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Queensland: 6 in a row, to match their toes

July 7th, 2011

Congratulations Queensland! You have 6 Origin victories in a row, all neatly lined up to match your 6 toes. And we don’t want to be sore losers, so we’ve graced Errol with the new Queensland state flag (see above). See! We are totally down with good sportsmanship and giving credit when it’s due.

As for the game, well … it happened. And the world is still turning. Not gonna lie though, that shit hurt. This arvo a bloke came into Kiki’s workplace brazenly wearing a maroon scarf. After she launched a tirade of abuse at him he very nervously squeaked ‘sorry bro, I’m from New Zealand … I didn’t even think! It’s just cold today hey….’

Sorry mate. Speaking of New Zealanders in maroon scarves, what in the hell was Sonny Bill Feelings doing on the sidelines giving his expert commentary? WHY? Why do Channel 9 constantly give air time to other sports during rugby league programming? That shit has to end.

More importantly, why was SBW wearing a maroon scarf? Oh that’s right, coz he’s a hateful turncoat with no soul who sneaks away in the middle of the night because he doesn’t want tell his team mates he’s leaving. YEH WE HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN THAT SONNY BILL. Remember when you played for NSW Schoolboys SBW?


Just imagine us doing this while we type. It is 65% accurate.

And we need to talk about that Darren Lockyer ‘tribute’. It’s taken us almost a whole day to digest that. That was by far the most upsetting thing we’ve ever seen. And we used to be regulars at a certain 24-hour establishment in Taylor Square that shall remain nameless so we have seen THINGS. Trust this.

We would find the video on You Tube and dissect it piece by piece but our constitutions are too delicate to be put through that. We love you guys and all, but not that much.

The bottom line is we love a montage. Absolute BANDITS for one. The music, the slow-mo, the hazy after-effects. Aaaah, bliss! But watching close-ups of Darren Lockyer’s black eye and the town of Roma set to a tinkly piano tune stolen from a serial killer re-enactment on the Crime Investigation channel is not enjoyable.

In other circumstances, we would probably just hate Lockyer like we hate all Queenslanders: when they wear maroon / when they get Queensland tattoos / for three nights a year.

But every time people from North of the Tweed tell us Darren Lockyer is a legend, a Prince, or a hero, it annoys the hell out of us.

So watching creepy video packages about Darren Lockyer’s home town is WORSE THAN THE WORST.  How dare you try and make us Feel Feelings about a man with five Origin series wins in a row!

Yesterday Kiki accidentally saw photos on the interwebz of a smashed up dead body after a car accident. There was visible brain matter. That was less upsetting than the Lockyer tribute.

Remember when Mufasa gets trampled alive after saving Simba in the Lion King? That is less upsetting than the Lockyer tribute.

One time we watched a documentary on Foxtel about people who fall in love with, and have sex with, inaminate objects. One particularly memorable scene shows a lady making out with a rollercoaster.

That is less upsetting than the Lockyer tribute.

See where we’re going with this? Darren Lockyer may be a ‘legend’, and he’s had a fantastic career, but he is not OUR legend. Just like how John Howard was never our Prime Minister. Doesn’t matter how many montages we’re forced to watch, or live crosses to his brain (seriously …) or tweets of OMGZ U GUYZ HOW CAN U NOT RESPECT LOCKYER!!111!…..we just don’t get it. And we will never will.

More importantly, Queensland, you may have Lockyer but you will never be this adorable. Hah!

Mainly this is because, for every Queenslander who is normal and functional, there is a Queenslander – a FEMALE Queenslander – who pees on their seat. At Suncorp Stadium. While Lockyer is giving his speech. And y’all wonder why we make fun of you … seriously.

(DISCLAIMER: WE DON’T WANT TO LINK IT THIS CAUSE IT’S TOO GROSS. YOU’LL HAVE TO GOOGLE.)

We know that last night’s game wasn’t NSW’s finest moment. As in … we know our boys can do better than this. They HAVE done better than this. Like Parramatta smashing the Bulldogs in the 2009 finals series, we peaked a game too early.

But if the Blues played 95% in game two, we’d call this 80. Don’t ya think? Eighty percent execution, maybe due to nerves. There were still some barnstorming Aku Uate runs, some delightful footwork from Jamie Soward when he carried instead of kicked, and incredible defence. But there were also a lot of kicks straight into Maroons players arms, kicks to places kicks should not go, a few dumb penalties, and that time Minichiello tripped over.

We know Birdy … we feel the same.

It’s possible that Ronnie Palmer also accidentally set the Gallen-bot to just ‘main’ instead of ‘DECIMATE’ which is what he did in game two.


Just because he’s a machine doesn’t mean he can’t feel.

But in the next column over, we give the Blues 100% for heart. Mick Ennis showed so much heart that he broke his sternum.

At times they were majestic to watch. Like when Luke Lewis wove his bogan mojo and the Blues charged through a mess of sprawling Maroons to score our first try.

What can we say except … footyboner.

We is PROUD.

And to prove that we do have hearts, we’ll admit that Sassy was legitimately distressed when Johnathon Thurston was injured. (Kiki had no opinion because she had been banished to her room)

We love watching him laugh his dopey laugh, even when it’s because he’s come back on field in a wheelchair and is completely off his face from the pain medication he’s sucking down on.


Pssst, pass the green whistle, would ya, JT? NSW NEEDS IT TOOOOO.

The bottom line though, is this. We aren’t broken yet. You won’t catch us telling anyone Origin is dead.

Queensland, you’ve won 6 in a row. You may win 7 or even 10 in a row. But know this: it will never be easy. We will fight you for every metre. You will have to earn every inch, every blade of grass.

You will bleed. We will hit you … hard. Bones will break and muscles will tear and we will be there every single year to hurt you again and again and again. No victory will be effortless.

Know this too: we hate you. We hate your maroon jerseys, your smugness and your blatant player stealing. We hate your cheap shots, the bizarre Lockyer worship and your complete lack of irony.

You may dominate on the scoreboard but despite your self mythologizing fantasies, you will never dominate in heart. Don’t you ever get comfortable, because we will never submit.

UP THE BLUES!

Game pics. Getty Images

  • MercurialMattyV

    No comment on Gidley…. disappointing. Great read and summary overall.

  • Anonymous

    agrred – gidley WAS disappointing. but in his defence he was MUCH better in game two playing from dummy half when he came on. thought letting uate step into dummy half when he did / when ennis went off wasn’t the best game plan.

  • philo

    INSPIRING STUFF – FAX IT TO STICKY RIGHT NOW!!!!!
    “You will bleed. We will hit you … hard. Bones will break and muscles
    will tear and we will be there every single year to hurt you again and
    again and again. No victory will be effortless.
    Know this too: we hate you.”

    Terrific post galz – I feel better now

  • Tones

    You guys are awesome. That is all.

  • sunnycoastman

    Brilliant, and I support QLD!

  • Eliescha

    i love the new qld flag..perfect! also green whistle…got me thru labour..that shit is better than any drug u might find at a blue light! excellent read, as always :)

  • guest

    LOVED this, especially the last few paragraphs!

  • Powrhtoc

    Fantastic..PROUD to be a NSW Blue!

  • Shelby

    haha I don’t expect you to understand the Lockyer obsession because, like a good Queenslander, I shamelessly cried through his speech and I can’t even explain why myself! Better luck next time, Blues. We hate you too, forever <3

  • Babzee

    Love your work.  Reading this made me tear up from laughing.  Through your pain and your desolation and your defiance (beautifully-phrased, btw) the one thing that always shines thorugh all your posts is how very much you love league. 
    And I do too.
    Which is one reason why I love Oh Errol. 
    The other reason is that you write so well.
    Brava

  • Spleeep

    *SIGH*

    Where to start?

    Let us start with SBW… yes agreed. He can die in a fire.

    Ok now, let us move onto your attack on Darren Lockyer. A future immortal, no questions asked. Insinuations about ’24 hour establishments’ and the like. Yeah. Below the belt. That does not sit well with me one bit. Yes we’ve all heard the rumours, and many of us have seen things. But the timing, and the tone of your comment is well, pretty f%^king pathetic. We’re only here to judge a players football ability right? If your going to throw those barbs around, throw them at 95% of NRL players. I hope the above comment is reaching you in the foulest of moods, in which it was intended. And know this Sassy & Kiki – you wont find anyone up here saying you are broken either, or Origin is dead. No way. Us Queenslanders who endured the 90’s, the era of Joey and co, will never EVER forget. You want to talk about smugness?! We will not forget the try celebrations. We will not forget the disrespect. We will not forget being written off and dismissed by everyone South of the border. We wont forget the hard times – and we will always dominate with heart.While NSWRL were all patting themselves on the back, and engaging in a big circle-jerk, we were building, we were planning. We were putting systems in place for the future. The number of players we have to choose from, is tiny in comparison. And you want to talk about the stealing of players.? Show us a player who is playing for Qld against their will? There are very real and distinct reasons why players chose to play for Queensland, at a time when NSW was in fact the dominating force.Know this too: we hate you also. More than you even know.

    See you in 11 months.Regards,Spleeep[Ps. Sincerest apologies for the ‘piss chick’. Really.]

  • Anonymous

    dude you’ve totally misinterpreted us!

  • Spleeep

    Ah right i see now – please feel free to edit/remove down to “And know this Sassy & Kiki”.
    Apologies.

  • Kiki

    aw spleeep? did we hurt your feelings?? SORRRYYYYY.

    wait, no we’re not. 

  • Kiki

    but thanks for writing out that essay for us! 

  • Kiki

    also the number of players you have to choose from? BITCH PLEASE. there is the classic underdog mythology coming up again. you guys are the best, world beaters even. accept it and stop trying to play the underdog. it’s sad and embarrassing.

  • Queenslander

    LOCKY IS A LEGEND!

  • Spleeep

    NSW – 234 eligble players 
    QLD – 97 eligble players
    http://www.qrl.com.au/default.aspx?s=eligible-players
    http://nswrl.com.au/default.aspx?s=player_register

    No myths, no sadness, no embarrassment, just facts.
    Another win for the little guys, the good guys – GO QUEENSLAND!

  • http://twitter.com/samvphoto Sam V Photography

    S&K, Spleep hits the nail on the head with ‘Where to start?’… 

    Sit down, listen and learn all about yourselves and your state!

    Smugness… For all but one of the last 5 years Queensland players and supporters have sat and watched a team, a team that could not hold that shield aloft the previous winter. We watch as a team gets only half the job done and they, along with 7 million odd followers, celebrate as though that’s it… Job Done… Exhibiting a feeling of greatness and offensive satisfaction with themselves…F*@k me, isn’t that the definition of smugness?

    Heart…. “A few calls that went against us I thought were terrible calls…” Apparently down south ‘Heart’ is a term used to describe 17 arm waving and excuse making muppets attempting to fool their supporters and themselves into believing they were cheated. Thank you for the lesson NSW. For so long now I thought ‘heart’ was having the firmness, courage and resolution to complete a difficult task. Yes, beating NSW is never going to be a stroll in the park, State of Origin will die a quick death if that is ever the case, however it is Queensland that continue to have the actually HEART (rather than the southern version) to push through the tough times and come out the other side. 

    Until you take the shot to the chin, shake it off, admit you were ready the term is HALFHEARTED!

    KNOW THIS: We are never as good as we will be, we are never finished, we are never content with just one game, we are never content with just one series, we will never rest on our laurels, we will never beat you enough, we will never give up, we will never be done hating you, we will never forget the past, we will never dwell on the past, we will never stop being QUEENSLAND!

  • Ade

    Just found your blog a few days ago when googling “QLD State of origin insults” LOL! A great read and love the writing style. Go the Mighty Blues!

  • Kiki

    it’s terribly cute that you guys are trying to write some bad ass inspirational pro Queensland shit to compete with us….the operative word here is trying.

    thanks for bringing your friends to Errol though Spleep! WOO!

  • Spleeep

    You’re welcome!
    Completely aware how much Oh Errol just ADORE the influx of “grubby Qlders”!!!

  • kaz

    If you dont like them dont read them simple

  • kaz

    If you dont like them dont read them simple

  • QUEENSLANDAARRRRHHHHH!!!!!!!

    Darren Lockyer is a legend, a Prince and a hero!!! LMBFAO @ you NSW LOSERS!!!!!!!!
    P.S. Won’t even place my post./.PISS WEAK NSW LOSERS!!!!!!

  • NSW4Life

    Twas
    wondering why Sonny Bill Feelings was polluting my big plasma screen TV
    on Origin night… I’m honestly surprised that no one either leaped
    over the fence to attack him, or threw something at him. I would’ve
    grabbed a QLD child and tossed it at him as hard as I could.

    Onto the game, plain and simple, we played like absolute horse s**t.
    Wait, can I say shit here? Meh. 2012 is the Year of the Dragon, so NSW
    WILL win that Origin series. Why? Think about it. 1988 = Bicentennial
    for Australia. 2000 = Turn of the century. What do those years have in
    common? Year of the Dragon. So 2 things will happen in 2012:

    1) NSW will win the Origin Series
    2) Dragons will totes win the comp for a 3rd consecutive year (since we all know they got this year in the bag)

    To all the QLD’ers going off and shit about this article, all I have to say is this.

    Cane Toads are FAR more insignificant to Cockroaches. Can a Cane Toad
    survive a nuclear blast? Can a Cane Toad live for a couple of months
    without food? Can a Cane Toad go without oxygen for 45 minutes?

    I think not. Therefore NSW is, and always will be, better than QLD.

    kthanxbai.

  • Kiki

    it’s the best when Queenslanders comment on here, proving everything we’ve ever said about them correct. cheers mate!

  • mundee

    awesome post – and super duper cute photo of Morris and Merrin!!! :)

  • zegs

    Are you gals okay, no updates for a while!
    Anywho wanted to share this video of my straight-gay man crush with you fellow Flossy appreciantes.

  • Florrie1959

    Really missing you guys! Are you coming back?