origin 2010: a guide to origin conversation

Today is an Important Day. State of Origin for footy fans is like … rugby league Christmas. Or a bahmitzvah. Or a wedding, or graduation.

Look, the similes aren’t really important. Just feel free to insert your own event where you wear uncomfortable clothes / have to have awkward convos with relos.

The bottom line is if you don’t follow footy, it’s a time to admit that this day isn’t about you, and just show some religious and sporting tolerance. If you’re down with Jesus, it’s kind of annoying to have to give kids money just for turning thirteen and not thinking he’s the messiah, right? But you do it anyway and don’t complain. That’s the kinda attitude you need right now.

To help y’all out, we prepared a short list of helpful hints for the non-believers of things you should never, ever say during State of Origin.

THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY DURING STATE OF ORIGIN

1. “But isn’t that the player you hate?”

In normal games, he might be a cat, dog, grub, passenger, or any combination of the above. On Origin day, if he plays for your team, he’s golden. There is no logic, just acceptance. It’s not about struggle, it’s all about flow.

2. “But isn’t that the player you like?”

NOT WHEN HE’S WEARING MAROON. PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!

3. “Are you drunk? On a Wednesday?”

No, I’m enjoying Origin. There is a difference.

4. “Were you just standing up punching at thin air?”

No, I’m enjoying Origin. There is a difference.

5. “Are you … crying?”

No, I have SOMETHING IN MY EYE. There is a difference.

6. “Don’t you think it’s wrong to encourage violence? Kids could be watching!”

This may actually result in a footy fan gouging your stitches and muttering something about tradition, education, civil wars and other more important violence to worry about. Shit could get nasty. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

7. “Well it was a good game”, and all other variations including “the winner is rugby league”.

Oh, honey, just no. Don’t you want to live?

8. “But isn’t Greg Inglis from NSW?”

… unless you actually want to hear a forty-five minute diatribe including direct quotes from Greg Inglis’ cousin, a compass, and the use of an atlas as a visual aid.

9. “Why isn’t the referee doing anything?”

Because asking this question at the wrong time might interrupt some vitally important air-punching.

10. “Why are you cheering when a guy is unconcious? Aren’t head injuries dangerous?”

Usually, yes. In Origin they are ENTERTAINMENT. Learn this.

Feel free to pass on to your nearest and dearest. Love and kisses, Kiki and Sassy.