errol fantasy league – round four
April 8th, 2009Ohhhh this week has been bleak (rhyming is fun). We need to build a friggin emergency ward for our fantasy teams. Perhaps it’s Kiki’s Injury Prone aura that’s rubbing off on the boys? Whatever it is, (a) WE DON’T LIKE IT and (b) it’s really messing up the Errol office.
The scene in our breakroom right now is like a page from a WWI history book, and all the infirm footy players lolling around and whinging for iceblocks and magazines really gets in a girl’s way when she’s trying to make an afternoon Irish Coffee.
THE WILDCATS
Despite still reeling from Hot Bitch Cooper’s hammy injury, the Wildcats managed an impressive total of 940 points to 842. Score!
This week was the first week of the head-to-head matches on the Tele’s Fantasy League competition, which means that the Wilcats were put up against ‘Beers at the Cloey’ … just like a real match! And OUR BABIES WON.
The coach of the Beers, Vitlin, tried to convince us this was some kind of anomaly, and our win was just due to three of his players being stood-down for the match, severely weakening his squad. This, clearly, is bullshit.
In fact, this week we are still without injured fullback Flossy Nightingale and injured winger Manu Vatuvei, and this week we also had no Jamal Idris, who was stood down after getting his punch on breaking up a fight in Wentworthville. Sigh.
It’s just bloody lucky we were able get into the kitchen, redistribute the food, shove in some extra chairs, put Brett Morris on the wing and Krisnan Inu in the centres and get that shit together. (Yes, that was a Clueless reference. Don’t pretend you don’t know it.)
But the bad luck didn’t stop there. Our stand-in fullback, Preston Cambpell, had to be helped off-field during the Titans’ match against the Storm and will be out for another week. And our brave little soldier in the second row, Benny ‘Broken Head’ Creagh, played most of his game with a broken nose.
All in all, with a special effort from Wendell Sailor (thanks Big Dell!), it was a brave triumph for our likeable little Wildcats.
Next week, they take on the Grand Mal Meningas, coached by Anton. With the return of Prince Scotty the Caramel and Jamal Idris, we’re expecting a blinder. GAME ON, ANTONIO.
THE HOTTIES
So things are pretty tough for the Wildcats, but those bitches have nothing on the Hotties.
Their whole season started badly when our winger Dave Williams was ruled out with an injured shoulder, and has only veered violently downhill since with the loss of Cap’n Hotbitch, halfback Prince Scotty the Caramel, Steve Price (with a throat injury. Really, Steve? REALLY?), and Justin Poore.
Then, oh, about two seconds and nine Fantasy Points into the Raiders game, Sexmachine Trevor Thurling got broken.
[I don't know if it's just me, or if maybe it's just the fact that I woke up at 4.30 am today (TO MEET HUGH JACKMAN) but it's starting to seem like the universe is trying to punish the Hotties for being pretty.
LEAVE OUR BOYS ALONE YOU BITCH. IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT THEY HAVE GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS FACES. - Sassy]
But in the face of overwhelming adversity, throat injuries, inconvenient facial appointments, and the wrath of a cruel and violent universe, the Hotties managed to secure a draw: 764 points all with the Brett Dallas Cowboys, coached by Quigley.
John Williams took over as Cap’n Hot, and with the help of an awesome game from lil Luke Capewell, they thrusted their way to a pretty decent result.
[I should also point out that 1 x Tiny Dancer (aka Jamie Soward) somehow seems to be in this team at five-eighth. Because Lozzy thinks he's a hot bitch. I can't begin to imagine why. - Sassy]
[I have absolutely no idea how that happened 
- Lozzy]
Next week, the kiddies take on the E Street Shuffles who have been leading the comp to this point … assuming no more of our players break bones/contract Typhoid/get hit by buses during the week, I think our babies have a chance.
JADEWATCH
Just a brief Jadewatch this week, because we don’t want to make you any more depressed than you already are:
Unfortunately the tiny dancers did not go as well as last week
I will need new boys as currently 5 players are out, either injured or in trouble with the law. Grrreeeaaaat.
That really says it all. Grrreeaaaat.
kiki
sassy
lozzy
interns
I would like to apologise to all the injured players that we maybe possibly cursed by putting in our fantasy teams. cause it’s really starting to look that way. if any more get injured this week I am calling the whole damn thing off.
ps – pls don’t sue us.
The Grand Mals are inj-free and ready to wreck the Wildcats.
With Craig Statsgibbon, Statson Harrison, Anthony The Stat Rapist, Cameron ‘Stats’ Smith, and Jamie ‘Hounddog The Stat Boy’ Soward ready to go, it’s a sure thing.
SUCK ON IT VITLIN
one of our Errol fanz, Mr Keelty, told me u can win 25,000 grand in this fantasy comp. i had no idea u would win the monies. we are totally in it to humiliate our male friends.
poor SexMachine Trevor Thurling! OUT FOR 6 WEEKS! the Hotties have been ravaged by injury.
i would like to take this opportunity to tell them all i am a very good nurse.
i would like to take this opportunity to tell them all i am a very good nurse.
hahahahhahaha
(its funny coz youre not)
statson harrison. hahahahaha.
YES I AM LOZZY
okay thats a lie it annoys me when people are sick (eventho i am….alot)
oh and that one time i was pashing the cute skater on crutches (who will remain nameless) and abandoned him on oxford street because he was too slow and i really needed a drink.
okay so im not a good ‘nurse’ BUT boys….i am kinda hilarious and can make you forget your pain with jokez! PROMISE!
anton YOU HAVE NO CHANCE. the wildcats are gonna be amazing this week – in robbie farah we trust!
as for the hottie mchothots …. they have had problems. but. I think if they take it one game at a time, and really give it 100%, then the best team will win on the day.
hahahaha oh supercoach sassy.
and in the end if the Hotties end up at the bottom of the league, who cares? they are still pretty. and that’s what matters.
(to me anyway, coz we all know im horrifically shallow)
just wondering if marlo has a fanta pants team happening?
“they thrusted their way to a pretty decent result.”
Best mental image of all time (apart from Kiki abandoning a cute cripple for booze, obviously).
yess!! Frances!! i lol’d at those parts too
Kiki you are tres hilarious
BAZ very pleased you asked this question.
The answer is, my computer is broken from downloading too much….por..porpoise videos??? So everytime I went to save my team it wouldn’t work.
BUT fear not, this week it finally saved and the poodles are ready to go! Captained by Joel monaghan, with Shillo as VC, I think we are going to really kick some ass.
But this ranga team does sound like a good idea…because I’m fairly computer illiterate I managed to save 2 teams in the league, much to anton, vitlin etc etc dismay and so I think I’ll go and fill it up with rangas. GOOD IDEA BAZ.
I’ll show all you haters how good the peter wallaces and monas’ of the league can beeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Ok, the ranga team is complete. Introducing the National Ranga League:
Fullback
-Ben hornby (dragons)
Centre/Wing
-Luke Lewis (panthers)
-Steven michaels (broncos)
-Joel Monaghan (raiders)
-Adam McDougall (knights)
5/8
-Peter Wallace (broncos)
Halfback
-Ben Jones (roosters)
forwards
-Luke Bailey (titans)
-Michael Weyman (dragons)
-Brad Meyers (titans)
2nd row
-Craig Fitzgibbon (roosters)
-Ben Creagh (dragons)
-Alan tongue (raiders)
ok, so some of them aren’t rangas. some of them are bald. That was my next option after I ran out of Rangas.
I’ve decided my assistant coach is Brett Dallas, they’re sponsored by Megan Gale’s invisible Zinc and their home ground is anywhere that has an electric roof that can be put over when it’s just a little bit too sunny.
Their uniform is jade green, inspired by Marcia Cross’ fail safe red carpet colour.
GO BOYS!
hahahahahhaha
HAHHAHAHAH MARLO
oh shit you funny bitch. i love you.
girls i wish that me abandoning a cripple was a story, but it’s true. i am mean and a drunk.
ps when i pashed him he got so excited he dropped his crutches and the bartender had to pick them up for him. lolz.
oh god marlo this is the most awesome thing ever. its gonna be a glorious day in ranga history when the National Ranga League take out fanasty league 2009!!!
also i think you should be able to include blondes with ranga skin ( the kind that changes to fire engine red once stepping outside) and also anyone with a ginge tinge in their beard.
this team is awesome but it needs more steve southern and keith galloway.
oooh and one Mr Alan Tongue. is he still out injured? i cant remember..
ps im at an internet cafe at Rainbow Beach and just got a tap on the shoulder by evil bitch to say that the pictures on this website are “terribly inappropriate for veiwing in this establishment.” ahaha im about to pull up some Intern JJ pics just for her!!
Marls, no Keith Galloway?
He’ll be crying into his bottle of sunscreen!
HAHHHAHAH BAZ. omg really?? that is fantastic. get the naked hot bitch cooper pics up that will show her.
No no they are in! But because their monies don’t equal more they don’t get put on? Im just leaving it at the mo because if I touch it, it will surely break.
I’ve also applied to the NRL to change our TEN hrs of ‘how to treat women classes’ (yes that’s 10 hrs/yr) to do HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF IN THE SUN classes.
Cuz, lets face it, they never come into contact with women anyway.
I kid, I kid.
oh, and now that I’m home (yes, I posted the one before FROM the Roosters game) I can tell you who the subs are in the National Ranga League:
-Keith Galloway (tigers)
-Shane Shackleton (Roosters)
-Anthony Watts (Cowboys)
-Glen Turner (Raiders)*
-Steve Southern (Cowboys)
-Ben Ridge (Titans)**
-Blake Lazarus (tigers)
-Darren Lockyer (broncos)***
-Brent Tate (Warriors)
-Luke O’dwyer (titans)*
-Callan Richardson (Eels)
-Chris McQueen (Rabbitohs)
*= Not entirely ranga, more of that ‘Barry Hall’ complexion, which I personally do not regard as red, but I’ll humour those who do and throw them in.
**= also not really ranga, had tinges of it. I’m sure he would find the occasional one in his beard.
***= Bald AND captains the Broncos, he WISHES he was a Ranga.
Bald AND captains the Broncos, he WISHES he was a Ranga.
ZING!
[...] Back in round four we lost SEVEN players to injury. Seven! It was almost like they were being punished by the Cosmos for being beautiful. [...]