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the oh errol tarot: round 6

April 17th, 2009

There’s not much more I love in life than being right. Maybe cats. And carbs. But mostly being right. And I was totally right in my last tarot post.

The Chooks DID have a shit of a week. Though it’s unfortunate the cards failed to warn me about the rage that would come out of Sassy as a result of this.

The Panthers DID ride home with a victory, over the Manly Sea Eagles who DID fall down under the burden of being reigning NRL and World Club champions.

The Tigers DID see a W*. Ok so I took that back in the original post, but let’s go by my first instincts. Like when I hate someone upon first meeting, but then they do something great and I change my mind about their shitness, and then they go back to being shit and I’m all I KNEW I WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. I should never ignore my gut feelings. They’re not always just telling me I’m hungry.

The Dragons DID keep the faith and have an awes win at Kogarah. Unforch they ignored my suggestion to ride onto the field on horses dressed as dragons. Whatever, maybe they’re saving it for later in the season.

Point is, it’s time for another tarot post. Yes I know it’s Friday and Round 6 starts tonight, and this doesn’t leave a lot of time for the NRL to send out memos to all the teams outlining my advice, but let’s see what I pulled (tee hee) this week anyway:

Broncos – Queen of Wands – This lady is like, that girl in the room who everyone wants to talk to. So I have no idea why the Broncos got this card, coz we all know no one wants to talk to Queenslanders.

Ok I’m sorry. This is probably saying they should be self-assured, confident and basically happy little footy-playing vegemites.

Dragons – 3 of Cups – CUTE! The Dragons are all BFF-y and adorable. They just LOVE! LIFE! And they may just get to celebrate together again this week. If not, well at least they have their love for each other. Thankyou for being a friiiiend.

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Roosters – Strength – Sassy! Brett Oaten! This is…wait for it…a good card. I KNOW, RIGHT? I can’t believe it either. Basically the chookies have, or should have, all kinds of strength this week – mental, physical, emotional etc. However, this could just mean there’ll be biff. Which still makes it a good card.

Bulldogs – Queen of Pentacles – Another Queen! It’s like Mardi Gras in here this week. This one is all nurturing and motherlike. There’s no way this can apply to the Dogs themselves, so I think they need to bring in a positive lady influence who the guys can get everything off their chest to, and then be fresh as daisies.

Cowboys – 5 of Pentacles – The Cowboys have copped the Bad Times card that the Roosters did in the last post. Poor bitches. Even if they muster up a win, it’s gunna be rife with issuuuues behind the scenes. Possibly resulting from everyone missing John John after his little incident. I predict pre-game tears. *sob* BUT HE’S JUST SUCH A SUNSHINEY INFLUENCE *nose blow*

Raiders – 9 of Pentacles – It’s that bloody card of refinement and discipline again. I hope the Raiders have gone through some Ladette to Lady type training this week, and their perfected posture and ability to walk in heels will pay off in their game play. Graaaacefully and graaaaaandly.

Knights – Queen of Cups – Feeeeelings, nothing more than feelings. This Queen is all in touch with her emotions and super spiritual. Exactly what you’d expect from a bunch of guys from Newcastle.

The Knights should do some soul-searching, and possibly introduce a pre-game prayer on the field. All down on one knee etc like in the NFL.

Tigers – 8 of Cups – Somebody is weary, sick of everything and ready to move on. I’m gunna say it’s Robbie Farah. NOOO ROBBIE! Hang in there! I’m sorry I was mean to you in fantasy league! C’mon, I’ll buy you an icecream and then we can go feed the ducks.

Rabbitohs – King of Pentacles – This is the same card the Tigers got in my last post. THIS HAS TO MEAN A WIN. If not, well at least one Bunny is gunna win $2 on a scratchie or something. And I think it will be Beau Champion. You heard it here first.

Sea Eagles – 9 of Wands – DEFENCE! DEFENCE! I say this means the Sea Eagles should be taking a page out of Christina Aguilera’s book and becoming fighters. I can so see Dessie locking the boys in a room and playing Fighter on loop for 5 days, can’t you?

Panthers – Ace of Pentacles – I see this as a seed being planted for future success, and I can only equate this with the youthful presence of Wade Graham and ‘Little Big Man‘ Lachie in the Panthers. GROW BOYS, GROWWWW!

Eels – 2 of Swords – The Eels are kind of sticking their head in the sand. Not wanting to admit the truth etc etc. Ok I have no idea what this means. Let’s just have a break and look at Zeffie for a bit:

zefron.com

Sharks – The Emperor – Order, organisation, authority. Ok, this must refer to this week’s Sharks opponents the Cowboys, coz there’s no way this card is meant for Cronulla. Authority…Sharks. LOLOL *slaps knee*

Storm –  7 of Swords – Ok I can never remember this card so I looked it up:

On the Seven we see a man tiptoeing away from society…He’s taken some swords and seems rather pleased with his successful heist. He gives the impression of having secret, solitary plans. This card sometimes represents the “lone-wolf” style – the desire to run lone and free.

Oh that is so Storm. Lone smug wolves. Not to mention Cam Smith being decidedly wolflike in appearance. Now that is just creepy.

Warriors – Knight of Cups – This guy is a bit…unhinged. He can be super lovely and fab, then just snap and be in the worst mood evs. So basically, the Warriors are me this week.

Titans – 6 of Swords – You know when you don’t really have any problems, but you’re not happy either? That’s this card. The Titans are just getting by. They really should be happy though, coz they’ll be playing the Raiders at home, not in Canberra. Always a plus.

*copyright Tim Riggins

15 

introducing the oh errol tarot – round 3

March 24th, 2009

lka

I’ve decided that even with fantasy footy and our tipping comp (which by the way I was doing SO WELL in this round – until the bloody Tigers lost on Saturday, THEN the Raiders, THEN Manly) the 2009 NRL season just needs a little something extra. And, inspired by The New Way’s readings for Hanson, that something is a regular tarot reading for each team.

Before any of you skeptics grab your torches and start yelling BURN THE WITCHES, Tarot isn’t so much about predicting the future…it’s more about guidance, possible outcomes or paths to take etc. So the cards I pull for each team are more a nice little fortune cookie-esque piece of advice for the week, and not like ‘Manly will actually win a game’. And for those of you in our tipping comp who maybe need a little extra help (HI JADE!), the cards can help you too! Just don’t go blaming me if you get it wrong.

Oh and speaking of Manly, I have to confess I’m finding it very hard to care about them so far this year. Beav’s gone, Steve Bell’s gone, Dave’s injured, Cuthbertson’s scoring tries…I don’t even know what to think anymore.

ROUND 3 TAROT CARDS

Roosters5 of Pentacles – It’s gunna be a tough week for the Chooks. SORRY SASSY. The two people (or in my case, the two cats. Yes I have a cat themed tarot deck, WHAT OF IT?) on this card are beat down – tired, hungry (surely that doesn’t apply to Freddy? He is all over a snack. Maybe the canteen will run out of muffins and muesli bars), poor, suffering a loss. Perhaps like…a Minichiello? And creepily enough, sometimes this card has a DUDE ON CRUTCHES:

Do you think that’s Fitzy with the shawl? I reckon he loves a knit.

I SHIT YOU NOT! That’s the card I pulled. Poor Mini. Poor Chookies. Poor Sassy and Brett Oaten.

Sea Eagles – 10 of Wands – BOYS. YOU’RE CARRYING TOO MUCH. Bitches have got the weight of the World Championship on their shoulders. They all need to relax. Des, are you listening? I suggest you take a leaf out of Sassy’s book and send the boys off to a health retreat. Surely there’s a male/rugby league player equivalent of the Wise Wild Woman workshop.

Dragons – 6 of Wands - Oooh. This is a corker. The Dragons have been working hard towards a goal,  and it sure as shit is paying off. It might not actually mean a win this week, but if the boys keep the faith (faith! you know you’re gonna live through the raaaaaain) they WILL succeed.

Alternatively, the image of a man riding a horse on this card could merely be suggesting the Dragons ride horses onto the field each game, instead of running on like plebs. HORSES DRESSED LIKE DRAGONS.

Note: If you actually have a horse, please don’t make it wear this.

Titans – 9 of Pentacles – Refined, tactful, self-controlled…all the traits that make a footy player. I KID I KID. Seriously though this feels like a warning to the Titans to not act up now Scotty Prince has done a hammy. Stay disciplined, and don’t go having beers at Titanium because THE CARDS WILL TOTALLY KNOW NEXT WEEK IF YOU DO.

Raiders – 3 of Pentacles - The Raiders need to work together (well der, they are a footy team. Way to be obvious, tarot) towards a goal. To bring the boys closer together, I suggest a week of that trust game where you fall backwards and your partner catches you, followed by that thing where you get tied up as group and have to find your way out. I can’t wait to see Big Shillo giggling as he turns round and round trying to free himself from the string.

Knights – Page of Swords – The Pages are like children – eager and fascinated, but sometimes they use this to fuck up. Like how when I was about 3 I yelled HEY MUM LOOK AT THAT FAT LADY in Woolies. WELL SHE WAS. I WAS JUST FASCINATED. Anyway the Knights have to make like the Page of Swords this week and use their brainz…just not for anything shifty like going all Bring It On on us and ripping off their opponent’s moves (I’m unsure as to how you’d do that in League, but whatevs). Y’ALL BEEN COMING HERE FOR YEARS STEALING OUR ROUTINES.

Eels – 4 of Pentacles – Don’t let last week’s win go to your head, Eels! This is the Veruca Salt of Tarot cards. Avoid being greedy, possessive bitches, and you’ll be fine.

Sharks – The Hanged Man – Calm down Sharks fans (all 1 of you), no one’s offing themselves. In fact this is kind of an awes card. It’s about letting go, acceptance, seeing things in a new light, and coming out better for it. Perhaps the Sharks need to just resign to the fact they’re kind of shit, and they’ll do better.

Warriors – The High Priestess – LOLZ at ‘warriors’ and ‘priestess’ in the same sentence. This lady is mysterious and can see all that is unsconscious or hidden. The Warriors need to look deeper within themselves and realise their potential.  Or maybe they just all need to pretend it’s Mad Monday and get frocked up to embrace their femininity.

Storm – 3 of Swords – AWESOME. Someone’s getting stabbed in the heart. Well ok, hopefully not (I guess), but the 3 of Swords is all about sudden pain and betrayal. IS SOMEONE GUNNA CHUCK AN SBW?

I also found a description that suggests even a ‘snippy remark’ can make you feel like someone’s rammed a knife in your chest. I sure hope this means we’ll see the return of Fierce Bitch Cooper telling everyone off. ZIP IT ANTHONY.

For christ’s sake Quinny, you are ALWAYS behind the beat. And as for you Inglis, it’s kick ball-change pivot, not pivot kick ball-change. GOD. Again from the top.

Panthers – The Chariot – VICTORY! This is kind of the more powerful and important version of the Dragons’ 6 of Wands. The Panthers need to know where they’re going and exactly how to get there.

Cowboys – King of Swords - This guy is the epitome of intellectuality and stellar communication. Good for you Cowboys! Is that why they always lose…too busy wanting to get back to their books? Though I think this is saying the boys need someone to look up to who possesses the King’s qualities. And I don’t think Jonathon Thurston counts.

Bulldogs – 4 of Cups - The Dogs are so wrapped up in themselves and their loss of two points that they can’t focus on this week’s game, or feel motivated for it. Come on kids, it’s not that bad. You still have two wins, technically. That’s more than most of us expected!

What do you mean we had 14 players??

Broncos – The LoversIn the words of Kiki when me or Sassy like a boy “OOOOOOH LOVERS! LOVERS LOVERS!”. The Broncos are gunna get a hell of a lot closer (or need to). These Dirty Queenslanders need to unite and use their bond with each other to have a decent game against the Warrior Priestesses.

Tigers – King of PentaclesI’m gunna go out on a limb and say the Tigers are winning this game, as the King of Pentacles is super succesful and reliable. Ok…that doesn’t sound very Tiges. I take it all back.

Rabbitohs – Wheel of Fortune - Ok look. I may have had two plastic cups of champers with work in between writing the Tigers and the Rabbitohs, and I may be a tiny bit tipsy right now. So basically I’m just gunna say this card tells the Bunnies that this week can go anywhere. And now I’m going to take a nap with my eyes open.

And there we have the first ever NRL related Tarot reading (I’m guessing). I am such a pioneer.

*disappears in puff of smoke*