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fantasy league friday: round five

April 16th, 2010

Kittens, I am officially losing all sense of perspective. Sure I was kind of a bitch before, but apparently I have now become so obsessed with our fantasy league experiment that I have lost all concern for right and wrong.

Every time I hear the word “scandal” and “league star”, my heart leaps and I just start really really praying that some awesome player has been caught in a compromising (but not deregistration-worthy) position with his pants off in a public street, possibly involving some kind of escort or domestic beast, just so I can draft him into the Second Chances. I care not for their reputation or family life, I just wanna win.

So you can imagine how happy I was when I heard “LEAGUE STAR CAUGHT DRINK DRIVING” on my radio this week.

(Happy as a pig in shit, for those who aren’t good at imagining stuff).


Disclaimer: may not be the actual Tony Williams

Then I heard the rest of the story and realised it was Tony Williams from the Sea Eagles. Thanks for nothin, universe.

So here’s how it went down in round five:

The lil Angels had their ups and their downs. Adorable Timmy Moltzen racked up 1 point before he injured his ACL and had to be helped from the field up at Dairy Farmer’s stadium. ONE POINT! ACL! GAME OF DEATH!

It’s always sad when awful things happen to people that cute. I mean, a halfback settling into his position with untapped and potentially massive potential. If Tim’s reading (and who are we kidding, he totally is), we think he should come by for milkshakes and movies at Errol HQ.

And brand new hooker and captain Issac Luke: 96 points. 96. points. I am starting to hate him already.

Total: 519 points.

And finally, finally, over in camp Second Chances, my faith in our favourite chicken nugget Greg Bird was repaid. After some dismal 16 point performances, he locked in 60 this week. Hurrah Greg Bird!


Disclaimer: may not be actual Greg Bird

This is the kind of redemption and success that the Second Chances stand for. Makes me wanna start some kind of giant group hug.

Sadly, the feathered one was the stand out, and my little troublemakers lost to Kiki by just 20 points.

Total: 499 points.

That leaves the Angels at 12th and the Second chances at 13th on the Oh Errol league table. It’s so close you could throw a snuggie over those bitches. Please don’t though, because Snuggies are an abomination against God.

Till next week! GO THE SECOND CHANCES.

UPDATE: I have renovated the Second chances for round six! Please welcome Lote and Laffranchi, and the returning Pom.

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round 4 – kiki’s round of death

April 8th, 2010

The graphic says it all. I have always asserted that I am not particularly competitive (an assertion that Sassy strenously disagrees with). But I can’t even deny it any more. Last round was an epic failure on every imaginable level and I am still pissed off. I REALLY HATE LOSING. Especially when it’s something that I am supposed to be somewhat of an ‘expert’ on. Stop giggling, I have expertise. Kind of.

Round 4 was an absolute write off for me. Just….bad. So SO bad. Let me walk you through my Round of Death, step by step.

DIASTER #1

The Dragons lose. Of course no footy fan likes it when their team loses, but I got totally spoilt last year when they won almost every game. I forgot what loss feels like. But the Dragons reminded me on Friday night. And HELLO I HATE IT. I wish I could say I was loyal and watched the whole game, but 10 minutes in I couldn’t stand the tension anymore, looked up the result, choked back tears, then demanded the TV be switched off. I won’t lie, when my boys lose I turn into a sooky little girl.

I totally stomped around the house and kicked my clean washing across the floor in rage. There is no one I hate losing to more than bloody Melbourne. I have so many issues with them, where to begin? First of all, it’s a team full of Dirty Queenslanders. No one likes Queenslanders, it’s just science. Second of all, if you’ve ever watched a Melbourne home game you will have had to suffer through the existence of possibly the most annoying/blood boiling/freaking irritating people of all time. COWBELL MAN. I’m not a proponent of the death penalty, but in this case, I would make an exception.

Finally, what the hell sort of retarded name is ‘The Storm’? Hmmmm? You cannot BE a storm. It’s impossible and it angers me beyond belief. You can’t just pick something out of nature and name a team after it. The Central Coast Low Tides? The Central Queensland Hailstones? The Adelaide Low Pressure Systems? IT’S RIDICULOUS PEOPLE. Melbourne Storm, I shake my fist at you.

Note – I have misplaced my beloved Dragons nameplate necklace, hopefully somewhere in my house. This distresses me a lot, but what occured the other night has distressed me further. Kids, I shit you not, Uncle Wayne came to me in a dream. It was clear as day. He appeared through some mist, grabbed me and said ‘Kiki! Where is your Dragons necklace?’. I replied I didn’t know, but I was looking for it. He said ‘Kiki, you weren’t wearing it on Friday night. Do you think that’s why the boys lost?’, shook his head judgmentally and then disappeared back into the mist. Now I am completely freaked out. IF THE DRAGONS LOSE THIS WEEK IT WILL BE MY FAULT. DREAM UNCLE WAYNE WOULDN’T LIE.

DIASTER #2

Let’s talk fantasy league. (and yes every time I post about fantasy league I google ‘fantasy’ and post what comes up, what of it?) Now you’re probably losing sleep wondering how the epic battle between our fantasy teams is going. Well now you can sleep soundly my loves, because here are the results.

So far, I am pleased to report, my Lil Angels have been victorious over Sassy’s 3 weeks in a row. And that has made super happypants. But of course, because this was the Round of Death, my Angels finally succumbed to the Second Chances. GODAMNIT. As if this wasn’t annoying enough, everyone told me that Corey Norman is like the best fantasy buy of all time, so I bought him and what did he give me? FOUR POINTS. FOUR FUCKING POINTS.

I don’t even know what to change this week. Help?

DIASTER #3

Now onto my greatest shame. My woeful, pathetic, embarassing, bloody mortifying tipping effort. I got…wait for it…2 from 8. I have no words. Out of all my years of being an obsessive footy nerd, I have never ever done this badly. I would go through and list all the teams I blame this embarassment on, but that would take me too long. Mainly, I blame Parramatta. Seriously, you lost to THE SHARKS? Bitches, that Hayne Train has been derailed like woaaah. That shit is like firey wreck on the side of a mountain.

The worst thing about this tipping diaster is the fact my mates have been ribbing me about it ever since. Mostly Reidy, of Bondi Rescue fame, godamnit that bastard won’t let it go. If I was a bigger person I wouldn’t let it get to me, but I am petty and annoyed easily I would like to say this publicly: PISS OFF REIDY. Also, if I was more mature I would let him revel in the fact he beat me in one measly round, but I feel the need to point out that overall I am now coming 29th (I was 13th until Round of Death) and he is still languishing somewhere on the second page. So….suck it lifeguard!

Oh and as for things that aren’t about me, Lozzy is number two in the Errol tipping comp, and inexplicably, Sassy is still leading the pack. None of us can quite figure out how, or why. It’s some X-Files shit, I tell ya what.

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women in league – the newest convert

March 22nd, 2010

Hello Errol friends. I would like to introduce you to Yasmin. She enjoys dark beer (see above), is my roomie, and most importantly…is footy’s newest fan.

One of my hobbies is pressuring/harassing/manipulating people into liking things I’m into. It just makes life easier for me, you know? Sassy and I did this to Lozzy in 2008, and this time around it was Yasmin’s turn. When we moved in together 6 months ago I informed her she was lucky it was the off season, so she didn’t have to sit through endless hours of footy on the TV. She was glad.

Flash forward to current day and I have on my hands an obsessed little Bunnies fan who is a ferocious and committed competitor in both footy tipping AND fantasy league competitions. I happily take most of the credit for this amazing turnaround, but I have to give props to footy for being so innately awesome and hilarious. Really all I was doing for Yasmin was pointing out the spectacularly amusing points and letting it go from there. Let’s hear from Yassy herself, shall we?

I’ve never been a big Footy fan, I mean sure, of course I celebrated the Knights Grand Final wins in 97 & 2001 but I really had no choice, I didn’t want to be cut. Have you ever been to Newie? It’s like Beyond Thunderdome there.

So after moving in with Kiki in Maroubra last year, I decided it was time to take the plunge & pick a team, after all I think that was part of the problem, I mean the Knights really aren’t all that lovable.

Once I got to Maroubra I had an epiphany & settled on the Bunnies, after all I was now living in major Bunnies territory, I once had a pet bunny (Kurt Cobain RIP). I’m a winter so I look good in red & green, then of course there was the Rusty factor. It was fate, even as I complained last year there weren’t enough attractive players in the team, Rusty got Sam Burgess all the way from England just for me.

I never do anything by halves, can tend to focus on something/someone until it becomes an obsession & being a footy fan has proved to be no exception. I will even admit to looking at the Rabbitohs website daily & watching Rusty’s Christmas message whenever I feel sad (do yourself a favour and go watch it, you won’t regret it and will find yourself quoting it).

So now I am now fully addicted to Fantasy League & am a tough supercoach. My need to win outweighs my loyalty (my future husband included, shhh don’t tell him) & if they don’t perform to Coach Yasbean’s expectations, then off with their heads.


Don’t mess with the supercoaches.

But hold on a minute, I am also a multi-tasker. Not only am I a Supercoach, I also like to coach the Bunnies in real life. So next week when the Bunnies finally win, you can thank me & the ‘Ball Control, Bunnies!’ sign I erected on our front lawn that the team had to pass on the way to recovery after the game against the Titans.

As she says, she really doesn’t do anything by halves. I woke up on a Sunday a few weeks ago to be accosted in our living room with her yelling “KIKI. THANK GOD YOU’RE AWAKE. I’VE MADE A FANTASY TEAM AND U NEED TO TELL ME HOW GOOD IT IS.”

She later admitted that not only did she make a fantasy team, but after she had used up all the players she knew previously (the big names) she then visited every team’s website to find the best looking player that cost the least on the salary cap. That is dedication people.

By far the best thing about introducing someone to footy, is seeing the game through new eyes. Yasmin has provided me with some epic lolz so far. I would like to share these quotes with you.

“Oooh! This is so fun! Everyone at the footy is so FRIENDLY!” – at the Charity Shield after a man asked me to hold his hot dog while he bought a beer

“Who is the guy in the….the…the head hat?”
– asked while pointing at Preston Campbell at the All Stars game

“Oooh! I want that black guy in my fantasy team!”
– excitedly yelled while watching Rhys Wesser return the ball

“Is it wrong that I find Robbie Farah attractive?” – while watching a Tigers game

“I have Jarrod Yeeha in my fantasy team.” – Yasmin on Jharal Yow-Yeh

“FUCKING BUNNIES. Less tweeting about banana bread, more training Burgess!” – after suffering her first loss as a Rabbitohs fan

“Omigod. The Mozzies were on the footy show and B.Moz was wearing a BACKPACK and he looks like a giant 5 year old. I taped it for you. If you get in the shower and get ready on time, I’ll let you watch it.” – her greeting as soon as I woke up yesterday

“They were warming up in front of me and I was looking at their leg muscles and I thought…THIS IS A GREAT GAME THIS IS” – at Leichardt Oval, after watching the Balmain Tigers warm up

” How does Dave Taylor manage to play this game? There are so many bloody rules!” – after me attempting to explain how the in goal/restart rules work

To say I am proud of how she’s embraced footy fandom is an understatement. Not only has she enthusiastically embraced everything NRL, but she is also loving the joy that is the NSW Cup. The fact she finds Tigers captain Lee Bennett super spunky may have something to do with it. I think the 4 dollar beers help too. She is also planning a range of footy coloured girls pyjamas (she’s a talented designer, for reals) for us to sell on Errol. AND she even made me awesome Dragons themed nail art.

Keep an eye out for Yasmin’s weekly appearance in Fantasy League Fridays. I can safely say she is extremely committed to being a fantasy coach, as she talks about it at home at least 3.5 times a day.

One last thing.  The NRL are constantly trying to improve the game for women, and now they have a spiffy little survey for us to fill out to help them achieve their goals. We have all filled it out, so you should too. You can find it here. Go now, it finishes on March 30th. THANKS GUYZ LOVE YA.

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fantasy league friday : round one

March 19th, 2010


We googled ‘fantasy’ and this is what came up. Awesome.

WHAT UP ERROLERS!

Welcome to Fantasy League Friday. This will be a weekly occurence. And by ‘weekly occurence’ we mean it will appear every Friday until we get distracted/lose interest/spill vodka all over our laptops making it impossible to blog. But never fear darlings, it’s safe to say we are completely and utterly obsessed with fantasy league. Hardly a suprise, considering we never do anything by halves. But for Kiki it’s got to the point where she couldn’t sleep a few nights during the week because she was stressing over what changes she should make to her team. TRUE STORY.

Anyway, let’s cut to the chase shall we? Who is better, the sinners or the saints? Wellllll…..*very dramatic drum roll*….

WINNER


Kiki Lil Angels : 400 points

LOSER

Sassy’s Second Chances : 396 points

DAAAAAAMN. So close for Sassy, yet so so far. Kiki feels lucky to ‘get away with a win’ so has repressed any urges to perform an obnoxious victory dance.

As you may have noticed, neither of us scored particularly highly. Why so? Because, as is the answer we use so often….we are idiots. We didn’t realise the bench players actually contributed points. Sure we shoulda realised that considering that’s how actual football works but…WE ARE IDIOTS, REMEMBER?

Consequently our benches weren’t properly thought out and had players that didn’t even play over the weekend, that’s why we are so shit in our own competition etc etc.

So this week, the gloves are off and we is Serious Supercoaches. Any loyalty we had towards players we picked in the first round has been swiftly disposed of replaced with cut throat pragmatism. Sure, Kiki adores Daniel Mortimer but the useless (and expensive) thing only scored her 11 points. ELEVEN POINTS PEOPLE. He’s gone.

Behold, this weeks transfers –

Kiki’s Lil Angels


Nick Kenny in for John Kite - well John Kite wasn’t even named in his team last week, a detail Kiki managed to overlook. Nick Kenny is a worthy member of the Angels, as he was a nominee for Ken Stephens Medal in 2009. We worked the One Community Awards for the NRL and consequently had to study what each nominee had done. We won’t go into details but Nick’s good deeds moved Kiki to tears. Actual wet droplets coming from her eyes.

Also, he’s a qualified physio so if one of the Angels has an injury he can use his Jesus like hands to do some miracle healing. NICK KENNY YOU ARE LOVE.

Corey Patterson in for Alan Tongue – Sorry, Sir Alan. You didn’t do anything specifically wrong, but Corey scored more points last week and cost less on the salary scale. He qualifies for the Angels because he’s fronted up publicly about his battle with clinical depression and encouraged others to seek help.

Joseph Tomane in for Daniel Mortimer -
Reason for cutting Dan Dan are above. Kiki googled Tomane and he has yet to have a public scandal so BAM welcome to the Angels Jo.Toms!

Sam Perrett in for Krisnan Inu – One Jebus lover in for another! Sam is what we lovingly call ‘a happy clappy Christian’. Hey if you’re gonna worship the lord you should totally do it while harmonising with other Islanders right? He also has a lovely habit of high scores in fantasy league. Sorry Krisnan. Maybe start praying to your Mormon God for more ball.

[Also – Sam deserves a little public adulation after he was CRUELLY ROBBED in the Footy Show’s talent contest back in … whenever it was. The Soul Brothers from the Roosters were clearly a billion times better than the James Blunt dude who won it. – Sassy]

Due to his amazing high score last week, Coach Kiki has ditched Nips Farah as her captain and given Sam the honour. DON’T LET HER DOWN SAMUEL.

Over in the Second Chances camp, spirits are high. Sure, the boys didn’t take home the 2 points for the win, but there are Very Promising Signs. Their fearless leader Todd Carney smashed his first round with 51 points. Fifty-One!

After the game the rest of the team spontaneously stood on the locker room benches and chanted O CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN. It was some straight-up emotional Dead Poets Society shit.

Sadly former intern Greg Bird didn’t sparkle as Coach Sassy had hoped. He played not so much like a footy star seeking redemption as … a potato with hands. Hands made of other uncoordinated potatoes. BUT WE LIVE IN HOPE. Coach Sassy is harsh, but fair. She’s ruthless, but occasionally merciful. And this week instead of cutting Greg Bird and his miserable 11 points, she’s giving him another week and lots of cuddles to see if he can improve. Sassy was also devastated when her favourite Jewish winger Bronx ‘Goldwin’ Goodwin was injured in reserve grade. There go his chances of being a Second Chance.

We did boot the injured Arana Taumata and Nathan Fien, and welcome driving-offender Cooper Vuna and Terence Seu Seu for his fine supporting work in the Brett Seymour scandal. It’s actually a hell of a lot harder than you would think to find a scandal-prone hooker. Plus Lote Tuqiri was unwilling to sign as the Second Chances winger for the money we were offering. Sigh. Welcome aboard, kids!

GAME ON.

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introducing : the great oh errol fantasy experiment of 2010

March 10th, 2010

Yes people, it’s that time again. It’s time for us to up our nerd factor even higher. Because having a blog about rugby league, tweeting live during at least 4 games every weekend and being active members of a footy internet forum just isn’t enough. Nope. What we really need is……FANTASY LEAGUE! NYEEEEH! GLAVEN!

Even nerdier is the fact we cannot just have any old fantasy teams. Oh no. We MUST have a reason for participating. Specifically, a scientific reason. Last year we wanted to know whether the bigger advantage is being really really good looking, or being a generally nice human being. In the end, niceness won out.

This year, we are embarking on a new, even more genius experiment. This years experiment comes directly from the incredible super awesomeness that is Kiki’s brain. Kiki is what one would call ‘an ideas woman’. Like most geniuses, she has trouble with every day living. Examples:

– she’s had the same bank account since Year 4 because she can’t figure out how to change banks.

– one time she, along with her mother and grandma, rocked up the Gold Coast airport to fly home, only to be told by the mean Qantas lady that she had in fact booked flights home from the SUNSHINE COAST.

– her whole time at Uni she could never figure out how to use the library and often took her mum with her so she could borrow books for assignments.


Kiki likes her juice in box form.

But none of this embarassment matters, because her brain came up with the following.

“SASSY OMG I HAVE THE BEST IDEA! What about you have a team with all the naughty boys in footy, called Sassy’s Second Chances? And then I have one with all the good boys called Kiki’s Lil Angels and we can MAKE THEM PLAY AGAINST EACH OTHER. TO SEE WHO WILL WIN IN THE END!!!”

What’s that you say? Adrian Proszenko had a similar idea about having a fantasy team filled with league’s bad boys? Oh, we know. We also know that he published that article a good WEEK after we committed to our experiment. We are 76% sure he has ripped us off directly, as we got drunk after the All Stars game and told pretty much everyone in rugby league, including journos, about our Awesome Experiment. If his next article includes something about Jamal Idris starring in Citizen Kane, our suspicions will be confirmed. We are watching you Proszenko.

Now, on with the show.

Coach : Kiki
Captain : Robbie ‘Nips’ Farah
Criteria for selection: players must be well known good boys, church goers, generally adorable, make us wanna squish their little faces, or just have managed to play for years and never got into any nasty business.
Why we’re doing it : to see if having a peaceful off field life contributes to on field sucess. Also, so we can photoshop Brett Morris’s head onto a creepy cartoon of a boy angel.

INTRODUUUUUCING! The Lil Angels :

As you can see, Kiki lost her inspiration (and money) by the time she got to the bench and ended up picking players that cost a certain amount and haven’t publicly messed up. CLUTCHING….STRAWS….ETC.

[Please note the overwhelming amount of my beloved Dragons in there. There woulda been more but the rules say I can only have four. DISCRIMINATION. It’s not my fault I follow a team filled to the brim with good boys. Geez – Kiki]


Coach : Sassy
Captain : Paul Gallen
Criteria for selection : have been involved in at least one public scandal, ranging from criminal charges to pissing in the streets.
Why we’re doing it: to see if being a mischievous drunk does actually affect your footy. Also, because if rugby league is about anything it’s about second chances. Rugby league : because everyone makes mistakes.

BEHOLD! The Second Chances :

The best thing about the Second Chances is that a man called ‘Bronx GOLDWIN’ is on the bench. Everyone loves a mysterious Jewish winger!

[you may also notice that my team has a strong Rooster contingent and PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRE AUSTRALIAN BACK ROW. Awesome. – Sassy]

And now all we need is the season to start and the experiment will have begun. If you want to join our league, as many awesome people already have, go HERE . Our league number is – 18923-2717.

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the oh errol fantasy league experiment: results time!

January 17th, 2010

WE’RE BACK BITCHES! Did you miss us all over the long, long Christmas break? I can only assume that the answer to that question is ‘yes’, and that you spent four weeks weeping gently into your pillows and/or weeping uncontrollably in the shower while you tried to carve the words ‘hot bitch’ into the shower recess tiles. We missed you, too, kittens.

And to start the year off – and offer our scientifical wisdom to the NRL coaches of 2010 – let’s recap the Great Errol Experiment of 2009.

We like to use Errol for good causes. You know, contribute to the world in a positive way, like Medicins Sans Frontieres, or Mother Theresa, or the people who discovered penicillin. In our case, we decided to help the world by playing Fantasy league sharing our scientific knowledge with its people. We’re pretty much on the Mary MacKillop track to sainthood already.

So we took our two little teams:

The Oh Errol Wildcats, who are kinda like our Rugby League imaginary BFFs: the only prerequisite for being a wildcat is that we think you might like spending a day hanging out with us drinking coffees and browsing the books and mags in Borders. (It also helps if you don’t laugh at us for naming the Wildcats after the basketball team in High School Musical and the 1980s Goldie hawn movie).

And the Hottie McHothots, who … well that one’s pretty self-explanatory, huh?

We picked the boys carefully to make our teams as respectively charming and as good-lookin as we could. We trained them, supported them, took them on camps to play trust games and drink cordial. We bedazzled their uniforms by hand, then stood back and watched to see whether personality or beauty would be more successful at playing footy.

Here’s what we learned:

HOT PEOPLE ARE FRAGILE. Sure, they may have rippling abs, biceps like Greek Gods, chiselled jawlines and lovely twinkly eyes, but if you tackle them, do they not break?

Apparently, they do. They break A LOT.

Back in round four we lost SEVEN players to injury. Seven! It was almost like they were being punished by the Cosmos for being beautiful.

But despite being complete dreamboats and/or being made of glass, the Hottie McHotHots still put up a good fight. Several times they almost outplayed the Wildcats. Go, hotties, go!

And even though they are adorable, even the Wildcats get tetchy sometimes. Sometimes they just lost their damn minds and forgot how to play.

And best of all, Fantasy League gives you an excellent topic of conversation if you unexpectedly meet John Cartwright. TRUE STORY.

But let’s talk results:

YUP, WILDCATS! Not by much in the end, but the sweetheart who makes good jokes, likes all your fave tv shows, and takes the piss our of himself narrowly beat out the man whose abs are visible through his shirt.

You can send my my Nobel Prize for Science nomination in the post.

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erroltips + fantasy league updates

August 6th, 2009

HI KIDS! As Sassy said, shit is crazy at the moment around Errol  HQ. With goings on such as Kiki and Sassy’s health kick/new gig with the NSWRL/Ashes blogging and my own time spent organising my imminent move from Dirty QLD to my spiritual home of Sydney (yes, watch out Sydneysiders – the whole Errol gang will soon be in the same city. I wonder if we can get something like the Bat Signal organised so you guys can call and we’ll come a’runnin. Possibly wearing capes. Spangly ones. Lachie, whip out the Janome baby!), we haven’t covered our tipping and fantasy results for a couple of weeks. SOZ!

FANTASY LEAGUE

The Oh Errol Wildcats

The Wildcats are currently sitting in…wait for it…THIRD PLACE when ranked by total points. If you rank by what I assume is the Proper way, they’re 6th. Which is still pretty freakin awesome – mostly coz it means we’re beating Anton, Suchy and Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell.

The Wildcats haven’t lost a head-to-head since Round 13, so we’re currently riding on 6 wins in a row. Creepily, the Dragons also haven’t lost since Round 13. The Wildcats are modelling themselves on the Dragons! AND THAT MAKES US UNCY WAYNE! Awesome. We are awesome.

In Round 21 the Wildcats defeated the National Rouge League aka The Team of Rangas, smashed the El Teamo’s the week before, and won against a team with…0 points. WHATEVER, a win’s a win.

This week we’re gunna try to introduce Watmough to the team. Just because we love him, but also so if a fight breaks out we’ll have him AND Robbie Farah on board. Try beating THAT shit.

For Round 22 the Wildcats are playing Visions of Umaga, who defeated the Hotties last week, but we’re pretty confident the Wildcats can step up where the Hotties couldn’t. Well they’d better, because ima be pissed if our winning streak is broken.

The Hottie McHotHots

The Hotties aren’t quite as well off as the Wildcats in terms of like, points n stuff. They’re performing pretty well but they’ve lost 2 of their last 3 games, defeated by Visions of Umaga and El Teamo. And their win was over the 0 point team. IT’S OK HOTTIES, YOU’RE STILL PRETTY!

The past few weeks we’ve been without some of our biggest Hotties – Coops in Round 21, Heighno since 14, and O’Donnell since 17. What is going on boys!? I wouldn’t be surprised if they were faking injuries so they could have more time to work on their abs. Shhh, Eric Bana. Abs are for people with no friends AND the Hottie McHotHots.

Just quietly, we’ve been kind of struggling to make any trades where the  Hotties are concerned. We’re running out of replacement hot, and we’ve already had to stretch the definition of ‘hot’ to include ‘cute’ and ‘handsome’. IT’S REALLY HARD YOU GUYS.

Next week the Hotties take on the National Rouge League. That’s right, it’s HOTTIES AGAINST RANGAS! Now that is a competition.

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

The competition is heating up as we get closer to the end of the ’09 season. We’re seeing some pretty impressive leaps into (Suchy)/out of (Neckbeard) the Top 10, so our likely comp winner is anyone’s guess. And since the prize is a night out with us, I can only imagine that’s the sole reason people will be bringing their A-game in the coming weeks, amiright?

Apparently I don’t care for hanging out with mahself, because my tips lately have been shocking. I don’t think I’ve correctly picked more than 5 since Round 17. Disgraceful! BUT I take comfort in the reminder that I may be a bit shit at tips, but at least I’m not a Sharks fan dealing with 5 losses in a row.

Also available: ‘At least I’m not a Roosters fan’ and ‘At least I’m not Freddy Fittler’

Our last 3 winners are Baz, Battis and Philo respectively and our leaderboard looks like this:

1. southsydneyrussellcrowes

2. Vitlin

3. Stendec

4. Baz

It might be hard to tell to the untrained eye, but there’s only one lady in that top 4.  C’MON GIRLS! If you have trouble picking, just take a leaf out of Karen from Mean Girls‘ book and ask your boobs which team will win. Left is home, right is away. Keep it on the down low.

It should also be known that Sassy got…wait for it…SIX correct tips this week. But we still plan to tease her about forgetting to put her tips in. IT’S JUST REALLY FUNNY.

Awesome T-Shirt design thanks to PistolClothing.com.au

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erroltips + fantasy league: round 17 & 18

July 15th, 2009

So since this week is a heinous, hateful, EVIL bye week, you’re all getting not only this week’s footy tips and fantasy results but last week’s as well. YES WE’RE HAVING QUADRUPLETS!

Nothing says romance like 4 bbs on yo doorstep

I’d like to say this is a carefully concocted Errol plan, but I’m gunna blame it on being just too busy celebrating our fantasy team’s BEST WEEK EVER in private to do a post last week. Oh yes chickens, the Wildcats AND the Hotties are comin’ up from behind (hehe, from behind).

FANTASY LEAGUE

The Oh Errol Wildcats

Yes, Round 17 saw the Wildcats produce their best score ever – a whopping 1270 points. Not to mention that as predicted they bete Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s Special Kids (HAHAHAHA), AND they moved up to 4th in the league when ranked by total points (I choose to believe this is the more accurate way of viewing our progress as opposed to ranking by league points because we’re ninth when you do it that way), as you can see in this professionally labelled image:

How’d they do it? WELL we had some freakin unbelievable scores going on:

  • Tiny Dancer Soward toe-tapped his way to 142 GOD DAMN POINTS! If he’d been our captain it would have been 284! Shit is crazy.
  • Our pride and joy DanDan Mortimer, in his fifth first-grade game for the Eels and fourth for the Wildcats, gave us 97 points. YOU LITTLE BEAUTY!
  • Mr Robbie Farah and Steve Price on 111 and 115 respectively

Honourable mentions go to T.Camps (91 pts), Benny Creagh (88 pts) and Hindy (77 pts). Look, we’d mention EVERY Wildcat if we could. They’re all champions.

In Round 18 the Wildcats continued to impress regardless of the bye week, hitting almost over 1000 points again at 986 – the highest score in the league this week.

Even better than that…the Wildcats have now moved up to 2ND IN THE LEAGUE. See:

Woooooo!

The Hottie McHotHots

The Hotties followed the Wildcats’ lead and also scored over 1000 with 1170. Let me emphasise how much of a feat that is by reminding you that in their first week they scored 576 points. The Hotties have succeeded against the odds. It’s just like  Step Up 2: The Streets.

(L-R) Matt ‘Hot Bitch’ Cooper, Terry ‘T.Camps’ Campese & Jamie ‘Tiny Dancer’ Soward show off their movez

So in Round 17 we had a few Wildcat/Hotties crossover performances that I won’t mention again, BUT I can mention someone who had a hell of a week – baby Blake Ayshord and his 97 points. Look, I don’t wanna pit our boys against each other, but in the interest of Science, that’s more points than T.Camps or Hot Bitch. I’M JUST SAYING!

If this tells us anything I think it’s that our youngins are clearly thriving in the Errol fantasy environment. B.Aysh, DanDan, Kevin Gordon…we like to think their real-life NRL performances are a direct result of being introduced to our teams. No need to thank us boys, witnessing your youthful success is enough for us.

Jadewatch

Turns out we weren’t the only ones who had a tops week in Round 17. Jade and her Tiny Dancers also made it over the 1000 point hurdle:

This week the Tiny Dancers returned to their former glory rounds and pushed past 1000! Go Team! Capt Stagg performed at his usual stellar level, scoring 154. The real standout was old man Price scoring 115, with teammates Bronson Harrison and Sam Thaiday not far behind.

All in all it was an excellent round for the Dancers, as they finished on a neat 1087 points. Checking out the bench it was obvious I actually made good decisions regarding who to put on the field as there were quite a few zeros there.

I am still waiting for K.Law to play a first grade round so he can run around with the rest of the dancers… and I can chant “I can score with K.Law!”

So are we Jade, so are we.

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

There’s not really much to say about tips. The lineup hasn’t changed that much, and we only have one dirty Queenslander in the Top 4 to make jokes about. ‘Stendec’ remains firmly placed at the top of the ladder, and mystery tipping Stan Gorton has popped up in second place.

1. Stendec

2. Mystery Tipper Stan Gorton

3. southsydneyrussellcrowes

4. Spinner Howland of Jacksonville fame/resident Dirty QLDer

I would love to announce that we might see one of our names in this Top 4 sometime soon, but as we are in positions 12, 15 and 24 that ain’t gunna happen. STUPID TIPS. BOOO.

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erroltips winners board + fantasy league: round 16

July 1st, 2009

Round 16 already!? Really? Time flies when you’re having fun! Unless you’re a Roosters fan, in which case I imagine time goes pretty slowly when you’re watching your team make their way to the bottom of the ladder. SORRY SASSY. BUT IT’S TRUE RIGHT?

This week we’re going for the double-headed news update again, because things that come in pairs are awesome. Like boobs, or the Morris twins.

pic: Simon Alekna

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

We haven’t updated you all on our tipping leaderboard for a little while, and it appears that during the break things have actually shifted a bit. There is…wait for it…ONLY ONE DIRTY QUEENSLANDER IN THE TOP 4! Some terrible rounds have bumped Bec, Bree and Baz right outta there (I mean, sorry to hear that guys *shifty*).

Unfortunately at this stage I have no idea who our leader actually is. I think it might be Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s brother though. Just quietly I think I’d rather one of our regular QLDers to be topping the ladder.

1. Stendec

2. southsydneyrussellcrowes

3. Spinner Howland of Jacksonville Axemen fame

4. Vitlin

As far as Errol HQ tipping goes, Kizzy and I are now sitting on top of each other (tee hee) at positions 14 and 15, Sassy is almost cracking the Top 20 at 25 (and that’s a pretty good effort considering she forgot to put her tips in at least twice), and Marlo (also this week’s winner) has almost made the Top 10 at number 11.

FANTASY LEAGUE

So we still had two byes this week but our teams weren’t looking quite as dire as the week before. Yay for not having many Sea Eagles or Panthers. Speaking of…Wade Graham if you’re reading this and wondering why you aren’t in EITHER of our teams, well it’s because we just can’t fit you anywhere! I’d make a rude joke here but you’re too young. Ask me next year.

The Oh Errol Wildcats

Break out the champagne bitches! The Wildcats have had their best week ever with a whopping 1054 points. Highest score in the league as well! CHAMPIONS! We knew they had it in em.

The Wildcats lineup was so good we didn’t even have to bring in any new recruits this week. Our best performer was Nathan ‘Hindy’ Hindmarsh who gave us a massive 114 points. 114!! It’s a shame we didn’t make him captain and score double, but actual Wildcats captain Benny Creagh did pretty well himself with 78. ALL THE WAY WITH BENNY CREAGH!

But our real shining star is DanDan Mortimer who once again had a stellar week in first-grade AND for the Wildcats. 67 points yaaaay! He really was worth our outrage at his non-inclusion in the fantasy player selection/Sassy’s trip down to the Tele.

pic: Steve Christo

The Hottie McHotHots

Not a great week for the Hotties. 751 points. WHAT WENT WRONG BOYS? We were only missing one player, Matt Ballin – well two players if you count his arse as it’s own person, which I think we should – and all our usual greats such as Tiny Dancer Soward, Hot Bitch Coops and T.Camps were there. Yet not even over 800 points? I am baffled. BAFFLED.

In happier news, Round 14 addition Kevin Gordon is clearly settling in nicely with the Hotties with 64 points, which was also the second highest score in the team. GO KEVVY GO! Personally I think the Tele should change the points system to include an extra 5 every time Kevin smiles. I should email them.

pic: The Sunday Mail

But aside from their less than perfect score, we’re pretty god damn proud of the Hotties. As predicted last week, our gorgeous boys DID beat their opponents The Special Kids. SUCK IT PETE *forks*

And I’m sure next week we’ll be saying the same thing next round when the Wildcats beat him. LET’S MAKE IT TWO IN A ROW BOYS!

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errol fantasy league: round 15

June 25th, 2009

Rep footy is messing with our fantasy teams like you would not believe. Even after I’d shuffled things around to try and accomodate those playing Origin, both the Hotties and the Wildcats were down like 8+ players this week due to all the byes. Shit is ridic. Of course, if we were more inclined to recruit players from the entire NRL and not just a few of our fave teams (sup Dragons!), we might be better off. Whatever. Equality is for losers.

Speaking of Origin, I’d like to talk about my cat for a bit. On Tuesday night my dad bought a carton of XXXX (gross, I know) and it came with a little maroons footy. I wanted to see what my born and bred QLDer cat would do with it, which I guessed wouldn’t be much since her favourite toy is a rolled up piece of tinfoil and this was bigger than her head, so I put it in front of her and she BIT ME. EVEN MY CAT HATES QLD! And everyone knows you can’t argue with cats.

Lawyer Cat has it on good authority that QLD are hateful

pic: Stefanie Craig

THE WILDCATS

Poor Wildcats. 407 points. With the Dragons not playing we were missing Big Dell, Hot Bitch, B.Moz, Hornbag, Tiny Dancer, Benny Creagh and Dean Young. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Those who actually ended up scoring for the Wildcats include Love Shack, baby Blake Ayshford, T.Camps, Jamal Idris, Daine Laurie, Rhys Hanbury, and new Wildcats recruits Ben ‘The Pom’ Pomeroy and Sir Alan Tongue.

Just to clarify – that’s EIGHT scoring players. Eight! I shake my fist at bye weeks, and I shake it good.

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

The Hotties were slightly better off than the Wildcats with 11 players actually, you know, playing. Unforch we were down some of our hottest best scorers – Hot Bitch AGAIN, J.Poore, Luke O’Donnell, Heighno…I would go on but my pants can’t handle it. Pants = sad. We is sadvag.

Thanks to some bright young stars, such as Blake Ayshford and Trevor ‘Sex Machine’ Thurling, the Hotties ended up with 571 points. And this just happened to be the 4th highest score in the league. GO HOTTIES GO!

This week the Hotties are playing Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s team the Special Kids. This makes us laugh because Pete thinks the Errol girls are ‘not funny and not hot’. You know who IS hot (and probably funny since they are footy players)? THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS, BITCH.

JADEWATCH

I was gunna let it slip under the radar, but we didn’t do a fantasy post last week. SOZ. So since this is a bit of a nothing week in terms of fantasy, I’m just gunna post Jade’s Tiny Dancer rundown from LAST week. God we’re professional.

This week the Tiny Dancers managed to get up past the 900 mark once again… finally! Captain David Stagg scored a wonderful 144, followed by Hot Bitch on 95 and Nathan Friend on 94. Good work team! Darren Lockyer was auto-emerged and scored 18. OF COURSE YOU DID LOCKYER. Why is he so shit most of the time? If only Goodwin was put in instead, his 81 would have been must more beneficial. The Tiny Dancers finished on a comfortable 924 points, and will hopefully break the 1000 mark next round.

Here’s to all of us breaking 1000 this week.

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