fantasy league friday: round five

Kittens, I am officially losing all sense of perspective. Sure I was kind of a bitch before, but apparently I have now become so obsessed with our fantasy league experiment that I have lost all concern for right and wrong.

Every time I hear the word “scandal” and “league star”, my heart leaps and I just start really really praying that some awesome player has been caught in a compromising (but not deregistration-worthy) position with his pants off in a public street, possibly involving some kind of escort or domestic beast, just so I can draft him into the Second Chances. I care not for their reputation or family life, I just wanna win.

So you can imagine how happy I was when I heard “LEAGUE STAR CAUGHT DRINK DRIVING” on my radio this week.

(Happy as a pig in shit, for those who aren’t good at imagining stuff).

Disclaimer: may not be the actual Tony Williams

Then I heard the rest of the story and realised it was Tony Williams from the Sea Eagles. Thanks for nothin, universe.

So here’s how it went down in round five:

The lil Angels had their ups and their downs. Adorable Timmy Moltzen racked up 1 point before he injured his ACL and had to be helped from the field up at Dairy Farmer’s stadium. ONE POINT! ACL! GAME OF DEATH!

It’s always sad when awful things happen to people that cute. I mean, a halfback settling into his position with untapped and potentially massive potential. If Tim’s reading (and who are we kidding, he totally is), we think he should come by for milkshakes and movies at Errol HQ.

And brand new hooker and captain Issac Luke: 96 points. 96. points. I am starting to hate him already.

Total: 519 points.

And finally, finally, over in camp Second Chances, my faith in our favourite chicken nugget Greg Bird was repaid. After some dismal 16 point performances, he locked in 60 this week. Hurrah Greg Bird!

Disclaimer: may not be actual Greg Bird

This is the kind of redemption and success that the Second Chances stand for. Makes me wanna start some kind of giant group hug.

Sadly, the feathered one was the stand out, and my little troublemakers lost to Kiki by just 20 points.

Total: 499 points.

That leaves the Angels at 12th and the Second chances at 13th on the Oh Errol league table. It’s so close you could throw a snuggie over those bitches. Please don’t though, because Snuggies are an abomination against God.

Till next week! GO THE SECOND CHANCES.

UPDATE: I have renovated the Second chances for round six! Please welcome Lote and Laffranchi, and the returning Pom.