Or if you really can’t bear to be without us for one more day, why don’t you run out and grab the latest issue of Shop til you Drop (with Samantha Harris on the cover!) for some words of wisdom from Sassy:
And to make sure you know when we update, remember you can add us to your google reader or any other RSS-contraption (the RSS is in the left hand column) OR you can add us on bloglovin:
Only one sleep till Origin II, babies! And before we all lose our damn minds tomorrow, we need to tell you two important things.
1. Clear your schedules cause we’re gonna be on the wireless on Triple J after 3.30pm on Wednesday, talking all things Origin. Wheee!
2. As the Blues head to victory at ANZ Stadium tomorrow night, we will be playing the second round of the legendary* Cattledog Minutes.
So what’s the deal? It’s easy. You guess the minute of the game when a Blues player first throws a punch or generally creates some argy-bargy. The way we decide whether Cattledog occurs is that the argy-bargy has to be argy and/or bargy enough to attract the referee’s attention. Too easy!
The prize for the person who gets closest is some seriously chocolatey M&M goodness in the team colour of their choice. To enter, you just have to comment here, or tell us your guess on our Facebook page or Twitter. Mmmmmmmm tastes like winning.
Thank you AGAIN to the dudes over at M&Ms for sending through some tasty Origin M&Ms for the winner. They get to pick whether they would prefer to eat their team or the opposition and we’ll post them out. Although, if you guys want some of your own and can’t mange to wait a whole day, you can get ‘em at Coles for $12.50.
The best thing about doing that is that then you can throw them at the screen and scream cattledog. Good luck!
We resisted the temptation to give up on life after another Origin loss, and are back with a mixture of defiance, pride, and maybe a little nausea. It’s possible that two breakfasts were a bad choice. And thanks to the incredible Greg Bird, our Cattledog Minutes comp was a success. Hurrah!
If you hold this photo to your ear, you can hear us yelling “FUCK YEAH BIRDMAN!”
Pic. Getty Images
And no complaints, please. We gave intern John John some striped hotpants and a whistle and let him be the official timer, and he has declared that the first official Cattledog incident happened in the 81st minute.
To say congratulations, the dudes over at M&Ms gave us some sweet buckets of Origin M&Ms to send you – just email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell us your address and whether you would prefer to eat your own team, or the Maroons.
Also since they’re not promo M&Ms if you guys want some for Origin 2 you can get ‘em at Coles for $12.50 … the only problem is the won’t taste like VICTORY like Luke’s will.
Now get on the email Lukey … we’re waiting for your call! The rest of oyu meet us on Twitter or Facebook on the day of Origin 2 for the next round of cattledog minutes xx
Sup, newbies! If you haven’t been reading Errol for more than nine months because, you know, you were pregnant/in prison/still learning how to turn on the ‘puter, then you will be shocked to know you’ve missed out on three whole years of State of Origin posts.
Three long, long years of us writing totally biased posts in which we gloat about Queenslanders getting hit in the face and talk about how sad/drunk we had to get after each successive Origin loss.
So to get you kids up to speed, we’ve picked out some of our favourite ever Origin posts, from 2008 through to 2011, including at least one that Kiki had to write with a cast on her right arm because she broke it running across Oxford St to get to a gay club. True story.
We don’t mean to offend you if you’re not massive fans of Australia Day, but we love us a public holiday whichever way it comes. We also all feel unbelievably lucky that somehow we got to grow up in the place called Oz (and not just because it’s the home of NRL).
Now we’re sure you’re all classy dudes, so you’re probably not out taunting recent immigrants and getting racist tatts. Instead, we hope you’ll spend your day doing something uniquely oz.
Walk hungover to the corner shop with no shirt on. Buy an orange juice.
Watch cricket on the couch in wet swimmers.
Complain about the heat but refuse to turn on the air con on. Lie in front of a fan instead.
Improvise! In the grand tradition of Aussie ingenuity, build a shelter for your beachside barbecue from towels.
Related note: one of our favourite stories about World War 2 is that, when the rats of Tobruk were under-funded, under-trained and under-supplied, and had to fight against Germans with tanks … what did they do? Tied guns to the backs of trucks, of course. DIY tanks!
Draw a dirty word on someone with zinc.
Lovingly call someone the same race as you a racial insult.
Usethe phrase “that’s faaaarcked”.
Go to the movies and watch something American and full of explosions.
Listen to the Triple J hottest 100 and complain about Aussie hip hop.
Wear a watermelon hat to the Big Day Out and have it confiscated.
Make a beer snake at the cricket and have it confiscated.
Get violently sunburnt.
Buy sausages in a packet that doesn’t specify what kind of meat is inside.
Buy organic lamb and rosemary gluten-free sausages for $29 and serve with fetta salad.
Squeeze your adult body into a children’s wading pool.
Eat yum cha.
And in the words of Errol Flynn: “remember, when Australians fight, they fight for keeps”.
You guys, we don’t even know what to say. These last two weeks have been, just … a crazy ride, you know? We’ve never done this kind of public vote before. We were confused and excited and to be honest we had no idea how all this would turn out, and now we’ve seen the results? They’re .. overwhelming. It’s been the BEST ERROL AWARDS EVER. And there’s no way we could’ve done it alone. You guys and your literally thousands of votes made all of this possible. You’re our inspiration, our heart. We want to thank you all. And of course, we want to thank our “friend, Ben Affleck“.
Now, while we’re busy pulling up our ill-fitting pink dresses, why don’t you check out the winners?
THE WINNER OF THE PAUL NEWMAN AWARD FOR THE HOTTEST OLD MAN IN LEAGUE – JOHN CARTWRIGHT
Well apparently we’re starting with a landslide, kids. Sorry Badge and Sheensy, but Carty romped this one in with a 63% share of the vote. In honour of his award, he will receive a package direct from Errol HQ containing a voucher for some salt and pepper highlights at his local hairdresser.
Apparently Cooper Cronk has a stranglehold on this like Matt Cooper has a monopoly on the title Hot Bitch. Unfortunately he wasn’t able to be here to collect his award in person, but he sent this short message for you all to enjoy.
THE WINNER OF THE SUPERMAN AWARD FOR BEING BENIGN OFF THE FIELD, BRILLIANT ON IT – JASON ‘FLOSSY’ NIGHTINGALE
We can’t lie, this was a close ballot. Flossy just edged out Shaun Kenny-Dowall in an intense kiwi bettle. Un the ind, Flossy came out vuctorious. We like to think this is also a victory for New Zealand in general, because “you are where you come from”. Or something.
Or, as the Papua New Guineans call him: MattGillett MattGillett! MattGillett got almost half the votes, and as a special gift from us to commemorate this moment, MattGillett will receive a gift pack containing 42 schmackos and a Kong filled with peanut butter. Who’s a good boy MattGillett?
Do you know what Prince Scotty the Caramel was up to when we told him he was a winner? Yep, as you can tell from that there photo, he was napping. We’re 99% sure there’s actually some drool in the corner of his mouth there. No judgment, though, Princey. GOD KNOWS YOU DOESN’T HAVE TO BE AWAKE AND CONSCIOUS AND TRAINING FOR ANYTHING. Poor overlooked Scotty. We hope this award does a little to numb the pain of being the most overlooked halfback in league … just. A few more votes and this could’ve been Hornbag’s instead.
Because we don’t want them to feel left out, all three nominees for the Mr Cellophane Award will be receiving a handwritten card signed by all the Errol staff that says ‘you’re special’ on the front.
Now, who’s hosting the after-party?
Pics. Matt Gillett by Kiki, the rest via Getty Images
So way back in 2009, the Errol girls and interns Loz and Butch interviewed a few of the Kangaroos before they set off for the Four Nations tournament in Europe. Because none of us know shorthand, we recorded the interviews, and lucky for y’all we’ve dug up the film of the Morris twins from the vault for a little Monday pick me up.
Make sure you crank it up – because god knows the sound is terrible – and watch B.Moz tell us he should have been captain of our 2009 fantasy team, the boys suggest Wayne Bennett as a nominee for Sexiest Coach in League, and that Greg Inglis says the Mozzie twins have great legs (well spotted, Greg).
NB: thanks to Kiki’s surprise and delight, this camera work is extra shaky and not recommended for anyone with epilepsy and a hangover.
Results are in, bitches, and the most surprising/exciting news is: SASSY SUCKS LESS THAN WE THOUGHT.
Sassy’s owner has never been so proud
She’s charged into round one with a perfectly respectable 6 from 8, also known as “way-better-than-forgetting-to-put-your-tips-in-because-you’re-too-busy-watching-Law-&-Order-repeats-on-the-W-Channel”. She’d like to thank all of you for your support.
She’d also like to thank the Roosters and give the forks to everyone who tipped against them. IN TODD WE TRUST!
That brings us to the winners board, and after round one it looks like this (higlighting by Sassy):
It’s an all ladies top ten, whut whut! Come and post and claim your glory, ladies.
KEEP SCROLLING DOWN KIDS, THE REGULAR POSTS ARE WAITING FOR YOU BELOW!
Why yes, it IS that time again. After the overwhelming* success of ErrolTips 2009, we’re putting on our tipping pants (note: we may not actually be wearing pants) and starting that shit up again for another year.
We even had a proper meeting to figure out ways that we could improve on last year’s ErrolTips Experience (TM). Because, um … last year’s winner was southsydneyrussellcrowe – we like to think that’s the real Russell Crowe – and he still hasn’t collected his prize. It’s possible that’s because he’s in France. It’s also possible that he wasn’t especially keen on the idea of hitting the town with the Errol girls and drinking Smirnoff Blacks with a straw while we rock out at the Judgment Bar. CAN’T IMAGINE WHY.
We have to change the prize this year regardless because in the last six months the Judgy has turned into a pub police state. Drinking there is like a trip to old East Germany, except with fewer trench coats, uglier carpet, and LESS FUN. The bouncers don’t even wear Hawaiian shirts anymore! Instead they wear threatening vests that say RSA Marshall and patrol the floor looking for anyone with balance issues or sleepy eyes so they can promptly evict them.
This is clearly ridiculous, because who goes to the Courthouse unless they actually are blind drunk? No one’s stopping by the judgy at 7am on a Saturday morning for a coffee and a chat. If I was sober, I would totally stop and think, hey, maybe I have better and more productive things to do than drink a schooner at dawn while chatting to a man with waist length hair and a teardrop tattoo on his face.
ANYWAY. We have new revamped prizes that we hope you’ll enjoy. The winner of this years comp will take home their choice of:
1. a not-yet-ripe banana
2. an Oh Errol stubbie holder
3. the Mystery Box.
No, there is no cash prize, because there is no joining fee. Bloggers don’t have money and we didn’t want to price ourselves out of the competition. Also,we’re not materialistic and we do it for love and blah blah whatever. Now get your asses over to footy tips, sign up and join in: