footy observations: parrawood and drinking games

Now I’m not a Parramatta fan, especially not when being a Parramatta fan involves people wearing creepy Jarryd Hayne face-masks on the train on Sydney’s Western line. I HATE MASKS! Masks and all related bizness including but not limited to puppets, dummies and clowns.

But I know that there is some shit in rugby league that you need Parramatta for.

For one thing, they’re the club that gave us the new favourite drinking game in the Errol Office. It’s called Fui Fui Moi Moi, and you play it … all the time. Literally. It’s not just a drinking game, it’s a lifestyle choice. Every time you hear those four words, you need to track down the nearest drink and make it disappear in your mouth. No excuses! Which is how I found myself on Saturday night, sitting outside a house party in Darlinghurst, desperately trying to steal the nearest vodka when the host appeared in Parramatta footy shorts and announced that he was Fui Fui Moi Moi.

DRINK.

That’s not all, of course. There’s another thing no other club can do as well as the blue and gold do: crack my shit up in the news. Remember the Great Chinese Food Scandal of 2009? Amazing! And now Paul Osborne has been over in India schmoozing Bollywood stars to be new ambassadors for the Eels in Australia.

Joel Reddy I love your work!

If you can tell me you didnt automatically picture Joel Reddy wearing eyeliner and dancing his thoughts and feelings complete with hand gestures, then you lie, liar. I’m gonna picture that every time I get a bit sad counting down the last month until Proper Footy Season starts.

Fui … is that you?

Now that Brett Lee’s given up test cricket, it’s pretty much perfect timing for him to play opposite Fui in a Bollywood heroes and villians extravaganza. Look into it, Osborne.

It’s an idea I like a whole lot better than having to trek to ANZ Stadium in Homebush – as we like to call it, the Cavernous Shithole – to watch the Dragons play the Eels. Sure, they say, it will be better for the game. The winner is rugby league. Thousands more people will get to see the match. Um, is that really the point? There’s more to life than quantity, kids. Think about it.

Would you rather hold hands with 20 cute girls, or pash 10? Would you rather let more people spend two hours sitting in the Cavernous Shithole praying for sweet merciful death, or fewer people have a rockin good time at Parra stadium, complete with the Parramatta macarena and someone starting a fight. You know it’s Parra tradition. It may be the only stadium in the world where every time a game is played a fight breaks out … in the members section. Makes me proud to be Australian.

VOTE 1 PARRA STADIUM.