SUCK ON IT QUEENSLAND!

Can you guys smell that?? It’s the unmistakable aroma of dead canetoad! Squished, pathetic and utterly humilated. Oh yeaaaah.

Ah, success is sweet. It was especially sweet because not only did the boys in blue absolutely spank the Maroons, they did it in a way that made Jonathan Thurston cry. Yes people, he actually cried, I totally saw it. Thankyou lockeroom-cam! In the past I thought that camera was good for nothing more than broadcasting players in their underpants (something I mostly enjoy) but last night it revealed a whole new purpose.

Once again I shall present my thoughts in point form. Let us begin!

* I’m sorry Gaz! I take it all back! I was PMSing I’m sorrrryyy! I am so embarrisingly fickle. One look at him in that beautiful blue jersey and I was all gooey again. I blame the Channel 9 cameraman who zoomed in for an amazing close up of those earnest blue eyes during the national anthem. That’s just not fair. How can i stay mad at him? Anyway he played a blinder, had a hand in a few tries and broke the line like no other. PLEASE DON’T LEAVE US GAZ! I’m gonna hunt him down, grab onto his ankle and just not let go. If he wants to go to France he has to literally drag me along behind him. I’m a woman with a plan.

* Karmichael Hunt did you have a busy afternoon or something?? Couldn’t squeeze in those 5 minutes it takes to have a shave? There are very few men in the world who can pull off casually rugged stubble, and you my dear are not one of them. Sassy pointed out that it looked like you chopped off a chunk of Sam Thaidays hair and glued it onto your face willy nilly. And shes right. Poor form K.Hunt!

* The Blue Wall. I haven’t seen defence that strong in a long time. They just wanted it. Everytime Queensland looked dangerous they shut them down without even looking flustered. Keep doing that boys.

* QUINN FOR THE WIN! Quinn is my mothers maiden name therefore I am claiming Quinny as my relative. Was remarkable in attack (hello two tries on debut) and even greater in defence. That tackle on Billy Slater made me feel funny in my special area. And yes I do get a tiny bit turned on by great tackles, stop judging me.

* I think Carl Webb has ‘I Love Queensland’ tattooed on his neck. Seriously. That joke just writes itself doesn’t it? Thanks Carl.

* No Neck Slater managed to screw up two passes to the right. Sassy and I believe it’s because his chin is fused to his shoulders therefore severely limiting his range of motion. It’s just science.

* JARRYD-WITH-A-Y! Oh baby you did so well! I am ever so proud. The selectors totally read my blog and thats why they picked you. You can thank me by snuggling me while wearing a fleecy hoodie. And I’ll stroke your hair and tell you you’re pretty and then we can share an icecream. Um…anyway. Jarryd-with-a-Y was fabulous last night. Very strong in defence and was flawless when returning the ball out of the in goal. He was so…reliable. Reliable isn’t a word I thought I would use regarding Jarryd but there ya go. Reliable and snuggly.

* Fitzgibbon you battleaxe! I’m so glad they gave him a run last night. Although the weak conversion rate caused much nerves in my household. He redeemed himself by playing on with blood dripping into his eye and the fact he refers to himself as an ‘old boiler’. HEART.

* How ugly is the colour maroon? I mean really. Out of all the colours in the spectrum the banana benders picked maroon. Its basically red that got shit in it.That’s all I need to know about them. It’s bad enough on a uniform but how utterly heinous were the coaching outfits?? VOM! In stark contrast, Bellamy and his entourage looked effortlessly chic in their royal blue schoolboy ensembles. Anna Wintour would totally approve.

* I would like to extend a huge thankyou to Dallas Johnson for providing the biggest laughs of the night. More specficially I would like to thank Big Willie’s giant kneecap for knocking Dallas out so he could subsequently bring the lolz. I don’t usually laugh at concussion, but theres something about the sight of a Maroon violently face planting the turf that makes me giggle like a school girl. An evil, bloodthirsty schoolgirl. Even better than the actual head-to-knee clash was the way he stumbled off the field like me leaving the Judgy at 5am. Sweet.

*HOT BITCH COOPER! Oh my sweet jesus did he have a blinder or what?? He defended better than any of the ‘passionate’ Queensland forwards. When he came out of nowhere to shoulder Tate into touch I almost fainted from joy. He is becoming more and more of a Hot Bitch as he gets older. He is a raw and powerful man stallion and I love everything about him.

Sterlo, Sassy and myself believed he deserved Man of the Match and he was totally robbed when they gave it to Bird. If it’s any consolation Coops, you will always be Man of the Match in my pants.

Now I’m sure Queensland will come back and win Game 2. But until then..ON YA BIKES MAROONS!