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the oh errol awards 2008: winners post

December 14th, 2008

You’ve been on the edge of your seats waiting for the Oh Errol Awards winners post, right? I imagine it’s the same sort of anticipation we’re experiencing waiting for 17 Again. And just like how we’re dyyying to see Zeffie in the full glory of his Ed Hardy getup, our fanz are dyyying for these results. Who is the Fattest Man in League? Who will take out Best Hair? The time has come, babies.

But wait, you haven’t announced the Matt Cooper Award for Hottest Bitch in League nominees!?

DAMMIT. You kids and your eye for awards categories – we were hoping you wouldn’t notice. Look, we totally tried to write it. For reals. And then this happened:

lskd

After taking one look at Hot Bitch Cooper naked with a footy strategically placed under his perfectly sculpted man-v, we realised no one can ever beat  (unless he asked nicely) that and the category was therefore null and void. NULL AND VOID PEOPLE.

So after many long, hard (tee hee) nights of  drinking straight from the bottle decision making, we finally present to you:

THE OH ERROL AWARDS 2008 WINNERS

The Marlon Brando (the later years) Award for the Fattest Man in League

The Nominees:

Jarrad Hickey (Bulldogs)
Danny Wicks (Knights) – WINNER
Mark ‘Piggy’ Riddell (Eels)
Adam Cuthbertson (Sea Eagles)
Steve Southern (Cowboys)

Granted, we are totally biased because he’s our beloved intern…but still. How can we go past the jiggling wonder that is Danny Wicks? His gut is HYPNOTIC.

lk

The Fanta Pants Award for the Biggest Ranga in League

The Nominees:

Keith Galloway (Tigers)
Steve Southern (Cowboys)
Alan Tongue (Raiders)
Peter Wallace (Broncos)
Joel Monaghan (Raiders) – WINNER

Okay so he isn’t actually THAT ranga. He’s no bloodnut. More of a ginge than anything. But we have to give Monas this award. He needs some love. Why? Check out his appearance in ‘leading football groupie’ Charmyne Palavi’s News Ltd album:

UNKNOWN MAN. UNKNOWN….MAN. This year alone Monas has played great first grade footy for the Raiders, the Country team, New South Wales AND Australia. Apparently this fact has escaped the gallery compiler. Poor Monas…all that footy and he’s still The Unknown Man. Well not to us! He is the recipient of THE BIGGEST RANGA IN LEAGUE! We love you Monas.

The Polarfleece Award for the Snuggliest Man in League

The Nominees:

Jarryd ‘Baby’ Hayne (Eels)
Issac Luke (Rabbitohs)
Ben ‘Hornbag’ Hornby (Dragons)
Jason ‘Flossy’ Nightingale (Dragons)
Scotty Prince (Titans) – WINNER

Ohhh this was a toughie. But at the end of the day we had to give it to Scotty for the whole My Hero Reads Too thing, among other reasons.

Soz Flossy – if we had a Biggest Labrador in League award you would have won that fo sure. And Hornbag just had a baby…that’s almost enough consolation for losing this category. We guess.

The Des Hasler Award for the Best Hair in League

The Nominees:

Daine Laurie (Tigers)
David Williams (Sea Eagles) – WINNER
Matthew Bell (Panthers)
Nathan Hindmarsh (Eels)
Ruben Wiki (Warriors)

When Davey attacked his hair with scissors in a drunken post Grand Final haze, we all cried some sad sad tears. NOT THE HAIR DAVEY…NOT.THE.HAAAAAIR. For the sake of this award, we are going to pretend that that horrific event never happened. Let us honour the amazing work he (and his hair) did during the year.

l;klk

Dave has the trifecta of awesome hair. Colour, volume and length. It’s godamn perfect hair. Those natural white blonde highlights? AMAZING.  The Errol team is completely obsessed with everything 70s’ and Davey’s hair perfectly epitomises the awesomness of that decade. We hope he grows it back as soon as humanly possible.

The Caramel Delicious Award for the Best Skin in League

The Nominees:

Willie Mason (Roosters)
Reni Maitua (Bulldogs) – WINNER
Scott Prince (Titans)
Ashton Sims (Broncos)
Joel Moon (Broncos)

Bitch had to win something this year.

The Fuzzy Duckling Award for Cutest Rookie of the Year

The Nominees:

Kevin Locke (Warriors)
Marc Herbert (Raiders)
John Kite (Bulldogs) – WINNER
Lachlan Coote (Panthers)
Wade Graham (Panthers)

HE’S JOHN KITE. WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY? Ok granted, this was a tough category too, but the passport story won our hearts and locked this win in.

The Oh Errol Awards will be back next year with a whole new batch of nominees! Or possibly just the same ones as this year with moustaches drawn on to trick you all into thinking they’re different. Coz we’re crafty like that.

IMPORTANT – the ridiculously amazing photo of Hot Bitch is from the brilliant Gods of Football calendar. Don’t be dodgy and rely on scans, go and buy the calendar yourself! We have multiple copies. It’s for a great cause. Let’s support the players for getting nakey for charity and support the brilliant work that the McGrath Foundation does.

So go HERE and find out where you can purchase one. Do it now. NOW NOW NOW!

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meet the nominees: best skin in league 2008

October 16th, 2008

[In between preparing for the Irishmen’s arrival, Blog Action Day, Movember and in our spare time running around Errol HQ singing “THE WORLD CUP IS COMING, THE WORLD CUP IS COMING!”, we realised it’s been a while since we did an Errol Awards post. So in true Errol style, we delegated, and got regular Guest Blogger Bree to do our dirty work. Get ready to meet the nominees for this year’s Caramel Delicious Award for Best Skin in League.]

That’s right, bitch is back! I know you all missed me, and even if you didn’t, just pretend you did to keep a girl happy. With my return, I bring you a lovely little tale of a little munchkin and his first big solo adventure.

That’s right kids, little Lachie made his first trip to Brisbane … everyone say it with me, aww!! Kiki and Sassy did the obsessive motherly thing, and delivered him safely to the VirginBlue gate and waited, embraced with tears flowing down their cheeks as their little man prepared to board his first solo interstate flight.

Head stewardess Fiona called for all unaccompanied children to report for check in and she took scared little Lachie by the hand and guided him to his seat at the back of the plane. She gave the little munchkin a colouring activities pack, something similar to the one given to SBW and Khoder on their escape flight.

Unlike SBW who struggled to complete the activities pack, smart little Lachie annihilated it in record time and spent the rest of the time chatting up talking to the lovely flight attendants who were, of course totally smitten with our Lachie.

Upon touchdown in Brisbane, Lachie grabbed his bag and bolted off the plane to me, anxiously awaiting his arrival. After hugs and tears all around at the safe arrival of the little man, we made a quick phone call to HQ to inform them of his arrival and then went to work.

Four days later, a few cutesy G rated flicks, and all the children’s sights in Brisbane ticked off the list (as well as all the work things, of course), I bid farewell to Lachie.

Just when I thought the Queensland office was getting back to normal, intern Joel Moon came in, with his bags packed, to bid me farewell. It was a short but marvelous partnership and it is with great sadness that Joel leaves these shores.

It was tres sad watching him leave the office for the last time. Pants off Friday just won’t be the same… ever again. Luckily for me, he is still in the running for the Caramel Delicious Errol, and for him that he has a week with the kids in Sydney before heading to NZ. So fear not kiddies, his association with Errol isn’t over yet!

mmm… caramel

Speaking of which, it is my job to introduce you to the five cuddly kids in the NRL that we all want to make a skin suit out of.

It’s been a grand year for the caramel deliciouseses that grace the NRL, what with Willie Mason going MIA in Origin for … what, the 5th year in a row?  And Scotty Prince breaking yet another bone.

Or Reni Maitua – well he plays for the Bulldogs, need I say more? And Joel Moon who only managed a handful of first grade games, even though he was considered the next big thing by the Broncos.

Oh, and lets not forget Ashton Sims dropping the ball which eventually cost the Broncos their 2008 campaign (not that I blame him, I swear)… But seriously, all this aside, these boys have skin to die for (and of course I mean that it the creepiest most axe murderer-ish way possible).  We love them no matter how indifferent their seasons were.

Me, an axe murderer… Never!!

WILLIE MASON

Blinded by the Blue…

Big Willie (lol, Willie) it pains me to use this photo of you.  It hurts me deeply. The shade of your shirt hurts my eyes.

Coming from the pastiest person you are ever going to meet, believe me making a skin suit out of his gorgeous chocolatey skin would be tres fantastic. However, Willie, don’t for one second think that this means I like you… Because I don’t… You just have beautiful skin, that is all.

RENI MAITUA

If Willie is the Chocolate, Reni is the Mocha of this family of delicious skinned boys.  Mmm, mocha.

Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not opposed to tattoos, but I feel Reni’s arm full of ink takes away from all of his gorgeous mocha-ness. Bitch please, how can I make a suit outta you when your arm is all inked up?!

SCOTT PRINCE

pic: Remco Jansen/Studio Ultra

Bitch is fabulous, what more can I say?

In keeping with the family theme, I like to think of Scotty as the coffee with a splash of strawberry. He’s got that gorgeous coffee-esque skin, but that added sweetness, which is where the strawberry comes in (if you need further proof as to his sweetness just check out the ‘Snuggliest Man in League’ post).

And fear not, Scotty’s minimal ink isn’t enough to get my panties in a twist, unlike someone else we all know… *cough* Reni.

JOEL MOON

Getting past the sadness of Billy’s last day in office, let us concentrate on the skin that covers that bod of his.

I like to think of Billy as the Milo of the family. Now at first you might be thinking, ‘what the?’ but let me explain. Where adults sit down for a coffee, kids have a milo, no? And with Billy being the youngest of our nominees I think it only fitting that he be considered the junior version of coffee. Now don’t be thinking that because milo is lumpy that Joel has lumpy bumpy skin. Because he doesn’t, he still has that gorgeous caramel skin that is required of our nominees.

Now Billy also has a bit of ink here and there. He’s not quite as inked up as old mate Reni, but there’s still a little bit too much ink for that perfect skin suit… Or are we starting to think, given the number of tattoos on all the contestants that tattoos are no issue for our skin suits?  SO MANY QUESTIONS.

ASHTON SIMS

The only ‘clean’ nominee of the bunch (Wait does this mean he gets the award by default? Or are we not worrying about the tats? Oh wait, actually Errol gets to choose.  But they are open to your suggestions).

Anyway, back to it, let me introduce you to the last family member, Mr Caramel. With his caramelly skin, and charming good looks… oh wait this isn’t a personal ad… my bad!

Honestly, you can see the picture and I am sure you can all see why Ashton has the caramel title.

So. Kiddies. You’ve met them, you’ve seen them, and now you are just going to have to sit tight and wait and see who takes home the Caramel Delicious Errol.