friday partytimes: shirtless footy and retro dating

Anyone a teeny bit bored? As in, bored and counting down the hours till the Friday arvo bottles of cheap white wine appear from the storeroom at 5pm?

Well a little video is up of the afternoon Kiki and Sassy spent at White Water World with the NRL and Indigenous All-Stars and some awesome kids last week on the Gold Coast. Check out George Rose’s sweet chest hair and do rag, Sam Thaiday looking like all his Christmases have come at once, and Gorden Tallis explaining why he calls Wendell Sailor ‘Oprah’.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH IT

Before you ask – no, we didn’t plan this whole water world excursion just so we would have an excuse to interview the players shirtless. We’re shameless, so if we wanted to do that, we’d totally just ask at a normal function. (If David Gallop’s reading from hospi THAT WAS A JOKE. Cough).

It was a One Community day where indigenous and disabled kids could hang out with their fave players … and yes, they all had more fun than we thought was humanly possible. We are v annoyed we forgot our swimmers.

And as for the venue? More like everyone went to White Water World because it’s Preston Campbell’s favourite place, and we all know he’s a very persuasive man.

And for those of you going on dates tonight, I’m throwing in my new favourite internet discovery: A DATING GUIDE FROM 1938. SERIOUSLY. Amazing! Read it and snare yo man, ladies and gay men. Or, if you’re like me, read it and realise all the things you’ve done wrong on dates.

Write this down darlings – no putting on tights in the living room. Haven’t we all made that mistake? Or at least adjusted our tights with one hand (cause the other one has a glass of vodka soda in it) in the middle of the Brighton Bar while loudly exclaiming ‘DAMMIT WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE LADDERS IN MY TIGHTS?’ and showing them to passing strangers in leather jackets and bandanas. Which is of course in no way an actual story from my general life.

Because it’s 2010 and I live in Australia, the only man I’ve ever met who carries a hanky is my Grandpa Norman, who used to tuck it in the sleeve of his maroon v-neck sweater before he left the house, while wearing beige shorts and long socks. So … unlikely to be a problem.

TOTALLY have this one in the bag already. I never look bored! Usually I just make a kinda snarky face and say ‘COOL STORY HANSEL’ and change the topic. Then they find my complete lack of tact horrifying and/or refreshing and we go from there.

FOR WHEN A MAN DANCES, HE WANTS TO DANCE! I am totally printing this out and putting it on my wall.

Honestly? If a man ever picked me up for a date like a 50s gentleman I would die of shock. This rule is therefore moot as dead ladies don’t put on their own makeup, embalmers do it for them. True story.

Still relevant. Still. Relevant.

So public pashing is out?

And drunken crying?

I CAN’T EVEN FLIRT WITH THE WAITER? WHAT KIND OF FASCIST DATING GUIDE IS THIS?

… and this is why I prefer my gay boyfriends. If a man doesn’t want to talk about Alexander Wang, what are we gonna talk about?

What is this …. dig-ni-ty they speak of?

FASCISSSTS!