Recently, we’ve made a lot of new discoveries.

As part of her ‘Wet July’ campaign*, Sassy discovered that the Beach Road Hotel is exactly one longneck’s walk from her front door. She loves a roadie, and hates drink driving.

Kiki discovered that cleaning out a rabbit hutch is Extremely Unpleasant. Turns out her new pet bunny Preston Campbell is far less hygienic and tidy than the real Preston Campbell.

And after being slightly distressed last night (there may have been a tear or two) we discovered that even when you get maroon-washed you can still feel pretty proud the next morning.

See those big penguins? That’s us. Bein’ proud Origin parents.

Let’s break it down.

Three weeks can make a shitload of difference, huh? Even though the first ten minutes wasn’t exactly all the Blues dreams come true (understatement), the next 60 proved that when you play like you can win and get your blue asses all up in Queensland’s business, then you can win. It was a slightly-less-violent version of last year’s game three attitude. It also reminded us of the game back in 2009 where the bottom-eight Raiders beat the Minor Premiers St George out of nowhere just by gettin all up in their grills. This is also known as The Game Where T.Camps Threw a Ball at Dean Young’s Head. Also known as One Of Our Favourite Games Ever.

Hugging Gidley = v. important part of captain’s duties.
Pic. Getty Images

Straight after full time, we won’t lie, we were desolate. Seeing them come so close, but fall short, was sad sad sad. It may have even caused us to self-medicate with booze. But in retrospect, this is good. We is PROUD.

The last five years for NSW supporters have been like a five-year lesson in parenting. What do you do when you have children who disappoint you? What do you do when they make bad choices, when they get bullied, when they don’t believe in themselves? How do you deal with kids who fail to live up to their potential?

Apparently – and we checked this with our own mums to make sure – you can’t give kids back. It’s called ‘abandonment’ and people frown upon it.

Little Kurt just doesn’t understand.

So we stuck with the boys, just kept telling them we loved them and makin em peanut butter sandwiches or whatever young people eat these days … and last night we finally got the parental payoff. We think they call this feeling … PRIDE?

We get it now when parents say that they don’t care what mark you get “JUST AS LONG AS YOU TRY YOUR BEST DARLING”.

So let’s give some special shoutouts to our kids:

WE’RE SORRY, KURT GIDLEY: After all this drama, turns out you can play like a fucking demon when you want to (and when the selectors put you on the bench, where a good utility belongs). We’re sorry about the time we said on twitter you were ruining our lives. Now who else wants to sign the apology card?

WHAT UP FORMER INTERN GREG BIRD! Birdy, we knew you could do it all along. You’re a tough little nugget of awesome, and you proved it when you went over the line to ground the grubber, and in defence. ORIGIN 4 LYFE.

JARRYD HAYNE: Great game. Your other games weren’t great, but whatevs. That cut out pass to Brett Morris was MAGIC. You’re totally getting a bike for Christmas.

TOM LEAROYD-LAHRS AHOY! What? We have eyes. And as well as being a hot bitch, Tommy LL proved you don’t have to be the kind of player that racks up judiciary points to have enough (that hated word) “mongrel” to play Origin. Bitch is tough.

PAUL GALLEN: We don’t say nice things about Sharks players. You can make up your own complimentary feedback.

BUT ME JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED. WON’T SOMEONE HUG ME?
Pic. Quentin Jones

And the best bit of it? Not one player in that team played themselves out of a Blues jersey. For New South Welshfolk this feels weird. But we assure you it’s totally normal. We dare you to tell us who shouldn’t get another chance. Not even B.Moz when he cruelly murdered a try. Not even Ennis with his …. poor choice to join in a punch up in his own half. Not even Flash Gordon in his First Ever Origin, playing in the Position of Death. Sure there was that moment where he had some kind of attacking brain snap and ran in-field when the left side was open but whatever, Gidley ended up scoring anyway.

Sure Queensland played through some gaps out wide but that’s not necessarily a wing failure. That’s a whole line failure. And we’re 99% sure it’s the kinda thing that you fix by playing together, no?

They all played like boys who want to wear blues jerseys. Meaning they all played like boys who deserve blue jerseys. Luke Lewis, in the minutes he was on the field played like TWO men who should wear blue jerseys.

The exception was probably the last ten minutes, when they played like guys who all of a sudden realised they might actually win this thing and were so shocked and delighted and confused by the prospect of it happening that they lost their damn minds. But it happens, right? When you’re not used to winning it’s harder to win. Next time, it’ll be a teeny bit easier.

The maroons are good at football, bad at counting. Check out JT, Matt Scott and Darius.
Pic. Getty Images

Meanwhile, this is probably the point where we should discuss Queensland. We don’t like doing this. Yes, you’re all very good at football. Yes, that was a very good kick Darren Lockyer. Yes, Sam Thaiday we know you love fightin’, but stop trying to join in other people’s punch-ups. Also, tie your shorts a bit tighter next time pls.

Yes, letting Israel Folau take the last conversion attempt was kind of gross. (Nothing personal, Izzy). We could have written it off as “a touching farewell” if it wasn’t for the whole matter of Queensland first REFUSING to pick him on moral grounds, then picking him anyway cause he’s one of their two best wingers, then pimping him out as a hero. GROSS.

Do you know what is personal though? B.Moz and his injured knee. We blame you. Kiki in particular blames you. If someone in a balaclava knocks on your door then Tonya Hardings your knee, it’s probably her.

We would like to suggest that any team that would injure Brett Morris – beloved by all – is clearly in league with the powers of darkness.

As opposed to our team, who are on the whole pretty handsome, totally lovable, and wear delightfully short shorts.

And that’s SoO for 2010, over and out.

You stay classy, Origin fanz.
Pic. Cameron Richardson

* Wet July is just like Dry July, except instead of getting sponsored to be sober … you give money to charity yourself, then get drunk. Feel free to join in.

We didn’t want to do this. Again. But apparently there are only so many times you can post sad pictures of Brett Morris instead of blogs and get away with it. The people, they complain! So instead of weeping in our dressing gowns (not kidding, Kiki and I talked on the phone at half time during the game last night and BOTH of us had to wipe away at least one tear of despair and frustration) …. we’re going to talk about it. Ugh. Wish we could just pretend it never happened, like a bad exam mark or an awkward sexual experience.

Thaiday’s chubby AND sexy (Getty Images)

THE OPPOSITION

Yes, yes, NSW folk love picking, re-picking, shuffling, then re-picking our Origin line up. But straight up, it’s a diversion activity. Queensland are good. In fact, they’re amazing. Moving Jamie Lyon from right to left centre or Eric Grothe Jr magically coming back into form for the right wing position isn’t gonna change that.

Cause Queensland is in the middle of some crazy astrological shit right now. Not only do they have Australian rep standard halves, forwards, centres, fullbacks and hookers, but they’ve had them for years. Sometimes God smiles upon a team and keeps their players in form long enough to become an Origin fighting machine.  (At the other end of the spectrum, sometimes God decides NO MORE REP FOOTY FOR YOU and you never get that chance. For example, Anthony Minichiello).

If we’re using Wayne Bennett terminology, Queensland are both a team of stars and a star team.

Sorry, had to stop typing then to vom in my mouth. Hateful though they are, the Maroons were amazing last night, as they are usually amazing. FREAKS.

The Blues, Hindy haz them (Getty Images)

THE BLUES

This part is really hard to write. We love our boys, but last night we were embarassed to be Blues fans, for the first time in our footy lives. It was awful. And not cause we didn’t support the team that was chosen (although maybe we would’ve tweaked some stuff/a lot of stuff/the front row).

More like because watching players play at 50% of their ability on the biggest stage in footy is HEARTBREAKING. Don’t pretend you didn’t see it too. These aren’t shit players, but they played like they were. Our team was broken. It made us want to cry. And we won’t blame the backs’ performance on the lack of a forward platform because it’s just not that simple. Gallen was solid. O’Donnell was fucking rageful. Weyman was …. there. But as a whole played like their hearts were broken too, and racism scandal or not, that’s painful to watch.

At least three of the Queensland tries were scored through gaping holes in the outside defence. GAPING, I TELLS YA. Never thought I’d see the day when Brett Morris jammed in on the wing and let players through for try. Not B.Moz! He doesn’t pull that shit in first grade, so what’s doing with Origin? Something is seriously wrong in the sky blue sheds.

If you rewatch the game, and see the moment when Willie Tonga runs through to pick up a loose ball and score in the second half, then you are watching the exact moment when my heart split into 85 separate pieces.

WILLIE TONGA. He had three Blues between him and the ball, and not one of them ran for it. Not one. It was like watching the Titans play the Roosters the other week … if you were a Titans fan. Enough said.

THE PROBLEM

Honestly, changing the team wholesale won’t stop the rot. For one thing, the team not having a chance to gel or build any confidence is half the problem. I am totally behind giving a few young forwards and back a taste of Origin in game three -- what up Snowden! Soward! Dugan! J.Moz! -- cause they have to get used to it at some point, and it’s better it’s not a vital game.

But how’s this for a revolutionary idea: A Proper Origin Coach. Not a club coach. An origin coach. How much do we have to pay to get you back, Gus? You can even have a Neil Henry-esque offsider if you like to look after the fiddly stuff! We’ll check if John Cartwright’s free. Get onto that, Intern John-John.

Even better: what about a game plan? No, not that. Bombing to Israel Folau’s wing doesn’t count as an attacking strategy any more than the wingers and centres rushing up and in counts as a defensive one. Our boys were lost and they deserve better, no?

THE HIGHLIGHTS

There’s only one, and it’s courtesy of our very own Incredible Hulk, Luke O’Donnell. According to the Herald, this is “an ugly brawl.” Whatever. No, we don’t endorse dangerous tackles, but we do endorse his passion/rage/brief moment of insanity. Leave an Origin comment and enjoy.

That’s pretty much what our faces look like now, and they have since last Wednesday. That’s all we can say.

Pic. Getty Images

Today is an Important Day. State of Origin for footy fans is like … rugby league Christmas. Or a bahmitzvah. Or a wedding, or graduation.

Look, the similes aren’t really important. Just feel free to insert your own event where you wear uncomfortable clothes / have to have awkward convos with relos.

The bottom line is if you don’t follow footy, it’s a time to admit that this day isn’t about you, and just show some religious and sporting tolerance. If you’re down with Jesus, it’s kind of annoying to have to give kids money just for turning thirteen and not thinking he’s the messiah, right? But you do it anyway and don’t complain. That’s the kinda attitude you need right now.

To help y’all out, we prepared a short list of helpful hints for the non-believers of things you should never, ever say during State of Origin.

THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY DURING STATE OF ORIGIN

1. “But isn’t that the player you hate?”

In normal games, he might be a cat, dog, grub, passenger, or any combination of the above. On Origin day, if he plays for your team, he’s golden. There is no logic, just acceptance. It’s not about struggle, it’s all about flow.

2. “But isn’t that the player you like?”

NOT WHEN HE’S WEARING MAROON. PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!

3. “Are you drunk? On a Wednesday?”

No, I’m enjoying Origin. There is a difference.

4. “Were you just standing up punching at thin air?”

No, I’m enjoying Origin. There is a difference.

5. “Are you … crying?”

No, I have SOMETHING IN MY EYE. There is a difference.

6. “Don’t you think it’s wrong to encourage violence? Kids could be watching!”

This may actually result in a footy fan gouging your stitches and muttering something about tradition, education, civil wars and other more important violence to worry about. Shit could get nasty. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

7. “Well it was a good game”, and all other variations including “the winner is rugby league”.

Oh, honey, just no. Don’t you want to live?

8. “But isn’t Greg Inglis from NSW?”

… unless you actually want to hear a forty-five minute diatribe including direct quotes from Greg Inglis’ cousin, a compass, and the use of an atlas as a visual aid.

9. “Why isn’t the referee doing anything?”

Because asking this question at the wrong time might interrupt some vitally important air-punching.

10. “Why are you cheering when a guy is unconcious? Aren’t head injuries dangerous?”

Usually, yes. In Origin they are ENTERTAINMENT. Learn this.

Feel free to pass on to your nearest and dearest. Love and kisses, Kiki and Sassy.

I could easily write another post about the NSW Blues players bein’ awesome n shit. Because they are. I love them like my own little sky blue children.

And, if we’re being completely honest, the NSW equivalent of the kid who stays in his room all the time playing weird music I don’t understand has always been Kurt Gidley. We didn’t … get each other straight away. But today he spoke to the Herald about getting smashed in game 3 last year and it’s straight-up as though he brought me a bunch of flowers and breakfast in bed.

The Maroons put up a bomb from a penalty and Gidley, realising he was about to be set upon by four hard-charging defenders, stood his ground, caught the ball and ran headlong into the Queenslanders.

”I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t going to back down from it, that’s for sure. What’s the worst that can happen to me under that – you know, get knocked out? That’s probably the worst thing, or get an injury, but I was never going to back down.”

THAT’S MY BOY! That’s Origin.

So let’s share, kittens. Favourite Origin moments?

I’ll start with Brett White proving he’s no marshmallow in game three 2009. That shit got PRIMAL.

And in the words of the late great Jack Gibson:

“State of Origin matches are proof that the meek don’t inherit anything”.

What up kittens? Time for your daily roundup of all the important bizness happening in the two Origin camps.

In completely unsurprising news, the Herald got Craig Bellamy to admit that he can’t promise there won’t be any fighting on the field in game one. Wait does that even make sense? Ok, so, yes, you’re telling me there might be fighting. And … what else? Is the sky blue? Is Hot Bitch Cooper sexy? TELL ME HERALD WRITERS, I MUST KNOW.

Maybe they’ve been learning from Mal ‘Cap’n Obvious’ Meninga, who has suggested to his team that getting wasted on (alleged) Stilnox and (alleged) Red Bull conallegacoctions is not the best way to prepare for an Origin game and perhaps they should try not to do that again.

The Tele tells us that Benny Creagh is going to take it to Darren Lockyer in Game One and generally make his life a pushy, tackly hell.

Creagh has been ordered to “terrorise” the veteran Queenslander in Wednesday night’s opening Origin game at ANZ Stadium. Creagh’s brief will include hammering Lockyer in attack and defence.

And it’s a weird situation, because all the Creagh-haters would say he can’t make anyone’s life hell, because he’s too busy pushing Justin Hodges then hiding behind Anthony Watmough. To that we say oh hellll no. Benny Creagh is a thinker (seriously). After Trent Waterhouse’s send off that bitch thought better of his push and backed off before he ended up on the sideline. Our Benny Creagh is S-M-R-T.

There’s more to All-the-way-with Benny Creagh than meets the eye. Remember when Luke Bailey said he was like Ivan Milat?

That was hilarious and/or terrifying. Locky might need to watch out.

Yet Locky seems so … unworried. Just chillin in the casino on a cruise ship. Looks like his relaxing cruise with Izzy Folau is really workin out.

And the Blues have brought in a new and deadly secret weapon: Freddy.

HI FREDDY I MISSED YOU, YOU MACHIAVELLIAN GENIUS!

The deal is that awesome Blues from the Past like Freddy, Blocka, Joey, Laurie Daley and the Chief are going to be staying with the boys for a few days in camp to spread their wisdom and inspire the team. Plus they’ve already had a night talking to Garry Jack, Peter Wynn and Rod Wishart. JEALOUS. And sure, we’d love to have Blocka and the guys hanging around inspiring us, but Freddy is special. Is it just me? He’s so …. comforting. Put me up on a ledge in the middle of a nervous breakdown and he’s the man I’d want talking me down.

Seriously, can you name any other Origin great who you could imagine this senctence is about:

OPTIMISM sauntered into the NSW Origin camp yesterday with a towel around his waist and a copy of The Daily Telegraph under one arm.

OF COURSE HE WAS WEARING A TOWEL. Of course he was.

If I was facing up to this:

in a weeks time, a man in a towel is the kind of man I want giving me advice. Am I right?

All pics Getty Images

Errol is commitedly biased. This is why you like us, yes? So we’re going to keep you up to date all through Origin on the Awesome Shit that NSW Origin Players Do and Say. Catchy name, huh?

Pic. Getty Images

Today, we’re starting with Jamal Idris …. just being generally adorable. (How much do you love that he’s besties with Ben Creagh? So much).

According to Jamal, it’s tough living in Sydney sometimes.

‘It is hard. I feel for people like [Bulldogs teammate] Ben Barba, whose family is up in Mackay. There is no substitute for family, the only thing you can do is put your head down and try to take your mind off it, as hard as it is, wrap yourself up in a blanket of footy.”

A BLANKET OF FOOTY! Oh Jamal, you make our hearts want to explode with your cuteness. Also, nice metaphor! I’m serious. It’s vivid and rich.

Actually, the blues are all about playing with language this year, cause over in the second rowers section, Anthony Watmough was repping for tolerance in the best kind of way … with a pun.

Pic. Getty Images

We love ya Choc!

Lastly, and possibly bestly, apparently Timana Tahu is on a campaign to win back all the footy fans who thought he shouldn’t play Origin after “defecting” to union. The general essence of his plan? BEING AWESOME. He told reporters at the media call:

Queenslanders think Origin belongs to them.

They think this game is theirs and us New South Welshman are only good for turning up every year to get bashed. To lose.

That’s what they think, what their fans think, too. And to be honest, I hope that’s what Chris Close is telling them.

Because I can assure you they’ve got another thing coming this year. For me personally, this NSW jersey means more than any I wore representing my country in rugby. Means more than playing with the Kangaroos.

I put this jersey on and get shivers right down my back. Honestly, I get goosebumps.

To me this is the pinnacle.

Chills, chills.

Timana, darling, let’s never fight again.

Since we met the blues boys yesterday, I guess it’s only “fair” and “reasonable” that we talk about the Queensland Origin team. And like most things that are fair, it will be unpleasant. Like sharing shit with your brothers and sisters, and giving people back their lost wallets and cash if you find them. Boo fairness.

Here they are in all their maroon glory:

Billy Slater

Darius Boyd

Greg Inglis

Willie Tonga

Israel Folau

Darren Lockyer (c)

Johnathan Thurston

Matthew Scott

Cameron Smith

Petero Civoniceva

Nate Myles

Sam Thaiday

Ashley Harrison

Interchange:

Cooper Cronk

David Shillington

Neville Costigan

David Taylor

DARREN LOCKYER IS CAPTAIN, IN OTHER NEWS THE SKY IS BLUE

Well of course he is. If you’ve won four series, don’t fix it, right? And the other regular things are the same too. Billy Slater’s at fullback, Peter Civoniciva now has 200 rings around his trunk but is still the starting prop, and Neville Costigan is on the bench instead of on the field. Poor Neville. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. At least it’s a step up from 18th man, no? At this rate he’ll be a starting second-rower before I die.

As for you Darius Boyd – I was starting to … tolerate you this year. Out of the Broncos maroon Boyd started to run at the line at fullback, even PASS the ball to set up tries, and I almost said nice things about him. Needless to say, the truce is off. YOU’RE GOING DOWN, BOYD. Mark my words (and Timana’s hands).

IT’S COOPER CRONK, BITCH

OH HAY! Our favourite footy field-marshal is FINALLY in the maroons team. Fuck it that he’s on the interchange bench, he’s finally there. All those minutes in 2009 spent waiting for someone to suffer a game-ending injury in training so that he could take off his 18th man rags and run on the field. Finally, the Cronk’s time has come! Much as I hate the maroons, I’m a teeny tiny bit excited that Cooper Cronk’s special brand of bossiness is gonna be on the sideline at ANZ. Mock me if you must.

MAN VS MACHINE

Of course the big question is if Cameron Smith’s elbow will heal up in time for the first Origin game. Which is actually the perfect way to find out what we’ve been wondering for so long: are the Melbourne Storm man or machine? It’s simple. If he’s ruled out and Matt Ballin steps in, he’s human and may live. If he heals up, we have definitive proof he’s a cyborg, and he needs to be reprogrammed into a benevolent baker before he conquers the world.

WHERE’S BOWRAVILLE AGAIN?

Aaaah yes. There he is. Right there in the centres, most hated of all maroons. I’m looking at you, Greg Inglis. And before anyone says anything, yes I know under the rules he can play for Queensland. And no, I will never ever get over this. You know why?

It’s not ABOUT who the rules say he can play for. This is State of Origin. The whole point is passion. The passion for where you come from, and the blind momentary passionate hate for whoever comes from somewhere else. Call it footy xenophobia. Sweet, sweet footy xenophobia. And you can’t have both.

It’s not like the touchy-feely world cup business where you can feel Australian and Fijian. Nuh-uh. You can only love one State and it’s compulsory to hate the other one.

You certainly, definitely can’t spend 16 years living in NSW until you all of a sudden play seniors and join the Maroons. TREACHERY! At least if the rest of the team yells ‘QUEENSLANDER’ like Billy Moore, I know they’re committed to their horrible, horrible team. And I feel compassion for them, because I am saintly and serene and loving like Jesus, and because they were brainwashed from birth and clearly had no choice. But no sympathy for Greg Inglis! He chose darkness and there’s no excuse for that.

So spill it – do we think Queensland can make it five in a row? We say oh hell no. These are desperate times and we believe in our blues. But either way, I’m calling Sam Thaiday as the danger man. He’s skinnier and meaner than before and he’s going to tear shit down.

Weaknesses? I don’t know how to feel about Dave Taylor. He could be a wrecking ball, but he could also be a complete an absolute menace. He’s an unknown quantity, no?

The only other good thing I can think of to say about this team is that Ben Te’o is 18th man. I just really like saying his name. Ben T’aaay’oh.

Thoughts, rants, poems of love?

Have you missed us darlings? I know, I know, it’s been a whole week and a half without any new Errol goodness in your lives.

Surprisingly, no, it’s not cause we were busy in our bunker sitting at a big judging desk, arguing, looking at photos, doing Tyra Banks impersonations, and picking the NSW Origin team. Although, Planet Eels suggested on twitter that we should be on the NSW selection panel, and to that we say YES PLEASE. CALL US ON YOUR COCONUT PHONE LAURIE DALEY, WE CAN FLY OUT IMMEDIATELY.

What we’ve actually been doing is dying slowly. The entire Errol office has come down with a hideous Ebola-like infection of death. We’ve been sleeping roughly 20 hours a day, coughing, wheezing, crying, moaning, and generally not being allowed out of our sanitary bubbles in case we infect the rest of the world. I’m actually kinda surprised no one has bled from the eyes or seen a vision of Jesus.

Needless to say, it’s kind of hard to blog when you can’t even make proper sentences. But thanks to the wonders of horse-strength antibiotics I’m vaguely upright, just in time to talk about Origin.

Come on down the boys in blue!

Kurt Gidley (capt)

Brett Morris

Matt Cooper

Timana Tahu

Jarryd Hayne

Jamie Lyon

Brett Kimmorley

Michael Weyman

Michael Ennis

Josh Perry

Trent Waterhouse

Ben Creagh

Anthony Watmough

Interchange:

Jamal Idris

Tom Learoyd-Lahrs

Luke Lewis

Brett White

… come on down so we can judge you.

FULLBACK

Ah, Gidley, we meet again. Having met Gidley, once, for about 30 seconds, I can confirm he is a human, speaks English and has two arms and two legs. Other than that, I know nothing special about him, but everyone says he is “a good bloke” (which is the greatest compliment an Australian can give) and a great captain and all-around footy-playing champ.

But he’s also Not Jarryd Hayne. Is he?

My flatmate Denee hates football, and all football-related things. They confuse and annoy her. But last night when I saw the Origin announcement and yelled “HOW CAN YOU HAVE A DALLY M WINNING FULLBACK AND NOT PLAY HIM AT FULLBACK?” even she said “… well that just makes no sense”.

MARK THIS DATE, PEOPLE. DENEE HAD HER FIRST EVER FOOTBALL OPINION.

And having watched last night’s game, apparently the writers at nrl.com would agree with her. Can’t say anymore than that.

OUTSIDE BACKS

We’re gonna say it, you knew we would. B.MOZZZZZZZ! MOZZIE MOZZIE MOZZIE! Without doubt the best winger right now based on form. Not to mention polite and lovely and all things sunshiney in this world. When B.Moz scores a try, angels lose their necks and get their wings.

And when B.Moz plays outside Hot Bitch Cooper … you can guess that bit. We’re defending this choice all the way, kids. Remember Hot Bitch’s tries at ANZ in 2008? We do. Our pants do too. When he’s in form he’s a menacing defender and massively strong and seeing him in form, in sky blue, restores our faith in the world.

Timana Tahu, on the other hand, makes us feel kinda nervous. As the ever-eloquent Daniel Anderson put it, at the beginning of the season he was “rubbish”. Fair call, coach. He’s an experienced player though, and he’s improved, and God knows he’s stacked like a block of flats. If he lifts to rep level then maybe – just maybe – NSW’s backline has a chance of stopping the rampaging wildebeest Greg Inglis. Maybe.

(We’re already doing our part and sticking pointy little Errol pins into our GI voodoo doll. We made it out of light grey felt. It’s surprisingly life-like).

Which brings us to our Dally M winning fullback. On the wing. He’s a bit unpredictable in the regular season, and lots of people hate him. So he’s kind of  … the Anthony Watmough of outside backs. But he also totally lifts for Origin – like Watmough – and we approve of this.

We can’t say anything else about him except DAMMIT YOU WERE ROBBED FOR THAT TRY LAST YEAR JARRYD-WITH-A-Y. ps our friend Kate thinks you look like Rihanna. She’s right.

What up Jarryd? I like yo bob.

HALVES

Well, well, what up Jamie Lyon! So your torture at the hands of the blues selectors continues.

Remember when you said you didn’t want to play Origin last year, and they made you play?

And remember when you said you wanted to play in the centres this year, and they put you in the halves?

Every time I say ‘centres’ I think of chocolate. Then I remember I can’t taste anything. MOTHERFUCKER.

Oh, how they must have laughed!

Jamie probably does deserve to be in the team – remember his defence last year? – plus he can kick those pesky goals. We’d rather him in the centres but then … who plays five-eighth? Our beloved Terry Campese isn’t exactly in form (sorry T.Camps!). Maybe Trent Barrett? Brett Finch is Origin kryptonite. And John Sutton … plays for the Rabbitohs. Ugh. If we were in charge we would totally put Barrett in the team just because there’s a chance that he might hit Greg Inglis in the face again.

If anyone wants to run for NSW Parliament on that platform, by the way, I’d totally vote for you.

Meanwhile, when Queensland sit down to pick their halfback, they’re choosing between Johnathan Thurston, Scott Prince and Cooper Cronk. In NSW we choose between Kimmorley (this isn’t meant to be offensive Noddy), crippled Mitchell Pearce, and recently returned from crippledom Jarrod Mullen and Peter Wallace. I won’t even include Todd Carney in contention for any position because I’m too worried about him stressing out and hitting the booze again, and Trent Hodkinson is, like, 12 years old. DAMN that shit is depressing.  Should we put in another centre? Josh Morris, you busy?

While you’re deciding, feel free to sign my petition to bring back Joey Johns. He looks totally match fit!  It’ll totally work!

SECOND ROW

Where God injures a halfback or three, he replaces them with 85 awesome back rowers. Between Watmough, Waterhouse, Creagh, O’Donnell, Gallen (ew, Sharks),  Hindmarsh, Laffranchi, Lewis, Learoyd-Lahrs, hell even Greg Bird, NSW literally has enough second rowers for three Origin teams.

We woulda put Lewis in the starting side, (and O’Donnell if he was fit cause damn that boy loves to fight) but we are happy x 1000 to see Watmough and Creagh in there. Watmough is MADE for Origin. He’s a sky blue dynamo. And when Ben Creagh runs the ball we deadset get occasional flashbacks of the Beav. Future Origin Hero. Trust.

FRONT ROW

First of all – WEYMAN! Has there ever been a more deserved first Origin call-up? Weyman’s gone from playing like 30 minutes max to being a blues frontrunner. And we feel weirdly … proud. Proud because we love a big fat footy dynamo, and weird in that the first ever thing he said to us was “I fucking hate journalists”. It was a joke, but still it’s lucky we’re:

a) not actually journalists

b) not easily offended.

Prove us right, Michael. Prove. Us. Right.

And secondly … good God, Josh Perry? Is this what we’ve come to? Where the hell are the NSW front rowers? Can someone not hurry up and clone an invincible George Rose so we can play him as a starting prop and on the bench? To quote our mate Greg, “Perry’s a pillow. A marshmallow. And not even a good Pascall one either”.

From now on, he shall be known as Home Brand Perry.

INTERCHANGE

One word. Jamal. Forget where they’re gonna play him, we are currently taking bets on what super-amazing Origin hairstyle he’s gonna rock. I feel like the next progression from his tight pigtails at Country Origin is the full bun:

So what do we think overall? We live in hope. LET’S GO BLUES!

What about you kittens?

What’s that word people kept saying earlier this week? … MAROONWASH, was it?

Oh, the sweet satisfaction of Queensland being denied their fairytale. Yes, we know they won the series, but we also know that instead of prancing off into the sunset to a sunny Queensland island to relive their victories, they’re gonna be sitting at home, lights off, watching slo-mo replays of this game and wondering just how it all went wrong. Johnathan Thurston will probably cry. He does that.

But the bottom line is the same: NO TROPICAL HOLIDAY FOR YOU NOW, BITCHES.

This game was a victory for brotherhood, tenacity, pettiness, spite, and sheer stubbornness, with just a hint of FUCK ALL Y’ALL added for spice.

If you’re wondering, you eat this delicious dish with … wait for it … THE FORKS.

For those who were not blessed enough to watch the game in all its glorious suspense, drama, violence, and hilarity, the Blues won. THAT’S RIGHT. Our baby blues brought it home 28-16.

The addition of the two Old Men in Blue, Trent Barrett and Brett Kimmorley, turned out to be a stroke of brilliance. Kimmorley was all over the field like a man half his age. The addition of Michael Ennis, captain of the good ship giving-away-stupid-penalties, maybe slightly less so.

But let’s talk about what you’re actually interested in: yes, there was a KO. A real one. No (non-literal) shit. After a bit of scuffling in a tackle, Brett White leapt out of his play-the-ball and picked an old school stand-up fight with Hot Old Man Steve Price.

Tragically, this didn’t involve anyone getting shirtless to punch on, which is one of the greatest football traditions ever. What it did involve was about three air swings, then Brett White making perfect contact with Steve Price’s jaw. We swear on our most precious vintage t shirts he was unconscious before he even hit the ground.

And we’re gonna stand up and say … yes, we was kinda shocked. We had always had a vague suspicion that Brett White was more … how do you put it? More a lover, than a fighter.

Pic. Getty Images

Can’t imagine why. Turns out Brett White has a fucking mean right cross, and it’s Steve Price who isn’t much for fisticuffs. Even his Warriors coach Ivan Cleary was terrified about what might happen.

I saw Pricey look to shape up and I thought, ‘What’s he doing?’ I thought, ‘Oh no.’

With all due respect to Pricey I couldn’t imagine him going great in a fight.

Love how he says “all due respect” like it matters. Now that we know Pricey is like a kitten without claws you can say whatever you like Ivan. Go on! Let it out!

And we won’t lie, Brett White kinda won my heart when after the whole scuffle, as Justin Hodges was making snake eyes – we aren’t kidding, he really did it with his hands like Barney from How I met Your Mother - he just licked his lips, mouth all covered in blood, and laughed … it was kind of hot. OOOF. Excuse us now while we hide our faces in shame for enabling violence with our perviness.

But somehow Trent Waterhouse (not to be confused with Trent from Punchy) was the one sent off and fronting the judiciary for running in as third man and tackling the falling unconscious Pricey to try and end the fight. Our boy Trent is now first man to be sent off since Gordie in 2000, and first blues player EVER to be sent off. His mama must be so proud!

Perhaps she can have the title painted onto a plate for the mantle.

(Gordie, on the other hand, is probably at home busily hand-sewing up a storm, whipping up a Trent Waterhouse voodoo doll and sticking pins in its knees, chanting BITCH TOOK MY TITLE).

But we’re putting it out there that Trent had the best of intentions and is getting an unfair rap. Soon as we finish writing this blog and painting our nails, possibly eating a sandwich, we fully intend to start a FREE TRENT campaign.

Don’t worry Waterhouse! WE’RE ON IT!

And if it turns out we’re wrong and Waterhouse was doing something dodgy, Sassy volunteers to spank him for being a Bad Boy. Yes, she really did say that. Her wrongness knows no bounds.

Tell you who’s not getting any help from us though? Oh yes, we’re looking at you Thurston. Don’t-you-walk-away-from-me JT.

As if we weren’t unimpressed enough when Thurston said “go away, you spastic” to Kurt Gidley. Um … spastic? Really, JT? We’re hardly in the position to be holier-than-thou about offensive comments, but we will say this: is it year four now? Have you time-travelled? What a piss-weak childish insult.

But then we saw your boot making contact with Dave Williams face as he lay on the ground, and we is pissed. YOU KICKED OUR DAVE IN THE FACE!! UNACCEPTABLE!

We are thisclose to issuing a JT death fatwa, like Iran did with Salman Rushdie. Surprisingly, yes, we do know a lot of high profile Mullahs and we aren’t afraid to ask for favours.

Dunno if everyone’s aware of this, but Dave Williams (and no we won’t call him ‘Wolfman’; it’s a shit nickname and we refuse) happens to be the Patron Saint of Errol. As a sidnote, we cannonised him literally 6 months before anyone else knew his name so don’t you dare accuse us of being ‘Wolfman’ bandwagoners.

Anyway, we love Davey. Even though his defence of Greg Inglis was lacking in sections. Sassy maintains it’s because he failed to watch Wiz and Gordie on Monday Night Football presenting the new segment CONTACT CORNER. They specifically taught everyone how to defend Inglis … with role plays and everything! Seriously, if Bellamy didn’t let the boys have MNF tv privileges then he totally dropped the ball.

Anyway. Back to JT. In some ways we’re kinda like the mafia round here: we love chunky gold watches, cannoli, and fur … and we don’t take no one messin’ with our boyz.

So for convenience’s sake, we have drawn up a list of all our adored NRL babies.

So if anyone even THINKS of harming a hair on one of those boys heads, there will be hell to pay fo realz.

Let’s talk about Anthony Watmough. The man was a MACHINE! Played the whole 80 minutes and never looked like tiring. Bitch has endurance. Kinda like the way pre health kick us used to stay out dancing and drinking schooners until 6am. Yes, exactly like that. We were doing it for NSW too.

We know he gets a bit of a bad rap in the league world, but in our personal experience Watmough is a bit of a champ. And by that we mean whenever we have spoken to him he has been awesome and really encouraging of what we do. Which is enough for us to be on Team Watmough.

At this point Kiki would like to point out that this amazing form from Watmough is a direct result of her accidentally offending him at the Beaver tribute dinner last year. She somehow found herself alone with him and somewhat lost for words, and in true Kiki form she blurted out something inappropriate.

K – Hey Watmough…remember when you used to play Origin? And you were heaps good?

A - ……….yes.

K – Those were ummm…good times! *encouraging slap on the arm*

Obviously this was his ‘rock bottom’. He made a commitment to himself he would play like a man possessed and make the Origin team in 09. And he did! THANKS KIKI!

Just imagine how different things could have been if Kiki had made conversation about the weather. That is some Sliding Doors shit right there.

And Watmough teamed up with Ben Creagh to send in Benny for a try, too. ALL THE WAY WITH BENNY CREAGH. And that’s on top of Creagh getting the honour of being sinbinned. Amazing. Shout out to Mama Creagh! We especially enjoy that it was for … well for avoiding getting into a fight.

(All the way with) Benny Creagh was obviously upset  when Queenslanders piled into a tackle on Kurt Gidley, so he pushed Justin Hodges off, then … well then he ran away. HEART. Kiki thinks he put in the shove then suddenly had a vision of how fucking terrifying Wayne Bennett would be if he got suspended and had to backpedal like crazy. Either way Benny Creagh gets a membership card to the Steve Price Boxing Club. Look out for it in the post, Ben.

And last of all, Sassy’s dad’s favourite moment of the game: a Queenslander getting so excited at Dallas Johnson’s try that he spilled his beer. We like to think he made exactly the same face when the full-time buzzer sounded. Enjoy:

Thanks to the delicious Cronkster for his caps.