Yes people, it’s that time again. It’s time for us to up our nerd factor even higher. Because having a blog about rugby league, tweeting live during at least 4 games every weekend and being active members of a footy internet forum just isn’t enough. Nope. What we really need is……FANTASY LEAGUE! NYEEEEH! GLAVEN!

Even nerdier is the fact we cannot just have any old fantasy teams. Oh no. We MUST have a reason for participating. Specifically, a scientific reason. Last year we wanted to know whether the bigger advantage is being really really good looking, or being a generally nice human being. In the end, niceness won out.

This year, we are embarking on a new, even more genius experiment. This years experiment comes directly from the incredible super awesomeness that is Kiki’s brain. Kiki is what one would call ‘an ideas woman’. Like most geniuses, she has trouble with every day living. Examples:

- she’s had the same bank account since Year 4 because she can’t figure out how to change banks.

- one time she, along with her mother and grandma, rocked up the Gold Coast airport to fly home, only to be told by the mean Qantas lady that she had in fact booked flights home from the SUNSHINE COAST.

- her whole time at Uni she could never figure out how to use the library and often took her mum with her so she could borrow books for assignments.

Kiki likes her juice in box form.

But none of this embarassment matters, because her brain came up with the following.

“SASSY OMG I HAVE THE BEST IDEA! What about you have a team with all the naughty boys in footy, called Sassy’s Second Chances? And then I have one with all the good boys called Kiki’s Lil Angels and we can MAKE THEM PLAY AGAINST EACH OTHER. TO SEE WHO WILL WIN IN THE END!!!”

What’s that you say? Adrian Proszenko had a similar idea about having a fantasy team filled with league’s bad boys? Oh, we know. We also know that he published that article a good WEEK after we committed to our experiment. We are 76% sure he has ripped us off directly, as we got drunk after the All Stars game and told pretty much everyone in rugby league, including journos, about our Awesome Experiment. If his next article includes something about Jamal Idris starring in Citizen Kane, our suspicions will be confirmed. We are watching you Proszenko.

Now, on with the show.

Coach : Kiki
Captain : Robbie ‘Nips’ Farah
Criteria for selection: players must be well known good boys, church goers, generally adorable, make us wanna squish their little faces, or just have managed to play for years and never got into any nasty business.
Why we’re doing it : to see if having a peaceful off field life contributes to on field sucess. Also, so we can photoshop Brett Morris’s head onto a creepy cartoon of a boy angel.

INTRODUUUUUCING! The Lil Angels :

As you can see, Kiki lost her inspiration (and money) by the time she got to the bench and ended up picking players that cost a certain amount and haven’t publicly messed up. CLUTCHING….STRAWS….ETC.

[Please note the overwhelming amount of my beloved Dragons in there. There woulda been more but the rules say I can only have four. DISCRIMINATION. It's not my fault I follow a team filled to the brim with good boys. Geez - Kiki]

Coach : Sassy
Captain : Paul Gallen
Criteria for selection : have been involved in at least one public scandal, ranging from criminal charges to pissing in the streets.
Why we’re doing it: to see if being a mischievous drunk does actually affect your footy. Also, because if rugby league is about anything it’s about second chances. Rugby league : because everyone makes mistakes.

BEHOLD! The Second Chances :

The best thing about the Second Chances is that a man called ‘Bronx GOLDWIN’ is on the bench. Everyone loves a mysterious Jewish winger!

[you may also notice that my team has a strong Rooster contingent and PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRE AUSTRALIAN BACK ROW. Awesome. - Sassy]

And now all we need is the season to start and the experiment will have begun. If you want to join our league, as many awesome people already have, go HERE . Our league number is – 18923-2717.

WE’RE BACK BITCHES! Did you miss us all over the long, long Christmas break? I can only assume that the answer to that question is ‘yes’, and that you spent four weeks weeping gently into your pillows and/or weeping uncontrollably in the shower while you tried to carve the words ‘hot bitch’ into the shower recess tiles. We missed you, too, kittens.

And to start the year off – and offer our scientifical wisdom to the NRL coaches of 2010 – let’s recap the Great Errol Experiment of 2009.

We like to use Errol for good causes. You know, contribute to the world in a positive way, like Medicins Sans Frontieres, or Mother Theresa, or the people who discovered penicillin. In our case, we decided to help the world by playing Fantasy league sharing our scientific knowledge with its people. We’re pretty much on the Mary MacKillop track to sainthood already.

So we took our two little teams:

The Oh Errol Wildcats, who are kinda like our Rugby League imaginary BFFs: the only prerequisite for being a wildcat is that we think you might like spending a day hanging out with us drinking coffees and browsing the books and mags in Borders. (It also helps if you don’t laugh at us for naming the Wildcats after the basketball team in High School Musical and the 1980s Goldie hawn movie).

And the Hottie McHothots, who … well that one’s pretty self-explanatory, huh?

We picked the boys carefully to make our teams as respectively charming and as good-lookin as we could. We trained them, supported them, took them on camps to play trust games and drink cordial. We bedazzled their uniforms by hand, then stood back and watched to see whether personality or beauty would be more successful at playing footy.

Here’s what we learned:

HOT PEOPLE ARE FRAGILE. Sure, they may have rippling abs, biceps like Greek Gods, chiselled jawlines and lovely twinkly eyes, but if you tackle them, do they not break?

Apparently, they do. They break A LOT.

Back in round four we lost SEVEN players to injury. Seven! It was almost like they were being punished by the Cosmos for being beautiful.

But despite being complete dreamboats and/or being made of glass, the Hottie McHotHots still put up a good fight. Several times they almost outplayed the Wildcats. Go, hotties, go!

And even though they are adorable, even the Wildcats get tetchy sometimes. Sometimes they just lost their damn minds and forgot how to play.

And best of all, Fantasy League gives you an excellent topic of conversation if you unexpectedly meet John Cartwright. TRUE STORY.

But let’s talk results:

YUP, WILDCATS! Not by much in the end, but the sweetheart who makes good jokes, likes all your fave tv shows, and takes the piss our of himself narrowly beat out the man whose abs are visible through his shirt.

You can send my my Nobel Prize for Science nomination in the post.

HI KIDS! As Sassy said, shit is crazy at the moment around Errol  HQ. With goings on such as Kiki and Sassy’s health kick/new gig with the NSWRL/Ashes blogging and my own time spent organising my imminent move from Dirty QLD to my spiritual home of Sydney (yes, watch out Sydneysiders – the whole Errol gang will soon be in the same city. I wonder if we can get something like the Bat Signal organised so you guys can call and we’ll come a’runnin. Possibly wearing capes. Spangly ones. Lachie, whip out the Janome baby!), we haven’t covered our tipping and fantasy results for a couple of weeks. SOZ!

FANTASY LEAGUE

The Oh Errol Wildcats

The Wildcats are currently sitting in…wait for it…THIRD PLACE when ranked by total points. If you rank by what I assume is the Proper way, they’re 6th. Which is still pretty freakin awesome – mostly coz it means we’re beating Anton, Suchy and Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell.

The Wildcats haven’t lost a head-to-head since Round 13, so we’re currently riding on 6 wins in a row. Creepily, the Dragons also haven’t lost since Round 13. The Wildcats are modelling themselves on the Dragons! AND THAT MAKES US UNCY WAYNE! Awesome. We are awesome.

In Round 21 the Wildcats defeated the National Rouge League aka The Team of Rangas, smashed the El Teamo’s the week before, and won against a team with…0 points. WHATEVER, a win’s a win.

This week we’re gunna try to introduce Watmough to the team. Just because we love him, but also so if a fight breaks out we’ll have him AND Robbie Farah on board. Try beating THAT shit.

For Round 22 the Wildcats are playing Visions of Umaga, who defeated the Hotties last week, but we’re pretty confident the Wildcats can step up where the Hotties couldn’t. Well they’d better, because ima be pissed if our winning streak is broken.

The Hottie McHotHots

The Hotties aren’t quite as well off as the Wildcats in terms of like, points n stuff. They’re performing pretty well but they’ve lost 2 of their last 3 games, defeated by Visions of Umaga and El Teamo. And their win was over the 0 point team. IT’S OK HOTTIES, YOU’RE STILL PRETTY!

The past few weeks we’ve been without some of our biggest Hotties – Coops in Round 21, Heighno since 14, and O’Donnell since 17. What is going on boys!? I wouldn’t be surprised if they were faking injuries so they could have more time to work on their abs. Shhh, Eric Bana. Abs are for people with no friends AND the Hottie McHotHots.

Just quietly, we’ve been kind of struggling to make any trades where the  Hotties are concerned. We’re running out of replacement hot, and we’ve already had to stretch the definition of ‘hot’ to include ‘cute’ and ‘handsome’. IT’S REALLY HARD YOU GUYS.

Next week the Hotties take on the National Rouge League. That’s right, it’s HOTTIES AGAINST RANGAS! Now that is a competition.

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

The competition is heating up as we get closer to the end of the ‘09 season. We’re seeing some pretty impressive leaps into (Suchy)/out of (Neckbeard) the Top 10, so our likely comp winner is anyone’s guess. And since the prize is a night out with us, I can only imagine that’s the sole reason people will be bringing their A-game in the coming weeks, amiright?

Apparently I don’t care for hanging out with mahself, because my tips lately have been shocking. I don’t think I’ve correctly picked more than 5 since Round 17. Disgraceful! BUT I take comfort in the reminder that I may be a bit shit at tips, but at least I’m not a Sharks fan dealing with 5 losses in a row.

Also available: ‘At least I’m not a Roosters fan’ and ‘At least I’m not Freddy Fittler’

Our last 3 winners are Baz, Battis and Philo respectively and our leaderboard looks like this:

1. southsydneyrussellcrowes

2. Vitlin

3. Stendec

4. Baz

It might be hard to tell to the untrained eye, but there’s only one lady in that top 4.  C’MON GIRLS! If you have trouble picking, just take a leaf out of Karen from Mean Girls‘ book and ask your boobs which team will win. Left is home, right is away. Keep it on the down low.

It should also be known that Sassy got…wait for it…SIX correct tips this week. But we still plan to tease her about forgetting to put her tips in. IT’S JUST REALLY FUNNY.

Awesome T-Shirt design thanks to PistolClothing.com.au

So since this week is a heinous, hateful, EVIL bye week, you’re all getting not only this week’s footy tips and fantasy results but last week’s as well. YES WE’RE HAVING QUADRUPLETS!

Nothing says romance like 4 bbs on yo doorstep

I’d like to say this is a carefully concocted Errol plan, but I’m gunna blame it on being just too busy celebrating our fantasy team’s BEST WEEK EVER in private to do a post last week. Oh yes chickens, the Wildcats AND the Hotties are comin’ up from behind (hehe, from behind).

FANTASY LEAGUE

The Oh Errol Wildcats

Yes, Round 17 saw the Wildcats produce their best score ever – a whopping 1270 points. Not to mention that as predicted they bete Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s Special Kids (HAHAHAHA), AND they moved up to 4th in the league when ranked by total points (I choose to believe this is the more accurate way of viewing our progress as opposed to ranking by league points because we’re ninth when you do it that way), as you can see in this professionally labelled image:

How’d they do it? WELL we had some freakin unbelievable scores going on:

• Tiny Dancer Soward toe-tapped his way to 142 GOD DAMN POINTS! If he’d been our captain it would have been 284! Shit is crazy.
• Our pride and joy DanDan Mortimer, in his fifth first-grade game for the Eels and fourth for the Wildcats, gave us 97 points. YOU LITTLE BEAUTY!
• Mr Robbie Farah and Steve Price on 111 and 115 respectively

Honourable mentions go to T.Camps (91 pts), Benny Creagh (88 pts) and Hindy (77 pts). Look, we’d mention EVERY Wildcat if we could. They’re all champions.

In Round 18 the Wildcats continued to impress regardless of the bye week, hitting almost over 1000 points again at 986 – the highest score in the league this week.

Even better than that…the Wildcats have now moved up to 2ND IN THE LEAGUE. See:

Woooooo!

The Hottie McHotHots

The Hotties followed the Wildcats’ lead and also scored over 1000 with 1170. Let me emphasise how much of a feat that is by reminding you that in their first week they scored 576 points. The Hotties have succeeded against the odds. It’s just like  Step Up 2: The Streets.

(L-R) Matt ‘Hot Bitch’ Cooper, Terry ‘T.Camps’ Campese & Jamie ‘Tiny Dancer’ Soward show off their movez

So in Round 17 we had a few Wildcat/Hotties crossover performances that I won’t mention again, BUT I can mention someone who had a hell of a week – baby Blake Ayshord and his 97 points. Look, I don’t wanna pit our boys against each other, but in the interest of Science, that’s more points than T.Camps or Hot Bitch. I’M JUST SAYING!

If this tells us anything I think it’s that our youngins are clearly thriving in the Errol fantasy environment. B.Aysh, DanDan, Kevin Gordon…we like to think their real-life NRL performances are a direct result of being introduced to our teams. No need to thank us boys, witnessing your youthful success is enough for us.

Jadewatch

Turns out we weren’t the only ones who had a tops week in Round 17. Jade and her Tiny Dancers also made it over the 1000 point hurdle:

This week the Tiny Dancers returned to their former glory rounds and pushed past 1000! Go Team! Capt Stagg performed at his usual stellar level, scoring 154. The real standout was old man Price scoring 115, with teammates Bronson Harrison and Sam Thaiday not far behind.

All in all it was an excellent round for the Dancers, as they finished on a neat 1087 points. Checking out the bench it was obvious I actually made good decisions regarding who to put on the field as there were quite a few zeros there.

I am still waiting for K.Law to play a first grade round so he can run around with the rest of the dancers… and I can chant “I can score with K.Law!”

So are we Jade, so are we.

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

There’s not really much to say about tips. The lineup hasn’t changed that much, and we only have one dirty Queenslander in the Top 4 to make jokes about. ‘Stendec’ remains firmly placed at the top of the ladder, and mystery tipping Stan Gorton has popped up in second place.

1. Stendec

2. Mystery Tipper Stan Gorton

3. southsydneyrussellcrowes

4. Spinner Howland of Jacksonville fame/resident Dirty QLDer

I would love to announce that we might see one of our names in this Top 4 sometime soon, but as we are in positions 12, 15 and 24 that ain’t gunna happen. STUPID TIPS. BOOO.

Round 16 already!? Really? Time flies when you’re having fun! Unless you’re a Roosters fan, in which case I imagine time goes pretty slowly when you’re watching your team make their way to the bottom of the ladder. SORRY SASSY. BUT IT’S TRUE RIGHT?

This week we’re going for the double-headed news update again, because things that come in pairs are awesome. Like boobs, or the Morris twins.

pic: Simon Alekna

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

We haven’t updated you all on our tipping leaderboard for a little while, and it appears that during the break things have actually shifted a bit. There is…wait for it…ONLY ONE DIRTY QUEENSLANDER IN THE TOP 4! Some terrible rounds have bumped Bec, Bree and Baz right outta there (I mean, sorry to hear that guys *shifty*).

Unfortunately at this stage I have no idea who our leader actually is. I think it might be Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s brother though. Just quietly I think I’d rather one of our regular QLDers to be topping the ladder.

1. Stendec

2. southsydneyrussellcrowes

3. Spinner Howland of Jacksonville Axemen fame

4. Vitlin

As far as Errol HQ tipping goes, Kizzy and I are now sitting on top of each other (tee hee) at positions 14 and 15, Sassy is almost cracking the Top 20 at 25 (and that’s a pretty good effort considering she forgot to put her tips in at least twice), and Marlo (also this week’s winner) has almost made the Top 10 at number 11.

FANTASY LEAGUE

So we still had two byes this week but our teams weren’t looking quite as dire as the week before. Yay for not having many Sea Eagles or Panthers. Speaking of…Wade Graham if you’re reading this and wondering why you aren’t in EITHER of our teams, well it’s because we just can’t fit you anywhere! I’d make a rude joke here but you’re too young. Ask me next year.

The Oh Errol Wildcats

Break out the champagne bitches! The Wildcats have had their best week ever with a whopping 1054 points. Highest score in the league as well! CHAMPIONS! We knew they had it in em.

The Wildcats lineup was so good we didn’t even have to bring in any new recruits this week. Our best performer was Nathan ‘Hindy’ Hindmarsh who gave us a massive 114 points. 114!! It’s a shame we didn’t make him captain and score double, but actual Wildcats captain Benny Creagh did pretty well himself with 78. ALL THE WAY WITH BENNY CREAGH!

But our real shining star is DanDan Mortimer who once again had a stellar week in first-grade AND for the Wildcats. 67 points yaaaay! He really was worth our outrage at his non-inclusion in the fantasy player selection/Sassy’s trip down to the Tele.

pic: Steve Christo

The Hottie McHotHots

Not a great week for the Hotties. 751 points. WHAT WENT WRONG BOYS? We were only missing one player, Matt Ballin – well two players if you count his arse as it’s own person, which I think we should – and all our usual greats such as Tiny Dancer Soward, Hot Bitch Coops and T.Camps were there. Yet not even over 800 points? I am baffled. BAFFLED.

In happier news, Round 14 addition Kevin Gordon is clearly settling in nicely with the Hotties with 64 points, which was also the second highest score in the team. GO KEVVY GO! Personally I think the Tele should change the points system to include an extra 5 every time Kevin smiles. I should email them.

pic: The Sunday Mail

But aside from their less than perfect score, we’re pretty god damn proud of the Hotties. As predicted last week, our gorgeous boys DID beat their opponents The Special Kids. SUCK IT PETE *forks*

And I’m sure next week we’ll be saying the same thing next round when the Wildcats beat him. LET’S MAKE IT TWO IN A ROW BOYS!

Rep footy is messing with our fantasy teams like you would not believe. Even after I’d shuffled things around to try and accomodate those playing Origin, both the Hotties and the Wildcats were down like 8+ players this week due to all the byes. Shit is ridic. Of course, if we were more inclined to recruit players from the entire NRL and not just a few of our fave teams (sup Dragons!), we might be better off. Whatever. Equality is for losers.

Speaking of Origin, I’d like to talk about my cat for a bit. On Tuesday night my dad bought a carton of XXXX (gross, I know) and it came with a little maroons footy. I wanted to see what my born and bred QLDer cat would do with it, which I guessed wouldn’t be much since her favourite toy is a rolled up piece of tinfoil and this was bigger than her head, so I put it in front of her and she BIT ME. EVEN MY CAT HATES QLD! And everyone knows you can’t argue with cats.

Lawyer Cat has it on good authority that QLD are hateful

pic: Stefanie Craig

THE WILDCATS

Poor Wildcats. 407 points. With the Dragons not playing we were missing Big Dell, Hot Bitch, B.Moz, Hornbag, Tiny Dancer, Benny Creagh and Dean Young. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Those who actually ended up scoring for the Wildcats include Love Shack, baby Blake Ayshford, T.Camps, Jamal Idris, Daine Laurie, Rhys Hanbury, and new Wildcats recruits Ben ‘The Pom’ Pomeroy and Sir Alan Tongue.

Just to clarify – that’s EIGHT scoring players. Eight! I shake my fist at bye weeks, and I shake it good.

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

The Hotties were slightly better off than the Wildcats with 11 players actually, you know, playing. Unforch we were down some of our hottest best scorers – Hot Bitch AGAIN, J.Poore, Luke O’Donnell, Heighno…I would go on but my pants can’t handle it. Pants = sad. We is sadvag.

Thanks to some bright young stars, such as Blake Ayshford and Trevor ‘Sex Machine’ Thurling, the Hotties ended up with 571 points. And this just happened to be the 4th highest score in the league. GO HOTTIES GO!

This week the Hotties are playing Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s team the Special Kids. This makes us laugh because Pete thinks the Errol girls are ‘not funny and not hot’. You know who IS hot (and probably funny since they are footy players)? THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS, BITCH.

JADEWATCH

I was gunna let it slip under the radar, but we didn’t do a fantasy post last week. SOZ. So since this is a bit of a nothing week in terms of fantasy, I’m just gunna post Jade’s Tiny Dancer rundown from LAST week. God we’re professional.

This week the Tiny Dancers managed to get up past the 900 mark once again… finally! Captain David Stagg scored a wonderful 144, followed by Hot Bitch on 95 and Nathan Friend on 94. Good work team! Darren Lockyer was auto-emerged and scored 18. OF COURSE YOU DID LOCKYER. Why is he so shit most of the time? If only Goodwin was put in instead, his 81 would have been must more beneficial. The Tiny Dancers finished on a comfortable 924 points, and will hopefully break the 1000 mark next round.

Here’s to all of us breaking 1000 this week.

Obviously here at Errol we really love our fantasy league. Personally though, I can never just like something a lot – I have to be a kind of obsessed with it. TV shows (Arrested Development, Friday Night Lights), celebs (Taylor Hanson, Will Arnett), food (I still can’t eat Nacho Cheese Doritos after being addicted to them in Year 9)…

…and right now I’m obsessed with fantasy league.

Might as well face it…

How do I know? Two things:

a) on Saturday morning I was dreaming that new Wildcats recruit DanDan Mortimer scored really really well, and I’m fairly sure I woke myself up because I was so excited I was talking in my sleep. I remember sitting up and talking to myself in bed about DanDan’s score. I WOKE MYSELF UP TALKING ABOUT FANTASY LEAGUE. Why am I single?

b) on Sunday night I came home at 1am after watching an Islander cover band do such classics as Kiss by Prince and Will Smith’s heartfelt classic Gettin Jiggy Wit It, drunk dialled Suchy and whipped out Kiki’s compy to check our fantasy scorez.

Oh, me.

THE WILDCATS

The Wildcats scored over 1000 again!! In fact their score this week is the second highest in the comp with 1030. Unfortunately they didn’t beat their opponents, The Johnny Rapers, but we’re super proud of them anyway.

On a slightly freaky sidenote, the  High School Musical 3 opening number ‘Now or Never’ just came on my mp3 player. It has cheerleaders going “WILDCATS…we’re the champions…gunna win!”. YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT! Writing about our Wildcats while listening to A SONG about Wildcats. CREEPY. And yes you are correct, my life is awesome.

Turns out my dream was right. DAN MORTIMER REALLY DID SCORE WELL! 67 points. I am pretty much The Fantasy League Whisperer. I might get that on a tshirt.

Other notes: Robbie Farah has apparently come to terms with Wildcat leadership with 176 points, Hornbag is clearly beside himself with joy at being re-introduced to the team and scored 70 points, and Dean Young produced his best fantasy score to date with 81. Even when the Dragons lose it pays off having so many in the team. THANKS BABIES!

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

This week the Hotties were up against The Poodles. I’m glad I decided against adding my own personal fantasy team, The Hedgehogs (now defunct), to the Tele comp. There’s no way I could go up against the Hotties OR the Wildcats.

Anyway the Hotties beat the Poodles 878 to 696. YAAY HOTTIES! Not their best score ever, but quite respectable.

This round’s standout star is most definitely our beloved Intern John John who scored a magnificent 90 POINTS! Unfortunately the same can’t be said for his brother Davey, who scored a try (props to Sunday Roast and WIN news for that shot of the full moon btw. GET IT, COZ HE’S THE WOLFMAN) and still only brought in 30. Tries are 15 points, so basically he did shit all for the rest of the game.

James McManus…welcome to the Hotties. AND THANKS FOR NOT PLAYING THIS WEEK. God dammit. I had to ditch Robbo to make room for him too.

BUT I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GUYS?! I’m wearing shorty shorts and everything!

pic: simon dean

JADEWATCH

Let’s see how the Tiny Dancers are doing. Hopefully better than Jamie ‘Tiny Dancer’ Soward, who we were very worried about when he was knocked out on Monday night.

Not a great week for the Tiny Dancers, must’ve been the swine flu in the air. My excellent coaching skillz meant not only did I have a captain who wasn’t playing, but no vice either. I am awesome. I probably should’ve taken Dell off the bench, then his 72 points would’ve contributed, instead I had Joel Moon’s zinc nipples score 11. All in all it was my not-so-supercoach efforts that led the boys to a measly 627. Better luck next week.

So…not much better off than Sowie then. Boo.

Because I’m lazy very busy and important, you’re not only getting the tips and fantasy results on Wednesday but also squished into the one post together. AN ERROL COMBO. Like this awesome ‘meal’ we got at Krystal in Jacksonville – 6 tiny tiny burgers plus chips and a coke – for about 10 bucks:

We encourage ringing Errol HQ and ordering the Errol Combo. We would very much enjoy making jokes about buns and asking if you want a footlong.

ERROLTIPS

Most people have been saying what a shit round they had. Personally I was pretty pleased with my 3/5. If it weren’t for tipping the Rabbitohs and Bulldogs it would’ve  been perfect and I would have a free whopper voucher. As it happens, I am a vegetarian (ok so I ate the burgers in the above pic, but there’s no way that was actually meat so it doesn’t count). I think the Universe knows this and will never let me get a perfect round. God dammit.

Our weekly winner that’s NOT me, grumble grumble, is Suchy’s mate Neckbeard. Suchy is thrilled:

Apparently he is very excited about being featured on Errol btw. HI ALEX AKA NECKBEARD! YOU IS FAMOUS!

As we bitch about every week, the leaderboard remains full of dirty Queenslanders and Pete, who might as well be a Queenslander anyway. Baz has been knocked out by Mr Spinner Howland, yet Bec and Bree stay put in position 1 & 2. SOMEONE SHAKE THIS UP PLEASE.

1. Bree

2. Bec

3. Spinner

4. Hatecushion

—

FANTASY  LEAGUE

BYE WEEKS ARE SHIT. There’s no fun in a low score, even if it’s only because 5 teams played. No fun at all.

The Wildcats

Our beloved Wildcats actually did OK without Coops, Steve Price, T.Camps, Benny Creagh etc etc. 876 points! We finally brought Hornbag back in after ditching him in Round 5 (I forget why) and scored a lovely 97 points. YAY HORNBAG.

Speaking of, we all agreed he was making us happy in our pants during the game on Friday night.  I think being back in the Wildcats is giving him some extra sparkle. And not the kind that Zeffie’s drama teacher said he has.

You might recall that last week Sassy was so outraged by the lack of DanDan Mortimer that she marched down to the Tele to tell them so. Turns out there’s a reason for this, as the Tele’s Online Sports Editor Vivienne told us in an email. They also blogged about it.

UPDATE: Those looking to sign Daniel Mortimer – or any other player yet to play first grade – should be aware that new players will be added to the system once they play a game. Therefore, you cannot buy Mortimer this week, but he will be available next week.

HOW AWESOME IS THAT? Being a weirdo at work can apparently pay off.

The Hottie McHotHots

This has actually prompted me to consider whether there’s something wrong with my brain. I distinctly remember telling Sassy that ‘the Hotties are fine this week’ after checking who was/wasn’t playing. I thought we were down 2 players at the most.

Turns out we were down SEVEN. SEVEN!! It wasn’t till I checked our progressive score on Sunday that I realised how many were out. HOW DID I NOT NOTICE SEVEN PLAYERS MISSING? I am baffled and might look into getting an MRI. Doctor doctor, I needz a brain check for fantasy league!

So the Hotties scored 577 and surprisingly they came 6th in the league. I guess everyone else was even worse off than we were.

Timmy Moltzen filled in for T.Camps and Craig Wing while they were off galivanting around with the NSW team, and Shannan Mcpherson made his debut. Chris Heighington was promoted to captain, Trevor ‘Sexmachine’ Thurling finally played a game…and that’s pretty much all there is to report.

**Make sure you all buy Rugby League Week this week because WE’RE IN IT, along with the boys from FireUp! Massive thanks go out to Steve Mascord for writing it, and to all of our fanz for helping us be popular enough to write about.**

God, this round’s results are creating an emotional tug of war. THERE’S NO EMOTICON FOR WHAT I’M FEELING. It’s like immense joy and warmth mixed with a hint of disappointment in myself. Kind of like how I felt after that night on the Rock Boat where I’d had the most amazing time seeing Hanson, and then we went to the casino bar and I drank 1000 Long Island Iced Tea’s and woke up at 11 the next day somewhere that wasn’t our room and had to ask the stewards how to find it. ALL THE LEVELS LOOK THE SAME. GOD.

Anyway I’ll get to the self-blame later. Both our teams have done amazingly well this week. We are so far beyond proud.

THE WILDCATS

Even with Robbie Farah being out of action the Wildcats gave us our first ever score over 1000 with 1005. Not only that but they also beat the HaberfieldSteelers.

WHAT TEAM? WILDCATS! WHAT TEAM? WILD-CATS!!

Our man T.Camps also had a great round with 99 points (but a bitch ain’t one). I imagine he is just as pleased about doing the Wildcats proud as he is about being named for Origin. Possibly more so.

Vice Captain Hindy stepped up to fill Robbie’s shoes, and filled them goooood with 196 points. B.Moz also had an absolute corker with … wait for it … 90 POINTS! He is such a try scoring machine. Also a threat to Robbie’s Wildcats captaincy. WATCH YO BACK FARAH.

[At this juncture I would like to butt in and say B.MOZ! BABY! WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU! His form of late has been almost too good to believe. Shit is ridiculous. Ridiculous and amaaaazing. We also feel totes validated because we backed him from the start. When he was languishing in reggies and some Dragons fans were pronouncing he was crap we were waving our B.Moz flags. SUCK IT. YOU WERE ALL WRONG.

Anyway, my mother is now completely in love with him and now we BOTH squeal whenever he's on tv. We loved the post game interview he gave the other nite. He said he just wanted to play well for the Dragons and 'do Wayne proud'. Wayne and....Oh Errol? Right, Bretty? Thought so. -Kiki]

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

They looked so good. No one was injured, no one was suspended, and my having to buy Blake Ayshford back the week before would pay off. Well it would have if I’d put him in the team. Soz Blake.

Even Suchy, who went head to head with the Hotties this week, said, and this is a direct quote:

JUST QUIETLY, THE HOTTIES LOOK LIKE A HARD TEAM TO BEAT

DAMN RIGHT. Bitches brought in a stellar 987 points. Their best score ever AND the 4th best in the league. CELEBRATIONZ!

Luke O’donnell was back in the Captain’s Hat after his 116 points last week, and those Lessons in Leadership workshops we’ve been sending him to at the local TAFE have apparently paid off. 176 points for the Hotties. Not the 200+ it could’ve been, but not bad. THANKS LUKE.

The team also could have included Daniel Mortimer, who was set to have his first game in the Parramatta first grade team … but it wasn’t to be. I tried in vain to find him in the Fantasy League database, but there was no D.Morts to find. WHAT? NO DAN DAN?

When I messaged Sassy to tell her the outrageous news, she decided to Take Action. By which I mean she was at work at News Limited in her casual job, and when she finished her shift, marched on down to the Telegraph to demand answers. Unfortunately the answers she got were: ‘Um, I have no idea what you are talking about,’ ‘I think the Fantasty web business is done out of house’, and ‘Daniel who .. ?’

And yes, she really did do this. She is Very Committed.

Anyway, the Hotties ended up being beaten by Naqaima’s Driver by a measly 30 points. If I’d put pretty much anyone else on the bench besides Will Zill, they would’ve won. SIGH. I feel like I’ve let them down. I seriously felt sad when I saw it. HI I’M CRAZY.

I need a drink. And some therapy.

JADEWATCH

This week we aren’t reporting anything directly from Jade because the Tiny Dancer’s got the exact same score as last week. Consistency is for winners!

We’re in the midst of a Very Important fortnight in the world of fantasy league, with both our teams going head to head with Suchy’s team Naiqama’s Driver. I mean in different rounds obvs, not like the Wildcats and the Hotties have come together to form an Oh Errol Supergroup. Like The Young Divas!

This is serious bizness, since part of the reason we’re all up in fantasy league is to psych out our guy friends and/or beat them. That’s the second time I’ve referenced A League of Their Own on Errol by the way. I can’t wait for the day I have reason to use ‘You look like a penis with a little hat on’ and make it three. Make it happen, Darren Lockyer!

Suchy in particular takes his fantasy league/beating Errol teams so seriously that whilst at the gym on Friday evening, he realised he’d forgotten to make a trade and stopped in the middle of his workout to go home and sort it out. AMAZING. This is the kind of dedication we’re up against. I’d like to say we’d do the same thing, but we would never be at the gym in the first place.

THE WILDCATS

Ok, I normally don’t look after the business end of the Wildcats. Why? Because there’s a few players I don’t know/can never remember. SHUT UP. I am much more comfortable with the Hotties, but this week I did do some rearranging of the Wildcats. While trying to make room for Hot Bitch Cooper’s longawaited return, I got confused and ditched Kevin Gordon, who Sassy had just given a massive wrap to. I’M SORRY KEVIN. I FORGOT WHO YOU WERE. I am an idiot.

The Wildcats only managed 825 points. Suchy beat us by like, 160. DAMMIT.

Captain T.Camps gave us 46 points (and that’s double points for captains. Lucky for Tez I just can’t get mad at him), and ex-captain Robbie Farah scored an amazing 108. Though you wouldn’t know it looking at the post-game pics:

Guys? Herro? Is this coz I was shit at being a captain? THAT WAS ONE TIME.

Unfortunately we left Josh Dugan and Love Shack in the team,  both of whom were not actually playing. Oops.

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

THIS IS SO EXCITING YOU GUYS. Our Hotties have once again performed better than the Wildcats AND beaten their opponents. They also beat their personal best by more than 60 pts, coming in at 905. Oh, you pretty things.

After seeing That Photo of Chris Heighington I decided he just HAD to be in the Hotties, but trying to shuffle things around enough to afford him (he is so spensy!) proved difficult. So difficult that I had to get out the calculator to figure it out. MATHS IS REALLY HARD. Anyway I ended up ditching Saffy and Beau Ryan, but I feel it was worth it in the end thanks to Hino’s awesome 82 points. Bitch really knows how to make an impression.

Luke O’Donnell continues to impress whenever he’s NOT our captain, with a whopping 116 points. It’s such a shame he’s bad at leadership. Errol favourite Davey Williams is finally back on his game too with 74 points. YAY DAVE!

The Hotties went head to head with the HaberfieldSteelers and beat them by just under 40 points, weee! We are so so proud of them. We might even let them celebrate with an ice cream. Matt Ballin will tell us he’s lactose intolerant, but we know he just doesn’t want the calories. EAT YOUR DAMN ICE CREAM MATT. You can do 50 laps of Errol HQ afterwards. Thatta boy.

JADEWATCH

Let’s find out how the Tiny Dancers did this week shall we?

This week I decided to try a new technique with the boys, a lil bit of reverse psychology if you will. I totes didnt talk to them all week so they knew I was peeved at their previous sucky efforts. I didn’t even change their positions from last week so they knew I was REAL PISSED.

WELL. Methinks they had a private team meeting and decided they just HAD to win back my love, or prove they could be good without me. Either way they were keen to impress… and it worked. Folau had marvellous round scoring 116 points! Go Izzy! In total the boys managed a delicious 949. GO YOU TINY DANCERS! Let’s hope next week we can get back up past the 1000 mark.

Next week it’s the Hotties up against Naiqama’s Driver, and we will never ever stop laughing if the Hotties win. Well we might stop to do the forks a few times, but other than that…