state of origin: another one bites the dust

DAMN IT, PEOPLE. This shit is getting out of control. First Luke Bailey was ruled out of selection with a fractured arm. Then Luke Lewis with a broken foot-something. Then James McManus with a busted ankle. Then Michael Jennings with a calf injury. Next Robbie Farah’s not training cause his rib in-between bits are sore and Trent Barrett has a jimmy back.

Now Craig Wing has been booted from the NSW Origin team with an itchy sternum or laryngitis or … look I don’t even know what’s wrong with him. I’M NOT A DOCTOR. Anyway it matters not cause he’s not playing. Just the latest in a long line of Blues to bite the dust.

Not so quick, Learoyd-Lahrs.

Except maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Two injuries I could understand. After all, it’s footy, right? Shitty stuff happens. Shit like fractured arms and crushed toes or grabbing peoples wheels or sticking your finger in unexpected places or having your head stapled together on national television. 

Trent waits for the voltaren to sink in…
Pic. The Daily Telegraph

… and limbers up.

And Trent Barrett I could understand, too. The man is 31. Sure, in real life that’s young, but in footy terms that’s like making it to 100 … in the 1940s. Those bitches age in straight-up dog years. Plus it’s WINTER. No wonder his lumbago’s giving him issues. But all he needed was a bit of arthritis cream and he’s right. Tony Ayoub’s been driving up to Magenta Shores to grease up his old joints and now the old dogs’ fit enough to go back to his training routine of lifting medicine balls and running the four minute mile. 

But SEVEN INJURIES? Fuck me. Shit is ridiculous. It’s like the blue death. Or having a whole team of Rod Wisharts. Or that baseball episode of the Simpsons. The second someone is tipped for Origin II they fall under a bus or get gigantism or fall into the Springfield Mystery Spot. IT SUCKS. Before we know it Daryl Strawberry will be Captain of the Blues and I will top myself.

THIS IS THE WORST ORIGIN EVER. Even the boys look like they think so.

… Cept maybe for T.Camps. His spot is getting might close to being empty again. 

Injuries? There are injuries? PICK ME! I’M READY!

Although it’s entirely possible that Andrew Johns will just step in. He’s been filling in all week up at Blues camp and HE ALREADY KNOWS ALL THE MOVES.

Meanwhile there might be something else going on here. Considering that 85% of my Roosters team is also currently injured, I can only conclude one thing: somehow, I have displeased the Gods, and they are now wreaking their mighty vengeance.

Eh, we’ll just take the win.

I dunno how exactly you fix that. I did see this episode of Anthony Bourdain No Reservations where he knelt down and banged a little bell and apologised to the Universe for all the pigs he has eaten in his lifetime. So I’ll try that, but in the mean time, I’ve just lined up another shadow player:

I KNOW RIGHT? PERFECT! She’s super fast AND she’s tres enthusiastic. And yes … that is my dog. She’s a retired greyhound named Dolly Parton. Plus she’s only 1! Hello planning for the future! If we lose another winger she is all over this shit. (And let’s face it, we probably will. Those blues are dropping like flies).

See? Billy Slater totes looks terrified. Dolly Parton’s gonna be a menace in blue. CALL ME IF YOU NEED HER, CRAIG BELLAMY.

And if you’re wondering what the Maroons have been up to while the Blues were shattering their bones and muscles of glass … well, they’ve been doing what they do best:

Down and dirty and KEEPIN. IT. REAL.

So, predictions please? Who’s winning it and by how much?

As always thanks to the fab BS for the caps. Mwah!