt dirty but I did it for the boys. Best thing about footy at Wade Park? The amaaaazing sausage sizzle tent manned by volunteers (a whole tent of snags! hello heaven!) and the mobile TAB in a caravan. We actually put bets on while eating our sausage sandwiches. Hello Kiki + Sassy nirvana!

lk

Well, our boys lost. It was shit. Everyone in the Country camp, including us, was pretty shocked at the scoreline. Looking at it on the scoreboard just didn’t feel at all like it should after watching the game (the first 60 minutes at least). Boo hiss booo etc etc.

But the strangest thing was just the experience of being in a country crowd to watch league. You see, we are … what’s the word? Loudmouths. That’s it. And we’re used to sitting in stadiums full of other loudmouths shoving in pies and screaming support/abuse/jokes at the game going on in front of us. Country crowds – because apparently they are usually this way – are intense.

Instead of multitasking like us city folk (blame TV for our poor attention spans) their focus is completely on the game. It makes for a really compelling experience huddling together in the cold, watching the game with 8000 people who are totally absorbed in the footy in almost a hush. Overwhelming, even.

It also means that when we yelled out for the awesome Alan Tongue and his try, his wife turned around to see where the noise was coming from and gave us a ‘… I know right? My mans is awesome’ nod of understanding. DON’T GET THAT IN THE CITY, DO YA?

lk

Special shout out to 18th man Chris Heighington (fuck that name is hard to spell, I totes had to Google), who was both gracious and unintentionally hilarious while performing his dutiez. He had to warm up with the team in uniform … then take it off once they were done and it became obvious that no one was incapacitated during their hamstring stretches and unable to play.

He also may or may not have been forgotten in the seating plan and, well, he didn’t have a seat. He spent the whole game aimlessly wandering about the stands, up stairs, down stairs, eyes searching for something he never found. IT WAS SO SAD.

Looking back, I should have offered him my lap to sit in … right?

And worst of all … Chris was forced to do manual labour. Poor bitch had to do the heavy lifting. As you can see above, he was in charge of carrying he Eskies into the stadium. I for one am outraged. Just because he’s large, strong and hardworking doesn’t make him a bloody Clydesdale! This is even worse than Shillo being made to lug around giant chains during his Gods of Football shoot.

Anyways, we totally yelled things like BOOOOO CITY BOOOOO and DAMN YOU DAVID, then unsuprisingly went out and got drunkety drunk drunk to soothe the pain of the loss. Luckily Orange has quite the raging and hilarious nightlife to keep a girl entertained.

To finish off, I would like to make a list of Things We Learnt During Country Week (These are real lessons, not ones that happened in our heads. I swear.) Here we go.

* T.Camps has excellent taste in music. He loves Dolly Parton, Jimmy Barnes, Diesel and John Farnham. He should totally go on tour as DJ T.CAMPS. We would be all over that shit.

* As you can see from above, Chris Heighington enjoys very tight t-shirts. Whether or not this is because he can’t find t-shirts in size Clydesdale or he has an obsession with his clothes dryer, we can’t tell you. We can tell you, however, that thanks to a) the tight shirts and b) the fact he is super charming and generally lovely, resulted in him being the Ladies Choice of the week. Hey little girl with the cash to burrrrrrn. Oh, Heighno. (Ps how good is that Polaroid? My photographic skillz are unsurpassed)

* According to someone in camp, the Dragons are ‘no fun’. My response? GOOD! I DON’T WANT THEM TO BE FUN! I want them to win godamnit!

* Joel Monaghan (or ‘former Kangaroo Joel MONNAGGAN’ according to the announcer at Wade Park. lololol) is probably the funniest guy we have ever met. Not just in the NRL, but in life. We all decided that when he retires we will launch a radio show. Kiki, Sassy + Monas? Can’t you just see our heads on the back of a bus? Imagine all the endless ranga jokes! I can’t wait.

* Laurie Daley is an amazing human. Just … amazing. He gave me a birthday hug and it was one of the Top 5 moments of my life. And by ‘gave me’ I mean I wrapped my arms around his neck and drunkenly yelled LOZ IT’S MY BIRFDAAAAAY and he didn’t recoil in horror. Oh Laurie, why you so nice?

[Laurie using the phrase 'sweet as a nut' during commentary last year is one of the reasons I started loving footy. I just found out last night (Sassy swears she texted me when it happened, but I never received it *shakes fist at technologiez*) that he SAYS IT IN PERSON TOO. Oh Laurie. - Lozzy]

* Gordie Tallis is a huge fan of The Simpsons. He gave an excellent birthday rendition of Kiki, her teeth are big and greeeeen. Kiki, she smells like gasooolinnnneeee. Also, Flo Rida.

* Blocker Roach is a big believer in pheremones. He also gives truly brilliant inspirational speeches. Goosebump-worthy.

* Do not stare at Luke O’Donnell as if he can’t see you. He is not a photo on the internet, he is an actual person. He actually caught me with my lustful tongue hanging out of my mouth. Damnit.

* Dave Williams + TAB = loveerrrrs

* Ronnie Palmer (the ridiculously awes Roosters + City trainer who looks like The Cougar) enjoys headshrinking Sassy about her love life over a beer. Also, he likes to wear cashmere.

* John Cartwright is very tolerant of us. Even when we drunkenly run across the room and yell CARTTTTYYYYY. He is also a front runner for our Sexiest Coach in the NRL Award for 2009. We told him this and he seemed quite pleased.

Lastly, we want to sincerely thank Terry, Bert, Jess, Lauren and Kate at the CRL. We love you guys!! Huge thanks to the incredibly gracious Peter Mortimer (father of DanDan!) for being so open and encouraging. Our morning at your winery was truly special and one of the best moments of our trip (hope we can get that article published soon!). Thankyou to Gary who organised most of our week and hooked us up with everyone, absolute legend. Thanks to the Hawks for being so welcoming and generally adorable (the post on them is coming this week too). And thankyou to Orange!

15 

live from orange – thank god i'm a country boy

May 8th, 2009

pok

Hello darlings!

We hope you haven’t missed us too much during the week, but we have actually been super busy and have been struggling to find time to sit down and write. This is why we need an army of minions to follow us around with a video camera to record our lives, then turn it into a lolz TV show. Any volunteers?

We have lots of cute lil stories to tell about Orange, footy and country people in general. We have been taking some beautiful polaroids to capture our experience in a different light, and we will be posting an entire photo blog when we get home. Not to toot our own photographic horns, but goddamn they are gorgeous. Full of white winter sunlight and country town character. Poignant, even.

But for now, let’s concentrate on the Country team. First of all, we want to thank everyone in the CRL for being literally the sweetest people in the entire world. We have never felt more welcome or loved. Apart from you know, our actual relatives and they are kind of legally obliged to heart us.

Last night we were invited to the team dinner and jersey presentation. For those that haven’t been raised in the league world, this is a well…it’s a pretty big deal. To be honest we are still in a state of shock that we got to basically experience the inner sanctum of footy. Well as close as to the sanctum we are ever gonna get. Unless John Cartwright decides to hire Sassy as Titans assistant coach after their pow wow the other night.

Because we are us, we didn’t realise we were sposed to walk in the side entrance and meet the CRL girls at the bar. Instead we charged straight in and walked smack bang into Chris Heighington serving himself up some spaghetti bol. To his credit he seemed nonplussed and greeted us with a HI GIRLS. Oh, Chris … why you so nice? (incidentally, he was also wearing a skin tight white t-shirt which we all rather enjoyed).

We are fairly sure most of the players were rather confused as to what we were doing there, but we are used to those looks of bemusement. We’re like kids raised under flight paths who can’t hear planes, it doesn’t even affect us any more.  James McManus leant round the corner and gave us a huge friendly wave. That combined with the cheeky wink at he directed out way at Robertson Park makes us think he’s heard about Kiki’s devastation at B.Moz not being included in the team. NO DICE, MCMANUS. (Or maybe just a few dice. It’s hard to stay mad at a man who wears skins to dinner. He’s just so dedicated!)

The biggest eye-opener of the night, and of the week, is the insight into what it really means to be a country boy and to play rep football. As city girls who have met our share of footy players, we immediately picked up something  different about the country boys when we met them on Monday at Duntrey golf course. When we tried to explain it to their coach Laurie Daley, our best description was that they all seem inherently relaxed. Nothing was too annoying (and believe me, we tried) or seemed to worry them. If they were irritated, it didn’t show through their politeness. According to Laurie, that’s just part of being a country boy.

And if there was a theme in the talk at the dinner it was about what it means to be a representative. To run out on the field and know that you are playing for teammates, for family and family history, for a town, and as a way of repaying some of what each of those things contributed to each person’s individual success.

Between the obvious bond that the team shares and the passion in that room, we could not be more ready to cheer on the Country team tonight.  Extra-ready, in fact, now that we have seen them receive their jerseys. The CRL has decided to bring back the classic jersey v-neck and they are lovely.


No one puts country in the corner!
Pic. Getty Images

A lot of big city journos have been writing about the game in the last week ripping into it as a farce, a waste of time, or a white elephant that no one cares about.  But the truth is … they aren’t here. So pfffffft to them. We chatted to Damo the breakfast presenter this morning on Star FM here in Orange, and like we told him: a lot of people in Sydney think no one cares about City vs Country. We’re guessing those people have never been to the Country. There’s a buzz in the air in Orange, balloons tied down the main street in Country maroon, lines of little local kiddies waiting patiently to meet their favourite NRL players in Robertson Park, even autograph hunters on the golf course. It was almost enough to warm our cold black hearts.

And as the locals have told us again and again, the country doesn’t just embrace league as a social event, it is literally the breeding ground for the NRL. The great Aussie players in the NRL are more often than not country born and bred, and we got through at least two schooners each with some local footy fans trying to count them all.

But the issue isn’t just Country pride: as the generations of footy players tick over and evolve, and new players like Benny Creagh, T.Camps, and Alan Tongue debut for Country or fight to debut in State of Origin, this game matters. The boys you watch on the field tonight aren’t just doing it for their roots, they’re also going to be the boys in the sky blue standing up for NSW and trying to turn back the Queensland tide in State of Origin 2009.

The kind of attitude that shunted the game an (inevitable) second-choice status behind the Australia (aka Queensland in green and gold) vs New Zealand test is sad more than anything. Who wants to miss out on watching a game with this much passion? GO COUNTRY!

4 

a country love-in

May 5th, 2009

We’re sure you all know by now that Kiki and I are down in Orange for the week blogging about league and City vs Country and everything related. It’s all thanks to the Country Rugby League and the Orange Rugby League for being open-minded and kind enough to invite us down and give us access to all the local teams and the Country Origin team.

So it made us super-happy-times in our little hearts that the CRL put it all in such awesome words on their website today. We can’t believe they love us too! BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER. We’re having a great time in Orange but this still made our day:

In 2009, The Country Origin team will be joined by two talented and funny Rugby League loving ladies.

Kiki and Sassy write for the popular blog ‘Oh Errol’ where they discuss all things Rugby League, as well as a mix of popular culture, rival sporting codes, and life in general. Their witty observations on the game that they love so much make for a refreshing read, when so often the Rugby League media is dominated by negativity.

Their blog is very highly rated amongst fans and players throughout the game, and their unique style ensures for an interesting read each and every time!

Kiki and Sassy are making the trek to Orange to experience the build up to the Country vs. City Origin clash in Orange on May 8th. Kiki will be cheering on her beloved Dragons players selected for the game, and Sassy will be representing the Sydney Roosters. Together they intend to bring you quirky player interviews, observations about the town of Orange, and also about the local Rugby League. Both girls are also celebrating birthdays during the week, and are hoping their presents will be a big Country win on Friday night!

The Country Rugby League welcome the Errol girls to Orange, and wish them every success through the week, and for their future careers.

Now make sure you turn on your tvs or get over to Wade Park if you’re nearby to support your choice of team (we’ll be cheering Country) on Friday night.  See you there, kittens!

19 

live from orange: errol goes golfing

May 5th, 2009

Special correspondents checking in from beautiful OJ in country NSW. Is there anything prettier than the country in autumn? We say no. And we know pretty. Thanks to the Country Rugby League and the Orange Rugby League being kind enough to approve us as media, we road-tripped down yesterday a day earlier than planned and attended the country team’s golf day. Not like those footy players flying down in their newfangled ‘planes’.

Turned out to be a day of surprises: pleasant ones, like being greeted with a sausage sizzle and a VB at the golf club, and less pleasant ones, like our first ever sight of the country team resplendent in their head to foot maroon uniforms. Just close your eyes and think of NSW, kids.

It was our first proper taste of country rugby league, and we are so so happy that taste incorporates BBQ sauce and beer. It’s everything we dreamed of and more. We discovered, in Orange, rugby league is a way of life. Unless you’re a city blow-in like we are, you’re either a CYM or a Hawk (think the Sharks and the Jets from West Side Story, but with slightly less dancing, and markedly fewer knife-fights).

And it seems like belonging to a league team in Orange is for life. CYMs and Hawks-wear is perfect golf-wear, and when the Country squad entered the golf club there was an actual hush. These are people who really love their footy. Or, they have really really strong opinions on fashion and were horrified by that much maroon.

As the only media there – clearly we use the term ‘media’ loosely – except for WIN and the local daily, and the only women on the course, we couldn’t help but feel like we stuck out like brightly-coloured, beer-toting, loud-mouth sore thumbs.

But the stereotypes about growing up in the country are true: from an entire squad of boys born and raised in the country and regional NSW from the Gong to Newie to Wee Waa to Tamworth, not one person wasn’t completely chilled about two Sydney bloggers leaping from a golf cart to play one or two holes of golf with their team. Apparently this kinda shit happens all the time outside Sydney … right?

So basically our entire day consisted of being chauffered around the course by our new BFF Gary Norton (of Orange Rugby League). We were all squished into one cart, which also held a GIANT esky full of VB. Sassy with her legs dangling out of the cart, Kiki with legs splayed on the tiny tiny dashboard. Lucky she is super flexible. Apologies to Gary for the way she turned the engine off with her foot approx 8 times.

Gary’s golf tour allowed us to stop off and hang out with a huge number of the squad, and super coach Laurie Daley. Lets break it down shall we?

LAURIE DALEY – Omg omg omg. Can you believe we spent an arvo chilling on a golf course with premiership-winner, pay-TV superstar, Origin star and Country super-coach Laurie Daley? Neither can we. Feel free to put it down to us being delusional. You’re lucky we even managed to speak to him, because that man has mojo like woah. Gary calls it being a brilliant ambassador for rugby league, we call it … charisma. Instead of playing regular golf like us plebs, Laurie’s version of golf includes swaggering down the fairway, chatting, and generally charming the pants of everyone in a 10m radius while two lucky boys in his golfing team take his shots for him. Amen, Laurie! Effort is overrated. We like your style. Plus, those boys were really nifty golfing. That’s just good coaching.

We like to think he was also impressed by our nicknames for Matt ‘Hot Bitch’ Cooper (shout out to Laurie’s wife, by the way) and Jamie ‘Tiny Dancer’ Soward. Go ahead and use them on Fox next week, Lozza.

JUSTIN POORE and ANTHONY TUPOU – Apparently these boys come as a box set. The teammates that golf together … golf together? We’re pretty happy to announce that Toops gets snaps for his fashion sense (we liked his jacket tied round his neck like a Lacoste sweater) and takes out our award for worst golfer of the day. Just truly, honestly, incredibly bad, which only made Sassy adore him more. An ex-Rooster and he’s bad at golf like she is. We are considering writing to Tourism NSW to make Justin and Toops NSW regional Australia ambassadors. We defy anyone to resist those two grinning on a tourism poster for Newcastle or the Gong. JUST TRY IT.

MICHAEL WEYMAN – We owe Michael massively for his tolerance yesterday. We can’t imagine anyone else would have put up with us recounting all Kiki’s dad’s favourite things about Weyman (Michael is his footy-crush). This included re-enacting his favourite chant: GET OUTTA MY WEY-MAN. Sorry, Michael.

JARROD MULLEN – We’ve started calling him the dark horse. He doesn’t get nearly enough attention as a NSW rep halfback, or on Errol …. Sorry Jarrod, but he is a dark horse of awesome, and of fashionz. Apparently the weather report is a report of lies, because Monday in Orange was like a day in the tropics, and Jarrod dealt with it by fashioning some golfing capris out of his tracksuit pants. Bitch looked sharp.

LUKE PATTEN – the General is a hit in Orange. We only saw him for about thirty seconds without a fan stuck to either side of him absorbing his General Patten awesomeness. Once we fought off the under-15 fans we found out he drives the ball like Happy Gilmore, too. Thanks to facebook, Luke already knew about Oh Errol … “you’re my friend on facebook”. Word on the street is he thinks our status updates are ‘cool’. Flattery will get you everywhere with us, Patten.. Remember that.

CHRIS HEIGHNINGTON – Someone has a fight on their hands, for reals. Our Errol BFF Suchy is a tigers man through and through, and has been a Rhino fan from the beginning. So much so that, as he tells it, his Rhino man-crush has gotten him in trouble before at Leichhardt stadium. While extolling the virtues of Heighnington to his dad in the stands – “I have SO much man-love for Heighnington … just so much man-love” – Suchy felt a gentle tap on the shoulder, and heard a female voice say “I’m Chris Heighnington’s mother. He has a girlfriend, you know, and he’s very happy”.

… ooh, that’s awkward. Well Suchy has some competition in the man-love (or whatever the platonic lady version is) for his man Chris Heighnington. Sassy is head-over-heels for the Rhino. We already had him in our working Errol squad for Origin 2009 (and we told him so, too) but now we know he’s as calm and down-to-earth as they come, too. Total sports-crush material right there.

BEAU SCOTT – We blame Gary’s driving, but Beau seemed baffled by us rocking up and falling out of a golf cart like clowns out of a tiny car. Was it because we told him “we call you Beau-Beau … like the bear on the Simpsons’? Or maybe because his teammates kept reminding us “we actually bid on Matt Cooper, but we got Beau instead”. It’s not often you meet someone who’s so handsome and so shy. Especially not when he’s such a champion sledger on the field. The Beau Scott has two faces!

T.CAMPS – “T.CAMPS! IT’S SO GOOD TO MEET YOU! WE CALL YOU T.CAMPS! LIKE J.LO!”

Isn’t that how everyone greets the likely 2009 NSW Origin five-eighth? We think so. Gary tells us T.Camps requested an audience with Errol before the day ended, which is probably a lie, but go ahead and blame him anyway. Not only was T.Camps the only member of the squad playing golf with a cart (are the halves that special? Discrimination!) … he was also the target of a group of autograph seekers. Everyone loves T.Camps.

We turned down his offer to take his shots for him, but Kiki did take him up on the offer of a lift. Little did she realise that driving down a par 5 fairway alone with Terry Campese can make a person slightly nervous. All of a sudden she finds herself being a little too honest and admitting “I hate the maroon, you look like a dirty Queenslander,” while awkwardly patting his tracksuit, and “you’re very handsome, aren’t you, Terry?”

ALAN TONGUE – He’s already been dubbed Sir Alan Tongue over at Errol HQ. A true gentleman and a pleasure to meet in the golf club after the game. Sir Alan is also neck-and-neck with Jamie Lyon to be crowned the most Country in the Country team, having grown up on acreage an hour outside Tamworth.

JAMES MCMANUS – I don’t think we need to say anything about James except that he literally plays golf with a run-up like Happy Gilmore. That shit is awesome.

Luckily, Kiki managed not to accuse him of playing well just so he could steal B.Moz’s spot in the team.

Apologies for not mentioning all the boys in the squad, but with them only playing nine holes (and Tiny Dancer and Brett White arriving late) we had limited time to harass the players. We can’t wait to annoy them all personally as the week goes on.

We should run, as Gary is on his way to take us to meet the next generation of country superstars at an under-16 training session … till tomorrow, darlings!

21 

are you ready for the country?

May 3rd, 2009

So today we spent the day living it up on champas and tiny tiny food to celebrate Kiki’s grandma’s 80th birthday. And tomorrow we set off for the country … pretty much at the crack of dawn, actually. So if you seen us on the road we’ll be the surly-looking girls in the silver car grasping our coffees and blasting Ryan Adams.

In the meantime the gorgeous folks over at the CRL have announced the country team .. EXCITING.  It goes a lil something like this:

Luke Patten – the infamous french fries!

James McManus – okay he was a bit of a dark horse for this spot … congratulations James, baby.

Matt Cooper – well … depending on whether he passes his medical. That’s right, we might be face to face with Hot Bitch Cooper. We would just like to say, in advance, lock your doors, Hot Bitch.

Jamie Lyon – So apparently Jamie Lyon called Laurie Daley again on the coconut phone and the rep footy career is back on, bitches. Do people just not keep their coconut phone resolutions anymore?

Joel Monaghan – Ranga of the year, 2008! Need we say more?

Terry Campese – We look forward to making you blush from shame/embarassment/shock, T.Camps.

Jarrod Mullen – Do it for NSW, Jarrod!

Josh Perry – I’m fairly certain we have never, ever written about you on Errol. Feel free to do interesting and controversial things in Orange to remedy that situation.

Michael Ennis – how happy will Brett Oaten’s mum be?

Michael Weyman – We’re relying on you to bring the punch, Weyman. Oh yeah.

Andrew Ryan (capt)  -  oh, we will now be able to tell you whether he looks that sad all the time.

Ben Creagh –  there’s only one thing to say. And that thing is ALL THE WAY WITH BENNY CREAGH.

Alan Tongue - Rangas represent, aiiiight.

Interchange: Justin Poore, Steve Simpson, Anthony Tupou, Ben Hornby. 18th man: Beau Scott.

Kiki is almost beside herself at all the Dragons, and I’m just beside myself that I get to terrify meet Hornbag.

We’ll be blogging country league week for you in allll it’s glorious detail while we’re there: tomorrow we start with golf day. And yes, we do hope that Hornbag rocks up in three quarter length golf pants and a pom-pom golf hat. We have specifically requested it on our Errol rider for the week. Those bitches better deliver.

And if you can’t wait a whole 24 hours for an update on the haps down in Orange, make sure you check us out on twitter. 24-HOUR LIVE UPDATES FROM ORANGE.

UPDATES, DARLINGS – Apparently Hornbag and Hot Bitch have just been ruled out of the Country team for not passing their medicals … we are heartbroken we won’t be able to embarass Hornbag in person. Stay tuned for their replacements.

….. *drumroll* Tiny Dancer is in the team, along with 18th man Beau Scott moving into the team, Chris Heighnington as the 18th man, and Brett White replacing for Steve Simpson.