oh errol fantasy league: round 8 supercoach edition

HELLO BABIES! As if you needed any further proof that super-coaches never sleep, you’re getting a Fantasy League report from me all the way down in Orange. And it’s extra-special this week because, last night, as we sat in the Canobolas Hotel in the main street of Orange waiting for our garlic bread we realised the City Origin team had decided to drop in for cook your own steak. And why wouldn’t you? So imagine how happy we were when we spied Titans and City Origin coach John Cartwright lurking around the corner chatting to the Country coaching team and – surprisingly – not holding a Coke Zero. We almost didn’t recognise him. HE JUST REALLY LOVES IT, OK?
 

We are srs supercoaches.
Pic. Getty Images

Clearly this was the perfect time to back him into a corner (not physically, because he’s like eight feet tall, and I’m only 5′6 and a half) and have a supercoach powerchat for two hours. I told him in great depth about the Great Errol Fantasy League Experiment and I’m 99% sure he was thrilled to find out that at least two of his boys are fantasy starters. How proud must the Titans be? So proud.

By the way, I know we make up a lot of stuff like … well, just click on the interns tag, but I assure you this really did happen in the real world and not in my mind.

I may also have told him:

a) that Scott Prince was crowned snuggliest man in league 2008, and;

b) that he is a very buff man. Kiki asked if it was a coaching technique to make sure players listen and obey when he tells them things. If it is, I’m impressed by his dedication and ingenuity.

I hope that he also passes on his suggestion to the Titans Junior Development Team that they can use the results of the Errol fantasy teams to start picking superstars of the future based on their personalities and looks. MY SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH IS GONNA REVOLUTIONISE RUGBY LEAGUE.

Here’s the latest rundown:

THE WILDCATS

Steve Price … I’m so glad you’re back. Papa Steve Price and teeny Issac Luke in the forwards came through with 133 points between them, and with Robbie Farah chipping in 99 points our front row are big front row dynamos. Tiny Dancer Jamie Soward and T.Camps delivered as always, but man of the match for round 8 was Preston Campbell. No, it’s not just because he played with a broken jaw that time (which was AMAZING) but also for bringing in 89 points as reserve fullback. As his prize, I will make him a backup headgear with an aboriginal flag ironed on so if he forgets it again he always has a spare.

Before you ask, YES I can iron. Sometimes I can actually manage to do domestic things without setting myself on fire, k?

But despite a brilliant 976 points, the Wildcats were taken down by the narrowest of margins by the Brett Dallas Cowboys on 1076 points. Oh, the pathos. I am gonna send them all little baskets to make them feel better, full of cupcakes that say YOU’RE STILL WINNERS in icing.

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

It’s just not easy being pretty. Despite Justin Poore lifting to 56 points in the win over the Warriors, slim weeks for Willy Zilly and Trevor Thurling saw the Hottie McHotHots rack up only 758 points and fall to Beers at the Cloey. I won’t say anymore, but next team meeting I will totally pat all their heads and tell them they’re pretty. That always soothes the sting of a loss.

JADEWATCH

Round 8 Score: 946 *does a little happy dance which may or may not resemble Tiny Dancer* (which would be appropriate seeing as I have a whole TEAM of Tiny Dancers)

I was pretty happy with the boys’ performance, however NEVER AGAIN will I put Lockyer back in. 13 points! Really Lockyer?? Talk about inconsistent. Last week I kicked myself for excluding him cos he managed to actually do stuff and score 76, but this week… 13! NOT HAPPY DAZZA.

Man of the Match goes to Preston Campbell… he will be receiving a gold star on our Performance Chart.

 

… thanks to Carty for the coaching tips. Heart.