errol fantasy league – round three

[First of all  - if you have no idea what this is about, read our past fantasy league posts.]

So I have a special addition to our fantasy league update this week. From now on every week you’ll get an update on our Errol Friend Jade.

Jade’s a New Footy Recruit.  After being bombarded with Oh Errol posts for a year, she’s drunk the footy kool-aid, put on her shiny new shoes and is now a dedicated footy watcher. Also a dedicated watcher of Kayne Lawton.

 
Figure A: K.Law.
 

Not only is Jade crafty and adorable, she also signed up to the telegraph site, picked a squad, created a fantasy team, named them and designed jerseys for them purely out of stubbornness.  Basically Jade = AWESOME.

Someone said she couldn’t do it, she said … well something I probably can’t repeat on Errol, and the rest is history. Let’s start with Jade’s team of champions.

JADEWATCH

They’re called the Tiny Dancers, they wear lavender, and they’re packed with all the big names like Billy Slater (for the record we Don’t Approve of This), Steve Price, and Darren Lockyer, plus some smartypants buys like Bronson Harrison, Jamal Idris and Alex glenn.

And for round three, they scored … 1067 points.  SCORE JADE.

THE WILDCATS

DISASTROUS WEEK FOR THE WILDCATS.  Not only was our regular halfback Prince Scotty the Caramel knocked out of the round with an injured hammy … all of a sudden Jason ‘Flossy’ Nightingale was ruled out of Sunday’s game against the Sharks at the very last minute, and Matt ‘Hotbitch’ Cooper was helped off the field after only a few minutes with his hamstring pulled too.

Nooo! Not Hotbitch! If only it were a groin injury like last year at least we could’ve soothed the hurt with some groinage lolz. No, just a hammy.

This is the kinda stuff a coach can’t control, people. Sometimes you just have to channel Freddy Fittler, lean back, take a deep breath, and eat a muffin.

But even with the equivalent of 11 men on the field, the Wildcats managed to keep up their steady improvement and rack up 941 points. Sure it looks a little povo next to Jade’s score, but fear not chickens.  It’s all part of my careful plan. Remember the Roosters last year?  Yeah?

You never wanna peak too early. That’s all I’m saying.

In the last week we had to boot a few injuries, so we bought up Jamal Idris and Eddy Pettybourne, and the boys did some excellent work on the field. As always, Cap’n Hindmarsh and Vice-Captain Robbie Farah led from the front with 237 points between them. AMAZING.

By the by – turns out there is no longer a ‘Robbie Farah’ kebab on sale at Ali Baba. What’s doing? What did Robbie do wrong? Explain pls Ali Baba.

HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

Hotbitch Cooper’s injury probably hit them worst of all. How are they meant to succeed with no captain? I mean, really. It’s no wonder they fell back to 675 points. Still, better than Round 1.

There’s also the little problem of us forgetting to log in on Friday and put injured Scotty Prince on the bench.

Although in our defence, it’s usually Lozzy and I who look after this fantasy bizness because Kiki has trouble understanding how to log in/see your team/not break anything.  And last Friday we were busy getting a Tarot reading and then having $3 happy hour vodkas in the lobby of her hotel.

We did buy up David Shillington during the week though – due to popular request – and he whipped up a manly 57 points, despite looking worryingly malnourished. You can stay, Shillo. But have a pie will ya?

We’ve also grabbed us some Craig Wing at 5/8th and we think he’ll add some pep – also dimples – to the team. 

THE LOW-DOWN

So the experiment still suggests likeability is the winner. But thats not the only important part.  As of this weekend (Round 4) our brave teams start playing head-to-head against the other teams in our league.  I’M SO NERVOUS.

The last three rounds were just training really.  Meanwhile I am stubborn and bossy in general, and I am also incredibly competitive … so once next round starts, you better believe IT’S ON, BITCHES.  Likeability and Attractiveness are both gonna kick ass. Trust.

[UPDATE: Kittens, we are in the midst of a fantasy league emergency.  Not only is Hotbitch Cooper in the wars, we're still down Justin Poore, Manu Vatuvei, Flossy Nightingale and Prince Scotty the Caramel, and now we find out Steve Price has a throat injury.  It's an injury-fest here at Errol.  Considering we only get two trades a week, I just don't think we have the bench depth of hotness to cope with this. Stay tuned for further updates.]