You’ve been on the edge of your seats waiting for the Oh Errol Awards winners post, right? I imagine it’s the same sort of anticipation we’re experiencing waiting for 17 Again. And just like how we’re dyyying to see Zeffie in the full glory of his Ed Hardy getup, our fanz are dyyying for these results. Who is the Fattest Man in League? Who will take out Best Hair? The time has come, babies.

But wait, you haven’t announced the Matt Cooper Award for Hottest Bitch in League nominees!?

DAMMIT. You kids and your eye for awards categories – we were hoping you wouldn’t notice. Look, we totally tried to write it. For reals. And then this happened:

After taking one look at Hot Bitch Cooper naked with a footy strategically placed under his perfectly sculpted man-v, we realised no one can ever beat  (unless he asked nicely) that and the category was therefore null and void. NULL AND VOID PEOPLE.

So after many long, hard (tee hee) nights of  drinking straight from the bottle decision making, we finally present to you:

THE OH ERROL AWARDS 2008 WINNERS

The Marlon Brando (the later years) Award for the Fattest Man in League

The Nominees:

Only two awards left! Can you believe it? Time sure does fly when you’re pitting footy players against each other.

This week we’re presenting the contenders for the Fuzzy Duckling Award for the Cutest Rookie of the Year. This award honours the baby players that make our hearts explode (Please note the difference between this and the Hot Bitch Award, which makes our pants explode). The children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.

And who better to present this category than Errol’s own footy rookie Lozzy? Like Lozzy, these boys have all been thrown into the strange but wonderful land of the NRL – besides Kevin Locke who is actually yet to play a first grade game, but we care not for details.

It should be noted that the Important Research we conducted for this award led us to piccies of this year’s Rookie Camp, where apparently the NRL like to break the boys’ spirits early on with Powerpoint Slideshows:

John Kite. Oh John Kite. You warm our hearts with your sunshiney glow of adorableness. Who knew 120kg could be this lovable? Not only did he provide some of the most aww stories of the year when he brought his passport on a trip to QLD, paid his own way to Melbourne after playing the NSW Cup – WITH HIS BOOTS IN CASE THEY NEEDED HIM -, and talked about his 4 sisters dressing him up as a girl (And I thought that shit was genius when Kiki told me she did it to her brother as a kid. It’s even better when the the victim is a future giant), but he just really really loves playing footy:

“Man, I am just happy to be here,” he said. “Playing first grade. This is what it is all about.”

“Playing just one game for them would have been enough to make me proud for the rest of my life.”

We wouldn’t be surprised if he nursed baby birds in his spare time.

So we don’t want to brag, but we totally discovered The Herb. He was featured in Kiki’s first ever Hot Man News, where she lovingly referred to him as ‘fresh Canberrean Meat’.

If his strawberry blonde locks weren’t enough to get him a nom, this article would be:

MARC Herbert has no tattoos. No streaks. The kid even moved back with his parents on Monday.

“So, yeah, nothing too exciting,” he smiles. “Although I do grow my hair into a bit of a mop occasionally…but then I cut it.”

“But then I cut it”. TELL IT AGAIN MARC.

To solve this conundrum Kiki whipped up an artist’s impression of what a decent pic of this fuzzy duck nominee might look like:

Bitch is just adorable, ok?

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. But he’s your WORK EXPERIENCE BOY! It’s not faiiiiir! Look, we may be a very Serious and Important workplace but there’s just no way we could leave out the kid who thanked all his fans in the interest of equality. Take it up with our complaints department – and by ‘complaints department’ I mean ‘Intern John-John wearing a headset and asking if he can solve your problem with a back rub – your choice of aromatic oil but he recommends Ylang Ylang’.

Plus, those baby blues! AND he’s an apprentice greenkeeper (you know, when he’s not working for us). Sigh. Oh Lachie.

I don’t actually know what to say about Wade, except have you seen those eyelashes?  I also enjoy these pics of him at rookie camp – look at him listening all attentively. And all those apples! Cute cute cute. Sassy thinks every player gets a whole plate each. I shake my fist at whoever left the apple core on the table though. DAMMIT ROOKIES, USE YOUR MANNERS. TALENT IS NEVER ENOUGH…EVER.

WHO WILL THE WINNER BE? John-John is loading up the Fuzzy Duck prize toybox as we speak, and in the interest of not spoiling any surprises we’ve given Lachie a new silkworm farm to set up out the back. Should keep him busy for a while.

[In between preparing for the Irishmen's arrival, Blog Action Day, Movember and in our spare time running around Errol HQ singing "THE WORLD CUP IS COMING, THE WORLD CUP IS COMING!", we realised it's been a while since we did an Errol Awards post. So in true Errol style, we delegated, and got regular Guest Blogger Bree to do our dirty work. Get ready to meet the nominees for this year's Caramel Delicious Award for Best Skin in League.]

That’s right, bitch is back! I know you all missed me, and even if you didn’t, just pretend you did to keep a girl happy. With my return, I bring you a lovely little tale of a little munchkin and his first big solo adventure.

That’s right kids, little Lachie made his first trip to Brisbane … everyone say it with me, aww!! Kiki and Sassy did the obsessive motherly thing, and delivered him safely to the VirginBlue gate and waited, embraced with tears flowing down their cheeks as their little man prepared to board his first solo interstate flight.

Head stewardess Fiona called for all unaccompanied children to report for check in and she took scared little Lachie by the hand and guided him to his seat at the back of the plane. She gave the little munchkin a colouring activities pack, something similar to the one given to SBW and Khoder on their escape flight.

Unlike SBW who struggled to complete the activities pack, smart little Lachie annihilated it in record time and spent the rest of the time chatting up talking to the lovely flight attendants who were, of course totally smitten with our Lachie.

Upon touchdown in Brisbane, Lachie grabbed his bag and bolted off the plane to me, anxiously awaiting his arrival. After hugs and tears all around at the safe arrival of the little man, we made a quick phone call to HQ to inform them of his arrival and then went to work.

Four days later, a few cutesy G rated flicks, and all the children’s sights in Brisbane ticked off the list (as well as all the work things, of course), I bid farewell to Lachie.

Just when I thought the Queensland office was getting back to normal, intern Joel Moon came in, with his bags packed, to bid me farewell. It was a short but marvelous partnership and it is with great sadness that Joel leaves these shores.

It was tres sad watching him leave the office for the last time. Pants off Friday just won’t be the same… ever again. Luckily for me, he is still in the running for the Caramel Delicious Errol, and for him that he has a week with the kids in Sydney before heading to NZ. So fear not kiddies, his association with Errol isn’t over yet!

mmm… caramel

Speaking of which, it is my job to introduce you to the five cuddly kids in the NRL that we all want to make a skin suit out of.

It’s been a grand year for the caramel deliciouseses that grace the NRL, what with Willie Mason going MIA in Origin for … what, the 5th year in a row?  And Scotty Prince breaking yet another bone.

Or Reni Maitua - well he plays for the Bulldogs, need I say more? And Joel Moon who only managed a handful of first grade games, even though he was considered the next big thing by the Broncos.

Oh, and lets not forget Ashton Sims dropping the ball which eventually cost the Broncos their 2008 campaign (not that I blame him, I swear)… But seriously, all this aside, these boys have skin to die for (and of course I mean that it the creepiest most axe murderer-ish way possible).  We love them no matter how indifferent their seasons were.

Me, an axe murderer… Never!!

WILLIE MASON

Blinded by the Blue…

Big Willie (lol, Willie) it pains me to use this photo of you.  It hurts me deeply. The shade of your shirt hurts my eyes.

Coming from the pastiest person you are ever going to meet, believe me making a skin suit out of his gorgeous chocolatey skin would be tres fantastic. However, Willie, don’t for one second think that this means I like you… Because I don’t… You just have beautiful skin, that is all.

RENI MAITUA

If Willie is the Chocolate, Reni is the Mocha of this family of delicious skinned boys.  Mmm, mocha.

Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not opposed to tattoos, but I feel Reni’s arm full of ink takes away from all of his gorgeous mocha-ness. Bitch please, how can I make a suit outta you when your arm is all inked up?!

SCOTT PRINCE

pic: Remco Jansen/Studio Ultra

Bitch is fabulous, what more can I say?

In keeping with the family theme, I like to think of Scotty as the coffee with a splash of strawberry. He’s got that gorgeous coffee-esque skin, but that added sweetness, which is where the strawberry comes in (if you need further proof as to his sweetness just check out the ‘Snuggliest Man in League’ post).

And fear not, Scotty’s minimal ink isn’t enough to get my panties in a twist, unlike someone else we all know… *cough* Reni.

JOEL MOON

Getting past the sadness of Billy’s last day in office, let us concentrate on the skin that covers that bod of his.

I like to think of Billy as the Milo of the family. Now at first you might be thinking, ‘what the?’ but let me explain. Where adults sit down for a coffee, kids have a milo, no? And with Billy being the youngest of our nominees I think it only fitting that he be considered the junior version of coffee. Now don’t be thinking that because milo is lumpy that Joel has lumpy bumpy skin. Because he doesn’t, he still has that gorgeous caramel skin that is required of our nominees.

Now Billy also has a bit of ink here and there. He’s not quite as inked up as old mate Reni, but there’s still a little bit too much ink for that perfect skin suit… Or are we starting to think, given the number of tattoos on all the contestants that tattoos are no issue for our skin suits?  SO MANY QUESTIONS.

ASHTON SIMS

The only ‘clean’ nominee of the bunch (Wait does this mean he gets the award by default? Or are we not worrying about the tats? Oh wait, actually Errol gets to choose.  But they are open to your suggestions).

Anyway, back to it, let me introduce you to the last family member, Mr Caramel. With his caramelly skin, and charming good looks… oh wait this isn’t a personal ad… my bad!

Honestly, you can see the picture and I am sure you can all see why Ashton has the caramel title.

So. Kiddies. You’ve met them, you’ve seen them, and now you are just going to have to sit tight and wait and see who takes home the Caramel Delicious Errol.

WHEEEE! Tonight is Slumber Party Night at the Errol HQ.  Tomorrow at 9am Sassy + Kiki make their debut (as a duo) on the wireless. Yes kids, we totally have a one way ticket to ~*RADIO SUPERSTARDOM*~. And despite our arrogance confidence, we are a biiiiit nervy.

We need all the moral support we can get, so we have gathered the troops around the fire for a snugglefest. Errol snuggles are the best. We have just buttoned Work Experience Boy Lachie into his Superman onesie, Intern Brownie is melting cooking chocolate on the stove in preparation for our Brownie’s Special Hot Chocolates (extra marshmallows) and we finally convinced John-John to actually do up his terry towelling shorty robe. It’s a fetching shade of lavender with JJ embrodiered on the chest in gold thread. Really brings out his eyes.

But before we settle down for our High School Musical marathon we have to present the nominees for the Errol for Snuggliest Man in League. John-John brought his own selection of movies but well … let’s just say we have to save them for after Lachie’s bedtime. And he’s getting pretty sleepy, so lets get started.

Firstly, for the newbies who might be confused as to what a Snuggly Man is… let us revist our Polarfleece Award announcement -

There are all different types of attractiveness in this world. Men may not realise it, but ‘cute’ can mean a whole range of things. It’s possible to be intensely attracted to a man without immediately wanting him to put his penis in you. Yes really. When your first impulse is to take them to browse the soft furnishings section of Freedom, you have yourself a snuggly man.

JARRYD ‘BABY’ HAYNE

Do we really have to say anything?  Have you seen his face?  LOOK AT THAT FACE.  LOOK AT IT!

Who’s a pretty boy?  Are you a gorgeous boy?

If we really had to say anything, we’d say it’s a little bit the eyelashes, a little bit the dimples, and a little bit that he still has the teensiest bit of babyfat. Baby Hayne has footy player confidence mixed with an adorable vulnerability that makes us go SQUEEEE (as we did at Origin).  Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

ISSAC LUKE

pic: stuff.co.nz

Well first of all, we just love a man with Two First Names. And hair that resembles carefully designed topiary. We think it’s nice that he puts in that kind of effort. His cuteness defies mere words. Take one look at Issac’s precious little face. If you don’t immediately see why he deserves to be in this category then well … you should just give up on life. For realz.

SCOTT PRINCE (aka Prince Scotty The Caramel)

goldcoast.com.au

Ohhhh Scotty. How we love thee! His extreme preciousness is even more remarkable considering he’s a DIRTY QUEENSLANDER. BOOO! HISSSSS! Usually we love it when Queenslanders suffer horrific injuries during Origin, but when Scotty snapped his teeny caramel arm in half at Origin 3 our hearts broke into little pieces. Kiki had a broken arm at the same time and likes to think this synchronicity means her and Scotty are somehow cosmically connected. Sadly she broke her arm running across the street to a gay bar at 5am and not representing her state in front of 80,000 people. But some would say they are both heroes … and we have to agree.

Scotty inspires big snuggle times. He combines intense cuteness with a cheekiness that makes our hearts go boom boom. We especially adore his ManLove affair with Benji Marshall. So much so that Sassy made a beautiful/touching/really creepy tribute video. Pls watch it immediately k thanks.

smh.com.au

JASON ‘FLOSSY’ NIGHTINGALE

FLOOSSSSSY! We love love LOVE our Flossy. He gives us no feeling at all in our vajayjays, just in our hearts. Feelings of snuggles, flannelette PJs and non-sexual hair stroking.

We have christened him the labrador of rugby league. He embodies everything one loves about labs- enthusiasm, cuddliness and boundless energy. Not to mention the big dopey eyes and the shiny blonde hair. And you know if given the chance he would totally lick you on the face. AND YOU WOULD TOTALLY LET HIM.

BEN ‘HORNBAG’ HORNBY

Getty Images

I’m sure our regular readers are well aware of our Ben Hornby obsession. For the uninitiated, we here at Errol think our beloved Hornbag is vastly underrated…as a player and as a Cute Man.  Just because he’s pale like milk and his eyelashes/eyebrows/facial hair are invisible from a distance. I mean really. That is NO REASON to leave him out. Bastards!

Cuteness doesn’t only come in Daniel Conn shaped packages people. The Errol kiddies are all inclusive…we love everyone (except the Storm). The rangas, the fatties, the drunks and the under appreciated – WE LOVE YOU ALL!

There are two different types of Hornbag. Snuggly Hornbag and Despot Hornbag. Read about the intricate differences here. Obviously Snuggly Hornbag is the one in the running here.

Okay truthfully … we can’t really explain this one. WE JUST LOVE HIM OKAY? Don’t question us.

Needless to say there may be some tears in the judging room on the night before the Errols – this is a tough bitch of a category.  We invite all nominees to drop by the the Errol offices for a snuggle in the office beanbag to help us reach our decision. We promise to keep our hands to ourselves …. maybe.

No fancy explanations needed here, surely.  This week we’re giving you the run down on the nominees for the Des Hasler award for best hair in league.

Some boys in league have deadset shocking hair.  Most have almost no hair, which saddens my heart.  What can I say? I just kinda love a man with a good head of hair. It might have something to do with my childhood crush on John Bender. 

These boys have Good Hair.  Enough said.

NATHAN HINDMARSH

pic: Phil Hearne / www.leaguehq.com.au

Truthfully, we have long been admirers of Hindy’s special brand of bedhead.  And if he wasn’t so completely peverse and determined to try and counteract his natural awesomeness, he would win the Des Hasler with his eyes closed every year.  But apparently Nathan enjoys looking like Julius Caesar, or being ridiculed in the street, or Just Plain Hates getting awards, because the number of fucking terrible haircuts he has given himself is staggering.

Consider, if you will:  on the left, we have Hindy au natural, letting the hair run free.  On the right, freshly-shorn Hindy.

I understand if you actually have never thought about this before, because usually when Hindy is on the field he has half his arse hanging out of his shorts and that tends to divert attention from his head somewhat, but DO YOU SEE?  DO YOU SEE HOW HE TRIES TO UNDO HIS OWN AWESOME?  Sigh.

He’s busy being a Cueball when he could be Russell Hammond:

If he can just manage not to pick up the scissors in the next few weeks, Nathan could have this award in the bag.

MATTHEW BELL 

pic: Getty Images

Matthew Bell is another occasional sufferer of Hindmarsh Syndrome.  Naturally blessed with an amazing head of voluminous hair, the perfect wave, and natural blond highlights, just a few weeks ago he broke our collective hearts with a particularly unfortunate trip to the barber.  I think it has a … fringe.

If that thing doesn’t grow out in the next few weeks he doesn’t have a chance.  Genetics can only get you so far, Matty baby.

DAINE LAURIE

pic: Getty Images

This was always going to happen.  From the moment he bitchslapped his way into our hearts, Daine Laurie was always going to be nominated for something.  Sure he’s a little fiesty, but he’s also FABULOUS.  Look at those dreadlocks fly! 

RUBEN WIKI

pic: Getty Images

The Warriors efforts this Beardgust have made Ruben Wiki’s facial hair famous, but don’t let it distract you from that adorable mop o curly hair.  Ruben has a touch of the Soul Glo … and we like it.

DAVID WILLIAMS

Davey honey, did you think we had forgotten you?  Not a chance.  Oh Errol Patron Saint Davey Williams has been a gun in the hair stakes all year.  We’re not even talking about the gold-prospecting beard, although god knows we love that too. 

*strokes Davey’s beard*

That is some fuck-off lustrous hair.  Amazing.  Bitch may be a worthy heir to Dessy himself.  It makes you have to fight the urge to plait barley into it and lay in the California sun playing Mamas and Papas songs and drinking Sangria.

What was my point?  Oh yes.  We are all in love with his liony mane.

Provided Intern Brownie doesn’t get to all the boys with his clippers before the end of the season, it is shaping up as a close race for the coveted Des Hasler.

Fattest man in league has caused quite the controversy this year in the Errol office. There have been disputes, tantrums, a little a bit of name-calling, and at one point I think Jessica made Intern Brownie cry.

You see this is one of the foundation Oh Errol awards – it’s been around since the very beginning. It is to the Errols what the marathon is to the Olympics; what Farrah Fawcett is to Charlie’s Angels. It just doesn’t feel like the Errols without it.

But times have changed. Rule progression, limited interchanges and faster, stronger players have meant that the fat man is pretty much a thing of the past in Rugby League, and finding ‘fattest man in league’ candidates is a question of relatives. This year it came down (for most of the nominees) to just a kilo or two.

We might as well be trying to find the skinniest man in league, the sportiest man in league, or the guy who likes footy the most. Cause, well, they’re all professional football players, which makes the scope of these things fairly limited. Duh.

Intern Brownie argued that’s enough of a reason to scrap it, because we don’t want to run the risk of giving any players weight complexes. Men can have body dysmorphia too!

Kiki said it was all too hard then ate a cheeseburger and had a nap. Lozzy worries that it will hurt someone’s feelings.  Me, I’m a traditionalist.

Jessica suggested it was an inappropriate reduction of a person’s qualities to nothing but their mere physical being. Then she remembered that she loves a big man and wouldn’t stop pestering me about when the pics would be up.  John John says his nickname is Hotdog.  That’s not helping, John John honey.

In the end we all got sufficiently drunk to decide the award stays, but it stays with a disclaimer:

None of you are objectively fat. You’re all lovely. But that extra kilo makes you extra awesome and extra huggable, and we think that’s worth an award.

Now let’s get to it.

JARRAD HICKEY

Gregg Porteous / foxsports.com.au

One of the very few Bulldogs left standing in 2008, we wish we could give Jarrad-with-an-A an award just for still being upright.  After all, the doggies probably need all the encouragement they can get.

We wonder if, perhaps, the fact that Jarrad-with-an-A is a robust man has made him able to recover from his rib injury and withstand the rigours of football better than his slighter teammates.  We like to think it has.  That’s why I’m making a saucepan of Easy Mac as we speak: IT’LL MAKE ME STRONG.  Mmmm Easy Mac.

ADAM CUTHBERTSON

Getty Images

Adam was a difficult inclusion in this list, I’m not gonna lie.   You’ll be shocked, I’m sure, to find out we don’t have the clout to force every man in the NRL onto the scales to work out the nominees – apparently you can’t even chase sportsmen with callipers now without being frowned upon - so we have to do the best we can with our eyeballs.

By our eyeballations, either Adam is a delightfully hearty and cuddlable man, or the rest of Manly are just as freakishly toned and fat-free as Personal Trainer and real-life GI Joe doll Matt Ballin.  Either way, Cuthbertson’s in.

[note - I'm sorry to all the Manly fans who I'm sure think that George Rose has been unfairly excluded from this category, but sadly he didn't hit our minimum number of first grade games threshold.  Next year, Georgie!]

STEVE SOUTHERN

Not just a ranga, but a cuddly one.  WIN-WIN-WIN for you Steve.  But can a man take out two awards?  Stay tuned, babies.

DANNY WICKS

Simone de Peak / leaguehq.com.au

Oh, Danny Wicks.  In my whole life, it’s possible that there is nothing I have enjoyed more than watching a news story featuring footage of Danny Wicks and his hetero-life-mate and fellow Newcastle forward Chris Houston scooting home from footy practice to their share-house on Danny’s vespa.

(Occasional Errol-er Joker’s Wild enjoys referring to the Vespa in question as a metal g-string, but he’s a Newcastle supporter, so he can get away with that kind of thing.  Won’t hear any cheap jokes like that from us).

As Trinny and Susannah would say, Wicksy is an apple, and no doubt the issue of body shapes versus actual body mass will be a hot topic in this year’s Errol judging room.  DO YOU GET MORE POINTS IF YOUR EXTRA WEIGHT IS LOCALISED?

It’s a delicate science, I tell you, a delicate science.

MARK ‘PIGGY’ RIDELL

Grandstand / abc.net.au

I know what you’re thinking at this precise moment: HIS NICKNAME IS PIGGY, HOW CAN HE POSSIBLY LOSE?  But just as on the field, there are some players with a Hindmarsh-esque consistency and reliability of play, and some with a Gasnier-eque propensity for flashes of brilliance and occasional uselessness, some of the stocky men in league are more reliable than others.

After an off-season where his conversion to Bourbon saw him shedding kilos apace, Piggy has lifted his game, and his calorie intake, to bounce back into contention for this award.  I would try and explain to you exactly how much weight this involved but THEY STILL WON’T LET ME WEIGH ALL THE PLAYERS.  Suffice to say he seems to enjoy a yo-yo diet.  He is the Bridget Jones of league.

And with a month or two still to go before the footy season officially wraps up, this category remains an open race.  Anything could happen, kittens!

[In other news, any relevant tips of Danny Wicks hitting up Henny Penny, Mark Riddell buying a slab of carb-filled beer, etc, that might help our decision-making process are more than welcome: errol@oherrol.com]

This week Kiki and I think it’s time to get a little bit better acquainted with the five lucky boys nominated for this year’s Oh Errol Fantapants award for the biggest ranga in league. Not in a sexytimes way, mind you, because we are consummate professionals. 

This award is especially close to our heart, because we Errol girls believe strongly in equality.  Rangas today don’t seem to get the love they deserve, often unfairly being excluded from hottest man competitions. So in the interests of affirmative action for the redheaded lads, this year’s Fantapants award will be more heavily promoted than ever.

pic: Getty Images

It was a bumper year for rangas, too. We suffered a little over the last decade from a lack of ginge on the pitch, but the red army has come back stronger than ever. SIR, THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!  There is a plethora of rednuts at all levels of footy.  We even had to exclude the undeniably rangy Ben Jones as he had not, at the time of nomination, debuted into first grade.  

pic: Brett Costello / The Daily Telegraph

Next year, Ben baby! Next year.

ALAN TONGUE (RAIDERS)

First of all, Alan YOU BROUGHT THIS PICTURE ON YOURSELF. We didn’t want to use an unflattering photo, but what choice do we have? You’re a football player, and spend eighty minutes every football game wearing HEADGEAR. It’s tres inconvenient. Way to make our job difficult. Sigh. So yes, you get an injury photo. Don’t blame us.

Senor Tongue is not merely the fearless leader of the Green Machine, able to withstand the arctic Canberra temperatures with the help of his fiery mop. Last week I think I saw the entire team huddling around him for warmth like a gas heater in a beer garden. Or a metal trashcan filled with burning papers. He is also a footy player with the last name Tongue, which we assume makes him quite the handy fist-fighter.

JOEL MONAGHAN (RAIDERS)

pic: Getty Images

Often overlooked by the Ginger Association in favour of his teammate, Alan Tongue, Monaghan is a reticent ranga. Seems he enjoys hitting up his local Canberra salon for some subtle blond foils. A ranga in denial, if you will, fighting his natural state as a footballing Redwood. Can we really reward a ranga with no faith in himself? Does he need some love more than his more confident brothers? It’s a tough call.

PETER WALLACE (BRONCOS)  

pic: Getty Images

Joel Monaghan is not the only ranga in the league battling some self-acceptance issues.  North of the Tweed, Peter Wallace is also racking up the frequent-foiler stamps at Toni and Guy in Brisbane.  That is a full head of blond highlights if ever I’ve seen one.  It saddens us that the boys feel they have to hide their ranga light under a bleach bushel.  Let the fire roam free!

STEVE SOUTHERN (COWBOYS)

Pic:  ABC online

Red is not as one-dimensional as first glance might suggest.  We are nothing if not thorough researchers, and we have (had our interns) go through literally thousands of photographs of rosy-topped league players from day and night matches to determine quality of shade in variant light conditions and in relation to both home and away match uniforms.  

Our conclusion is that Steve Southern is pretty special.  He has looped around the colour wheel almost all the way back to green.  Amazing.

KEITH GALLOWAY (TIGERS)

pic: Getty Images

We enjoy Keith Galloway’s particular vibrant shade of fanta.  We also believe it takes a brave man to accessorise his range with bright orange.  So for that if nothing else, Galloway was a shoo in as a nominee. We think his chutzpah speaks for itself.  We also like to think that he was just as large as a schoolkid as he is now and didn’t even have to learn to fight; kids don’t mess with someone that badass.  Kiki likes to think of him as a man version of the imposing bully Francine from the Simpsons. Mancine, if you will.

Stay tuned for the results, kittens!

We are proud, a little bit giddy and alot intoxicated to announce that this year, you have something to look forward to in the sad lull that comes between the Rugby League Grand Final in October and the supercrazypartyfuntimes intense competition of the rugby league World Cup. And isn’t that gonna be a great contest? Almost as compelling as the Commonwealth Games! Can you feel the excitement??

Anyway, that something is the 2008 Oh Errol Awards. We like to call them The Errols.

Today we will announce the nominees in all seven award categories. The lucky winners will receive their Errols at our glittering and illustrious awards ceremony in the Erskineville Bowling Club (beer on tap, food provided from the Chinese Bistro window). Hold onto your hats, bitches. Hereeeeee we go!

The Marlon Brando (the later years) Award for the Fattest Man in League

That’s right boys, this could be your future. Living as an eccentric recluse on an remote tropical island. Daily battling out-of-control bloating and the urge to wear nothing but muu-muus. Creepy companion midget is optional.

Past winners include Arthur Beetson and Daryl Brohman.

This year’s lucky nominees are: