footy observations – crack, bbqs and a pot'o'gold
October 12th, 2008Ok so you people have been hassling me non stop all week to do a new post and I can’t take it any more. Apparently Errol has turned you all into Tyrone Biggums, jonesing for your sweet sweet Kiki crack. So because I’m a dirty enabler, I’m giving into your demands and delivering you some grade A goods in the form of this blog. Light up those pipes kids, here we go!
As previously discussed, we will be covering the Irish Rugby League Team’s trip to Australia for the RLWC. They could not have picked anyone better to be doing so as a) Sassy and I are the most Celtic people in Celtic town and b) we enjoy traditional Irish activities, ie: drinking beer and eating carbs.
In honour of the Irish boys imminent arrival, we are painting the Errol office green. Intern John-John is super!excited! to greet the Irish and has been slipping green food dye in our morning smoothies, making lewd jokes about his ‘pot of gold’ and keeps holding a four leaf clover above my head going KIKI LOOK…KISSY KISS! YOU HAVE TO ITS TRADITION! I don’t have the heart to tell him the tradition is mistletoe specific.
I was also planning on doing a recap of the Grand Final….until I watched it. Don’t get me wrong, I am tres happy with Manly’s win but 40-0 doesn’t exactly make for a thrilling post. It’s a try by Manly….and another try by Manly…and…yet another bloody try by Manly. WOOOO.
Sassy and I had tickets to the game, but due to our severe lack of self control we spent the afternoon sprawled on my loungeroom floor trying to fight our rising nausea. You see, we celebrated our radio superstardom a liiiiittle bit too hard the night before. The details are a tad fuzzy but let’s just say tequila was involved. Tequila and air guitar.
So instead of heading off to the footy we crashed my brothers grand final BBQ in a way only we can. Apologies to all my brother’s mates who were subjected to us lolling about in our pyjamas (sans bra), accessorised with matted hair and panda eyes. AVERT YOUR EYES BOYS. We did however provide some exclusive ~*Live Errol Commentary*~ which I like to think made up for such grossness.
When Sassy finally deemed it necessary to have a shower she yelled from the bathroom KIKI….GET ME A SAUSAGE SANDWICH…WITH ONION. Because I am literally the best wife in the world I did as she requested and then she proceeded to eat said sausage sandwich spreadeagled on the hallway floor clad only in a towel. I sat next to her while I attempted to comb out my unintentional Amy Winehouse beehive from the night before. HOW ARE WE SINGLE?? For reals boys, you are missing out big time.
All I have to say about the Grand Final is a) I am thrilled that the Beav got his fairytale and b) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT PRE-GAME ‘ENTERTAINMENT’?? For a few minutes I thought the badness was due to my hangover. I furiously rubbed my eyes in the hope people banging on BBQs would transform into something actually awesome but no, that was it. That’s all the NRL has got for us. Look, I know Grand Final entertainment has never been stellar (apart from 2001 when Barnsey descended in a chopper and sang Working Class Man…amaaaaazing) but this was errrrr…..well.
Look I am all over some stadium sized entertainment. It can be fantastic. Examples being the 2000 Olympics Opening Ceremony and my participation in the 1995 School Spectacular. If you haven’t performed a dance at he Entertainment Centre to the Jackson Five’s ‘Can You Feel It?’ clad in a fluro yellow leotard and gold sequinned harem pants you just haven’t lived.
To be serious times for a moment, why does the NRL consistently under sell itself? They have a GREAT product but they somehow just don’t realise how great it really is. Although pre-game entertainment is fairly insignificant in the scheme of things, it’s kind of indicative of how the NRL views itself. And that’s upsetting, because they, and all of us are way better than that. I KNOW they can do better. Come on boys, call us! WE CAN HELP!
Right, now onto other things Kiki Is Pissed Off About. The Kangaroo squad was announced during the week and congratulations to all the boys but um….WHERE IS HOT BITCH COOPER?? We all fervently scanned the team list looking for our boy but….nothing. Surely it’s a typo? An administrative oversight? WHAT IS GOING ON?
If nothing else Coops shoulda been selected on humanitarian grounds alone. Not only has he suffered through yet another dissapointing year at the Dragons but his beloved husband and centre partner, Mark Gasnier, has abandoned him and taken off to France to be with other mans. Mans in pink jerseys. I think the only thing stopping Hot Bitch from totally giving up on life is his new manfriend, the Big Dell. That and the fact that I keep visiting him with messages of encouragment. And by ‘visiting him’ I mean sitting outside his loungeroom, tapping on the window yelling DON’T CRY HOT BITCH, KIKI’S HEEEEEERE! I STILL LOVE YOU BABY!
Errr…back to the Kangaroos. We were overwhelmed with joy to see Terry Campese get selected. We love T Camps! There is alot of hotness in the NRL but Terry is entirely on his own level. T Camps is well….well he’s handsome. There is a severe lack of handsome men in the world these days. Being hot is common, being handsome is classic. Terry possesses a type of old school handsome that is reminiscent of portraits hung at the Australian War Memorial.
Sassy has been wondering who we could photoshop in sepia now The Beav is leaving our shores, but fear not wifey….we now have Corporal Campese of the Light Horse to maintain the Errol vintage mans quota.
And that’s it kids. You satisfied yet?
(naked John from Naked For A Cause)
kiki
sassy
lozzy
interns
TOO MUCH PHOTOSHOP. I’M ALL OVERWHELMED.
ps coops rang the office on friday, apparently you left a pile of empty V cans in the garden. RECYCLE NEXT TIME PLS.
CAMPESE. ILU. WEAR A HAT AT OUR WEDDING.
Ah Kiki, when I have I never not been satisfied by you, ah… I mean by your posts
*shifty* yeah, yeah, that’s what I meant…
The Irish team are uber lucky to have you girls on their team… And quite honestly the other teams were stupid to not scoop you up first!!
Kiks, I’ve got a proposition for you, feel free to say no, but I’ll tell ya all about it when I talk to you next!!
And finally… who wouldn’t want to follow the rainbow to JJ’s pot of gold… take it from me everyone, I received an amazing welcome from him awhile back and if that was anything to go by, then damn… quick, follow the rainbow!!
aahhh Kizzy you have outdone yourself with the photoshopping. so many hats! I would like to draw your attention though to the *entertainment* at the ANZAC day match last year between the dragons and roosters, which you also missed due to hangovers, but it was quite exciting. There were parachuters with flares (the light kind, not the disco kind) and some sort of fighter jet that flew low and fast round and round the SFS. Im pretty sure my dad had a boner (i cannot believe I just said that). I had broken ear drums, and left with a broken heart after the chooks lost. boo hoo.
NOTE TO FUTURE EMPLOYERS – I may pike footy games but I would never pike Important Work Things when I’m hungover. i sweaaaaar.
Its true. Your new found punctuality is very impressive.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, what could be more Australian than that BBQ routine? That’s not to say it wasn’t complete tripe though.
I had a sleepy moment where I almost went back to bed. I was all “Did I REALLY get up at 6am to watch generic dancers(?) releasing BBQ smoke to the music of bands I’ve never heard of?” Glad I pushed through the pain.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the NRL pre-game entertainment crew got a call from the London 2012 Olympic Committee. They say they’re going to put on a more ‘casual’ games because Britain can’t compete with the precision of Beijing….and they’ve already run out of cash.
You heard it here first! London – 2012 – opening ceremony – BBQ (in the rain) Routine.
what could be more Australian than that BBQ routine?
saying how shit the bbq routine was hahah.
oh that was the worst gf ever. THE WHOLE THING WAS SHIT!
and those cheerleaders or whatever they were, should all die.
your editing of john john is always the best!
you ladies are going to have a blast with the irish! drinking all thier guinness and everything, lucky!
Very good point Loz!
Nifty work there with the pot’o'gold and slough hat K.
Ray, I thought mixing Jimmy Page + Leona Lewis atop a routemaster (albeit modern transformer version) was a stroke of genius!
Bahahah Ray…I hold deep fear in my heart for the pommies carrying off an opening ceremony. Nothing will ever beat Sydneys…ah it was amazing.
Aw yes everyone loves John John! He is the real star of Errol. Bitch is stealing our limelight.
Haha… the rainbow looks like a penis. I GET IT. You Aussies and your Australian humour (spelled with an o-U-r).
But yeah… that wasn’t exactly the best game to introduce america with (america being Me). Still, I think there’s a good chance that america will warm up to the sport… since their footy season will be over. America would MUCH rather watch sweaty man-violence than… ugh… baseball.
And hey, at least your halftime show wasn’t Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers… *shutters*
tequila is my favourite.
Am i the only one who enjoyed the dancers in white singlets and jeans?
Although, i’m used to the hideousness of the broncos fluro pink cheerleading outfit, so i liked the toned down look.
I love so bad that its good pre-game entertainment, I am proud to be able to say I was there when the optusvision tv dropped from the sky and when Billy Idol stood around for a bit.
But this years was just so bad, that it was just bad! Loved it when someone pressed play and the living end started playing, even though no one was on stage to play any of the instruments yet!?! whoops…rewind…are they here yet?….play.
I think the billy idol year was the Best Year Ever. my favourite part was when the side fell off the giant tv.
see, you guys have awesomely bad stuff happen… like TVs falling from the sky. The Superbowl has an ENDLESS supply of money, and all they can book is… ugh… Bruce Springsteen. “Well von, everyone loves The Boss!” Sure… if by “everyone” you mean my 57 year old dad.
I miss the good ole days when Justin was wardrobe-malfunctioning Janet’s boobies. Although Prince and his giant demon penis was pretty awesome.
http://cache.defamer.com/assets/resources/2007/02/prince-superbowl.jpg
That giant TV moment was very hilare… no better or more apt way to launch payTV in this country!
Showing my age here, but if you ever get to witness the entertainment coming of age that was the 1982 GF Winfield Big Match Build-Up at the SCG – basically one large interpretive dance by about 100 people in alternate red and white lyrcra bodysuits – then you will truly know the depths of bad rugby league entertainment.
Being one of the rare Eels GF victories I have it on tape and relive the moment regularly…
OMG von sassy is gunna cut you for that comment.
but, but … it’s THE BOSS! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THE BOSS?
*swoons in the corner*
I think you guys should warn people not to read your posts on public computers…I think I may have scared the kid on the computer next to me when I laughed so hard that I snorted….
bahhah Sez. i thought u were gonna say we should warn you so people arent subjected to John Johns nudity but no no…it was just my lolz. HEART.
TAKE THAT BACK, VON! SPRINGSTEEN IS A LEGEND. LEGEND OF MY HEART. And having him at the next Superbowl will make it all the sweeter when my Packers get there, ok? Good.
Kiks are we doing that intern swap before Joel leaves? he’s only got a week or two left in my office
by all means, I agree with his legendary status. just as i do with Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones…. but c’mon, those half-time shows were TERRIBLE. I don’t wanna see their wrinkly old cocaine faces struttin’ around my HDTV thinking they’re still 25 year old hot shits. If I wanted to see that I’d go to karaoke night at the leather-daddy bar on the east side. NO THANK YOU.
Kiki- people who need to be warned about John Johns nudity should just learn to sit back and appreciate such a thing of beauty like the rest of us!
You youngsters should stop whingeing: WHEN I WAS YOUNG, the pre-game entertainment was the Reserve Grade Grand Final and copping funny haha comments from male spectators while we queued for the loo.
This is Rugby League we’re talking about here not the f***ing soccer world cup.
Makes me wonder: Given the level of sophistication for the GF pre-game-ent, who knows what jaw-dropping delights are in store for us at the Upcoming Rugby League World Cup Opening Ceremony??!!!
did you also walk to school in the snow, grandpa phil?