WHEEE! Another new and exciting gig for us! The lovely people at the New South Wales Rugby League (shout out to Geoff Carr and Doug MacDougall in particular) have given us an absolutely amazing opportunity. We are now traipsing around this beautiful state of ours, visiting NSW Cup teams at their home grounds and writing about them for http://nswrl.com.au

With all the attention on the NRL, the boys of the NSW Cup tend to get a bit forgotten and we will not stand for this! They are freakin awesome and fact is, the majority of your NRL faves played in these teams before hitting first grade. And there’s a hell of alot of players that float back and forth between both comps.

The NSW Cup is far more than just ‘reggies’.

Here’s what we’ve done so far (including some awesome retro pics taken by Errol’s wannabe photographer Kiki) -

SAUSAGE SANDWICHES + THE NEWTOWN JETS @ HENSON PARK

SHIRTLESS INTERVIEWS WITH THE BALMAIN TIGERS @ LEICHARDT OVAL

Check back here often coz there’s lots more to come!

Sup? Nothing…just blogging about The Ashes for Cricket Australia. You know, writing about one of the greatest and longest sporting rivalries in the world. For our esteemed national cricket organisation. That’s how we roll.

Click on the graphic above and it will take you straight to our Ashes lolz.

UPDATE : We are particularly enjoying the outraged Poms commenting on our blogs. Our fave comment so far is ‘Kiki and Sassy are embarassing to all Australians!”. AMAZING.

Hellloooo darlings!

We are filled with giggles, joy and maybe a bottle a little bit of celebratory champagne this morning. Those of you who are members of our Errol Facebook group already know we are now blogging for Cricket Australia. Those of you who aren’t in our group … have a good hard look at yaselves. What sort of fan are you? Disgraceful.

Anyyyyway, we have a new home at www.cricket.com.au. Yes, the official website of Cricket Australia. We can’t believe it either.

CHECK OUT OUR FIRST BLOG HERE

Just when we think we couldn’t get more excited, we wake up this morning to the delightful news that The Age have given us a pretty big write up. US! Little old us! They even called us ‘the dynamic duo’. Funny, because that’s how we introduce ourselves to people all the time.

CHECK OUT THE ARTICLE HERE

Peter Hanlon is clearly our newest favourite person. He and Chloe Saltau gently made fun of us, and even dropped in an Errol link. LOVE! Call us for a beer, you two. We like you.

The last few days has been so exciting we can barely comprehend it. Yesterday, on behalf of 2Day FM we jumped in the press pit at the 17 Again premiere and MET ZAC EFRON. Seriously. It was truly mindblowing.

Needless to say we will be writing a detailed blog on that experience very shortly. Because yes, you do all need to know the exact position of his fringe and how many times he looked us in the eye.

Yes yes I know.  I am a bit late with my comments on the second Australia-New Zealand test.  Yes, the Aussies have won the Trans-Tasman Trophy … by an innings and 62 runs.  Yes, it’s a little sad. I think it even moved Daniel Vettori to swear, which I found tres shocking.

Mainly this is because … have you seen Daniel Vettori?  I feel fairly strongly that the kind of man who won’t even wear contacts when he plays sport is not the man to react badly to losing, no matter how green his team of Kiwi battlers were.

 

Pic: Getty Images

And if you are wondering, that was very green.  And very battlers.  Me speak English good.  If you read our blog over on Triple M about tantric cricket … well draw your own conclusions.  I’m much too much of a lady to spell it out for you.

This test was about a whole different four-letter word: L-O-V-E. Remember the bad patch in Brett Lee and Ricky Ponting’s marriage? How they kept telling you Mummy and Daddy aren’t yelling, they’re just talking about Adult Things?

Well, babies, the counselling worked. Brett starting making an effort again with his appearance and laid off the cake, and Ricky picked up his game and brought back all those little romantic surprises that keep a relationship fresh, like a bunch of flowers on a random Tuesday or a night on the tiles even though he hates dancing.

Just putting in a bit of effort, you know? Taking a catch once in a while. Helping out around the house, so to speak.

Binga totally appreciates it, you can tell:

[Lee] was helped, too, by the lack of fight shown by the New Zealand batsmen with the exception of the pugnacious Brendon McCullum and by a screamer of a slips catch from Ponting to remove opener Jamie How.

“That was the best catch I have seen live,” Lee said. “I actually thought it was past when he stuck his hand out. He couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe it, and it goes down as one of the all-time great catches.”

THE ROMANCE IS BACK.

Even Errol’s favourite inflatable fielder Andrew Symonds is in on the love. What’s a pub drama or two between teammates?

And in tribute to our Aussie team, here’s a little Peaches & Herb from the Errol girls:

Reunited and it feels so goooooood.

Australian team Pics: Sebastian Costanzo

Kiddies! We are so excited! More excited than when Big Dell scores a try. YES REALLY! We have been wanting to tell you this for aaaaages but have held off until we could actually show you something concrete. So hereeee it is!

Sassy and I have been officially signed up to Triple M to take over their sports blog for the summer.

Check it out HERE!

We love love LOVE being at Triple M. It’s our spiritual home! We are super excited to work with them on future projects. Let’s just say we are looking forward to the footy season kicking off next year!

So pleaaaaase kittens, go and read our Triple M blog. We will be posting twice a week and it will be different stuff to here at Errol. Make sure you go and comment and let the world know how much you love and adore us. GO GO! NOW BABIES NOW!

And for those of you who are confused and terrified by change, don’t worry, we haven’t jumped the HMAS Errol – everything here stays just the way you kids like it.

(Yeh, we don’t know why our heads are floating in mid-air either. But we have an esky full of beers so who cares.)

It is my personal belief that Twenty20 cricket is one of mankind’s greatest inventions.  I’m not even exaggerating.  If you ask me, it’s right up there with Penicillin and wireless internet and pikelets and Smirnoff Blacks. 

Apparently I am also the only member of the public and of the sports journalism fraternity (KIDDING! no one actually thinks I am a journalist) who thinks this.  According to everyone else in the world Twenty20 will render test cricket extinct, eliminate New Zealand’s test teams, and is only for the kind of idiot who doesn’t understand Proper Cricket.  I can’t be bothered googling any more but I bet somewhere someone is saying Twenty20 cricket also increases global warming and eats babies.

To that I say, how can something that combines sport with a Def Leppard soundtrack and the Kenny Loggins hit Footloose ever be bad?  If loving that makes me an idiot then I AM PROUD TO BE THAT IDIOT.

Test cricket and Twenty20 are like beer and vodka; St Vinnies and quilted Chanel; Gram Parsons and Cher. There is a time and a place for both.  There is also plennnty of room in my summer cricket schedule and on my couch for both, so let’s all snuggle in the cushions, pour a vodka-ginger-ale, and make out, shall we?

Anyway, let’s talk about the Twenty20 comeback on Friday night.  Australia vs the State cricket All Stars.  It was everything I hoped for and more.  And it’s for charity.  Amazing.

GILLY GILLY GILLY GILLY

As much as I missed Twenty20, I missed Adam Gilchrist more.  I don’t care if he’s playing for Australia or the All*Stars.  (By the way I have had that Smashmouth song in my head for the full three days since I heard that stupid name). 

… dear sassy, I feel the same way

I’ve been looking for a new non-sexual cricket husband to replace Gilly for the full six months since he retired, but no luck yet. I still just love that cheeky bastard.  And I think I love him even more now that he’s been retired for only six months and already started getting a little bit chub.  We all know I love an athlete with a few extra kilos, and those skins you were wearing under your uniform aren’t fooling anyone, Gilly darlin.  You might want to invest in some Nancy Ganz.  They make them for men now, too.

My heart ached a little bit when he came out to bat and announced that he got cramps warming up.  And they say cricket isn’t athletically demanding.   Meanwhile whoever came up with the idea of miking players during Twenty20 is a genius.  I would actually quite like to hear Gilly miked up just in his general life.  Calling people old and chubby, talking about his jimmy back, making bad calls to other drivers/pedestrians/his wife like he does to his running partner on the pitch (YES!  … NO! … SHIT SORRY).

His cheekiness and Mike Hussey’s, well … Husseyness, are endlessly entertaining. 

WE LIKE ROY

Pic: Dave hunt / AAP

Man the selectors went all out for this game.  Those bitches just really know how to push my buttons.  Roy made his comeback and said laconic things into the mike and the crowd went crazy and screamed like he is their God.  Which, at the risk of being blasphemous, he pretty much is.  Who else would turn around mid-game and pull out two little kids named Tom and Tom from the crowd and send them out to field on his boundary?  Oh yeah, I said it: ROY IS JESUS.  When I saw those little kids’ joyful and terrified faces my ovaries all but danced in joy.  And when Roy dressed them in his Australian team cap my ovaries grabbed their drinks and made a little conga line, prancing around singing CRICKET-CRICKET-CRICK-ET!  

Cutest. Moment. Ever.  That’s the magic of Roy. 

MY FRICKEN EYESSS

I have to be completely honest, this Twenty20 wasn’t one giant lovefest.  There was some shititude.  Because even though they were finally giving the State cricketers a chance to shine in the ~*~All*Starz~*~ team, they still kinda stuck the boot in at the same time. 

It’s as though the powers that be said: Yes, state-boys-who-get-no-recognition-from-most-of-the-Australian-public … we agree this state of affairs is depressing and unfair.  So we will let you play against some of the Australian team in a flashy televised Twenty20 match (not all the Australian team, cause they’re kinda tired from playing Proper Test Cricket in India, but a few of them). That’s foine.  No worries, mates.  STAND PROUD AND BE COUNTED.

There’s just one catch.  One teensy, tiny catch that we aren’t going to mention until you get to the locker room to change into your uniforms.  You see … you have to wear this:

DAMN.  That is harsh.  I had thought that the normal Aussie Twenty20 uniforms were some of the ugliest things I’d ever seen.  The reason I say that they’re ugly is because … well, because I have eyes.  I also find them a bit creepy, because they make everyone in the Australian team look like they are lifeless robotic legomen.  (Except I would never say that to Andrew Symonds, obviously, because in his uniform he looks like a robotic dreadlocked legoman who could totally kick your ass if he wanted).

Lego celebration!

The most unfortunate is Brett Geeves, because – thanks to his new Movember moustache – he is the sad Mexican Legoman of the Australian team (sombrero sold separately).  Normally I’m a believer that a Mo rescues any outfit.  Clearly this uniform is the exception, and it makes me angry.   The man is growing a kickass mo for Movember, can’t we all show him a little respect and let him wear a proper shirt?

See? Isn’t that better?

Wait … does the Aussie team have a name when they play Twenty20?  I’m thinking maybe Cricket Australia should just run with the hideous uniform Lego vibe and call them the Legomen.  THE AUSTRALIAN TWENTY20 LEGOMEN. We could get them sponsored by Lego!  They would be all over it as a way to target kids and families. YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE.  Feel free to use my idea and pay me in booze.

The kids just love meeting their Twenty20 idols.

But, anyway.  That’s not the point.  The point is this: in the scheme of things, wouldn’t you rather look like a Legoman than a jockey?  It’s just demeaning.  Those poor All*Starzzzz.

Michael Dighton may have captivated us all with 32 runs from 8 balls (heh, balls).  But the reward is being on national television dressed as a contender in the Johnny Walker 2500m stakes.

And if you were wondering about the actual game … the lawn jockeys won.

I have to admit something.  While Errol is undoubtedly avant-garde; and while we are pretty much world leaders in bringing you the hot man news and informing you on issues like on-field squabbles, bromance, Matt ‘Hot Bitch’ Cooper’s ratstail, and things with hearts photoshopped on … sometimes even we drop the ball.  Or our cocktails. Whatever the metaphor is.

One of those times has been this month, while Australia has been playing their test series against India.  We did mean to watch the first two tests, truly, we swear!  But somehow whenever we went to turn on the tv at Errol HQ we ended up dancing to the disco classics on MusicMax.  Ooops.

I think it’s cause I’m not really back into my cricket ritual yet.  It’s weird watching cricket without spending a day at the beach first and falling asleep on the couch. 

But fear not, I’m back, babies.  I’m back like Michael Taylor in the commentary box … answering all the vital questions, like “is that seagull on screen eating a Burger Ring or a Cheezel?”

So let’s get cracking.  Apparently the international cricket governing bodies have been paying attention to tv this year and picked up that people … well, sometimes they find cricket boring.  Shocking! 

EXHIBIT A: “CRICKET … WATCH US STAND”

I like to imagine them all in their boardroom sitting down brainstorming the problem with Lindsay Naegle from the networks, and writing down her suggestions.

THE PEOPLE WANT DRAMA! … ACTION!

BUT AT THE HEART OF IT, WE NEED EMOTIONAL CONNECTION.  PEOPLE NEED TO FEEEEEL THE GAME.  YOU KNOW, OUTBURSTS, BLIND RAGE, ALL THAT EMOTION CRAP.

And they must have listened cause this second test was a freaking drama-fest.

Aussie fans were smacked on the wrist and sent home without any dessert for wearing t shirts that read: “Beer with Mahatma, Bets with Gupta, Dancing with Indira and still getting the runs“.

Do you know what’s always funny?  PUNS ABOUT DYSENTERY.

Our boy Ishant Sharma (we are in the middle of a heated debate right now about whether he or Dennis Lillee should be the new Errol Patron Saint for summer) is even longer-haired and more bangled and man-jewelleried than ever. 

He’s like a one man percussion set.  A one man percussion set strapped to a praying mantis, and we fucking love it. He is also even more of a freak than last year, and his twisty unexpected bowling took Ponting’s wicket for the fifth time in the last five Australia-India tests.  One of the best batsmen in the world!  Five times!  He’s a magic man!

Zaheer Khan was fined thousands for getting a little bit excited when Hayden was bowled, which I believe means he made like Carl Barron and did the forks.   SUCCCKAAAAAAAAA!

Hussey. He even bowled that hack HUSSEY. Bitch.

And as Australia careened with shititude to a humiliating loss, Brett Lee got pissed (not in the good way).

What babe? Just tell me what I did!

Seems he got all disgruntled with ole Ricky Ponting for playing every other bowler in the team (and a few randoms from the crowd) but him before lunch on the fourth day, and it turned into a total cricket-pitch domestic.

LIKE YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW? God you are so inconsiderate sometimes. IF YOU DON’T KNOW I’M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.

Don’t you walk away from me Brett Lee!

Look at all the baggy greens just standing there watching.  I hate to say it, but do you know who would have broken this shit up?  Roy.  Oh yeah.  Andrew Symonds is totally the Hot Bitch Cooper of the Aussie cricket team. 

But Roy still isn’t back in the team.  Hasn’t he been suspended from school long enough to make up for that oops-I-kinda-went-fishin incident?  A man goes fishing once and he’s in the doghouse permanently?

WE LIKE ROY!

If anyone could force those two to shake hands and swish their toes in the sand while they mumble ‘I’m sorry’, then it’s Roy.  That fierce bitch can do anything.  We love him here at Errol.  Kiki and I once spent a whole summer’s afternoon hungover at a BBQ eating cheese and freaking out my brother’s friends by pretending to feed it to our inflatable KFC Andrew Symonds. 

I wish I were kidding.

In other news, if everyone can just scroll up a little …. yes …. yes, that’s far enough. Do you notice something to the right of Bretty and Rix’s squabbling? IT’S CRICKET HORNBAG.

That shit is uncanny. Is it … has someone pinned down Brad Haddin with the clippers of doom?  It’s freaking me out. I prefer to think he knew how much we missed Ben ‘Hornbag’ Hornby and did it for the Errol girls. Nawwww.

All pics: AP