state of origin: cyborgs and tune-ups
June 19th, 2009
So it has come to my attention that some people who read this blog are …. what’s the word? Queenslanders. Oh, yes. I remember it well from my two trips to Queensland in the last few weeks. Apparently every single ad on tv in the entire state has to mention that word about EIGHT TIMES. Queenslanders … looking after Queensland. The insurance to deal with what Queensland throws at you. The Queensland bank you can trust.
KILL ME NOW.
I’m starting to wonder if they do it for the same reason they invented the infamous State of Origin ‘Queenslander’ chant: so they can remember where the hell they’re from. Those three syllable words can be tricky. OH YES, I SAID IT. I’m a petty NSW girl and making cheap jokes about Queensland is all I have left.
What was my point?
Oh yes, Queenslanders have trotters State of Origin is just days away. So the boys we don’t go for have put on their hideous maroon training gear and are busy getting ready for Origin II. How are they doing this, you ask? Well not, as you would guess, by living in huts they crafted from paperbark and training with footballs they have sewn themselves. Although I’m sure they’re still keepin it real.
Oh no, instead Mal and the crew took them back to the facility to be tuned up and detailed, all shiny and ready to go for the next match.
I KNEW IT. Ever since guest-blogger Bec told me, I knew it! They is robotsssss. Robots with human covers. And greatest athlete Billy Slater is their leader. That’s the only possible way to explain how good he is. He’s a super-human! Can’t you just imagine the day he was born? Bursting forth from his pod like Neo in the Matrix.
IT’S A BOY!
Cam Smith has the new Captaincy learning program installed (Lockyer’s gonna be out of service eventually).
Folds away for easy storage.
Crocker after his yearly buff-n-wax. So shiny!
… the Steve Price even comes with mix-n-match accessories.
Extra aggression apps for JT.
Word on the street is that Mal is also a little bit nervous about Joel ‘Big Red’ Monaghan being added to the NSW team after Michael Jennings was ruled out with injury.
Jennings packs his things and leaves the State of Origin house immediately. He thinks Cassi the bogan will win.
Pic. Brett Costello
“… big Joel, he’s got experience, he’s been there before, he’s a really rock solid player and very good in the air obviously and a good talker.”
NO ARGUMENT THERE, MAL. Monas never shuts up. He especially never shuts up when he’s taking the piss out of me. When I asked him the other night at Magenta Shores if he and Jarrod Croker share a hairdresser with the Aussie cricket team he came back with “… like you and Andrew Symonds?’
DAMMIT. I GOT BURNED BY MONAS AND MARIO FENECH IN ONE DAY. My life sucks.
Like the blues, burned three times by the maroons. FOURTH TIME’S THE CHARM. Till next time, kittens.
kiki
sassy
lozzy
interns
SO MUCH HAIRLESSNESS. they must be testing out the new ‘Human-look Body Hair Plugs 3000′ on cam smith.
also BAHHAHAHAHAH monas. man he is so lolz. he should have his own show.
In all seriousness, what the hell are those machines that Slater and Smith are sitting in? Are they for doing fake tans or something?
Boo to Monas taking the piss!
While I was sitting in traffic the other day, I started to read number plates (as you do) and almost chocked to death when I saw “Queensland – The Smart State”. Bahaha! Really? If that’s true the rest of us are screwed!
Only redeeming feature for the Queensland team is Ashley Harrison. Hello pretty face! He could play back up Hot Bitch when Coop needs a vacation.
bahha like maybe an hour a week of monas mocking people. I would watch that.
yes! i would buy it on dvd
SMART STATE! well the pigs were the leaders in Animal Farm. maybe that’s what they are referring to?
the smartest and the MEANEST!
BAHAHA “Cam Smith has the new Captaincy learning program installed ” lolz – and we know the camera never lies.
very funny sustained metaphor, Sassy! because it’s TRUE. Queenslanders are statistically more likely to be cyborg than any other state – e.g. look at the Ruddbot
Sass, I think you’ve got it all wrong. Have you never seen a bunch of hairless blokes taking upright spas before? Not to mention they had to undertake shrinkage therapy in the ice baths so their appendages would be more…um,how do I say this? NSW like??? (for those slow on the uptake, that means small…and blue) Lucky us Maroons do live in huts and play with footys made of palm leaves…imagine the shellacking those Blues would cop if we had access to modern technolgy! Love your Work none the less…it’s two kinds of awesome.
YOU ARE A QUEENSLANDER? why didnt you tell us this earlier? all this time we have been twittering with you and we didn’t know your dark secret!
hahah all the captions!
They should be scared now that Monas is in. Bitch got game.
The Steve Price model is my fave. Also my mothers. She loves warriors games coz she gets to see shietless Pricey in the change room at halftime
So, Um, I guess I’m out of the loop now? Truth be told, I was actually born and bred in NSW, but have always supported QLD. Loooong story which only serves to illustrate my long history of ill informed pigheadedness. Hey, if it’s good enough for Greg Inglis,it’sgood enough for me! Let the hatin’ begin!
ahaha no not out of the loop, but we could have been making fun of you ALL THIS TIME. if only we’d known.
Something tells me you’ll make up for it….Bring it on!
sportsfanlife has the mindset of a champion.
The only way NSW will win is if Coach Bellamy can sneak into the Big Mal’s coach’s box and spill coke on the mixing desk. Of all people, Coach Bellamy should know that that is the only way to bring down a team of cyborgs
if by ‘mind of a champion’ you mean ‘mind of a dirty traitor’ then yes.
stop stealing fire up’s jokes.
Ouch Kiki! If I had feelings, I am fairly sure they might be smarting right now…but alas, I am void of feelings. They were removed, along with my ability to whinge and complain, when I crossed the border. Thankfully those things were replaced with the ability to WIN and other forms of general awesomeness…love you!
well yes you are a NSWelshman going for Queensland so much like other traitors (aka Greg Inglis), you clearly have no soul and therefore no ability to feel.
*kicks you in the shins*
Suchy, whilst fending off Kiki’s hurtful jibes, I neglected to give you the props you thoroughly deserve for taking the reigns of the SFL bandwagon. It’s your work I love…