Hello viewers. Kiki here. I haven’t been around in awhile. Terrible form I know. Posts on my Dragons and their premiership and my ridiculous/amazing/life changing trip to Papua New Guinea coming soon.
Onto the business of the day.
THE PAUL NEWMAN AWARD FOR THE HOTTEST OLD MAN IN LEAGUE
Just so you know, I googled ‘hot old man’ to find an inspiring image for this post. All I have to say is GOD PEOPLE ARE GROSS. Thanks for the photos of naked ‘silver daddies’ with boners, you bastards. I can’t unsee that shit. FML x 1000.
Now I will cleanse my eyes with the gloriously handsome Paul Newman (also known as Hot Old Man patron saint).
Ah yes, much better.
In the least surprising development of the year, I am in charge of the creepiest award category. In the interests of accuracy, let’s go through the nuts and bolts of it all.
a) Hot Old Man does not necessarily mean ‘hot’ . Traditional uses of hot (aka Hot Bitch Cooper) do not always apply here. It’s more…the vibe. It’s Mabo.
b) Hot Old Man does not necessarily mean ‘old man’. We aren’t talking decrepit walking frame kinda shit here. That’s just creepy, and not in a good way, like everything else I say. I don’t really want to put a defined age on this but let’s say … 45-ish and over.
c) No, we don’t have Daddy issues (… ew). We also don’t have a thing for older men. We just have eyes. Eyes that know a handsome man when they see one.
Oh Badge, you hot bitch. We are old enough to remember the moustached wonder in his prime (see above). No offence to the rest of the nominees but if Badge doesn’t win this, there is no justice in the world.
Sadly, he’s shaved off that amazing mo but his hotness has thankfully been retained. I am going to share with you a little something that happened during the footy season.
FOX SPORTS COMMENTATOR TO BADGE : Not that you would know mate, you never put your pretty face in a scrum.
ANONYMOUS ERROL BLOGGER : I’ll put his pretty face somewhere!
Yeh, I know … we are gross.
So, because we are delightfully inappropriate we enjoy tweeting at Andy Raymond when he’s commentating with Badge saying things like “TELL BADGE HE’S A HOT OLD MAN!”
One day Andy tweeted back with this.
Notice he’s not questioning if he’s hot. IT’S A UNIVERSAL TRUTH.
I saved that photo as “HELLOOOO CARTY.jpg” and I think that says it all. Carty is the reigning Oh Errol Sexiest Coach in Rugby League. You can see his reaction to receiving this award here.
What’s that you say? He is hilariously sarcastic AND has enormous guns? Yes, we noticed that too. We always thought Carty was a dirty spunk and then we met him and he is pretty much the most awesome human ever. His interests include : wearing tight t-shirts, mocking us and doing the Angry Cat on the sideline.
One time I made Carty blush. I told him about his gay fans (hi Cronkster!) thinking he’s a ‘hot daddy’ and he went silent, looked at his feet and flushed bright red. The fact this happened in a Canberran food court makes it all the more awesome.
Yes he’s approx 60 years old but WHATEVER. HE IS VERY DAPPER OKAY? I don’t get too flustered around footy people now, but Tim Sheens sends me into a tail spin. Every time I see him around I do something epically embarassing and/or physically hide so he can’t see me … so we have yet to have a proper conversation.
In Port Macquarie for City Country I found myself alone in conversation with Nips Farah and Chris Lawrence. Because I’m me, instead of talking about, I dunno, current events or something, I blurted out “CAN YOU TELL TIM SHEENS I THINK HE’S A BABE?”
Nips raised an eyebrow suspiciously. Chris Lawrence contorted his face into something like the above said “yuck, that’s DISGUSTING” and stormed off in a huff.
Now: vote for your favourite Hot Old Man below, or nominate your own.