an orange wrap up: country vs city

OKAY. HI!

We have been rather crap at posting regularly huh? Sorry, my darlings. I know you rely on us for your footy lolz. And the lack of blogging has turned some bitches crazy. I swear we found a fan outside the office the other day, clad in a soaking wet tee, screaming ERRRROLLLLLL. Totally channelling Marlon Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire.

(You love our pop culture references don’t you kids? Everyone does. Don’t ever challenge us to a game of Trivial Pursuit, we will whip yo ASS.)

So anyway, we are home from Orange. And we are straight up sad about it. We fell in love with that pretty lil town and it’s residents. We only spent a week there, but with it’s autumn coloured gorgeousness (and its amazing pubs), Orange totally stole our hearts. Damn you, Sydney, and your lack of deciduous trees!

Let’s wrap up the Country v City game shall we? (Notice this year it was officially changed to have Country first. And we like it). There was alot of talk from arrogant Sydney journalists that the game was a non event and no one would turn up to watch it. Well … they were wrong. FUCKERS! HAH!

Yes that’s right kids, the people of the Central West turned out big time. Wade Park was not only packed to capacity (that’s over 8000 people), but ppls had to be turned away at the gate. May I take this opportunity to remind you all that we ensured this would happen during our appearance on 105.9 Star FM the morning of the game. Yes, we were right and the mainstream media was wrong. NOT THE FIRST TIME. NOR THE LAST. *karate chop*

So we love the Country team so much we even … gulp … wore maroon. In public. I felt dirty but I did it for the boys. Best thing about footy at Wade Park? The amaaaazing sausage sizzle tent manned by volunteers (a whole tent of snags! hello heaven!) and the mobile TAB in a caravan. We actually put bets on while eating our sausage sandwiches. Hello Kiki + Sassy nirvana!

Well, our boys lost. It was shit. Everyone in the Country camp, including us, was pretty shocked at the scoreline. Looking at it on the scoreboard just didn’t feel at all like it should after watching the game (the first 60 minutes at least). Boo hiss booo etc etc.

But the strangest thing was just the experience of being in a country crowd to watch league. You see, we are … what’s the word? Loudmouths. That’s it. And we’re used to sitting in stadiums full of other loudmouths shoving in pies and screaming support/abuse/jokes at the game going on in front of us. Country crowds – because apparently they are usually this way – are intense.

Instead of multitasking like us city folk (blame TV for our poor attention spans) their focus is completely on the game. It makes for a really compelling experience huddling together in the cold, watching the game with 8000 people who are totally absorbed in the footy in almost a hush. Overwhelming, even.

It also means that when we yelled out for the awesome Alan Tongue and his try, his wife turned around to see where the noise was coming from and gave us a ‘… I know right? My mans is awesome’ nod of understanding. DON’T GET THAT IN THE CITY, DO YA?

Special shout out to 18th man Chris Heighington (fuck that name is hard to spell, I totes had to Google), who was both gracious and unintentionally hilarious while performing his dutiez. He had to warm up with the team in uniform … then take it off once they were done and it became obvious that no one was incapacitated during their hamstring stretches and unable to play.

He also may or may not have been forgotten in the seating plan and, well, he didn’t have a seat. He spent the whole game aimlessly wandering about the stands, up stairs, down stairs, eyes searching for something he never found. IT WAS SO SAD.

Looking back, I should have offered him my lap to sit in … right?

And worst of all … Chris was forced to do manual labour. Poor bitch had to do the heavy lifting. As you can see above, he was in charge of carrying he Eskies into the stadium. I for one am outraged. Just because he’s large, strong and hardworking doesn’t make him a bloody Clydesdale! This is even worse than Shillo being made to lug around giant chains during his Gods of Football shoot.

Anyways, we totally yelled things like BOOOOO CITY BOOOOO and DAMN YOU DAVID, then unsuprisingly went out and got drunkety drunk drunk to soothe the pain of the loss. Luckily Orange has quite the raging and hilarious nightlife to keep a girl entertained.

To finish off, I would like to make a list of Things We Learnt During Country Week (These are real lessons, not ones that happened in our heads. I swear.) Here we go.

* T.Camps has excellent taste in music. He loves Dolly Parton, Jimmy Barnes, Diesel and John Farnham. He should totally go on tour as DJ T.CAMPS. We would be all over that shit.

* As you can see from above, Chris Heighington enjoys very tight t-shirts. Whether or not this is because he can’t find t-shirts in size Clydesdale or he has an obsession with his clothes dryer, we can’t tell you. We can tell you, however, that thanks to a) the tight shirts and b) the fact he is super charming and generally lovely, resulted in him being the Ladies Choice of the week. Hey little girl with the cash to burrrrrrn. Oh, Heighno. (Ps how good is that Polaroid? My photographic skillz are unsurpassed)

* According to someone in camp, the Dragons are ‘no fun’. My response? GOOD! I DON’T WANT THEM TO BE FUN! I want them to win godamnit!

* Joel Monaghan (or ‘former Kangaroo Joel MONNAGGAN’ according to the announcer at Wade Park. lololol) is probably the funniest guy we have ever met. Not just in the NRL, but in life. We all decided that when he retires we will launch a radio show. Kiki, Sassy + Monas? Can’t you just see our heads on the back of a bus? Imagine all the endless ranga jokes! I can’t wait.

* Laurie Daley is an amazing human. Just … amazing. He gave me a birthday hug and it was one of the Top 5 moments of my life. And by ‘gave me’ I mean I wrapped my arms around his neck and drunkenly yelled LOZ IT’S MY BIRFDAAAAAY and he didn’t recoil in horror. Oh Laurie, why you so nice?

[Laurie using the phrase 'sweet as a nut' during commentary last year is one of the reasons I started loving footy. I just found out last night (Sassy swears she texted me when it happened, but I never received it *shakes fist at technologiez*) that he SAYS IT IN PERSON TOO. Oh Laurie. - Lozzy]

* Gordie Tallis is a huge fan of The Simpsons. He gave an excellent birthday rendition of Kiki, her teeth are big and greeeeen. Kiki, she smells like gasooolinnnneeee. Also, Flo Rida.

* Blocker Roach is a big believer in pheremones. He also gives truly brilliant inspirational speeches. Goosebump-worthy.

* Do not stare at Luke O’Donnell as if he can’t see you. He is not a photo on the internet, he is an actual person. He actually caught me with my lustful tongue hanging out of my mouth. Damnit.

* Dave Williams + TAB = loveerrrrs

* Ronnie Palmer (the ridiculously awes Roosters + City trainer who looks like The Cougar) enjoys headshrinking Sassy about her love life over a beer. Also, he likes to wear cashmere.

* John Cartwright is very tolerant of us. Even when we drunkenly run across the room and yell CARTTTTYYYYY. He is also a front runner for our Sexiest Coach in the NRL Award for 2009. We told him this and he seemed quite pleased.

Lastly, we want to sincerely thank Terry, Bert, Jess, Lauren and Kate at the CRL. We love you guys!! Huge thanks to the incredibly gracious Peter Mortimer (father of DanDan!) for being so open and encouraging. Our morning at your winery was truly special and one of the best moments of our trip (hope we can get that article published soon!). Thankyou to Gary who organised most of our week and hooked us up with everyone, absolute legend. Thanks to the Hawks for being so welcoming and generally adorable (the post on them is coming this week too). And thankyou to Orange!