state of origin: serial killers and smut

Origin time! Just one more sleep to go till our beloved baby blues take the field in Melby at the newly and oddly-named Etihad Stadium. What is this place? Where is it? Is it the Telstra Dome? I have no idea. I will be watching it at the Alexandria Hotel and that’s what matters.

And our boys really are babies this year. Eight debutantes!

Don’t they look lovely?

Lovely and FIERCE. Justin Hodges and Johnathan Thurston tried to psyche out the baby blues by saying they’ll be terrified of the big night, but Benny Creagh (at the back, on the left, rocking the garland of flowers) was having none of it.

You wouldn’t play rugby league if you were scared.

Even Greg Inglis enjoys Ben Creagh’s burns. Izzy Folau just likes smiling.

Pic. Wayne Taylor

Try and argue with THAT logic kids. His job does involve running at gigantic men for a living. Hodges might be the noisiest sledger but Benny Creagh prefers a succinct burn.

Plus I bet Hodges doesn’t have an adorable personalised slogan like ALL THE WAY WITH BENNY CREAGH. HAH.

Benny Creagh has to be especially un-scarified to run out on the field each week, because God knows he’s had his share of injuries. No shit it seems like his head somehow manages to get broken and start bleeding every single time I watch the Dragons play. Head of glass!

It got to the point last season where I watched a documentary about how head injuries can turn kids into serial killers – (it’s true) – and after a few cocktails at the weekly Errol management meeting, we were thisclose to putting on a special Benny Creagh safety and surveillance team. Then we sobered up and got over it.

Well apparently Luke Bailey read that post too. When the Melby press asked if the NSW pack was aggressive enough he announced:

“I think [Ben Creagh] can snap. He is a bit like Ivan Milat, he has got that serial killer in him.

But we will have to see if he can get fired up first. I’ve seen him fire up a couple of times.”

WE KNEW IT. Oh Errol: breaking rugby league serial killer news … first.

And in case rugby league and State of Origin wasn’t dramatic enough to get Victorians interested, the teams have gotten all paranoid and finger-pointy to try and get them intrigued. SEE GUYZ! JUST LIKE UNDERBELLY … BUT WITH FOOTY!

Queensland say NSW turned up late to a coaching clinic for bushfire victims to avoid gettin spied on. Then they ran a closed session, so Queensland one-upped them with their own closed training session. Bellamy’s even keeping his team list folded up in his Secret Coachez Diary. It has a padlock and a sign saying CRAIGZ STUFF DO NOT RAED.

Ok, so maybe it’s not so much Underbelly as Bring it On. They don’t want those opposition bitches coming up to Compton and stealing their moves.

I’m sexy, I’m cute. I’m popular to boot! I’m bitchin, great hair! The boys all love to stare!

Meanwhile with Errol fave and Cowboys start Luke Hot’Donnell in the team, I was going to sit down with mah quill and mah parchment and write some of our trademark Errol perviness for you, possibly involving talk of intensity and sin bins and whatnot. That’s part of the site’s charm, right? Then I opened up the news.com.au website and realised Dean Ritchie and Matt Marshall had written an article about whether Luke is the new NSW enforcer, and did a better job than I could EVER do of being pervy.

“I’d go even further than O’Donnell just being the enforcer,” said Murray, who coached O’Donnell at North Queensland and NSW. “All the NSW back-rowers are edge players but I’d put O’Donnell in the core.

“He’s aggressive and explosive enough to handle the heavy stuff.”

OOF. Aggressive and explosive. That phrase is so … romance novel. I love it.

“O’Donnell can go the distance and has great stamina.”

Oh man. It’s funny cause I’m smutty. I love a double entendre. Also, single entendres.

“It’s an intense style of footy,” O’Donnell said. “A lot of people talk about back-rowers these days just as workhorses or having a workrate, a lot of players have that these days, but I’d like to think I can bring a bit of impact and a bit of sting in defence and attack.

“When I’m in form I think I’ve got a lot to offer at this level.”

“I’ve been here before. I’m happy to do any job I’m given.”

Seriously? I couldn’t make this shit up. I would make a joke about I’ll-give-you-a-job but IT’S JUST TOO EASY.

“I guess I have always been pretty aggressive out on the field, ever since I was a young fellow. I love the confrontation. I love the body contact – that’s what I love about the game.

“I go as hard as I can every minute I’m out there. That has always been my approach.

Body contact? IT’S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL.

NSW legend Steve Roach has a huge opinion of O’Donnell.

“You need someone to really get stuck in and O’Donnell is the man,” Roach said.

“I just love (his) energy and power. He won’t relent … he just keeps going. The harder it is, the better O’Donnell likes it.”

…………………………………….

I’m sorry, what was my point? Oh, yes. Even though it’s not us making the pervy comments this State of Origin (it’s weirding me out too, don’t worry), there are some things that never change.

[Doesn't that article read like something we wrote as a joke for Errol? It reminds me of the 'interview' I di with Intern John John last year. Seriously, can you believe the real John grew a mo for us after that? Neither can we. -K]

Even after winning the last three series, and the fact that they have a virtual monopoly on Australian rep jerseys, the maroons have STILL managed to find a way to make themselves underdogs.

According to Cam Smith:

We knew what it felt like to be in their position three years ago, and you’re going to do anything to try and get a win.

It’s something that we need to be careful of. We can’t underestimate these blokes. They’ve got the easy job.

No one expects them to win. They don’t have to worry about any outside factors. There’s no expectation on them, so they can just go out there and play their own game.

It must be so stressful being Origin superstars. Poor maroons. I can’t wait to beat you.