Day four, and shit is getting tense in the Errol office. This is the second last Oh Errol award we’re putting up for 2010 and it’s also the meanest. It’s actually the only category in which we can imagine the nominees cutting each other. It’s kind of awesome that way. This, friends, is the Fierce Bitch Award for the Fiercest Bitch in League. Catchy name, huh?
Before you say anything, no IT DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE GAY. Being a fierce bitch is gender and homo neutral. Angie Harmon is a fierce bitch. Samuel L. Jackson is a fierce bitch. Surprisingly, Meryl Streep is a fierce bitch. Clint Eastwood is a fierce bitch. So is Barack Obama and the Rock and Robert Downey Jr. It’s like being a baller, but with ever-so-slightly more menace.
The easiest way to figure out if someone fits the category of fierce bitch is to put their name in the sentence “It’s Britney … bitch”. If you can imagine them saying it without laughing yourself into hyperventilation, then they are one.
And that sentence pretty much sums up why we love all of these nominees.
ROBBIE ‘NIPS’ FARAH
Never ever mess with a man who owns a schnitzel restaurant. Because:
a) then you won’t get any free schnitzel …. mmmmm schnitzel. Also:
b) that motherfucker has a mean uppercut. Just ask Anthony Watts.
Robbie Farah can pull off a tape headband, berate a referee, cook pizza, milk a penalty without blinking and poke your eye out with his visible nipples. He’s a machine of awesome. It’s Robbie Farah … bitch.
MANU ‘THE BEAST’ VATUVEI
Surely this doesn’t even need an explanation. He’s Manu. He weighs 400 kilos and runs like a cannon. He has two gold teeth and doesn’t need a mouthguard. He’s Manu … bitch.
COOPER ‘ZIP IT’ CRONK
Lastly, the man who inspired this award. Before he took over the Storm Captaincy last year and said those magic words: “Zip it Anthony … ZIP IT”, we didn’t even know footy players could be fierce bitches.
No one bitches out a ref with as much passion as Cooper Cronk (well, maybe Jonathan Thurston, but that doesn’t count if you then get investigated for it). If you’re reading Cooper, we would really like it if you could come down to Errol HQ in the off-season and take over dealing with all of our outstanding debtors and conflict resolution.
He could wear a Madonna-style headset and answer the phone “it’s Cooper Cronk … bitch”.
Now vote, before one of them grabs you by the ear and tells you to zip it.
Pics. Getty Images