It’s time for an Errol public service announcement. Things have been rough since the news of the Melbourne Storm scandal broke. Last week, when Kiki’s Iranian dentist innocently asked her to explain all this complicated Melbourne Storm money-business, she only got through a sentence before literally tearing up in the chair. IT WAS EMOTIONAL, OK?

When you love footy, and have an inexplicable love for David Gallop like we do -- he’s just really comforting, you know? -- the whole incident and the aftershocks that it’s putting through the game are tres upsetting.

We already said last week that we know there is no punishment, either letting the Storm play, or forbidding them to play, that’s fair on the game and the other teams. So why the hate for the NRL? They’re just doing their best in a massive unpleasant shitstorm. At the ANZAC day Roosters vs Dragons game, Kiki caught at least three Roosters fans booing David Gallop and was so annoyed she had to step in.

And by ‘step in’, clearly we mean yelling ‘SHUT UP! WHAT’S HE EVER DONE TO YOU? DO YOU KNOW WHO’S RUN A NATIONAL CORPORATION? DAVID GALLOP. KNOW WHO HASN’T? YOU. SO PISS OFF.”

We just have a lot of feelings. And one of those feelings is now anger, that people are prolonging the whole gross cheaty mess by blaming the NRL for ruining the game. What about, um …. the people that actually cheated?

There’s footage of Brian Waldron in 2007 talking about how necessary the salaray cap is. Those aren’t the words of someone who thinks the cap is unfair and hates that it’s driving him to cheat and be generally evil, which is what some people are implying. If the Storm thought the cap was so unfair, wouldn’t they have said SOMETHING publicly in the last five years? God knows they have the media profile to do it. They could’ve told the whole nation after they won one of their two billion games.

But obviously the people pulling the scam didn’t care about the cap being unfair or changing the game, they just wanted to win. You can’t undo that kinda deception.

The Raiders like to have all their Important Salary Cap discussions in the pool. Joel Thompson wants to know why the NRL hates third parties so much. He loves parties!

We feel sorry for the fans and for anyone who had no idea what was going on, but that doesn’t mean the club as a whole didn’t cheat. Sometimes, like Wendell with the coke, you just have to take your medicine, make the best of it, and move on.

He could’ve easily said “BUT EVERYONE IN SYDNEY DOES COKE” (true), instead he took the two years off and went back to reggies. Just one of the many reasons we think he’s an awesome human.

We don’t wanna see the Storm disappear, but doesn’t it seem a bit tacky and spiteful to turn it into the Storm vs everyone else? Rugby League is like a family, which is why the cheating hurt so much. So shouldn’t it be the whole RL community against cheaters, not us vs the Storm?

Why don’t you share the love, Cooper Cronk?

You know how shit it is that the Storm have to play for nothing? It’s also pretty shit for every team who already lost points this year to a team in breach of the salary cap (at this point Kiki yells LIKE THE DRAGONS) and every team who has to lose points through the year for a team that can’t even get in the Grand Final.

CHEATING HURTS EVERYONE GUYZ! WE’RE ALL SUFFERING!

So how about we all have a big fuck-off group hug and enjoy some comedy? Mainly, at Greg Inglis’ expense.

That’s our favourite sort of comedy!

As part of their Important Investigationz, the Daily Telegraph have special exclusive spy pics and information about Greg Inglis’ GARAGE OF LIES.

Oh yes, apparently that’s Greg Inglis, pictured right, opening his garage.

You can’t beat that kind of journalistic brilliance. It’s a man opening a garage! And best of all, it’s not even a man opening a garage, OR Greg Inglis. It’s two random dudes standing next to a boat. Oh, telegraph.

Allegedly, GI was paid his salary, but also given a sweet $30,000 speedboat and …. wait for it …. a HARVEY NORMAN VOUCHER. OH, THE HUMANITY! That shit is like the Mafia, huh?

First of all, can you believe Inglis has a speedboat? After watching that infamous bloopers reel -

(in fact, we may have watched it about twenty times, cause that shit is hilarious. Make sure to check out Jarryd-with-a-Y at 1:30 for some awesome lolz) … let’s just say the thought of GI captaining a powerful motorised watercraft worth thousands of dollars strikes terror into our hearts.

Passenger: GI, isn’t that another boat to port side? Doesn’t it have right of way?

Greg: ………. what?

Is there even any open water in Victoria? Does he take it out on the Yarra? Or does he just use it for storage?

More importantly, when it comes to million-dollar fraud, we love thinking that all top-notch fraudsters bribe people with gift vouchers for whitegoods and stereo headphones.

After all, as Casey on twitter pointed out, “everyone needs a kettle to go with their speedboat”.

Now let’s have a guess how GI spent the rest of his allegedly fraudulent voucher.

Kiki is convinced he splashed out on a schmick new “Cheeky Massage Chair“. It does foot massage, kneading, rolling, shiatsu, AND tapping. He’s an athlete, he needs to keep his muscles supple!

Meanwhile we know he didn’t buy the George Foreman Steamer. Have you seen his gut?

And it hasn’t just been a trying time for Storm fans, and fans of bein’ honest n that.

Manly were also beaten at the last minute by the Titans last night … at Brookvale. I know, we were shocked too.

We would like to send our condolences to Ben Farrar’s family and friends. We’re sure Des will confess and lead police to the body at some point if they offer him a large enough sentence reduction.

So to ease the Eagles fans’ and the Farrar family’s pain, we give you:

It’s Ken-Doll Ballin! Now complete with shimmery new disco Euro-trunks. Think of it the Ken Doll for those who love foam parties in Ibiza and rubbing oil on themselves in public. Rock on, Bal.

And now, we leave you with the soothing sight of Fui Fui Moi Moi in his undies. He cares not for swimwear. Love and kisses, Kiki and Sassy.

Now I’m not a Parramatta fan, especially not when being a Parramatta fan involves people wearing creepy Jarryd Hayne face-masks on the train on Sydney’s Western line. I HATE MASKS! Masks and all related bizness including but not limited to puppets, dummies and clowns.

But I know that there is some shit in rugby league that you need Parramatta for.

For one thing, they’re the club that gave us the new favourite drinking game in the Errol Office. It’s called Fui Fui Moi Moi, and you play it … all the time. Literally. It’s not just a drinking game, it’s a lifestyle choice. Every time you hear those four words, you need to track down the nearest drink and make it disappear in your mouth. No excuses! Which is how I found myself on Saturday night, sitting outside a house party in Darlinghurst, desperately trying to steal the nearest vodka when the host appeared in Parramatta footy shorts and announced that he was Fui Fui Moi Moi.

DRINK.

That’s not all, of course. There’s another thing no other club can do as well as the blue and gold do: crack my shit up in the news. Remember the Great Chinese Food Scandal of 2009? Amazing! And now Paul Osborne has been over in India schmoozing Bollywood stars to be new ambassadors for the Eels in Australia.

Joel Reddy I love your work!

If you can tell me you didnt automatically picture Joel Reddy wearing eyeliner and dancing his thoughts and feelings complete with hand gestures, then you lie, liar. I’m gonna picture that every time I get a bit sad counting down the last month until Proper Footy Season starts.

Fui … is that you?

Now that Brett Lee’s given up test cricket, it’s pretty much perfect timing for him to play opposite Fui in a Bollywood heroes and villians extravaganza. Look into it, Osborne.

It’s an idea I like a whole lot better than having to trek to ANZ Stadium in Homebush – as we like to call it, the Cavernous Shithole – to watch the Dragons play the Eels. Sure, they say, it will be better for the game. The winner is rugby league. Thousands more people will get to see the match. Um, is that really the point? There’s more to life than quantity, kids. Think about it.

Would you rather hold hands with 20 cute girls, or pash 10? Would you rather let more people spend two hours sitting in the Cavernous Shithole praying for sweet merciful death, or fewer people have a rockin good time at Parra stadium, complete with the Parramatta macarena and someone starting a fight. You know it’s Parra tradition. It may be the only stadium in the world where every time a game is played a fight breaks out … in the members section. Makes me proud to be Australian.

VOTE 1 PARRA STADIUM.