r-l-w-c w-r-a-p: new zealand and mata haris

HOW MANY SLEEPS TO GO? …. um, not many.  I can’t be bothered counting.  But the Rugby League World Cup is a-gettin closer and Errol HQ is abuzz with excitement. Work Experience Boy Lachie keeps running and jumping his way through all his jobs in the mornings and passing out in the corner for naps after lunch. Intern Brownie has left us for Britain, and Intern John John is really feeling the strain of being short staffed (heh, staff).  Yesterday our ray of sunshine intern almost made a frown.  It was upsetting.  

So apologies if Errol has been a little light on World Cup updates lately, but the truth is that actually making our own evening dacquiris and searching for images of men with moustaches takes up quite a lot of time. Who would have thought?  We are tres overworked.

And looking at what’s happened in the past week, I can only assume I have missed out on several Important Top-Secret World Cup meetings where, apparently, everyone decided the best way to even the playing field for this year’s cup was to annihilate Australia’s back line. Just as Justin Hodges was ruled unfit with a “busted shoulder”, and Brett Stewart got one too, brilliant defender and all-around hot bitch Matt Cooper suddenly needed “groin surgery“.  DON’T THINK YOU CAN FOOL ME, BITCHES.  This is so blatantly transparent I can’t even stand it.  Taking Hodges and little Bretty out with Tonya Harding bats-to-the-shoulder then sending in some kind of World Cup Mata Hari to shag Hot Bitch Cooper into an incapacitating groin injury.

I’m 99% sure their next plan is to ensure our new recruits Darius Boyd and Karmichael Hunt are charged by police and booted from the team halfway through the comp.

I can’t wait to find out what horrible injury they have planned for the newest Kangaroo - and Oh Errol Award nominee – Joel Monaghan.  Car door to the head perhaps?  Falling down a mine shaft?  Does he even realise he’s stepping into a cursed team?  Poor baby.

… is arsenic detectable? Better check with Benny.

Tell me this: can it be mere coincidence that, while Hot Bitch, Hodges and Snake are looking at stints on the sideline, Brett Stewart’s teammate who was actually injured when he played the Grand Final, is now livin it up at training camp with the Kiwis?  I THINK NOT.  Just look at Steve Matai, all snuggly and smug.  WAS IT YOU?  ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NEW ZEALAND?

But sir! Everyone else has black shirts! I feel like a tool.

Coincidence that poker-faced genius and former Broncos coach Wayne Bennett rocked up to New Zealand training this week?

It’s all very suspicious.

But the really worrying thing about this whole New Zealand plot may well be that … I don’t hate it.  As an Aussie I should be outraged, non?  But watching the New Zealand Maori play the All Golds on the weekend, readers, I felt things.  Nice things.  Things like smiles and butterflies and affection.  WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?

Maybe I do finally understand the whole Islandergate situation and multiple loyalties. Cause I look at those Kiwis and just seeing all the boys I love in the NRL gets my heart all confused. Krisnan Inu! Flossy Nightingale! Issac Luke! But, but … how can they be dirty Kiwis?

There is also the fact that it is pretty much impossible to hate Ruben Wiki.  I’ve tried, not possible.  It’s like hating Nathan Hindmarsh.  It defies human logic. And it seems like some of the ole Ruben magic has rubbed off on the New Zealand and made me love them the way I kinda love Parramatta.

See? Even touchies want Ruben Wiki to score!

The whole thing also had me wondering if New Zealand are even capable of sabotage.  You tell me.  Maybe think about it while we move onto other news.

As you know, we Errol girls are off to meet n greet the Irish Wolfhounds this week, so we’ve been eagerly tracking their trip to Australia on the big Errol whiteboard. And you know how indignant we were to hear that the Irish boys had been shunted back to economy while their English big brothers rode in business class. Clearly that is both unnacceptable and racialist. Am outraged!

I have dug a little though and found some facts to put the Wolfhounds diss into perspective.  At least, unlike the Papua New Guinea Kumuls, you were actually let into the country.  And most importantly, unlike the French rugby league team, you aren’t in Caloundra.  (Love and kisses to all our Queensland readers, by the way).

Chin up, Wolfhounds.

All images: Getty Images