off-season update: a lil bit of lowes and the broncos olympics
December 9th, 2009Talk about some slack blogging, kittens. How long has it been since we wrote anything? More importantly, how long has it been since there was football on? We are not coping well with the lack of footy in our lives.
The only thing that’s keeping me from weeping uncontrollably about the whole thing is that I am currently too exhausted/dehydrated/generally beat down by the festive season to muster up tears. I’m dessicated Sassy right now. With the amount of Christmas parties with open bars and ‘OMG WE NEED TO CATCH UP BEFORE CHRISTMAS’ pub-trips and beers while we’re watching Danny Green fight and Fleetwood Mac concerts I seriously do not have that much moisture in me.
I also haven’t cleaned my house, or managed to face the grocery store in about two weeks, so I am basically living on things in tins I find in the pantry, and amongst several gigantic piles of clothes that look a lot like some kind of hurricane relief drive. HEEEELP! See what happens when there is no footy? I lose my damn mind and need to be rescued by either my mother or the Red Cross.
But do you know what made me feel better? Someone helpfully pointed out this week that Lowes have their new season ad images up on their website. We all know what that means …. FOOTY PLAYERS IN NORMAL PEOPLE CLOTHES. It’s my favourite thing! It’s like when you see Venus Williams in an evening dress. It’s strange and unusual and special like an eclipse, or a unicorn.
And my favourite new picture of all is of Scotty Prince being a dapper and amazing business man:
Scotty auditions for the Wall Street sequel.
Considering that I am currently living in my own festive season filth and have about eight baskets full of dirty laundry, I am considering taking his advice and heading down to just buy myself a whole new wardrobe. I think we all know that living out of my remaining clean clothes just isn’t working. Yesterday I had to dress as some kind of 1970s housewife because all I had left that was vaguely wearable was a selection of rainbow-coloured sundresses.
And while I’ve been living in a state of permanent hot chip and free beer hangover, the NRL boys have also been busy. In Todd Carney and Jason Ryles’ cases, busy freaking me out. Sure I knew they were coming to my team the Chooks, but actually seeing them in Roosters merchandise is unnerving like woah. I felt equally weird the first time I saw Anthony Tupou as a shark. IT’S WEIRD AND WRONG AND I DON’T LIKE IT, ONE BIT.
I’m not even kidding you when I say I find this picture of Jason Ryles:
Jason and Stuart use their pocket flashlight to search for their missing dignity.
MORE normal than this:
He actually makes a kinda reliable looking security guard, don’t you think? And Todd Carney, for his part, makes a really really good pattycake partner. Mitchell Pearce told me so.
Up in Queensland, whenever they manage to find time out from their hectic schedule of electoral scandal and debating whether daylight savings fades curtains, the Broncos have been busy busting their guts to get super-fit for the 2010 NRL season.
They do this by staging some kind of …. Broncos Olympics? That’s totally Denan Kemp and Peter Wallace practising long jump, right? Whatever. All I know is that I really love Peter Wallace’s zinc nose. It’s very Michael Hussey. It’s also an excellent example to young rangas everywhere … SUN SAFETY IS COOL, KIDS!
Some of the boys struggle with the concept of ‘hurdles’
I also like to think that Israel Folau has really settled in with the Brisbane team. Like maybe in the early days he had a few teething problems. He’s sort of a baby still as footy players go, maybe he played up a little, ran off at training when he saw something shiny or a dog passing by, had trouble concentrating. But since they put him on a lead, little Izzy has really stepped back into line.
If you can keep him in the one place long enough, Izzy’s quite the good listener.
.. he just needs a hand-holding partner when the team walks anywhere or crosses roads. His road safety still needs some work.
And in a lil round up of the rest of the NRL teams, the Tigers boys are being cheeseballs over on Tigers TV (I don’t know that Steve Folkes would approve of this break from training, just quietly):
Justin Poore now has HAIR! Must be because he’s at Parramatta now, far far away from Ben Hornby and his Hornbag Clippers of Doom:
And, possibly inspired by Todd Carney, John Sutton spent Rabbitohs training week in Coffs Harbour playing pattycake with dolphins:
Pic. Frank Wedward
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go eat a tin of corn kernels. Till next time, darlings.
All other pics via the awesome BS and his blog, and Getty Images.
kiki
sassy
lozzy
interns
theres a very cute monkey backpack/leash the broncos could get for Israel….he wont feel like he’s wearing a leash coz its a backpack like the big boys wear!
ISRAEL CAN FLY!
is there anything funnier/greater than footy players in Lowes catalogues? i think Watmough’s efforts are my all time faves. also Daniel Holdsworth and Youngquest looking like a loved up gay couple (altho we all know real gays would never wear 15 dollar suit pants).
Scotty Prince looks so trustworthy and schmick. i would trust him with my finances any day.
also HI MY BRONCOS BOYFRIEND ANDREW McCULLOUGH. be shirtless more often k thanks.
I was going to spend tonight combining Christmas and my pathetic devotion to the Bulldogs by decorating my apartment with blue and silver tinsel, except as it turns out my local supermarket doesn’t stock tinsel. Because after all, who would want to buy tinsel in December? I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that as a consequence, I’m going to spend tomorrow at Bankstown Square trying to find Bulldogs-themed Christmas tat to put on display. Ah lol, I really have no life.
Also: how do the Broncos manage to be so smooth and hairless? I find it incredibly hard to believe that they’re all going off for regular chest and leg waxing, but it’s almost impossible to maintain that level of shininess any other way. I’m really confused.
HI HILLIUS!!
hahahah blue and silver tinsel, i love it. today at the One Community christmas party they had a tree decorated entirely with LIGHT UP NRL TEAM BAUBLES. IT WAS SO AMAZING. they also had crackers and stockings. i’ve never seen them in shops because if i did my whole house would be covered in Dragons christmas goods.
the Broncos are very hairless aren’t they? they probably get a group discount with waxing. footy players are waxing bandits
i have glow in the dark melbourne storm baubles hanging on all the picture hooks in my house. i haven’t taken them down since i put them up 2 years ago.
That photo of Webby and Ryles will never be un-funny.
Hello new background for work computer! Can’t wait to explain you to Terry and Bert!
actually I know some gays that would wear 15 dollar suit pants LOL
(not me of course!)
i think Andrew McCullough looks a lil bit like Cooper Cronk
I think my fave Lowes pics from the current “collection” are the the SKD ones!!!! the photographer obviously said to him “no pouting”.
i love your latest video too btw!
CCX
oh my god this post is full of lolz. oh footy. OH ERROL.
Important update: I have now laid my hands on silver and blue tinsel and my apartment is looking resplendent. Unfortunately I didn’t really have anywhere to put it so I’ve just strung it between the light fittings. OH HAI MASSIVE FIRE HAZARD! But it’s worth it because it’s now slightly easier to cope with the off-season. (Incidentally, there are Dragons christmas stockings at Best & Less in Bankstown. No baubles, however.)
btw, that Tigers cap is from me! but i forgot to watermark it.
still LOLing at the Lowes catalogue
Michael Ennis looks rather fetching in a 3 hundred dollar tuxedo…
and Beau Ryan accessorising with a glove on his lefthand in one pic is GOLDEN. watch out Abbey Lee Kershaw!
CCx
BAHA i know i love Beau’s glove.
LOL Israel eats lunch with all the boys now unlike last year when he sat in the kids section by himself.
Feck, I hate the off season nearly as much as I hate seeing Shane Watson succeed
nrl crackers at footy shop at narellan. Not sure about baubles. Can confirm the nrl stockings at best n less
the crackers are SO cute! I wanted to steal one the other day from the players’ charity chrissie party but sadly an actual child got to it first. BOOOOOOO.
BAHA hilius. I can’t wait till you’re on A Current Affair talking about how your bulldogs christmas tinsel set fire to your couch.
do they also make bulldogs smoke detectors? look into that pls NRL.
“Jason and Stuart use their pocket flashlight to search for their missing dignity.”
Great line Sassy! Have to say I “lolled”.