friday night recap: roosters vs rabbitohs
August 31st, 2008I want to warn you in advance, this recap may have a few gaps in it. This is because I think the stress of watching it may have given me a small aneurysm. Thanks, Roosters. It certainly isn’t because of the copious amounts of wine I drank or because we cracked open the beers at work at 2pm. Ahem.
Also, it might contain a few profanities. Thanks, touch judges.
The boys are playing at the Footy Stadium and people have been talking this match up all week as a Local Derby, and using words like Bad Blood, Rivalry, Tradition, and Vengeance.
I have some of my own phrases to describe it though, like ‘if the Roosters go missing again tonight I will cry myself to sleep,’ ‘why is Pamela Anderson here?’ and ‘PLEASE STOP MENTIONING CRAIG WING AND HIS SHOULDER WE DIDN’T MEAN TO BREAK HIM PLUS WE TOTALLY ALREADY APOLOGISED FOR THAT.’
Pic: Mark Evans / news.com.au
It’s only a few seconds after kick-off and I start to freak out. Apparently our favourite ageless komodo dragon, Craig Fitzgibbon, isn’t captaining the Roosters tonight. Um … who, what? No Fitzy? Ma perche? Braith Anasta will be captain in his place, and while I love Braithy, this is most distressing. Even moreso when someone hints that the reason might be an attitude problem. I am speechless. I have no speech. Next I’ll be hearing Steve Menzies has a petty theft problem. SAY IT ISN’T SO!
It just feels … wrong. Is there something in the air? Because the adorable Issac Luke is starting from the bench for South Sydney, which also seems weird and wrong. Plus Sam Perrett has combed his hair forward into some kind of Julius Caesar fringe and it looks horrendous, and for some reason Craig Wing – who I’m sure favours his right foot – has just kicked twice from his left boot. I keep expecting Warrick Moss to pop in and scare the bejesus out of me.
The Rabbitohs are holding onto the ball like happy greedy children, racking up multiple sets in a row. When they pack a scrum Craig Wing is standing in the middle of the front row laughing from the sheer joy of it all.
The Roosters for some reason are enjoying – when they do have the ball – passing it to no one in particular. If you were aiming for that gap behind Aubusson, then you were right on the money, kids!
Scott Geddes seems to have taken a little trip to Disneyworld and I guess it must have been from the fend Willie Mason just gave him. I know he’s a big man with big dinnerplate hands, but really? That must be one hell of a fend.
Anasta sends a huge bomb downfield and Luke Capewell whips it from the air. He has improved so so much this season. Also, I would like to mention he is completely fucking adorable. You win at life Lukey!
The Roosters somehow manage to turn another pass-to-nobody from Setaimata Sa into an Amos Roberts try. AAAAH! So it was a STRATEGY. You evil genius, Mr Fittler. 4-0.
Mitchell Pearce decides that this would be a really good time to score another try, so he calls an impromptu huddle to prepare for the next scrum and a Roosters feed. He whips out a miniature wooden easel, a set of yellowing blueprints and a large antique Globe, puts on his reading glasses and begins outlining his elaborate plan for the next play to the rest of the Roosters.
Once he’s certain they all understand the play, he walks out of the footy stadium, chops down a tree, handily carves it into a rudimentary ballot box, and asks the rest of the players to vote on whether they will go ahead with The Plan, which has been officially dubbed Proposition #429.
I assume it gets passed, because the Roosters take the ball from the scrum and move into a tricksy blindside play. That ends in disaster when Setaimata Sa completely ignores a pass and Souths take possession. I think I hear Pearce yelling ‘… I ASKED if you had any questions and YOU SAID NO.’
Pic: Getty Images
Mitch Aubusson passes the ball to the crowd over the sideline. Phil Gould thinks both teams are trying hard but are both out of form. I think … yes. And on the field, as in the sack, it doesn’t matter how hard you try if you don’t know what you’re doing. All the effort in the world won’t change the fact that … honey, that’s not where the clitoris is. Trust me. Really, it’s not.
A pass from Pearce to Anasta turns into a Mitch Aubusson try in the left hand corner and yes! getting warmer! Souths are whinging about a forward pass but I care not. There was a forward Souths pass that the ref missed in like the first five minutes. The difference is that I didn’t mention that one. Because I’m POLITE.
Galapagos Island turtle Fitzgibbon is still out of sorts and misses the conversion: 8-0.
Mess happens, then Anasta sends Anthony Tupou through a gap for a try just before halftime. Conversion, 14-0.
Pic: Getty Images
The second half has me spilling my drink in joy as Sam Perrett dives over the try line trailing John Sutton and Craig Wing, and Anasta follows that try up with another for 22-0. It all happens in less than ten minutes and Souths haven’t even touched the ball yet.
And can I just say I am all over Anasta tonight. It took me a little while to warm up to him in the Roosters jersey, and it seems like everyone else in the world has decided on some reason to dislike him, but I’m sold. TEAM BRAITH. I’ve seen him punched in the face (twice), shouldered in the face, blamed for losing Origin, and I’ve even seen him crawl on his hands and knees across the footy stadium in round one before he was able to get up and rejoin the game. Bitch is unstoppable and I love it.
What I am not all over is the Souths uniform. Black does not go with red and green. That is all. Russell Crowe, if you are reading, could you possibly bring back the white shorts and accessories? Thanks darlin.
The Roosters have been gradually losing their shit for a little while onthe field and Souths finally capitalise with a lovely Nathan Merritt break for a try. I find out Geddes didn’t hurt his brain earlier he just got poked in the eye. I shouldn’t laugh, should I? The Roosters decide the Rabbitohs deserve another so Perrett takes a John Sutton kick in-goal and drops it for Sutton to ground. Someone is talking about offside but HOW CAN YOU BE OFFSIDE IF YOU WERE THE KICKER? Insane.
22-10.
I am completely lost and confused when all of a sudden Souths have about eight tackles in a row and the little tackle counter shows no numbers at all and the only thing the commentators seem to be talking about is cricket analogies. THAT ISN’T HELPING. Braith Anasta is busy having a philosopshical discussion with Referee Lyon about whether a marker can be allowed to chase when the ref calls advantage then pulled up for a tackle later. I DON’T KNOW BRAITH, THIS IS ALL HURTING MY BRAIN.
Pic: Mark Evans / news.com.au
I squeal with delight when little Issac Luke magics a break and leaps and prances downfield for a try. See this is why I can’t believe he was on interchange! He is too fabulous for words. Sandow and his amazing bumblebee boots convert for 22-16.
This makes me smile, because it’s probably true:
Voss: How do you think Freddy’s feeling right now?
Gould: He’s probably eating a muffin.
With only five minutes left on the game clock, and on the fifth tackle of a Rabbitohs set, some man I’ve never heard of named MacPherson kicks into goal. Mitchell Pearce decides to ignore the ball and let it roll through his legs as adorable Luke Capewell leaps in and grounds it. TRYYYYYYY! I’M SO HAPPY! AND EXCITED! BUT HEARTBROKEN!
THERE’S NO EMOTICON FOR WHAT I’M FEEEEEEELING.
Now I can’t tell you whether what happens next is just dumb luck, or some kind of cosmic intervention by Jack Gibson, but Sandow’s conversion attempt HITS THE GOAL POST and bounces away. The score stays at 22-20 and oh yeah, there’s the aneurysm.
And with only twenty seconds to play, Sandow’s bumblebee boots kick a 40-20 and I swear my heart literally stops beating. The bunnies race to pack their half of a scrum against mid air. Somehow the touch judge decides it’s not a 40-20 and I involuntarily throw the remote and scream BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT TOUCHIE!
The last twenty seconds tick away and I am spent. I’m so relieved the Roosters won despite all their best efforts in the second half to throw their lead away; I’m so disappointed Souths didn’t get their miracle comeback; and I’m so in love with the little halfbacks. Mitchell Pearce was a defensive wall in the first half, and Chris Sandow was creativity personified in the second.
I think maybe they call this feeling … sportsmanship?
kiki
sassy
lozzy
interns
eating a muffin hahahah
I’m not gonna lie. Souths are my second favorite team. Chris Sandow, John Sutton, Isaac Luke are just too adorable for words. And i love Big Daddy Kidwell. Of course, then i remember Russell Crowe but i just try to scrub that from my mind.
First of all. Poor Craig Fitzgibbon.
Second. Poor Chris Sandow for missing that conversion. So many Fucks! Won’t somebody think of the children?
John Sutton’s try was quite hilar. “The easiest try of his career” ey. I just love him with his out of propotioned legs.
Isaac Luke snarling from the sidelines desperate to rage on field? I’m not going to lie. It did something to me.
I’m happy the Roosters won though. Bitches would have been piiiiiiiiiissed.
I don’t know what’s up with David Shillington’s uniform, but we seem to be seeing a lot of bare mid-section. And you know what? I’m so not complaining. Oh haaaai.
He’s also become my fitness inspiration.
Thanks a million for recapping this game. Even with the gaps. There I was, under my blanket nursing a flu-like illness and waiting to watch my second game of the day (this game) when some Scottish football appeared on my screen in its place. I was not happy. Being at the mercy of the Setanta Sports schedulers sucks royally. The only thing that mildly pacifies me is when your lovely commentators say ‘Hello to our viewers watching in the UK on Setanta. We’re glad you could join us today.’ I feel like they’re saying it just for me. Anyway, sorry to ask about a different game, but this is important. Setanta allowed me the pleasure of the Dragons/Eels game yesterday. After one of the early Dragons tries the ‘Monday Nudey Run’ was mentioned. What can you tell me about this? It’s occupying far too much of my thinking time.
ray! hello gorgeous!
well I can say that josh morris was completely dacked (TWICE. clearly that boy chooses not to invest in new elastic for his shorts) and was also given a wedgie at one point.
but if there is some traditional monday nudey run then sadly I haven’t seen it. and I kind of hope there is.
ps jessica I totally think it’s the uniforms. somehow the chooks uniforms were made much whorier about two rounds ago. I like it.
All the effort in the world won’t change the fact that … honey, that’s not where the clitoris is. Trust me. Really, it’s not.
finally you have found a way to use the word clitoris in a footy post. i can die happy.
sassy is pretty much a clitoris pioneer
“Bitches would have been piiiiiiiiiissed”
by that … you meant me, right?
it’s true. I would have. or maybe not so much pissed as just crying a little on the inside. I’m so invested in mah boys.
No i meant them. Hahaha. I was envisioning Willie and Braith as fierce pouty bitches who would have cut a bitch had they not won. Or let down Chris Sandow’s tires later in the week. I wonder what he drives. I like to think of him in a VW Beetle.
Boooo! Dragons Monday Nudey Run is just a myth. Oh well. I can just create it in my imagination. Hang on a minute…..there it is. Ahhhh. I did wonder if Josh Morris had deliberately tampered with his knicker elastic to try and win a coveted spot in the next charity calendar. (?)
Ray in the UK! The mad monday nudey run allegedly has to be performed by any player who hasn’t managed to cross for a try in the course of the whole season.
Since most of the players sailing close to the wind in that category tend to be either unfit props or interchange forwards, let’s just say that people are almost universally happy when a player scores their try late in the season to avoid such a vision occurring in reality.
Probably only an australian custom, with the climate and shrinkage and all, I can’t imagine the nudie run featuring at the end of a UK season…
Thank you Sassy for at long last honouring the greatest team in the greatest game with one of your coverted posts. It’s been yet another long hard year for Souths fans and a rare appearence on OhErrol helps sooth the pain of 30 going on 40 years of utter failure.
Jessica my dear, I’m glad you brought your esconded love for South Sydney to light. I’m not sure who your first team is but the path to true football enlightenment is a long and dubious one and we all tend to stray from this path from time to time. As such, in an effort to help you focus your thoughts and surpress your feelings for “the other team”, I can assure you that despite popular opinion you are the cutest member of the OhErrol team and any future support for South Sydney will not go unnoticed.
I’ll have you know that one of my earliest memories of being alive was my mother and I living in Redfern. So i have some vaaaague connection to Souths. But, ideally, being a Melburnian and all, i should go for Storm. I don’t though, i go for the Bulldogs. Why this is i have no idea, and neither do the girls. I like to think they chose me because they needed to class up their support base and I do seriously adore Hazem El Masri.
I do love Souths a lot though. If the Bulldogs are my biological children then Souths are my adopted babies. And let’s just say i have a lot of love to give.
I’m not in charge of recaps but i’ll make sure there are some Souths recaps in the future. Even if i have to do them myself. Which will probably mean lots of gushing and coochicoo-ing and cheek pinches. Which is not really what you want in a recap.
BART: Thanks for explaining Monday Nudey Runs but you’ve kinda spoilt it for me now with the unfit prop business.That makes me not want to look. I’m lying. I would still peek through my fingers. Being that summer has been banned in Britian this year I doubt the custom would catch on. Although, it looked especially warm at Wembley Stadium for the Challenge Cup Final on Saturday, so who knows.
well when I promise I do deliver, mr souths. *salute*
I hope souths are also proud that they feature in the oh errol awards too (fly the flag issac luke!)
ps more souths posts on the way if you can pass on my white shorts message to rusty and the gang.
pps if anyone is saying jessica isn’t cute point me to them cause I’ll daine-laurie-bitchslap them good.
Ray, the end of season nudie run is definitely not a vsiually attractive occasion, best tp imagine your own under different rules.
Think Nick Fozzard perhaps for St Helens, and Ewan Dowes for Hull over there and you get the picture of the type of guys that usually go scoreless, and why even their teammates fear having to turn up and watch the real thing.
Too bad no post this weekend re the mighty Dragons serving up Jellied Eel on Friday night. So I’m glad to see my pommie team, the other Saints, got a mention in Bart’s comment. Challenge Cup champions 3 years in a row. Sadly, this time they resembled Cronulla Sharks circa 1971 cos they weren’t wearing the famed Red V.
hi phil! don’t worry mister there is a dragons-eels post on the way from miss kiki this week … (complete with tribute to dell and his amazing hattrick).
yes yes im writing about my dragons today!! i never miss an opportunity to talk about how brilliant they are. make sure you come back phil!