We won’t be doing any filming today till this afternoon, then we have a Special Birthday Date with some of our favourite peeps and a vat of margaritas. So to tide you over until we can put up some new interviews tomorrow, here’s a mini-video we made on the drive up. We’re 99% sure it will also guarantee both of us will die alone, surrounded by processed meats. Ain’t nothing sexier than a lady who loves her pies.
Let’s get this out of the way: WE GOT A HUG FROM JAMAL. IT’S ON VIDEO. YOU WILL SEE IT. IT WAS AMAZING.
Now, where were we?
Day 1 of our Port Macquarie Odyssey took us to local skills clinics with both City and Country teams and some Port Mac schoolkids. Pretty obviously, the weather was a massive bitch. Hence, we look like slightly drowned dogs, and did most of our interviews under a random signing marquee. Good times.
Here’s the rundown, before we get to the sweet video action: Intern Lachie is so teeny! Yes, we see him around the office every day, but we have an average height of 5’5″, so seeing him amongst other footy players is completely different and really worries us. Don’t break him please!
Lots of you asked for Josh Dugan interviews, but this morning he was far too busy talking on his mobile and being interviewed in a public toilet block by a really shifty looking ‘journo’ for us to get interviews … sorry guys! Next time, we promise.
Jamal got the same treatment; we like to call it George Michael TV.
Make sure you pay attention in our favourite bits of the video:
* Todd Carney shifting around like he has ants in his pants, thanks to Michael Robertson and Joel Thompson sitting off-camera and playing footsies with Todd’s Crotch.
* Ronnie Palmer gazing off into the distance as he talks about shorts, and how he secretly rolls his up when no one’s looking. What was he looking at? Carty was cracking up, at Ronnie’s expense.
* Carty fending off the ‘ambush’ questions about us being pests. According to him we are “very good girls”. AWWWW.
Sadly, what you can’t see in the video (but we could see) is how interested Greg Bird was in the informative literature we brought about the sights of Port Macquarie. He loved it! Couldn’t wait to find out what historical peccadillos Port had in store for him. We are also 99% sure Joel Thompson took home the Frangipanni massage pamphlet. Good choice.
After we wrapped up our interviews, we headed back to town for lunch. Something classy for two classy ladies … like Subway. As we were parking we drove past Carty and Ronnie – everyone’s favourite City rugby league power couple – heading out for a lunch date. They seemed to like Sassy’s mum’s sweet Subaru station wagon. “Nice car, girls”.
Apparently everyone had the same idea, because inside Subway we found half of the city team on a sandwich date: Trent Waterhouse, Lachlan Coote, Joel Reddy, Tim Grant and Michael Jennings. Before you ask, no we aren’t stalking them. And yes, they eat Subway, just like regular people!
Kiki had a Moment of Trauma in Subway when she found herself lined up behind Trent Waterhouse, really really wanting to order a footlong turkey sub, but kind of embarassed since giant prop Trent Waterhouse had just ordered a footlong, too. After a brief moment of indecision: does she just WHISPER her order? should she order a six-inch like a lady? … she thought DAMMIT. I REALLY WANT MY FOOTLONG. Cue the following exchange at the cash register:
Kiki: “I can’t believe I eat the same lunch as a footballer”
Subway dude: “… actually a little bit more”
Sassy: “Is that cause she ordered double cheese?”
We just arrived in the lovely Port Macquarie for City v Country week. We somehow ended up with an amazing suite right on the water, huge balcony and all. BEHOLD! The view from our sweet pad -
They start em young in regional Australia, because on our way to dinner we got propositioned by a group of grommets in the street. They were 14 at the most. Kiki got an eye fuck and ‘heeeeey beautiful’. Then when we crossed the road his mates were all OH MAN, YOU SCARED EM OFF. GOOD ONE.
We giggled for awhile until we realised, if we got knocked up in our teens, they could literally be our sons. This is truly a terrifying thought and we drowned our Fuck We Are Old Sorrows in huge portions of Thai food.
Anyways, last weekend we popped down to the adorable Leichardt Oval (if you’ve never been, get thyself there immediately) for a NSW Cup double header. Last time we were there Kiki was running in front of Robbie Farah, tripped on her thong and had the biggest stack of all stacks right in front of him. This time she once again embarassed herself by accidentally yelling “CHEESE DOGS!!!!!” in Tim Sheens face. Long story.
Here’s our video. Make sure you watch it, if only for the seriously hysterical Wests fans who declare they will “neck themselves” if the Maggies don’t take out the title this year. Brilliant.
Keep an eye out this week, we will be uploading heaps of episodes of Errol TV and other City v Country stuff. Also check out our Errol Twitter, plus our personal ones for more frequent updates. Kiki’s and Sassy’s.
As always, your fearless incompetents were out and about on the weekend and chillin at a NSW Cup game. This week, Wests vs Norths at North Sydney Oval.
Our thoughts?
1. They make the best damn sausage sandwiches in the league. Fact.
2. Greg Florimo you are ageless!
3. The iconic fig tree really is lovely.
and
4. Greg Florimo, you are ageless and you know who we are! Clearly we adore you.
For all the rest, the boys at the NSWRL have a new youtube video up:
It’s time for an Errol public service announcement. Things have been rough since the news of the Melbourne Storm scandal broke. Last week, when Kiki’s Iranian dentist innocently asked her to explain all this complicated Melbourne Storm money-business, she only got through a sentence before literally tearing up in the chair. IT WAS EMOTIONAL, OK?
When you love footy, and have an inexplicable love for David Gallop like we do – he’s just really comforting, you know? – the whole incident and the aftershocks that it’s putting through the game are tres upsetting.
We already said last week that we know there is no punishment, either letting the Storm play, or forbidding them to play, that’s fair on the game and the other teams. So why the hate for the NRL? They’re just doing their best in a massive unpleasant shitstorm. At the ANZAC day Roosters vs Dragons game, Kiki caught at least three Roosters fans booing David Gallop and was so annoyed she had to step in.
And by ‘step in’, clearly we mean yelling ‘SHUT UP! WHAT’S HE EVER DONE TO YOU? DO YOU KNOW WHO’S RUN A NATIONAL CORPORATION? DAVID GALLOP. KNOW WHO HASN’T? YOU. SO PISS OFF.”
We just have a lot of feelings. And one of those feelings is now anger, that people are prolonging the whole gross cheaty mess by blaming the NRL for ruining the game. What about, um …. the people that actually cheated?
There’s footage of Brian Waldron in 2007 talking about how necessary the salaray cap is. Those aren’t the words of someone who thinks the cap is unfair and hates that it’s driving him to cheat and be generally evil, which is what some people are implying. If the Storm thought the cap was so unfair, wouldn’t they have said SOMETHING publicly in the last five years? God knows they have the media profile to do it. They could’ve told the whole nation after they won one of their two billion games.
But obviously the people pulling the scam didn’t care about the cap being unfair or changing the game, they just wanted to win. You can’t undo that kinda deception.
The Raiders like to have all their Important Salary Cap discussions in the pool. Joel Thompson wants to know why the NRL hates third parties so much. He loves parties!
We feel sorry for the fans and for anyone who had no idea what was going on, but that doesn’t mean the club as a whole didn’t cheat. Sometimes, like Wendell with the coke, you just have to take your medicine, make the best of it, and move on.
He could’ve easily said “BUT EVERYONE IN SYDNEY DOES COKE” (true), instead he took the two years off and went back to reggies. Just one of the many reasons we think he’s an awesome human.
We don’t wanna see the Storm disappear, but doesn’t it seem a bit tacky and spiteful to turn it into the Storm vs everyone else? Rugby League is like a family, which is why the cheating hurt so much. So shouldn’t it be the whole RL community against cheaters, not us vs the Storm?
Why don’t you share the love, Cooper Cronk?
You know how shit it is that the Storm have to play for nothing? It’s also pretty shit for every team who already lost points this year to a team in breach of the salary cap (at this point Kiki yells LIKE THE DRAGONS) and every team who has to lose points through the year for a team that can’t even get in the Grand Final.
CHEATING HURTS EVERYONE GUYZ! WE’RE ALL SUFFERING!
So how about we all have a big fuck-off group hug and enjoy some comedy?
You can’t beat that kind of journalistic brilliance. It’s a man opening a garage! And best of all, it’s not even a man opening a garage, OR Greg Inglis. It’s two random dudes standing next to a boat. Oh, telegraph.
Allegedly, GI was paid his salary, but also given a sweet $30,000 speedboat and …. wait for it …. a HARVEY NORMAN VOUCHER. OH, THE HUMANITY! That shit is like the Mafia, huh?
First of all, can you believe Inglis has a speedboat? After watching that infamous bloopers reel -
(in fact, we may have watched it about twenty times, cause that shit is hilarious. Make sure to check out Jarryd-with-a-Y at 1:30 for some awesome lolz).
Passenger: GI, isn’t that another boat to port side? Doesn’t it have right of way?
Greg: ………. what?
Is there even any open water in Victoria? Does he take it out on the Yarra? Or does he just use it for storage?
More importantly, when it comes to million-dollar fraud, we love thinking that all top-notch fraudsters bribe people with gift vouchers for whitegoods and stereo headphones.
After all, as Casey on twitter pointed out, “everyone needs a kettle to go with their speedboat”.
Now let’s have a guess how GI spent the rest of his allegedly fraudulent voucher.
Kiki is convinced he splashed out on a schmick new “Cheeky Massage Chair“. It does foot massage, kneading, rolling, shiatsu, AND tapping. He’s an athlete, he needs to keep his muscles supple!
And it hasn’t just been a trying time for Storm fans, and fans of bein’ honest n that.
Manly were also beaten at the last minute by the Titans last night … at Brookvale. I know, we were shocked too.
We would like to send our condolences to Ben Farrar’s family and friends. We’re sure Des will confess and lead police to the body at some point if they offer him a large enough sentence reduction.
So to ease the Eagles fans’ and the Farrar family’s pain, we give you:
It’s Ken-Doll Ballin! Now complete with shimmery new disco Euro-trunks. Think of it the Ken Doll for those who love foam parties in Ibiza and rubbing oil on themselves in public. Rock on, Bal.
And now, we leave you with the soothing sight of Fui Fui Moi Moi in his undies. He cares not for swimwear. Love and kisses, Kiki and Sassy.
Sometimes, at Errol HQ, we have to do unpleasant things. Well, not really. Usually we just make the interns do all the stuff we don’t enjoy, like stacking the dishwasher, fending off bill-collectors with sharp sticks and fetching us vats of Diet Coke when we are sleepy or hungover.
But today we have to talk about … the Storm. Oh man, we haven’t been this distressed/surprised/overwhelmed/confused since Britney got the crack itch and shaved off all her hair.
First things first: YES WE TOLD YOU THEY WERE EVIL. We tipped you all off aaages ago that the Storm, aka Globo Gym, were inherently untrustworthy and potentially the enemy of all that is good and lovely in this world.
But even we didn’t think things were this dramatic. $1.7 million in shifty salary cap breaches over five years. <insert Phil Gould WOW here>
We spent the afternoon huddled around watching the live press conference from the NRL – Intern John John even put on his serious hotpants (they’re pin-striped) – and we couldn’t decide whether we were more:
a) shocked by how harsh the penalty ended up being;
b) shocked at how insane the salary cap breaches were;
c) outraged that the penalty didn’t include taking the 2009 wooden spoon away from the Roosters (that was just Sassy);
d) just really really upset for David Gallop. Our fave sporting administrator looked truly devastated. We were both actually close to tears. We know DG enough to know he is an awesome bloke and he does NOT deserve this fuckery.
When Greg Inglis got in trouble with the law, we sent him comical chocolate-covered fruit flowers to cheer him up, but there aren’t enough fruit flowers in the world for this, for serious. NOT ENOUGH FRUIT FLOWERS IN THE WORLD.
Anyway. Here are some of our educated thoughtz on this.
OF COURSE IT WAS AFL
We could not be less surprised that people are suggesting Brian Waldron masterminded this. Of course he did. If there is one unarguable truth about rugby league, it’s that scandals always come out, and no one keeps any secrets. They are physically incapable of doing this. Sure, league players and managers and administrators can be shifty sometimes, but not to this extent, with this level of deceit, this successfully, and in this organised a fashion. As a rule, Rugby League is nothing but transparent, honest and a little bit … let’s just call it “un-slick”. It’s part of why we love it so much.
BUT WHAT ABOUT BILLY?
Whenever we get onto the topic of whether the players knew what is up, Sassy just stops and says two words: Jamal. Idris.
That’s right, remember when Jamal admitted that he didn’t know he had to pay tax? Our feeling is that you should never underestimate how clueless people can be. And be ‘people’ we mean ‘footy players, or Errol girls’. We do some really, really ridiculously dumb stuff sometimes.
Like John Kite taking his passport to the airport for a flight to Queensland. Or the time Sassy got out the wrong side of a cab in New York and the door got ripped off. Until we find out that the players were collecting giant sacks of cash from the locker room every Friday or something, we’re willing to think maybe not all the players knew.
We have a semi-insider’s view on what goes on in footy and we know that the game runs on gossip. But we are unsure if players openly talk about their salary with other players.
It’s entirely possible at least SOME of the Storm players knew, or had an inkling, of what was going on. But after watching the bloopers video from the making of the Indigenous All-Stars ad, can you really say you think Greg Inglis is right on top of his finances? Really?
We imagine when he rocks up to his accountant and his manager asks about his receipts he just answers “… what?”
THANKS, BIN LADEN
Why yes, we did just quote The Hangover! Thanks for noticing. Turns out this whole Melbourne shitstorm will screw everyone over. There’ll be no more masturbating on planes for anyone. As in, there’ll be no happy ending to this story (GET IT? HAPPY ENDING? It’s funny cause it means … you know).
For the record, we agree with the NRL’s plan of punishment. In fact it’s kind of delightfully diabolical the way they are forcing the club to go through the motions for the rest of the year with no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It’s very Bond villain don’t you think?
But let’s be serious for a minute.
If the Melbourne Storm loses all their premiership points earned so far for the 2010 season, but keeps going, then they effectively keep cheating because they already have a team that breaches the salary cap. Hello unfair.
If they keep going the way the NRL wants them to – with no points, and not winning any more points – then every other team has to risk injury and suspension playing a team that has no chance of winning the premiership anyway. The games are dead rubbers, crowds are lower, and everyone including the sponsors is sadpants. After all, how well can the Storm play when they’re not playing for anything? Maybe they will play on emotion for the next few weeks, but how will they be feeling come round 20?
And if the Storm don’t play at all, that’s one game less per round. Teams would miss out on match experience and momentum, and the sponsors would be super sadpants.
And whichever ones happens, Storm fans – all ten of them – get nothing. We’re pretty happy for something bad to happen to that douchebag Melbourne fan with the cowbell, cause that is fucking IRRITATING, but we do feel truly awful for the rest of the Storm kids.
As much as we have always loathed the Storm, we want the club to survive. Because if nothing else, it’s providing an alternative to the horrendousness that is AFL, and that’s bloody important.
Morning kittens! To help soothe you into the hideousness that is Monday, the boys over at the NSWRL have uploaded our latest comical/incompetent video from the NSW Cup. This one is from the round six Newtown vs Wentworthville game out at Ringrose Oval in Wenty … coincidentally also a Men of League fundraising day. Hurrah!
Check it out to see Sassy discussing shirtlessness and beer with Brian Smith from the Chooks, Kiki being sledged by Parra icon Bob O’Reilly, the gorgeous strawberry blond curls of one Sean Rutgerson, and one of our favourite humans ever – Emu the Wenty trainer. We think you’ll especially enjoy the bit where Sassy bogans out over Smirnoff Blacks.
Highlights sadly not caught on camera:
* Overhearing one of the Wenty club men talking about us, and his friend looking over and saying “… they’re not THAT young”. Burned!
* Seeing the hilarious Mick from Newtown, and being brought beers by dirty spunk Jason ‘I’m not Lebanese’ Baiteri.
* Bob ‘Bear’ O’Reilly whipping off his official ‘Men of League’ shirt and giving it to Sassy. When she protested it was too big: “keep it just in case you bulk up darlin”.
And many thank you gropes to the awesome Martin Cook from Men of League for helping us out.
We are absolutely bloody exhausted right now. We spent the entire day at the Easter Show, most of that time was spent on the cattle lawn with NRL players and really cute kids. And wow, that lawn provided a powerful stench. It also provided Kiki with Embarassing Life Moment #567
Servo dude – “Busy day today?”
Kiki – “Yeh, I was working at the Easter Show. I had to go home and have a shower coz I smelt like poo.”
Servo dude – “…..”
Kiki – “I MEAN COW POO. NOT HUMAN POO. GOD.”
We’re also pretty proud, cause today is a big day bitches. Today is the WORLD PREMIERE OF ERROL TV. We have been talking about it for ages, creating videos just for Errol. But because we are us, it’s taken about 6 months to turn ideas into reality. But finally, we did it! Hoorah!
We are dedicated to our Errol readers. We will even spend a day in a tent that smells of shit. Behold, the debut of Errol Tv! Featuring us and our double chins, Kiki’s unbelievably bad hair, Rhys Wesser, Luke Priddis, Trent Waterhouse, Roosters cuddles and a Tiger who really really loves hot dogs. Please know that when Sassy says ‘fans’, she does it with irony. And please watch out for the ARL dude running a training drill while smashing an entire ear of corn on a stick. Legend.
Apologies from Kiki re – the whole ‘I can’t be bothered doing my makeup so I’m gonna wear giant Top Gun sunnies that look terrible on camera’. It won’t happen again. Live and learn people.
Other highlights of the day, sadly not all of them caught on film, included:
* Mario Fenech burning Sassy: “you’re a funny girl, but not intentionally”.
* Mario telling us we were the best looking media there. Considering everyone else was a dude, this isn’t much of a compliment. BUT THANKS MUZ! We love ya.
* Sassy pretending to kick Andy from the NRL, only for him to literally flinch in fear. Awesome.
* We found ourselves needing a break from the poo smell. We soon discovered a place that served margaritas. Kiki asked “can we have one? is it 12pm yet?”. Sassy responded “11.40am, close enough. It’s tequila time.” Mmmm … frozen daytime alcohol.
* Kiki being so upset by Luke Priddis telling her she is too old for a Disney Princess showbag, she ended up buying a Tinkerbell stationery one instead.
She does love her new Tink pencil tin and matching Tink crayons (and created Sassy a truly spectacular artwork for her fridge) but deep down she really wanted a plastic tiara. DAMN YOU LUKE PRIDDIS.
And look how happy Sassy looks. Kiki missed out like WOAH.
* Luke Priddis redeeming himself by telling Kiki her Dragons necklace was ‘beautiful’ during their interview. Well spotted L.Pridd.
* Seeing Isaac Luke exiting the Milking Barn. Apparently he is really into dairy.
Make sure you comment and tell us what you think x
We googled ‘fantasy’ and this is what came up. Awesome.
WHAT UP ERROLERS!
Welcome to Fantasy League Friday. This will be a weekly occurence. And by ‘weekly occurence’ we mean it will appear every Friday until we get distracted/lose interest/spill vodka all over our laptops making it impossible to blog. But never fear darlings, it’s safe to say we are completely and utterly obsessed with fantasy league. Hardly a suprise, considering we never do anything by halves. But for Kiki it’s got to the point where she couldn’t sleep a few nights during the week because she was stressing over what changes she should make to her team. TRUE STORY.
Anyway, let’s cut to the chase shall we? Who is better, the sinners or the saints? Wellllll…..*very dramatic drum roll*….
WINNER
Kiki Lil Angels : 400 points
LOSER
Sassy’s Second Chances : 396 points
DAAAAAAMN. So close for Sassy, yet so so far. Kiki feels lucky to ‘get away with a win’ so has repressed any urges to perform an obnoxious victory dance.
As you may have noticed, neither of us scored particularly highly. Why so? Because, as is the answer we use so often….we are idiots. We didn’t realise the bench players actually contributed points. Sure we shoulda realised that considering that’s how actual football works but…WE ARE IDIOTS, REMEMBER?
Consequently our benches weren’t properly thought out and had players that didn’t even play over the weekend, that’s why we are so shit in our own competition etc etc.
So this week, the gloves are off and we is Serious Supercoaches. Any loyalty we had towards players we picked in the first round has been swiftly disposed of replaced with cut throat pragmatism. Sure, Kiki adores Daniel Mortimer but the useless (and expensive) thing only scored her 11 points. ELEVEN POINTS PEOPLE. He’s gone.
Behold, this weeks transfers -
Kiki’s Lil Angels
Nick Kenny in for John Kite - well John Kite wasn’t even named in his team last week, a detail Kiki managed to overlook. Nick Kenny is a worthy member of the Angels, as he was a nominee for Ken Stephens Medal in 2009. We worked the One Community Awards for the NRL and consequently had to study what each nominee had done. We won’t go into details but Nick’s good deeds moved Kiki to tears. Actual wet droplets coming from her eyes.
Also, he’s a qualified physio so if one of the Angels has an injury he can use his Jesus like hands to do some miracle healing. NICK KENNY YOU ARE LOVE.
Corey Patterson in for Alan Tongue – Sorry, Sir Alan. You didn’t do anything specifically wrong, but Corey scored more points last week and cost less on the salary scale. He qualifies for the Angels because he’s fronted up publicly about his battle with clinical depression and encouraged others to seek help.
Joseph Tomane in for Daniel Mortimer - Reason for cutting Dan Dan are above. Kiki googled Tomane and he has yet to have a public scandal so BAM welcome to the Angels Jo.Toms!
Sam Perrett in for Krisnan Inu – One Jebus lover in for another! Sam is what we lovingly call ‘a happy clappy Christian’. Hey if you’re gonna worship the lord you should totally do it while harmonising with other Islanders right? He also has a lovely habit of high scores in fantasy league. Sorry Krisnan. Maybe start praying to your Mormon God for more ball.
[Also - Sam deserves a little public adulation after he was CRUELLY ROBBED in the Footy Show's talent contest back in ... whenever it was. The Soul Brothers from the Roosters were clearly a billion times better than the James Blunt dude who won it. - Sassy]
Due to his amazing high score last week, Coach Kiki has ditched Nips Farah as her captain and given Sam the honour. DON’T LET HER DOWN SAMUEL.
Over in the Second Chances camp, spirits are high. Sure, the boys didn’t take home the 2 points for the win, but there are Very Promising Signs. Their fearless leader Todd Carney smashed his first round with 51 points. Fifty-One!
After the game the rest of the team spontaneously stood on the locker room benches and chanted O CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN. It was some straight-up emotional Dead Poets Society shit.
Sadly former intern Greg Bird didn’t sparkle as Coach Sassy had hoped. He played not so much like a footy star seeking redemption as … a potato with hands. Hands made of other uncoordinated potatoes. BUT WE LIVE IN HOPE. Coach Sassy is harsh, but fair. She’s ruthless, but occasionally merciful. And this week instead of cutting Greg Bird and his miserable 11 points, she’s giving him another week and lots of cuddles to see if he can improve. Sassy was also devastated when her favourite Jewish winger Bronx ‘Goldwin’ Goodwin was injured in reserve grade. There go his chances of being a Second Chance.
We did boot the injured Arana Taumata and Nathan Fien, and welcome driving-offender Cooper Vuna and Terence Seu Seu for his fine supporting work in the Brett Seymour scandal. It’s actually a hell of a lot harder than you would think to find a scandal-prone hooker. Plus Lote Tuqiri was unwilling to sign as the Second Chances winger for the money we were offering. Sigh. Welcome aboard, kids!
How can we put into words just how freaking insanely AWESOME this game was? Admittedly, when it comes to footy, it doesn’t take us much to get excited. It doesn’t even have to be an actual game. We get footy thrills from just watching training, reading lolz articles, seeing photos of players we like in the paper (OMG GUYS PRESTON IS ON THE FRONT PAGE!!!), discussing fantasty football at length during plane rides, listening to Wes Carr’s ‘Woah’ on iTunes…..you get the idea.
As the above photo accurately portrays, when it comes to footy we are pretty much cats with a ball of yarn. EXCITING! FASCINATING! OCCUPIED FOR HOURS! But even our tragic league brains can recognise when something is universally amazing. And the All Stars game was. When non-footy people make a point of saying to us ‘wasn’t that game brilliant?’ you know it’s hit a nerve.
Shout out to our gorgeous friend Eddie, who is a recent footy convert….she watched it alone at home back in Sydney and sent us endless text messages like “Ummmm I keep tearing up. What is wrong with me??” and “Ooooh SamBurgess is hot!“. Considering she doesn’t even like guys, that’s a pretty big compliment for Sam.
All this excitement, AND we got to hang out at the NRL’s One Community stand before the game and people…WE MET HEALTHY HAROLD. Yes, the giraffe that came to our primary schools and taught us about healfy fings. In a caravan. Everyone knows any message spread inside a caravan is one worth spreading. Together with Harold and Mario Fenech we challenged kids to making funny faces with fruit, vegies and wholegrain tortillas. Yes, you read that right.
After spending the week in the Goldy and meeting so many Indigenous people involved in the game, players, management and fans, watching the game took on a whole new significance for us. Not to get all political or anything, but when the amazing dancers were performing, we marvelled at the fact Indigenous culture is still so strong and so proud, after White Australia has had more than a few cracks at destroying it.
The feeling in the stadium was something we’ve never experienced before. It made Origin look understated and passionless. We will straight up admit : shit got emotional. There was definitely goosebumps and we had to literally choke back tears a few times during the night. Please don’t point out that we are weird or creepily and suddenly attached to a people and culture that are not our own, WE KNOW, WE KNOW. You just can’t help how ya feel, okay?
We won’t go through the game play by play, because we know you all watched it for yourselves, but our highlights include – Wendell’s beautiful try and his hysterical didgeredoo routine afterwards, youngin Blake Ferguson chasing down Izzy Folau to save a try, Corey Patterson’s MASSIVE hit on Kurt Gidley (we swear you could hear that oooooof noise up the other end of the field) and best of all, Errol fave Tiny Dancer Soward scoring that absolute ripper of a try to win the game. SO.FREAKING.GOOD.
Oh, also? Matt Cooper in an entirely white uniform was pretty sweet too.
Much fun was had post game too. Including -
- the fact that we were so proud that we were in the same room Wayne Bennett for hours without accosting him … until Kiki’s liquid courage kicked in and she trotted over to introduce herself. The result? UNCLE WAYNE SMILED. For realz. She also showed him her beloved Dragons necklace (that she never takes off) and he said it was … wait for it … “adorable”. Yes people, Uncle Wayne used the word adorable. We are still speechless.
(She also may or may not have put her back out while performing her OMGZ I JUST MET GOD dance for a group of people. It’s still sore.)
- Sassy finding herself in a Serious Discussion about what would be the best approach to coaching a forward like Sam Burgess with Brad Fittler and Telegraph journo Andrew Webster. All she could offer was ‘ummmmmm … did you know I once coached a fantasy team?’
- a rugby league legend helpfully telling us if we wanna be on TV, we have to ‘tone the hair down … you have TOO MUCH HAIR’. Also ‘you have beautiful faces! The hair is a distraction!’. Easily the weirdest and loliest moment of our week, possibly our lives. Kiki had to talk down Sassy from marching over and telling him it’s Queensland, mate! You try keeping your curls under control in this kind of humidity. GOD.
(He had clearly been to one of those management courses where they teach you how to give advice without offending people by MAKING SURE YOU THROW IN A COMPLIMENT. “Girls! You have too much hair … um, but you’re beautiful too. Please don’t hit me” – Sass)
- Kiki finally fulfilling her aim of the week, and getting her hug from Jamal Idris. And by ‘getting’, we mean she stormed up to him purposefully, yelled JAMAL I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN I HAVE TO HUG YOU and launched herself at him. Thankfully he didn’t seem to be too bothered by her creepiness.
- Kiki then asking Jamal if his acting ambitions are for real, or were they a media beat up. His answer? He really, truly wants to be an actor. We could not love him more.
And with that, the best week ever was over and we were relegated to being sad pandas. The countdown to All Stars II has begun. Bring it on!
We want to say big BIG thankyous to the NRL, especially Trish, Janelle, Jodie and Nish. And much love to DG, DT and John B, thanks for for the encouragement and support boys! Also thanks to Jason from the Titans, Phil, Chris and the boys from the NSW U16′s Indigenous team. And of course to all the players who were very generous and gracious all week.
kiki
sassy
lozzy
interns
