project health volume 5: low carb bonanza

August 11th, 2009


Well we are proud to report we have had a pretty good week. I was still struggling with being sick so only managed to do some weights at home and get to the gym on Friday, but turns out low carbing totally works. Who knew!

We’ve managed to lose cms and I think that’s mostly due to diet. Everything seems to have just shrunk a bit you know? And I FEEL skinnier.

Neither of us have lost drastic amounts of weight judging by the scales, but we can definitely tell the difference. Basically everything is firmer. The thought of wearing a mini skirt and singlet in the States is no longer terrifying.

The thought of seriously low carbing it was pretty scary but we have made it tolerable with some yummy food like the salad Sassy made last nite (above).

Our basic diet at the moment is –

BREAKFAST – 2 boiled eggs on soy and linseed toast

LUNCH – sashimi and miso soup

SNACK – apple and a few toasted almonds

DINNER – chicken and salad

SNACK – vegies and home made cottage cheese dip or protein bar

DRINKS – lots and lots of water, sencha sensation green tea from T2, sneaky Coke Zeros when we need a pick me up

And no word of a lie, we haven’t even felt like we’ve been missing out. I did have pasta and cheesecake on Free Day and it was amazing and enjoyable, but I no longer feel like I NEED that sorta food you know? This is a huge revelation for me!

We have also suddenly developed a penchant for cooking. Neither of us are particularly domestic but we have really gotten into making yummy food. When you put in the effort, ‘diet’ food can be kind of amazing.

Our fave meal so far was Friday nights creation. We used to settle down and watch Friday Night Footy with a pizza, but now that’s obviously not a viable choice. So we adapted a random recipe we found on the internet and made what we have called Errol’s Super Special Cheesy Funsticks. Hehe…funsticks.

Basically you whack together some low fat grated cheese, low fat cream cheese, an egg or two, non flavoured whey protein powder, a bit of flour, some garlic and some salt. I have no specific amounts for you because I just throw things together and hope for the best. Much like the way I get dressed.

Anyway you then knead it with your hands until you have a dough. Then create little sticks and place them on some baking paper, sprinkle on some herbs of your choice and whack them in the oven. I honestly never thought I would be in the kitchen watching my Dragons while BAKING but it was oddly enjoyable. And strangely comforting.

We baked them for a lil while then switched it to grill to crisp them up. Once again I can’t give you specifics. Just make sure you don’t leave the kitchen is the only advice I can give you. WATCH UR CHEESY STICKS PEOPLE! DON’T LEAVE THEM ALONE!

And, to compliment our amazing creation we decided to honour my beloved red and white babies, we made Ben Creagh’s Avocado and Dill Salsa. I’m not joking.

The fabulous One Community (hi Trish!) do AMAZING work with NRL players and the community. One of their iniatives is to encourage healthy living amongst kiddies, and they’ve joined forces with the Australian Avocado Industry and got a few players to contribute their recipe. I demanded we do the Dragons one.

Go and check out Benny’s recipe here.

First of all THERE IS SO MUCH CHOPPING. We were loling so hard at the thought of Ben Creaghs giant hands chopping tiny tiny pieces of cucumber and then trying to stop his eyes weeping from the 8000 onions involved.

ANYWAY it turned out to be freaking amazing and worked perfectly with our the proteiny goodness of our Funsticks. It was the best guilt free dinner a girl can eat.

So basically we will keep low carbing and working out until we go away. Then we are gonna relax and just have fun. No point trying to be super healthy in America, that shit is a losing battle trust me. We will pick up where we left off when we come back. But for now we would like to give you our total centimetre loss. We are doing this from our original measurements we took when we started, compared to the ones we took this arvo. HERE WE GO!


Arms – 3cms

Waist – 3cms

Ass – 3cms

Hips – 2.5cms

Thighs – 2.5cms

Bust – 3cms


Arms – 5.6cms

Waist – 0.3cms


Hips – 1.1cms

Thighs – 2.3cms

Bust – 2.7cms

WHEEEEE! U know what? We aren’t exactly bikini models (YET!! haha) but we are pretty godamn PROUD of ourselves. Considering before this whole thing 2day FM sent us to a Health and Wellbeing Breakfast for ACP magazines and on the way to it I stopped and got a bacon and egg muffin from Maccas….I think it’s safe to say I have done pretty godamn well. We both have.

How have you guys gone on your health trip?


project health volume 4 : sickness and sausage rolls

August 5th, 2009


This weeks health update will be a crap one. Why? Because we have fallen off the wagon. In rather spectacular fashion.We haven’t exercised in wait for it…10 whole days. DAMNIT. WE WERE DOING SO WELL.

It isn’t really our fault though. Remember last week when Sassy told you we came back from Canberra sick as dogs? Well she sorta recovered during the week and I sorta….got worse. Without going into too much gross detail, I have been basically a walking corpse all week. PUBLIC SERVANT DEATH VIRUS. SCREW YOU CANBERRA.

I finally gave in and went to the doctor on Monday and I left the chemist literally clutching a bag of drugs. I live in hope of being able to breathe through my nose again. That would be sweet.

Since I have no lolz stories of us at the gym or anything to tell you, let’s talk about other things.

So despite the death virus, we still had worky times to do and I managed to drag my carcass to Leichardt Oval to interview the Balmain Tigers for our new gig with the NSWRL. I would like to apologise to everyone at the ground because I spent the entire first half spread eagled semi concious on the hill moaning softly and attempting to breathe.. SOZ GUYZ.

Being so dosed up on cold medicine turned me into an even bigger idiot than usual. We watched the second half in the like…players cage. Or whatever it’s called.  Media man Ryan Cunningham (hi Ryan!) told us to just hop over the fence and then join the injured boys to watch the game. So because I’m me, I tried to jump over and kinda got stuck in the crotchal region,squealed loudly, hit my leg, limped up the stairs and then as I sat down dropped my note book and KNOCKED OVER THEIR WATER BOTTLES.

As some player who’s name I can’t remember said ‘that was quite the entrance’. FML.

The afternoon quickly improved though because after the game we got to go into the sheds and interview a few of the boys. I was sitting alone swinging my legs on a chair and suddenly I see three shirtless men walking down the hall towards me. All I managed to do was squeak SASSSSSSSY??

Look we all know that I am a perve of epic proportions so I’m sure you can imagine how hard (hehe hard) it was for me to ask Professional Questions when interviewing 3 shirtless footy players. Especially when halfback Josh Lewis was still wet from the shower and WEARING ONLY A TOWEL. Seriously, that was just cruel.

At this juncture I would like to pat myself on the back for not saying IF I WAS A GUY I WOULD TOTALLY HAVE A BONER RIGHT NOW…because that’s totally what I was thinking.

Anywaaaay….I am seriously So Mad At The World because I had finally gotten over the yucky withdrawls and hunger pains and was starting to feel like a fit healthy person and then BAM. Sickness.

Having said that, we have both tried to eat as well as possible to offset the lack of exercise. We did pretty well until I felt really sorry for myself on Sunday and ate a sausage roll, a huge bowl of pasta AND Maccas. Disgraceful.

Now it’s exactly 2 weeks (!!!!!) until we leave for the States and we are freaking out a tad. Consequently we are going super duper low carb to try and lose as much weight as possible before we have to wear summer clothes in public. We are now only allowed one serve of carbs in the morning (one slice of soy and linseed toast) and that’s it. It’s entirely possible we will go insane. WISH US LUCK!


project health volume three: do you feel like maccas?

July 28th, 2009

Okay, this week darlings, you get an Sassy update on how our health project is going. It’s been exactly two weeks since we’ve started, which means two weeks of doing more exercise than I would’ve done in the past five years. And sweet Jesus … everything hurts.

We’ve been trying to do exercise six days a week, and so far we’ve been pretty impressive (to ourselves) as far as motivation goes. Sometimes as I’d roll up tuna, cucumber and tomato in a toasted corn wrap and get ready to go to the gym, I would literally want to punch myself in the face. I HATE those perky perfect pod people, even when it’s me being all perky and motivated.

Kiki’s snacks of champions.

Luckily we still have the Gods of Football boys on the cupboard doors in the kitchen in Errol HQ, and seeing GI Ballin and his ridiculous body on the fridge I would finish scoffing my wrap, stop and think WHAT WOULD PERSONAL TRAINER BALL DO? 99% of the time, that answer is ‘go to the gym’ and ‘do more lunges’.

I also just really like getting up on the morning and going ‘SUP HOT BITCH’ while I boil the kettle.

So let’s break down the week:

* We took a little roadtrip on the weekend down to Canberra, and came back sick as dogs. I am pretty much the colour of Greg Inglis in that hideous zombie picture I posted in that Origin One post … remember? Yeah, that one. We apparently have flus of death which means I haven’t worked out today or yesterday. Booo.

* My plans to be a workout dynamo also hit a snag in Canberra thanks to our new nemesis. Let’s call him Mr. Wang. I already hated Mr. Wang for refusing to help when we lost our heater remote control, and instead sending up an extra blanket with holes in it. Then when I rang him to ask where the hotel gym was, he told me THE GYM’S OUTSIDE. IT’S CLOSED AFTER DARK, IT’S TOO COLD.

My response, as you probably expected, was ‘……. ?’

How can it be too cold in a gym? Is it like … those wooden gym things you have in a park? The ones with the old skinny dudes doing chin-ups?

Shit was ridiculous. I finally tracked it down on the last day as we were packing the car, and it’s like a greenhouse inside the pool fence. IT’S NOT OUTSIDE IF IT HAS WALLS. Straight up I swear to you Mr. Wang actually wants me to be fat. He is a filthy sabotager and I loathe him.

* I may also have kind of lost my damn mind on free day this week. The whole thing culminated in me rolling over in bed and whispering across the room PSSST, KIKI. DO YOU FEEL LIKE MACCAS? I ended up persuading her to hop in the Jeep with me in our PJs so we could get through the drive-thru before free day ended. 10 McNuggets and a lean beef burger later I was sleeping like a baby.

There were highlights though. I swear!

* We finally managed to cough up some cash and join a gym. And I won’t lie: it’s pretty sweet. Sure we could have joined a Proper Normal Person gym like Fitness First, but frankly, we’d rather poke each other in the eye. I am all aboard this fitness campaign, but those gyms full of people in little matching crop tops and lycra capri-length leggings that cost $189 for the set from specialist  gymwear stores just really aren’t my thing.

Instead we’re proud new members of Fresh Fitness. It’s on top of a Legion Club and it’s totally us. We are way more the Average Joe’s kind of exercisers than the Globo Gym kind, you know? My fave thing is that the word ‘Sydney’ is misspelled on the website. Awesome.

We may also be the first women ever to go to that gym … ever. And I am totally okay with that. I have absolutely no problem watching guys do weights while I jog. I’m sure no one is surprised by that.

It’s also the first time Kiki has ever seen a Hassidic Jew working out. Welcome to the Eastern Suburbs, darling!

* I also proved something to myself during the week. Whenever people/friends/my family said anything about how my stove looks completely unused and there is nothing in my fridge but Champagne and nailpolish I would say um, I CAN cook. I just … well I choose not to.

And as it turns out, it’s kinda true. I was an excellent housewife during the week, and while Kiki worked on the laptop, I made a kick-ass vegetarian Sang Choi Bow with tofu, shiitake and button mushrooms, Chinese cabbage, hoi sin and cashews. It was edible and everything.

And I dragged my sorry Typhoid ass from bed to make a pretty delicious mini-pizza on a tortilla with potato, tomato, onion and basil tonight too. Sure, maybe my cooking doesn’t look that pretty, but I like it even though it’s ugly.

Seriously every not-ordering-takeaway moment is a victory to me.

I even went down to my parent’s house to borrow a blender so we could make protein pancakes with sweet potato. When I told them I needed it, my mum’s reaction was “oh, are you making cocktails, darling?”

According to my stepdad, though, the whole thing is working, because apparently my “head looks less bloated”.

Confession: we kinda struggled with the pancakes. We got them in the pan and couldn’t figure out why they were so … puffy. All puffy and bubbly like scrambled eggs. Until we remembered that we totally forgot to put in the oats, which are kind of the vital ingredient. Basically we were making a big ole egg white omelette with sweet potato in it. Which meant we had to grab the pan, scrape half-cooked creepy egg things back into the blender – just mush it in there sweetie! it will be fine! – add in the rest, and make Errol special double-cooked idiot pancakes.

Kitchen overseer Hot Bitch Cooper does not approve of this pancake fuckery.

They were delicious.

And our measurements still aren’t exactly Marilyn Monroe 37-23-36 … but we have progress! I am giving myself a lil elephant stamp on the hand as we speak.

We took a full set of measurements two weeks ago and since then I have officially:

Lost 3cm from my upper arm measurement

Lost 1.5cm from my thigh measurement

And gained 2cm around my ass.

I am a teeny bit terrified about exactly how big my ass is gonna get … but I’m not gonna rest till you can store family heirlooms on it like a shelf. THERE. I SAID IT.

Kiki gets a gold star too, she:

Lost  – 2cms off waist

Lost- 2cms off hips

Lost – 1cm off bum

Lost – 1cm off arms

Goal for next week: no midnight maccas.


project health volume two: are we skinny yet?

July 21st, 2009

SUP babies!

I’m in charge of our healthy update this week. First of all I have to say, Sassy has coped with it alot better than me. Before we started this she was already doing small amounts of exercise (namely, walking three blocks to the park so the dog can run around while she plays on the swings walks and thinks about stuff) and didn’t suffer from a rampant Maccas addiction like myself, so she has definitely fared better in the past week. I have been all stomach pains and sugar withdrawls and generally Hating The World.

Lowlights of the week –

Us taking Sassy’s greyhound, Dolly Parton, on a walk from Tamarama Beach to Clovelly and me having a literal asthma attack at Bronte. I had to stop and lie down on a rock for a good 15 minutes before I could move again.

– The rumbling of my own stomach literally WOKE ME UP on Wednesday night. I stumbled into the kitchen, eyes half closed and shovelled a piece of bread down my throat without even realising what I was doing.

–  Using half time during State Of Origin to take our measurements and realising we are nowhere near Marilyn Monroe’s infamous 37-23-36. Our measurements of doom are now stuck on the fridge to haunt us at all times.

* Losing our damn minds on Free Day (We eat right and exercise 6 days a week, then have one day off. It’s scientifically proven!). After watching the Newtown Jets play we went to the Petersham RSL to interview them, with Errol bestie Suchy in tow. When Sassy was in the bathroom we waited for her at the bar, I stopped in my tracks, jumped up and down with glee and yelled OMG, I CAN SMELL GRAVY! IM SO HAVING CHIPS AND GRAVY YESSSSS!

Suchy rolled his eyes and muttered something like ‘and you wonder why you’re single’.

Moments later Sassy walked out and literally said ‘GUYS…I CAN SMELL GRAVY!!’ Suchy was rendered speechless. Yes kids, Project Health has made us lose our damn minds.

[I like to think of it as a positive. Like if our careers don’t work out maybe we could work as … gravy scenters. Do they have those? Like those people who find water underground using a stick. GRAVY DIVINERS. -S]

– In more Free Day craziness, I found myself actually begging Sassy for her left over pizza crusts coz I just wasn’t ready for the day to be over. Kill me.

[This amuses and shocks me greatly as whenever we have pizza together I always notice that Kiki leaves her crusts. For her to not only eat her own crusts but Sassy’s as well…wow – L]

– Tonight we moved the lounge to do Winsor Pilates and found an old Dorito on the floor. We considered eating it for about 3 seconds. I wish I was kidding.

Highlights of the week –

– The crippling hunger pains have finally dissipated and I am actually starting to feel human again. I visited my parents last night and they both said my skin was glowy and that I looked alot healthier. I have also noticed my dark circles are fading big time. YAY!

– We triumphed over our overwhelmingly strong urge to go out and get drunk on Friday night and instead stayed home and did pilates. Well, Sassy did pilates and I watched. BUT STILL! NO DRUNKY TIMES! Go team!

– We cooked the most amaaaazing dinner from the Body for Life cookbook. We are both obsessed with Mexican food so it was pretty exciting to be able to make yummy chicken enchiladas and eat them guilt free. In a perfect world we would be drinking giant margaritas with them but hey, sacrifices need to be made right?

See? SO GOOD. We is amazing chefs!

– Apart from Free Day where eating naughty foods is allowed, neither of us have cracked and gone and bought junk food. I am especially proud I haven’t caved and driven to get cheeseburgers at 2am, which I totally used to do pre-health kick.

– And apart from Free Day pizza, we haven’t eaten takeaway of any description. Tonight for example, we hadn’t organised dinner and old us woulda just ordered something in. A very fatty but YUMMY takeaway. Like a huge bowl of creamy pasta with mushrooms….aaaahhhh drooooool…

Um..what was I saying? Oh yeh. That was old us. New healthy us was all, let’s look in the fridge and see what we can come up with. AND! WE MADE SOMETHING AWESOME! So we had potatoes stuffed with cottage cheese, onions, celery and red capiscum with super low fat cheese melted on top. Doesn’t look too great but it tasted pretty good and was heaps filling.

I am oddly proud of this meal. Healthy choices babies!

– We decided to decorate the kitchen in a manner which would inspire us. What better way to do this than to rip out our favourite mans from the Gods of Football calendar and blu-tak them to the cupboards. Nothing says healthy living like making tea while you stare at Matt Ballin’s perfect ass. Aaaah yes.

left to right – Hot Bitch Cooper, GI Ballin, Intern John John, Davey W, Tom LL, Shillo.

So in conclusion for this week, we don’t think we have lost heaps of weight or anything. But we definitely feel better and our tummies are flatter. Today marks exactly 4 weeks until we go on our trip to visit the Jacksonville Axemen (more about that later) so we are stepping up the exercise and lowering the carbs big time. Tomorrow we are joining a gym and are gonna be little cardio junkies. Of course most of the motivation for this is health, but part of it is also … well, it’s straight out vanity. We wanna look cute in our bikinis while we lounge around Jacksonville Beach and drink oversized American cocktails.

How is everyone else doing on their own Project Health? And are you proud of us for even making it a week? Alot of people didn’t think we would make it this far. TOLD YOUSE WE WOULD! HAH!


project health volume one – the announcement

July 14th, 2009


Okay. So this is probably the scariest post we’ve ever had to write. But entirely necessary.

First of all, YES WE ARE SERIOUS. STOP LAUGHING PLS. We have been thinking about doing this for aaaaages but been a) too lazy and b) too scared to get started. But now is the time.

How we put this? We are kinda, well … unhealthy. As we’re sure you’ve noticed, none of us here at Errol are exactly clean living individuals. There are two types of people out there : the ones who go jogging at 6am and the ones who stumble home at the same time clutching a kebab in hand, and shame in their hearts. It’s fairly obvious which group we fit into.

Don’t get us wrong, we aren’t complete libertines. We don’t do drugs or smoke or anything. Okay we’ll admit to the (very) odd drunken cigga, but thankfully we’ve only bought maybe 3 packets of Marlboro Lights between us in our entire lives.

But we definitely like the good things in life. Eating, drinking and lounging around. It’s all very ancient Rome at Errol HQ. Intern John John really loves his toga.

To give you a better idea what we’re dealing with, we’ll each explain ourselves:


My current state of gross unfitness and general … squidginess is still kinda new. I blame getting a car, too many glasses of champagne and a few office jobs. I was a sports dynamo (hard to believe, right?) as a teenager. I was all over swim training, water polo, netball, softball and aerobics. I was the year six all-school backstroke champion. I even wore lycra. Shit was intense.

Note: this is NOT the only reason I did water sports. I WAS HEALTHY. I SWEAR.

A few years ago one of my oldest friends announced that I used to have ‘the body of a fierce killer’. Now it’s more like, I dunno, the body of an occasional manslaughterer. Or maybe like, a money launderer. My idea of exercise is walking around in the park while Dolly Parton the greyhound sprints laps, and drunkenly busting moves to Britney, Whitney, J.Lo and Chisel on the dancefloor. Yeah I’m a pretty enthusiastic dancer, but that’s not really gonna cut it in the health stakes.

Hi my future ass!

So in the interests of general health, wellbeing, and being able to prance around in shorty shorts without scarring any small children down at Bondi, Kiki and I are starting Project Health. It’s not like I’ve ever had to shop at a special store or take an escalator cause I just can’t make it up the steps, but I’m definitely not fit and crazy healthy like I used to be. Plus, they keep playing that ad on television. You know the one with the guy who walks down the line towards the camera, then gradually gets old and obese without even realising? That thing puts the fear of god in me. I don’t want to be a grey-haired old man who can’t pick up his kids! HEEEELP!

So we’re trading in Italian takeaway on Super Saturday for running, pilates, and general healthytimes. We have an awesome overseas trip planned in five weeks and we wanna get a big headstart before we enter America, the land of orange cheese, giant coca colas, and Krystal burgers. That stuff is lethal for the bodyfat ratio. WISH US LUCK!


I’m not sure if anyone would ever look at me and think YOU BIG FATTIE, but I am definitely not a picture of health. Okay so one time this boy I was with, his psycho ex was staring at us from across the pub and sent him a text message saying ‘KIKI IS FAT, WHY ARE YOU WITH HER’.

Now this is a direct violation of  Girl Law because that bitch is FATTER THAN ME. Girl Law dictates you can only call someone chubby if they are bigger than you. Not only is she at least 2 sizes bigger than me, she also wears vast amounts of flammable material, including pleather. Enough said.

Errr anyway. I should basically be obese. I do NO excercise. And I don’t mean I just go for walks and do yoga … I literally do nothing. Exercise for me is walking from the lounge to the fridge. I also eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I am all about the Easy Mac and the Burger Rings and the late night Maccas runs.

Thanks to the wonder of genetics I have somehow managed to never be bigger than a size 12. It also helps that I have skinny little stick arms and legs so with some clever dressing (thanks babydoll dresses) I can fool people into thinking I’m not a walking heart attack.

However, I feel like absolute shit. I have had periods of fitness in my life but they have never lasted particularly long as I get bored easily. I used to be dancer during highschool and I have all these photos of me in leotards with skinny legs up to my chin. Sigh, those were the days.  Now I look like a dancer who was kicked out of her company for having a drinking problem and binge eating disorder. It ain’t cute.

Basically I’m sick of getting puffed when I walk up the stairs. That’s okay if you’re in your 60s, but in your 20’s…not so much. I would also like to actually see my hipbones again. I miss you old friends!

So I am gonna sacrifice my indulgent lifestyle, get my shit together and become one of those annoying healthy people who points out how many calories there are in Boost smoothies. Yep yep.

So, now you’ve read both our stories you understand why we have decided to do our health campaign publicly. Neither of us are good at following through with things like this. We need to be accountable otherwise it will never happen. So you guys are gonna share this journey with us, whether you like it or not.

We will blogging a few times a week about our adventures into the world of heath and fitnesss, including photos of our attempts at cooking and the details on the ridiculousness of us trying to exercise.

If any of you want to join in with us, that would be awesome. We are super excited to post photos of our sweet sweet abs. Also, if you are hot and have abs, just post them anyway. We love fit-spiration.