errol sadtimes: a farewell to wendell

Well, that’s it. MY MIGHTY HEART IS BROKEN. Wendell Jermaine (yes that really is his middle name) Sailor has officially retired from the NRL. Break out the Kleenex bitches, cause we’re gonna need them.

No more NRL back-rubs for Wendell.

I just saw a clip on FoxSports of baby 19-year-old Dell debuting for the Broncos when he was all skinny and didn’t even have the Famous Wendell Arse, and I actually may have had to wipe away a tear.

We have the fairylights on at Errol HQ, and the interns are busy framing pics of our favourite Big Dell moments and putting out little sandwiches and giant tumblers of vodka to get us through this hard time and help us say goodbye to Wendell.

Needless to say we Do Not Approve of Dell leaving us. When we found out he was set to announce his retirement (via twitter, of course, cause that’s where we get all our news) we immediately jumped in the Jeep to head down to St George Leagues Club and convince him to stay the best way we know how: by attaching ourselves to his leg as he tried to give his press conference and refusing to let go until he agreed to stay. It works when little kids do it, right?

Seriously, guys, let go of my leg.

Sadly, we forgot that Wendell is …. Wendell. If he can dump a Taniela Tuiaki over the sideline he can probably manage to walk with three Errol girls attached to his thigh. DAMMIT. We’re sorry everyone, but we did our best.

And before you give us that ‘oh, but he’s getting on a bit’ excuse, yes, yes we know. Dell is 35 now, which, as we all know, is about 89 in footy player years. (Footy player years are pretty much like dog years). But he’s Dell. If he can come back at 33 and play for Shellharbour and make his way back into first grade, bitch can do anything.

According to Dell he was on the downhill slide and thought he had to hit the road to make sure that a) he didn’t play like crap next year, and b) so that all the lil wingers like B.Moz, Flossy Nightingale and Michael Lett didn’t miss out on their chances in the Dragons side.

DAMMIT DELL, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO NOBLE? I would much prefer if he did the non-noble thing and hung around hogging that right wing until he died/became a senior citizen.

Although in a massively Wendell moment he also said:

“If I’m as popular as I think I am, then I’ll get selected to play in the indigenous game in February”.

Well thank fuck for that! Dell was a vital selection in the Sassy Indigenous all-stars team and I really didn’t want to have to get back to the drawing board and redo that whole team. Don’t you know I’m very busy and important? I really don’t have that kinda time.

There’s my boys!

He also said:

And to the kids, just know that if you dream big and you believe big, you can make it.

OF COURSE HE DID. HE BELIEVES THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE. DELL YOU ARE AMAZING DON’T LEAVE US.

Who else will smash opponents into touch, then offer them a hand to get back up? Who else is gonna devise cute little post-try celebrations with Jamie Soward and the Dragons mascot? Who else disco dances in the locker room (also known as the Greatest Off-field Moment of 2009)? Who else will be Adam MacDougall’s on-field comedy partner?

I mean we love Dell even though he’s a Queenslander, doesn’t that say it all? He is hands-down the greatest character in league.

Luckily, the Dragons are keeping Wendell on as an ambassador and mentor for another 3 years. Good call Wayne Bennett! This is why they call him a master coach, isn’t it?

Can we humbly suggest that perhaps they build Wendell a giant four-wheeled dragon car to ride on, so at appropriate moments during home games, Dell could maybe dress up as a fierce soldier and ride the dragon around the field brandishing his sword and making the motorised dragon breathe fire?

See where I’m going with this? YOU KNOW IT WOULD BE AMAZING.

Kiki and I came up with this one arvo sitting on the hill at Kogarah, and right now, seeing that dream come to life may be the only thing that will make us feel better.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go grab a tumbler and re-read all my favourite past Wendell Sailor posts.

I may also watch these two videos and sob uncontrollably:

Hit me up with your favourite Dell moments and join in, why don’t ya?