Well what do you know? It’s a tipping update, bitches! It’s been … look, I don’t know how many rounds it’s been since we checked in on the Oh Errol tipping competition, and I don’t care to bother finding out. Let’s just say ‘a shitload’. And the reason it’s been so long is that the leaderboard has been straight up BORING. The same two people have been sitting pretty in positions 1 and 2 for the previously mentioned ‘shitload’ of rounds, and who wants to read the same thing every week?

Obviously the readers of Famous enjoy reading the same stories regularly – Brad and Angelina breaking up … again! Jennifer Aniston sad and lonely/tanned and going yoga/having a fake romance with John Mayer … again! – but we’d much rather write about Robbie Farah photoshopped as a diver than go over the same old boring stuff.

Let’s check in on the leaderboard for this round’s tipping  first, which I think might be Philo’s first win for the year. Go Philo! The top three looks like this:

1. Philo on 7/8 – she’s not just an English expert and academic, she’s a Dragon-loving tipping dynamo!

2. Spearsie on 7/8 – seriously guys, she almost tipped perfectly AND SHE LIVES IN LA. SHE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO WATCH THE GAMES.

3. Aliesha R on 7/8 -she’s adorable, loves the Titans and cares not for pants. What a winner.

Man the girls are killing it in this competition. Even though the gender breakdown overall is half and half guys and girls, the top spots all seem to be ladies. Every round is women in league round in Errol Tips!

And the overall leaderboard looks like:

Sigh. Sometimes it’s almost painful being this good. This must be how Billy Slater feels all the time.

I AM SO ANNOYED. I knew it was coming, but round five was the week I scored only four correct tips out of eight and fell off the top of the Errol Tips leader board. On the bright side, at least the new leader is a fellow Errol girl.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Storm, the Cowboys, my poor sad Roosters and the fat slow bloated Eels for losing and ruining my complete and utter domination of the Errol Tips competition. Cause I was really really enjoying being the queen of tips, dark and BEAUTIFUL!

Everyone loves a Lord of the Rings reference

Needless to say you are currently all sitting on my Tipping shitlist, alongside the Sharks. And yes, I do think they will read that and be upset. You know it’s true.

Excitingly, we also have a new trend in the top five, and that trend is DUDES. Here’s how the leaderboard looks this week:

1. Lozzy – 30 points

2. Sassy – 30 points

3. Peteyrulz – 27

4. Lynx – 27

5. BecDon – 27

Welcome back, Lozzy

SUP GUYS! Remember me? It’s ok if you don’t, I mean I will beat you for it but I’m small so it won’t hurt too much.

Turns out my current job doesn’t much allow for blogging during work hours. SHOCK! HORROR! On the upside it does allow me to be on Fox Sports a lot, which means I can make emergency changes to my fantasy team/put my work comp tips in without looking dodgy. WINNER!

Hence, I’ve been out of action on Errol for almost as long as the Sharks’ losing streak *badoom tish*. Try the veal guys.

My other excuse is I’ve just been spending a lot of my spare time watching Beau Ryan’s appearances on The Footy Show, and saying things like I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE HE’S SO FUNNY and OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN. Seriously, if you haven’t watched Beau Knows Benji, watch it now. Thank me later. With hot chips.

Anyway, I shall be announcing our tipping triumphs for this week.

Turns out Sassy is once again a Tipping Genius who tipped 7/8 and won the round. I KNOW RIGHT? We are all shocked and delighted. I even screengrabbed it for proof/keepsaking:

But I must point out that NO ONE in our comp managed 8/8 this week. THAT’S NO FREE WHOPPERS PEOPLE. WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE WHOPPERS?

Only 8 out of 50 correctly picked the Warriors win, and Sassy let herself down by tipping the Sharks. I’ve already made one Sharks joke, so I’m just gunna use a visual leave-behind for this one:

Our leaderboard after Round 3 looks like this:

Yep, that’s Sassy at number 1 and me at number 4. Reprezent. You may also notice there’s still only one boy in there. What is up with tippers who have a penis? You can’t let Youngie carry it all himself. TRY HARDER.

I’m thinking there might be some upsets in Round 4, so I’m gunna go out on a limb and say this leaderboard will look a bit diff next week. But we also thought Sassy would probably never win a round again, so go ahead and PROVE ME WRONG UNIVERSE. PROVE. ME. WRONG.

So happy Easter everyone, and don’t forget the Storm v Dragons game is on super early today. Something to do with AFL not being played on Good Friday or whatever, but I say it’s because Kiki is having myself and Suchy, a longtime Dragons hater, over for dinner tonight and she can’t watch the game with him around, so they just changed it for her. THANKS MELBOURNE!

Oh my sweet baby Morris-twin Jesus, it’s a FOOTY MIRACLE.

mmmmmm miracle.

Somehow – I have absolutely no idea how – I have fluked myself to my first perfect round of tipping …. ever. Eight out of eight, bitches! This means, of course, that footytips is giving me a free Whopper. Which I totally plan to collect, even though:

a) there are no Hungry Jacks near me except the one I go to when I’m drunk on Oxford Street opposite the Oxford Art Factory

b) I don’t like Whoppers.

It’s the principle of the thing, you know?

Also if you break it down by calories, it’s pretty much like footytips are giving me a whole day’s worth of free food, which for a blogger is the greatest gift a footy tipping website can give. So yes, I am going to that Hungry Jacks, and yes, friends, I am going to EAT. THAT. WHOPPER. I am also going to enjoy it … because it tastes like VICTORY.

In other news, Errol tippers are apparently all brilliant, because:

Paull Young

Paul Taylor

ohmyloz

and Amy

all also got 8 tips from 8. Some might say that’s because it was an easy round. I say it’s because we all have the brains of rocket scientists. If you’re wondering why Kiki didn’t manage to tip a perfect eight, it’s because she tipped against my Roosters. Just sayin. Which brings us to the leaderboard after round two:

Finally, one of the boys has made it into the top five! Good work Youngie!

This will probably be the first and last time I am ever first in tipping, so let’s all take a moment of silence for the peak of my tipping career. It’s gonna be all downhill for me after this. Like Kate Hudson after Almost Famous and Katherine Heigl after Knocked Up.

And now I’m gonna leave you with the NRL Ladder:

I was planning to draw a big red white and blue arrow to the Roosters at the top of it, but then I realised it’s round two and I don’t want to jinx the poor bitches, so … that’s all.

Results are in, bitches, and the most surprising/exciting news is: SASSY SUCKS LESS THAN WE THOUGHT.

Sassy’s owner has never been so proud

She’s charged into round one with a perfectly respectable 6 from 8, also known as “way-better-than-forgetting-to-put-your-tips-in-because-you’re-too-busy-watching-Law-&-Order-repeats-on-the-W-Channel”. She’d like to thank all of you for your support.

She’d also like to thank the Roosters and give the forks to everyone who tipped against them. IN TODD WE TRUST!

That brings us to the winners board, and after round one it looks like this (higlighting by Sassy):

It’s an all ladies top ten, whut whut! Come and post and claim your glory, ladies.

KEEP SCROLLING DOWN KIDS, THE REGULAR POSTS ARE WAITING FOR YOU BELOW!

Why yes, it IS that time again. After the overwhelming* success of ErrolTips 2009, we’re putting on our tipping pants (note: we may not actually be wearing pants) and starting that shit up again for another year.

We even had a proper meeting to figure out ways that we could improve on last year’s ErrolTips Experience (TM). Because, um … last year’s winner was southsydneyrussellcrowe – we like to think that’s the real Russell Crowe – and he still hasn’t collected his prize. It’s possible that’s because he’s in France. It’s also possible that he wasn’t especially keen on the idea of hitting the town with the Errol girls and drinking Smirnoff Blacks with a straw while we rock out at the Judgment Bar. CAN’T IMAGINE WHY.

We have to change the prize this year regardless because in the last six months the Judgy has turned into a pub police state. Drinking there is like a trip to old East Germany, except with fewer trench coats, uglier carpet, and LESS FUN. The bouncers don’t even wear Hawaiian shirts anymore! Instead they wear threatening vests that say RSA Marshall and patrol the floor looking for anyone with balance issues or sleepy eyes so they can promptly evict them.

This is clearly ridiculous, because who goes to the Courthouse unless they actually are blind drunk? No one’s stopping by the judgy at 7am on a Saturday morning for a coffee and a chat. If I was sober, I would totally stop and think, hey, maybe I have better and more productive things to do than drink a schooner at dawn while chatting to a man with waist length hair and a teardrop tattoo on his face.

ANYWAY. We have new revamped prizes that we hope you’ll enjoy. The winner of this years comp will take home their choice of:

1. a not-yet-ripe banana

2. an Oh Errol stubbie holder

3. the Mystery Box.

No, there is no cash prize, because there is no joining fee. Bloggers don’t have money and we didn’t want to price ourselves out of the competition. Also,we’re not materialistic and we do it for love and blah blah whatever. Now get your asses over to footy tips, sign up and join in:

JOIN ME NOW NOW NOW

There will be weekly updates talking up the winners and mocking the losers, plus, of course, the mystery box. Heh, box.

* May not have, in fact, been overwhelming.

HI KIDS! As Sassy said, shit is crazy at the moment around Errol  HQ. With goings on such as Kiki and Sassy’s health kick/new gig with the NSWRL/Ashes blogging and my own time spent organising my imminent move from Dirty QLD to my spiritual home of Sydney (yes, watch out Sydneysiders – the whole Errol gang will soon be in the same city. I wonder if we can get something like the Bat Signal organised so you guys can call and we’ll come a’runnin. Possibly wearing capes. Spangly ones. Lachie, whip out the Janome baby!), we haven’t covered our tipping and fantasy results for a couple of weeks. SOZ!

FANTASY LEAGUE

The Oh Errol Wildcats

The Wildcats are currently sitting in…wait for it…THIRD PLACE when ranked by total points. If you rank by what I assume is the Proper way, they’re 6th. Which is still pretty freakin awesome – mostly coz it means we’re beating Anton, Suchy and Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell.

The Wildcats haven’t lost a head-to-head since Round 13, so we’re currently riding on 6 wins in a row. Creepily, the Dragons also haven’t lost since Round 13. The Wildcats are modelling themselves on the Dragons! AND THAT MAKES US UNCY WAYNE! Awesome. We are awesome.

In Round 21 the Wildcats defeated the National Rouge League aka The Team of Rangas, smashed the El Teamo’s the week before, and won against a team with…0 points. WHATEVER, a win’s a win.

This week we’re gunna try to introduce Watmough to the team. Just because we love him, but also so if a fight breaks out we’ll have him AND Robbie Farah on board. Try beating THAT shit.

For Round 22 the Wildcats are playing Visions of Umaga, who defeated the Hotties last week, but we’re pretty confident the Wildcats can step up where the Hotties couldn’t. Well they’d better, because ima be pissed if our winning streak is broken.

The Hottie McHotHots

The Hotties aren’t quite as well off as the Wildcats in terms of like, points n stuff. They’re performing pretty well but they’ve lost 2 of their last 3 games, defeated by Visions of Umaga and El Teamo. And their win was over the 0 point team. IT’S OK HOTTIES, YOU’RE STILL PRETTY!

The past few weeks we’ve been without some of our biggest Hotties – Coops in Round 21, Heighno since 14, and O’Donnell since 17. What is going on boys!? I wouldn’t be surprised if they were faking injuries so they could have more time to work on their abs. Shhh, Eric Bana. Abs are for people with no friends AND the Hottie McHotHots.

Just quietly, we’ve been kind of struggling to make any trades where the  Hotties are concerned. We’re running out of replacement hot, and we’ve already had to stretch the definition of ‘hot’ to include ‘cute’ and ‘handsome’. IT’S REALLY HARD YOU GUYS.

Next week the Hotties take on the National Rouge League. That’s right, it’s HOTTIES AGAINST RANGAS! Now that is a competition.

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

The competition is heating up as we get closer to the end of the ’09 season. We’re seeing some pretty impressive leaps into (Suchy)/out of (Neckbeard) the Top 10, so our likely comp winner is anyone’s guess. And since the prize is a night out with us, I can only imagine that’s the sole reason people will be bringing their A-game in the coming weeks, amiright?

Apparently I don’t care for hanging out with mahself, because my tips lately have been shocking. I don’t think I’ve correctly picked more than 5 since Round 17. Disgraceful! BUT I take comfort in the reminder that I may be a bit shit at tips, but at least I’m not a Sharks fan dealing with 5 losses in a row.

Also available: ‘At least I’m not a Roosters fan’ and ‘At least I’m not Freddy Fittler’

Our last 3 winners are Baz, Battis and Philo respectively and our leaderboard looks like this:

1. southsydneyrussellcrowes

2. Vitlin

3. Stendec

4. Baz

It might be hard to tell to the untrained eye, but there’s only one lady in that top 4.  C’MON GIRLS! If you have trouble picking, just take a leaf out of Karen from Mean Girls‘ book and ask your boobs which team will win. Left is home, right is away. Keep it on the down low.

It should also be known that Sassy got…wait for it…SIX correct tips this week. But we still plan to tease her about forgetting to put her tips in. IT’S JUST REALLY FUNNY.

Awesome T-Shirt design thanks to PistolClothing.com.au

So since this week is a heinous, hateful, EVIL bye week, you’re all getting not only this week’s footy tips and fantasy results but last week’s as well. YES WE’RE HAVING QUADRUPLETS!

Nothing says romance like 4 bbs on yo doorstep

I’d like to say this is a carefully concocted Errol plan, but I’m gunna blame it on being just too busy celebrating our fantasy team’s BEST WEEK EVER in private to do a post last week. Oh yes chickens, the Wildcats AND the Hotties are comin’ up from behind (hehe, from behind).

FANTASY LEAGUE

The Oh Errol Wildcats

Yes, Round 17 saw the Wildcats produce their best score ever – a whopping 1270 points. Not to mention that as predicted they bete Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s Special Kids (HAHAHAHA), AND they moved up to 4th in the league when ranked by total points (I choose to believe this is the more accurate way of viewing our progress as opposed to ranking by league points because we’re ninth when you do it that way), as you can see in this professionally labelled image:

How’d they do it? WELL we had some freakin unbelievable scores going on:

• Tiny Dancer Soward toe-tapped his way to 142 GOD DAMN POINTS! If he’d been our captain it would have been 284! Shit is crazy.
• Our pride and joy DanDan Mortimer, in his fifth first-grade game for the Eels and fourth for the Wildcats, gave us 97 points. YOU LITTLE BEAUTY!
• Mr Robbie Farah and Steve Price on 111 and 115 respectively

Honourable mentions go to T.Camps (91 pts), Benny Creagh (88 pts) and Hindy (77 pts). Look, we’d mention EVERY Wildcat if we could. They’re all champions.

In Round 18 the Wildcats continued to impress regardless of the bye week, hitting almost over 1000 points again at 986 – the highest score in the league this week.

Even better than that…the Wildcats have now moved up to 2ND IN THE LEAGUE. See:

Woooooo!

The Hottie McHotHots

The Hotties followed the Wildcats’ lead and also scored over 1000 with 1170. Let me emphasise how much of a feat that is by reminding you that in their first week they scored 576 points. The Hotties have succeeded against the odds. It’s just like  Step Up 2: The Streets.

(L-R) Matt ‘Hot Bitch’ Cooper, Terry ‘T.Camps’ Campese & Jamie ‘Tiny Dancer’ Soward show off their movez

So in Round 17 we had a few Wildcat/Hotties crossover performances that I won’t mention again, BUT I can mention someone who had a hell of a week – baby Blake Ayshord and his 97 points. Look, I don’t wanna pit our boys against each other, but in the interest of Science, that’s more points than T.Camps or Hot Bitch. I’M JUST SAYING!

If this tells us anything I think it’s that our youngins are clearly thriving in the Errol fantasy environment. B.Aysh, DanDan, Kevin Gordon…we like to think their real-life NRL performances are a direct result of being introduced to our teams. No need to thank us boys, witnessing your youthful success is enough for us.

Jadewatch

Turns out we weren’t the only ones who had a tops week in Round 17. Jade and her Tiny Dancers also made it over the 1000 point hurdle:

This week the Tiny Dancers returned to their former glory rounds and pushed past 1000! Go Team! Capt Stagg performed at his usual stellar level, scoring 154. The real standout was old man Price scoring 115, with teammates Bronson Harrison and Sam Thaiday not far behind.

All in all it was an excellent round for the Dancers, as they finished on a neat 1087 points. Checking out the bench it was obvious I actually made good decisions regarding who to put on the field as there were quite a few zeros there.

I am still waiting for K.Law to play a first grade round so he can run around with the rest of the dancers… and I can chant “I can score with K.Law!”

So are we Jade, so are we.

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

There’s not really much to say about tips. The lineup hasn’t changed that much, and we only have one dirty Queenslander in the Top 4 to make jokes about. ‘Stendec’ remains firmly placed at the top of the ladder, and mystery tipping Stan Gorton has popped up in second place.

1. Stendec

2. Mystery Tipper Stan Gorton

3. southsydneyrussellcrowes

4. Spinner Howland of Jacksonville fame/resident Dirty QLDer

I would love to announce that we might see one of our names in this Top 4 sometime soon, but as we are in positions 12, 15 and 24 that ain’t gunna happen. STUPID TIPS. BOOO.

Round 16 already!? Really? Time flies when you’re having fun! Unless you’re a Roosters fan, in which case I imagine time goes pretty slowly when you’re watching your team make their way to the bottom of the ladder. SORRY SASSY. BUT IT’S TRUE RIGHT?

This week we’re going for the double-headed news update again, because things that come in pairs are awesome. Like boobs, or the Morris twins.

pic: Simon Alekna

ERROLTIPS WINNERS BOARD

We haven’t updated you all on our tipping leaderboard for a little while, and it appears that during the break things have actually shifted a bit. There is…wait for it…ONLY ONE DIRTY QUEENSLANDER IN THE TOP 4! Some terrible rounds have bumped Bec, Bree and Baz right outta there (I mean, sorry to hear that guys *shifty*).

Unfortunately at this stage I have no idea who our leader actually is. I think it might be Pete ‘hatecushion’ Murrell’s brother though. Just quietly I think I’d rather one of our regular QLDers to be topping the ladder.

1. Stendec

2. southsydneyrussellcrowes

3. Spinner Howland of Jacksonville Axemen fame

4. Vitlin

As far as Errol HQ tipping goes, Kizzy and I are now sitting on top of each other (tee hee) at positions 14 and 15, Sassy is almost cracking the Top 20 at 25 (and that’s a pretty good effort considering she forgot to put her tips in at least twice), and Marlo (also this week’s winner) has almost made the Top 10 at number 11.

FANTASY LEAGUE

So we still had two byes this week but our teams weren’t looking quite as dire as the week before. Yay for not having many Sea Eagles or Panthers. Speaking of…Wade Graham if you’re reading this and wondering why you aren’t in EITHER of our teams, well it’s because we just can’t fit you anywhere! I’d make a rude joke here but you’re too young. Ask me next year.

The Oh Errol Wildcats

Break out the champagne bitches! The Wildcats have had their best week ever with a whopping 1054 points. Highest score in the league as well! CHAMPIONS! We knew they had it in em.

The Wildcats lineup was so good we didn’t even have to bring in any new recruits this week. Our best performer was Nathan ‘Hindy’ Hindmarsh who gave us a massive 114 points. 114!! It’s a shame we didn’t make him captain and score double, but actual Wildcats captain Benny Creagh did pretty well himself with 78. ALL THE WAY WITH BENNY CREAGH!

But our real shining star is DanDan Mortimer who once again had a stellar week in first-grade AND for the Wildcats. 67 points yaaaay! He really was worth our outrage at his non-inclusion in the fantasy player selection/Sassy’s trip down to the Tele.

pic: Steve Christo

The Hottie McHotHots

Not a great week for the Hotties. 751 points. WHAT WENT WRONG BOYS? We were only missing one player, Matt Ballin – well two players if you count his arse as it’s own person, which I think we should – and all our usual greats such as Tiny Dancer Soward, Hot Bitch Coops and T.Camps were there. Yet not even over 800 points? I am baffled. BAFFLED.

In happier news, Round 14 addition Kevin Gordon is clearly settling in nicely with the Hotties with 64 points, which was also the second highest score in the team. GO KEVVY GO! Personally I think the Tele should change the points system to include an extra 5 every time Kevin smiles. I should email them.

pic: The Sunday Mail

But aside from their less than perfect score, we’re pretty god damn proud of the Hotties. As predicted last week, our gorgeous boys DID beat their opponents The Special Kids. SUCK IT PETE *forks*

And I’m sure next week we’ll be saying the same thing next round when the Wildcats beat him. LET’S MAKE IT TWO IN A ROW BOYS!

So much to the dismay of Bec, who made it back to the top of the ladder last week, we didn’t do a tips post for round 13. Some might think this is because we didn’t got sick of dirty Queenslanders winning everything, but really we just couldn’t be arsed. We do love a conspiracy theory though (2Pac is totally alive), so if you’d prefer to believe the former we won’t mind at all.

Speaking of being overlooked, I forgot to mention last week that when we were at the Surfers Paradise Hard Rock Cafe having severe flashbacks to the Vegas Hard Rock, the bartender completely ignored me when we ordered our second round, and I realised I am the Ben ‘Hornbag’ Hornby of Errol. Always being forgotten (though sometimes this is just because we are idiots), just like Hornbag! We are also both quite nurturing. I would so be the one who made sure B.Moz wasn’t late for things. I bet Hornbag opens all the boys’ childproof medicine bottles just like I have to do for Kiki.

Hornbag or Lozzy? Who can tell?

pic: Getty Images

As for tips, turns out Bec is still top of the ladder anyway. Our weekly winner is Baz. Bec and Baz. Two ladies, two QLDers, two B names. SHIT IS CREEPY.

1. Bec

2. Baz

3. Kris_10

4. Spinner

If you’re wondering, my 5 correct tips this week have moved me from 11th in the comp to 7th. Movin on up (na na na na na na na) to the eastside. I would say where Kiki and Sassy are on the ladder, but I’m not that mean.