Kiki and Sassy may be off galivanting around Orange this week (and I’ve demanded constant updates while they’re gone. After spending a month together in America, I feel all weird not being on a trip with them. Though checking our Twitter Monday morn and reading that Kiki had just stopped mid-trip to pee behind a rock did make me feel closer), but we still have some Official Business to tend to in the form of Erroltips and Fantasy League. I could’ve done this yesterday since there was no Monday night football, but it was a public holiday in QLD and I was busy seeing 17 Again/lying around in bed/annoying the cat.

Tough week for tips. We felt so nervous putting ours in. Well, Sassy felt a lot of things, but nervous for the most part. Turns out her notoriously emotional tipping actually resulted in her first ever appearance in the week’s top 10 at 9th.

Not only did Sassy beat me and Kiki, she also did better than friends/nemeses Vitlin and Suchy. GO SASSY GO. I texted her with this news while she was en route to Orange. Her response:

AWESOME. I AM AWESOME.

Marlo topped the ladder, which is even more impressive since she’s been in hospy all week. An Errol win from inside a hospital! Amazing.

As for the leaderboard, Bec remains solid in first place, Baz has moved up to 2nd, Bree stuck it out in 3rd, and Vitlin has dropped to 4th.

1. Bec

2. Baz

3. Bree

4. Vitlin

This may not be noticeable to the untrained eye, but three of these names start with B, and one starts with the similiar sounding V *twilight zone*. We’re thinking of changing our names to Biki, Bassy and Bozzy just to see what happens.

Ok look. I’m gunna let you all in on a little behind the scenes Errol stuffs. Thankfully this isn’t a video featurette like you get on DVD special features, coz I haven’t had my hair done in weeks and my regrowth is shocking. Don’t worry, I’m going to get it done on Thursday. I know you were wondering.

Last week I struggled like woah with our fantasy post. I just had nothing to say! I got so sick of it that I cracked the shits, made Sassy finish it, and said I’M NOT DOING IT NEXT WEEK. NO NO NO! *tanty*

Lozzy causes a scene in the Errol Office/wears awesome dress

“So why are you doing it this week then Lozzy? I must know!”

*fills with rage* BECAUSE I’VE DROPPED TO 6TH PLACE IN TIPPING AND I’M SO ANNOYED ABOUT IT I REFUSED TO DO THE TIPS POST. No, I don’t wanna talk about it.

Anyway, hopefully this week’s fantasy post comes a little easier this time. I’ve waited till the afternoon to write it because I feel my best thinking is done a) in the shower (SASSY DOES IT TOO. We always say “So I was just thinking in the shower and…”) and b) post-lunch. Because pre-lunch I’m just thinking about lunch/emailing Sassy asking what she’s having for lunch, which fall into the hands of unsuspecting coworkers. HI HUGH!

THE WILDCATS

Looks like the silent treatment paid off. The Wildcats scored a decent 930 points this week – improving by more than 100 from last week. Still, they could do better.

We couldn’t afford to re-introduce Hot Bitch Coops to the team (and I mean we literally couldn’t afford it. Bitch is expensive), but we did benefit from the return of Steve Price, who brought a fantastic 71 points to the table (you know he totally sits at the head of it and carves the meat too).

Errol favourite Robbie Farah also scored a nice 79 points, which would be even more awesome if he were still the Wildcats captain but…we gave it to T.Camps. Who scored 27 points. GOD TEZ. Is this because I ditched you for Jamie Soward as my footy husband? I know you apparently have a bung foot and a ‘virus’, but I think this is the real reason. It’s ok, rejection makes me vomit too.

Meanwhile we are feeling super-smart and prescient that when we were picking the squads, Sassy snapped up lil Kevin Gordon from the Gold Coast Titans for just $87,500. That bad boy is now worth $149,600. He also notched up 67 points this round. Amazing!

And you know what? We are not surprised. Because we like to put our faith in the young players. We believe the children are our future, if you will.

And Kevin Gordon is an especially lovable future.

HI K.FLASH. We especially love his monotreme hair and Flossy-esque joy at just being on the footy field. Star of the future alert, people.

Man of the Match however goes to Manu Vatuvei. 85 POINTS! Vatuvei, Vatuvei he’s our man(u)! (We would’ve given it to Tiny Dancer and his 105 pts, but he gets a mention on Errol all the time)

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

The Hotties had an ok week. 842 points. Not spectacular, but definitely better than some of their past efforts.

We COULD afford Hot Bitch for the Hotties, but we also didn’t realise John John was out for two weeks, not one, and had him in our starting 13. I SWEAR HE WAS IN THE TEAM LIST. I checked, and then recorded against our fantasy team spreadsheet. You can’t argue with the spreadsheet!

Luke O’Donnell, as foreshadowed last week, took on the Hotties captaincy…and then went and got himself sinbinned. DAMMIT LUKE. That’s minus 16 points, you bitch. Consider yourself stripped of the title. Mmm, stripping Luke O’Donnell.

Luke O’Donnell can sin our bins any day

As for the head-to-head, well, the Wildcats beat the Hotties. I dunno about the other girls, but I was really hoping it would be the other way around. Not that I don’t love the Wildcats. I just love the Hotties more. WHAT!? I just like an underdog! It has nothing to do with their prettiness.

JADEWATCH

No proper Jadewatch this week. We contacted Jade for comment and could only get a “I’m too embarrassed at the result” statement. Ouch. Poor Jade. Poor Tiny Dancers.

Shirtless Luke – Naked For a Cause and our fave blog

FINALLY we had a week where both our teams weren’t beat down with injuries and suspensions. Ok, so we’re still feeling the loss of Hot Bitch Cooper, previous Wildcats coach Hindy was off with a hand injury (you might say Hindy had a sore HANDY. God I’m funny), our beloved Intern John John was out after The Incident, and Robbie Farah was still kind of upset at us for being mean to him last week, but for the most part both the Hotties and the Wildcats were pretty full of talent.

The scores, however, beg to differ.

THE WILDCATS

You thought last week was bad? The Wildcats had their WORST round to date this week, scoring 808 points. They lost their head to head match with the E Street Shuffles and are sitting 9th out of 16 now on the fantasy league ladder. The addition of Work Experience Boy Lachie to the team did nothing for us because we forgot to make him a reserve, and…

…ok, look. I have absolutely NOTHING else to say to or about the Wildcats. I am hereby giving them the silent treatment, Des Hasler style.

THE HOTTIE MCHOTHOTS

BEST. WEEK. EVER. God we are ever so proud of our pretty boys, who not only scored their most points to date at 861, not only BEAT their opponents, the Grand Mal Meningas, but also DID BETTER THAN THE WILDCATS. *fireworks*

Ok so they still haven’t scored higher than 900, but they’re on their way!

This round we got rid of deadweights Josh Cordoba and Hep Cahill (don’t be too disappointed boys, at least you’re still pretty!), replacing them with Ashton Sims and no-more-sore-throat Steve Price.

For Round 7 however, the Hotties might have to experience a little bit of tension. Reigning Captain of my pants Jamie Soward is being outshone by Luke O’Donnell, and he just might steal the title off Tiny Dancer. DRAMAZ.

The Hotties started off so so badly and have risen up like pretty little phoenixes. We could not be more proud.

And the message from all this is that maybe picking based on looks is just getting a bad rap. Pretty people can succeed too, you know.

JADEWATCH

Jade seems to have succumbed to the misfortune and malaise that we’ve been dealing with too.  and by ‘misfortune and malaise’ I mean ‘players being named BUT NOT TURNING UP %$#&(@’ and ‘us being idiots and accidentally reading last weeks’ team lists / clicking the wrong boxes / not wearing our glasses while we do it’.  Sigh.

I had a terrible, TERRIBLE week. Partly my fault, I kept Jamal Idris in when he wasn’t playing. Partly not my fault, my captain David Stagg decided her couldn’t play this round (after the lockout was in effect) because HE HAD A COLD. Bitch needs to man up. I wish I had put Saffy and Price back in, then perhaps I would’ve scored more than 837. Shit.

Hear that David Stagg?  The moral of this week’s fantasy post is MAN UP, BITCH.  See ya on the field, kiddies.

P.S Next week the Hotties and the Wildcats are going HEAD TO HEAD! We can’t wait.

This is kind of embarrassing. But if Cringe has taught me anything, it’s that the best way to deal with embarrassing things is to air them in a public forum.

After my relentless bragging exclamations of pride about winning Round 3 and being top of the leaderboard etc etc, this week I correctly tipped…

…3/8

THREE. FROM EIGHT. LESS THAN HALF. I came 34th out of a 36 person comp.

Yes, I do have shirtless backpack wearing Eric Grothe as my avatar. What of it?

Kiki, however, managed her second weekly win. SHE IS A TIPPING GENIUS. We are also so so proud of Jade, of Jadewatch fame, who tipped her way to second place this week behind Kiki. Pretty damn impressive for someone who came into the comp saying, and this is an exact quote, “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING”. Props also go out to Ray who is experiencing what it’s like to not be at the bottom of the ladder.

As for the overall Top 4, me and Bec’s awful week has failed to knock us off the list. YAY! We also have a Top 4 newcomer who…well, none of us know who he is. WHO ARE YOU MYSTERY TIPPER?! REVEAL YOURSELF!

1. Bec the L

2. Baz

3. Lozzy of Oh Errol fame

4. Stan Gorton aka Brendan

Whoever he is, I hope he’s happy.

There’s not much more I love in life than being right. Maybe cats. And carbs. But mostly being right. And I was totally right in my last tarot post.

The Chooks DID have a shit of a week. Though it’s unfortunate the cards failed to warn me about the rage that would come out of Sassy as a result of this.

The Panthers DID ride home with a victory, over the Manly Sea Eagles who DID fall down under the burden of being reigning NRL and World Club champions.

The Tigers DID see a W*. Ok so I took that back in the original post, but let’s go by my first instincts. Like when I hate someone upon first meeting, but then they do something great and I change my mind about their shitness, and then they go back to being shit and I’m all I KNEW I WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. I should never ignore my gut feelings. They’re not always just telling me I’m hungry.

The Dragons DID keep the faith and have an awes win at Kogarah. Unforch they ignored my suggestion to ride onto the field on horses dressed as dragons. Whatever, maybe they’re saving it for later in the season.

Point is, it’s time for another tarot post. Yes I know it’s Friday and Round 6 starts tonight, and this doesn’t leave a lot of time for the NRL to send out memos to all the teams outlining my advice, but let’s see what I pulled (tee hee) this week anyway:

Broncos – Queen of Wands – This lady is like, that girl in the room who everyone wants to talk to. So I have no idea why the Broncos got this card, coz we all know no one wants to talk to Queenslanders.

Ok I’m sorry. This is probably saying they should be self-assured, confident and basically happy little footy-playing vegemites.

Dragons – 3 of Cups – CUTE! The Dragons are all BFF-y and adorable. They just LOVE! LIFE! And they may just get to celebrate together again this week. If not, well at least they have their love for each other. Thankyou for being a friiiiend.

Roosters – Strength – Sassy! Brett Oaten! This is…wait for it…a good card. I KNOW, RIGHT? I can’t believe it either. Basically the chookies have, or should have, all kinds of strength this week – mental, physical, emotional etc. However, this could just mean there’ll be biff. Which still makes it a good card.

Bulldogs – Queen of Pentacles – Another Queen! It’s like Mardi Gras in here this week. This one is all nurturing and motherlike. There’s no way this can apply to the Dogs themselves, so I think they need to bring in a positive lady influence who the guys can get everything off their chest to, and then be fresh as daisies.

Cowboys – 5 of Pentacles – The Cowboys have copped the Bad Times card that the Roosters did in the last post. Poor bitches. Even if they muster up a win, it’s gunna be rife with issuuuues behind the scenes. Possibly resulting from everyone missing John John after his little incident. I predict pre-game tears. *sob* BUT HE’S JUST SUCH A SUNSHINEY INFLUENCE *nose blow*

Raiders – 9 of Pentacles – It’s that bloody card of refinement and discipline again. I hope the Raiders have gone through some Ladette to Lady type training this week, and their perfected posture and ability to walk in heels will pay off in their game play. Graaaacefully and graaaaaandly.

Knights – Queen of Cups – Feeeeelings, nothing more than feelings. This Queen is all in touch with her emotions and super spiritual. Exactly what you’d expect from a bunch of guys from Newcastle.

The Knights should do some soul-searching, and possibly introduce a pre-game prayer on the field. All down on one knee etc like in the NFL.

Tigers – 8 of Cups – Somebody is weary, sick of everything and ready to move on. I’m gunna say it’s Robbie Farah. NOOO ROBBIE! Hang in there! I’m sorry I was mean to you in fantasy league! C’mon, I’ll buy you an icecream and then we can go feed the ducks.

Rabbitohs – King of Pentacles – This is the same card the Tigers got in my last post. THIS HAS TO MEAN A WIN. If not, well at least one Bunny is gunna win $2 on a scratchie or something. And I think it will be Beau Champion. You heard it here first.

Sea Eagles – 9 of Wands – DEFENCE! DEFENCE! I say this means the Sea Eagles should be taking a page out of Christina Aguilera’s book and becoming fighters. I can so see Dessie locking the boys in a room and playing Fighter on loop for 5 days, can’t you?

Panthers – Ace of Pentacles – I see this as a seed being planted for future success, and I can only equate this with the youthful presence of Wade Graham and ‘Little Big Man‘ Lachie in the Panthers. GROW BOYS, GROWWWW!

Eels – 2 of Swords – The Eels are kind of sticking their head in the sand. Not wanting to admit the truth etc etc. Ok I have no idea what this means. Let’s just have a break and look at Zeffie for a bit:

zefron.com

Sharks – The Emperor – Order, organisation, authority. Ok, this must refer to this week’s Sharks opponents the Cowboys, coz there’s no way this card is meant for Cronulla. Authority…Sharks. LOLOL *slaps knee*

Storm -  7 of Swords – Ok I can never remember this card so I looked it up:

On the Seven we see a man tiptoeing away from society…He’s taken some swords and seems rather pleased with his successful heist. He gives the impression of having secret, solitary plans. This card sometimes represents the “lone-wolf” style – the desire to run lone and free.

Oh that is so Storm. Lone smug wolves. Not to mention Cam Smith being decidedly wolflike in appearance. Now that is just creepy.

Warriors – Knight of Cups – This guy is a bit…unhinged. He can be super lovely and fab, then just snap and be in the worst mood evs. So basically, the Warriors are me this week.

Titans – 6 of Swords – You know when you don’t really have any problems, but you’re not happy either? That’s this card. The Titans are just getting by. They really should be happy though, coz they’ll be playing the Raiders at home, not in Canberra. Always a plus.

*copyright Tim Riggins

Ooh, our Big Experiment is heating up.

This week the unthinkable has happened. The Hottie McHotHots, our pretty little strugglers, have done ALMOST as well as our likable (and usually successful) Wildcats. SHOCK! In fact, the Hotties have had their best week to date. MORE SHOCK!

Are chiseled jaws and perfect arms about to overtake Sunday BBQ’s and trips to Ikea? Only time will tell.

THE WILDCATS

The Wildcats had their most dismal week since Round 1 with an upsetting 858 points. That’s almost 100 less than last week! The horrible week of injured and/or suspended players! NOT GOOD ENOUGH, BOYS. Not bloody good enough.

Scotty Prince’s big return gave us NOTHING with a measly 28 points, and captain Robbie Farah brought in a score of 80. And captains get DOUBLE points. Now that is just…embarrassing. Robbie, you go outside and think about how you’ve let everyone down. Go on. GO.

(Don’t worry, we always cave and let him back in once he starts scratching and whimpering at the door. We can’t resist that face.)

Our head-to-head with Anton’s Grand Mal Meningas was also disappointing, with the Mal’s scoring 934 points and beating our asses.

Ok, it’s not all doom and gloom. There were some bright spots. Newbie Josh Dugan had a fab first round with 54 points, and J.Moz clearly benefited from being reunited with twinnie B.Moz, bringing in a nice 64 points.

THE HOTTIE McHOTHOTS

We are so proud of our gorgeous boys and their best score yet of 825 points. And most of it is thanks to the addition of Jamie ‘Tiny Dancer’ Soward as captain, earning a whopping 160 points! Lozzy’s dirty crush sure paid off. He is totally her new footy husband now. SORRY T.CAMPS.

Luke O’Donnell also brought in a champion score of 76, along with the always amazing T.Camps’ 85.

A special congrats to cuteypie Luke Capewell, who after being ommitted in the first 3 rounds brought in a nice 48 points for the Hotties this week. GO CAPEWELL GO.

The Hotties’ head-to-head against Reegan’s E Street Shuffles left much to be desired, defeated by the Shuffles’ 974.

Pricey’s throat is all healed and he’s back for Round 6, so things might get even better for our Hotties. Should be a corker.

JADEWATCH

Straight from the  horse’s mouth this week:

Well, it seems my excellent scores were just beginners luck. I am sitting on 833 points for round 5, and I blame Scott Prince. He is meant to be a golden (caramel) boy but only scored 28 points. Lift your game or you’re OUT Scotty! It’s times like these I wish I had Jamie Soward. Also Darren Lockyer is on Very Thin Ice and will prob get kicked off next round, he scored a measly 16. All big name, no performance when needed. I don’t get the fuss over him. All in all it was ok, but i really really wish I had Braith Anasta playing, he would’ve scored 77 if I’d given him a run. Poor Braith.

On the plus side, I still beat Adge

It seems poor Scotty is in both our bad books. I know I know, but he’s so snuggly. Being a supercoach is such a bitch.

Ohhhh this week has been bleak (rhyming is fun). We need to build a friggin emergency ward for our fantasy teams. Perhaps it’s Kiki’s Injury Prone aura that’s rubbing off on the boys?  Whatever it is, (a) WE DON’T LIKE IT and (b) it’s really messing up the Errol office.

The scene in our breakroom right now is like a page from a WWI history book, and all the infirm footy players lolling around and whinging for iceblocks and magazines really gets in a girl’s way when she’s trying to make an afternoon Irish Coffee.

THE WILDCATS

Despite still reeling from Hot Bitch Cooper’s hammy injury, the Wildcats managed an impressive total of 940 points to 842.  Score!

This week was the first week of the head-to-head matches on the Tele’s Fantasy League competition, which means that the Wilcats were put up against ‘Beers at the Cloey’ … just like a real match!  And OUR BABIES WON.

The coach of the Beers, Vitlin, tried to convince us this was some kind of anomaly, and our win was just due to three of his players being stood-down for the match, severely weakening his squad. This, clearly, is bullshit.

In fact, this week we are still without injured fullback Flossy Nightingale and injured winger Manu Vatuvei, and this week we also had no Jamal Idris, who was stood down after getting his punch on breaking up a fight in Wentworthville. Sigh.

It’s just bloody lucky we were able get into the kitchen, redistribute the food, shove in some extra chairs, put Brett Morris on the wing and Krisnan Inu in the centres and get that shit together. (Yes, that was a Clueless reference. Don’t pretend you don’t know it.)

But the bad luck didn’t stop there. Our stand-in fullback, Preston Cambpell, had to be helped off-field during the Titans’ match against the Storm and will be out for another week. And our brave little soldier in the second row, Benny ‘Broken Head’ Creagh, played most of his game with a broken nose.

All in all, with a special effort from Wendell Sailor (thanks Big Dell!), it was a brave triumph for our likeable little Wildcats.

Next week, they take on the Grand Mal Meningas, coached by Anton.  With the return of Prince Scotty the Caramel and Jamal Idris, we’re expecting a blinder. GAME ON, ANTONIO.

THE HOTTIES

So things are pretty tough for the Wildcats, but those bitches have nothing on the Hotties.

Their whole season started badly when our winger Dave Williams was ruled out with an injured shoulder, and has only veered violently downhill since with the loss of Cap’n Hotbitch, halfback Prince Scotty the Caramel, Steve Price (with a throat injury. Really, Steve? REALLY?), and Justin Poore.

Then, oh, about two seconds and nine Fantasy Points into the Raiders game, Sexmachine Trevor Thurling got broken.

[I don't know if it's just me, or if maybe it's just the fact that I woke up at 4.30 am today (TO MEET HUGH JACKMAN) but it's starting to seem like the universe is trying to punish the Hotties for being pretty.

LEAVE OUR BOYS ALONE YOU BITCH. IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT THEY HAVE GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS FACES. - Sassy]

But in the face of overwhelming adversity, throat injuries, inconvenient facial appointments, and the wrath of a cruel and violent universe, the Hotties managed to secure a draw: 764 points all with the Brett Dallas Cowboys, coached by Quigley.

John Williams took over as Cap’n Hot, and with the help of an awesome game from lil Luke Capewell, they thrusted their way to a pretty decent result.

[I should also point out that 1 x Tiny Dancer (aka Jamie Soward) somehow seems to be in this team at five-eighth. Because Lozzy thinks he's a hot bitch. I can't begin to imagine why.  - Sassy]

[I have absolutely no idea how that happened - Lozzy]

Next week, the kiddies take on the E Street Shuffles who have been leading the comp to this point … assuming no more of our players break bones/contract Typhoid/get hit by buses during the week, I think our babies have a chance.

JADEWATCH

Just a brief Jadewatch this week, because we don’t want to make you any more depressed than you already are:

Unfortunately the tiny dancers did not go as well as last week I will need new boys as currently 5 players are out, either injured or in trouble with the law. Grrreeeaaaat.

That really says it all.  Grrreeaaaat.

You know that whole thing about how until last year I’d never watched a game of NRL in my life, and then I found out there were beards and lolz in it so I started following (also I was sick of getting pissed off every time our msn convos would turn to football. Beat em join em etc), despite knowing nothing about the game or the history or much of anything really?

Guess who, less than a year later, has leapfrogged their way to the top of our Leaderboard?

OH YEAH. ME.

God winning is sweet. I feel like I should quit my job and become a Professional Tipper.

I make no apologies apologise for the gloating, but it’s just REALLY EXCITING OK? I am quite proud of myself. I’m sure I’ll drop off as the season progresses, but I care only for the present.

Anyway, here’s the Top 4. BreeBree has dropped off the list entirely, but she’s also off overseas today, so you win some you lose some.

1. Lozzy of Oh Errol fame

2. Mister Spinner Howland

3. Bec the L

4. Michael

A congratulations is also in order for Kiki, who’s not only had her best week so far in tips but is also our Weekly Winner. It’s a doubleheaded Errol win! YAYAYAY!

A win for the Dragons, a win for the Titans against the heinous Storm, AND top of the tips. What a week.

I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’m gunna focus our Round 3 tipping post around a little personal anecdote. Stay with me, k?

My Tuesday morning was shaping up to be a really shit one for the following reasons:

• I woke up at 8.30 (ok…I wake up at 8.30 every day. Living 10 min from work and being too lazy to do my hair/wear makeup FTW!)
• My sister was hogging the bathroom and I hadn’t brushed my teeth yet (yes, I do still live at home)
• I shook my fist at the silly bitch in her 4wd who wouldn’t slow down as she passed me in a very narrow street. I may drive a Festiva, but I deserve some road too.
• No one would let me in on the highway. See above.
• I was 15 minutes late to work to which my boss said “Good Afternoon, Laura”. I’M SORRY! IT WASN’T MY FAULT!

So as I checked my email, I wasn’t expecting this so far sucky Tuesday to turn into LOZZY’S BEST DAY EVER.

Why is it the best day ever, Lozzy!? I must know!

Well children, the most important reason is that I WON THIS WEEK’S TIPPING! God I’m good.

I didn’t realise till now that I’m sort of a bandit for a bit of competition, and winning makes me SO SO SO HAPPY. It was even more of a surprise seeing as I was in Sydney over the weekend and had no idea who I’d tipped, and therefore spent my footy-watching time making very inappropriate jokes about Darren Lockyer which are not fit for Errol, and making fun of Kiki’s Captain Obvious comments (eg. During the Warriors game – “They have drums” and “That’s a really big jersey”). I was completely oblivious to my upcoming win, and it really did make it sweeter.

Other contributing factors to my Best Day Ever (yeah, I’ll get to our Leaderboard later. This is far more important):

• We got a message from one of our beloved Oh Errol Wildcats, who shall remain nameless as we don’t want him to get in Trouble, saying he hopes he did the Wildcats proud on the weekend. HE KNOWS AND CARES ABOUT OUR FANTASY TEAM!! *explodes*

• Suchy, of Fire Up ‘The Continuing Adventures of Greg Bird’ song writing fame/recipient of a Friendship Certificate from the I Love Cats Activity Pack I got from Sassy for my birthday, likes to make a point of posting his fantasy team’s results on my Facebook wall every Tuesday, after I left the league in a huff in Round 1. This week I got a two parter that cracked my shit up:

Part 1: Well Lozzy, the Fanclub had another tough round, holding onto first place by the skin of our teeth. While the signing of two try hero Taniela Tuiaki and the consistency of Josh Morris, Feleti Mataeo and Terry Campese has kept the Fanclub afloat, continued poor from Jharal Yow Yeh, Ben Harris and Chris Sandow has led to their Fanclub contracts being torn up. Setimata Sa has been the unfortunate fall guy for an underperforming back row. While performing better than one C. Heignington, Sa was always going to be the one to go due to playing for a dud team who are certain to go nowhere this year. While in a fit of rage, which can only be considered ill-conceived and possibly premature, transfers have been made before the judiciary hearings and team announcements. New, exciting and in some cases, very cheap blood has been brought in to revitalise the ailing results that the Fanclub have been producing.

Part 2: Scott Dureau, a five eight form Newcastle, coming as a super buy at 1.9 points, goes up against Manly next week, which on the basis of last evening, could be a big win for the men from Steel City. The Fanclub have also jumped on the respective David Stagg and John Sutton bandwagons while in a move that can only be considered as a “What was he thinking” category, the Fanclub has signed up the lead singer of Shinobi and lead guitarist of 3 Day Grothe, Eric Grothe Jnr. With final strains of the PRL Songquest hit “Eric Grothe; I want my $8 back” (A tale of loss and misfortune at the fantasy league auction table), the senior management of the Fanclub have decided to press on with his signing, as every bloke deserves a second chance(or third or fourth). Hopefully this round, the new look Fanclub will be revitalised and increase their lead once again.

• We found an excellent writeup from Nick Tedeschi at PuntingAce.com. Read it. He calls us Spunky Girls. THANKS NICK! WE LOVE YOU TOO!

And now for what this post was supposed to be about, our overall Winners Board. Our All Queensland Top 4 still stands, but Bec has tipped her way to the top with a total score of 18.

1. Bec the Guest Blogger/Lesbian

2. BreeBree

3. Michael Harding

4. Spinner Howland

What’s it gunna take to shake up the Top 4? Come on kids!

I’ve decided that even with fantasy footy and our tipping comp (which by the way I was doing SO WELL in this round – until the bloody Tigers lost on Saturday, THEN the Raiders, THEN Manly) the 2009 NRL season just needs a little something extra. And, inspired by The New Way’s readings for Hanson, that something is a regular tarot reading for each team.

Before any of you skeptics grab your torches and start yelling BURN THE WITCHES, Tarot isn’t so much about predicting the future…it’s more about guidance, possible outcomes or paths to take etc. So the cards I pull for each team are more a nice little fortune cookie-esque piece of advice for the week, and not like ‘Manly will actually win a game’. And for those of you in our tipping comp who maybe need a little extra help (HI JADE!), the cards can help you too! Just don’t go blaming me if you get it wrong.

Oh and speaking of Manly, I have to confess I’m finding it very hard to care about them so far this year. Beav’s gone, Steve Bell’s gone, Dave’s injured, Cuthbertson’s scoring tries…I don’t even know what to think anymore.

ROUND 3 TAROT CARDS

Roosters – 5 of Pentacles – It’s gunna be a tough week for the Chooks. SORRY SASSY. The two people (or in my case, the two cats. Yes I have a cat themed tarot deck, WHAT OF IT?) on this card are beat down – tired, hungry (surely that doesn’t apply to Freddy? He is all over a snack. Maybe the canteen will run out of muffins and muesli bars), poor, suffering a loss. Perhaps like…a Minichiello? And creepily enough, sometimes this card has a DUDE ON CRUTCHES:

Do you think that’s Fitzy with the shawl? I reckon he loves a knit.

I SHIT YOU NOT! That’s the card I pulled. Poor Mini. Poor Chookies. Poor Sassy and Brett Oaten.

Sea Eagles – 10 of Wands – BOYS. YOU’RE CARRYING TOO MUCH. Bitches have got the weight of the World Championship on their shoulders. They all need to relax. Des, are you listening? I suggest you take a leaf out of Sassy’s book and send the boys off to a health retreat. Surely there’s a male/rugby league player equivalent of the Wise Wild Woman workshop.

Dragons – 6 of Wands - Oooh. This is a corker. The Dragons have been working hard towards a goal,  and it sure as shit is paying off. It might not actually mean a win this week, but if the boys keep the faith (faith! you know you’re gonna live through the raaaaaain) they WILL succeed.

Alternatively, the image of a man riding a horse on this card could merely be suggesting the Dragons ride horses onto the field each game, instead of running on like plebs. HORSES DRESSED LIKE DRAGONS.

Note: If you actually have a horse, please don’t make it wear this.

Titans – 9 of Pentacles – Refined, tactful, self-controlled…all the traits that make a footy player. I KID I KID. Seriously though this feels like a warning to the Titans to not act up now Scotty Prince has done a hammy. Stay disciplined, and don’t go having beers at Titanium because THE CARDS WILL TOTALLY KNOW NEXT WEEK IF YOU DO.

Raiders – 3 of Pentacles - The Raiders need to work together (well der, they are a footy team. Way to be obvious, tarot) towards a goal. To bring the boys closer together, I suggest a week of that trust game where you fall backwards and your partner catches you, followed by that thing where you get tied up as group and have to find your way out. I can’t wait to see Big Shillo giggling as he turns round and round trying to free himself from the string.

Knights – Page of Swords – The Pages are like children – eager and fascinated, but sometimes they use this to fuck up. Like how when I was about 3 I yelled HEY MUM LOOK AT THAT FAT LADY in Woolies. WELL SHE WAS. I WAS JUST FASCINATED. Anyway the Knights have to make like the Page of Swords this week and use their brainz…just not for anything shifty like going all Bring It On on us and ripping off their opponent’s moves (I’m unsure as to how you’d do that in League, but whatevs). Y’ALL BEEN COMING HERE FOR YEARS STEALING OUR ROUTINES.

Eels – 4 of Pentacles – Don’t let last week’s win go to your head, Eels! This is the Veruca Salt of Tarot cards. Avoid being greedy, possessive bitches, and you’ll be fine.

Sharks – The Hanged Man – Calm down Sharks fans (all 1 of you), no one’s offing themselves. In fact this is kind of an awes card. It’s about letting go, acceptance, seeing things in a new light, and coming out better for it. Perhaps the Sharks need to just resign to the fact they’re kind of shit, and they’ll do better.

Warriors – The High Priestess – LOLZ at ‘warriors’ and ‘priestess’ in the same sentence. This lady is mysterious and can see all that is unsconscious or hidden. The Warriors need to look deeper within themselves and realise their potential.  Or maybe they just all need to pretend it’s Mad Monday and get frocked up to embrace their femininity.

Storm – 3 of Swords – AWESOME. Someone’s getting stabbed in the heart. Well ok, hopefully not (I guess), but the 3 of Swords is all about sudden pain and betrayal. IS SOMEONE GUNNA CHUCK AN SBW?

I also found a description that suggests even a ‘snippy remark’ can make you feel like someone’s rammed a knife in your chest. I sure hope this means we’ll see the return of Fierce Bitch Cooper telling everyone off. ZIP IT ANTHONY.

For christ’s sake Quinny, you are ALWAYS behind the beat. And as for you Inglis, it’s kick ball-change pivot, not pivot kick ball-change. GOD. Again from the top.

Panthers – The Chariot – VICTORY! This is kind of the more powerful and important version of the Dragons’ 6 of Wands. The Panthers need to know where they’re going and exactly how to get there.

Cowboys – King of Swords - This guy is the epitome of intellectuality and stellar communication. Good for you Cowboys! Is that why they always lose…too busy wanting to get back to their books? Though I think this is saying the boys need someone to look up to who possesses the King’s qualities. And I don’t think Jonathon Thurston counts.

Bulldogs – 4 of Cups - The Dogs are so wrapped up in themselves and their loss of two points that they can’t focus on this week’s game, or feel motivated for it. Come on kids, it’s not that bad. You still have two wins, technically. That’s more than most of us expected!

What do you mean we had 14 players??

Broncos – The Lovers – In the words of Kiki when me or Sassy like a boy “OOOOOOH LOVERS! LOVERS LOVERS!”. The Broncos are gunna get a hell of a lot closer (or need to). These Dirty Queenslanders need to unite and use their bond with each other to have a decent game against the Warrior Priestesses.

Tigers – King of Pentacles – I’m gunna go out on a limb and say the Tigers are winning this game, as the King of Pentacles is super succesful and reliable. Ok…that doesn’t sound very Tiges. I take it all back.

Rabbitohs – Wheel of Fortune - Ok look. I may have had two plastic cups of champers with work in between writing the Tigers and the Rabbitohs, and I may be a tiny bit tipsy right now. So basically I’m just gunna say this card tells the Bunnies that this week can go anywhere. And now I’m going to take a nap with my eyes open.

And there we have the first ever NRL related Tarot reading (I’m guessing). I am such a pioneer.

*disappears in puff of smoke*