WE’RE BACK BITCHES! Did you miss us all over the long, long Christmas break? I can only assume that the answer to that question is ‘yes’, and that you spent four weeks weeping gently into your pillows and/or weeping uncontrollably in the shower while you tried to carve the words ‘hot bitch’ into the shower recess tiles. We missed you, too, kittens.
And to start the year off – and offer our scientifical wisdom to the NRL coaches of 2010 – let’s recap the Great Errol Experiment of 2009.
We like to use Errol for good causes. You know, contribute to the world in a positive way, like Medicins Sans Frontieres, or Mother Theresa, or the people who discovered penicillin. In our case, we decided to help the world by playing Fantasy league sharing our scientific knowledge with its people. We’re pretty much on the Mary MacKillop track to sainthood already.
So we took our two little teams:
The Oh Errol Wildcats, who are kinda like our Rugby League imaginary BFFs: the only prerequisite for being a wildcat is that we think you might like spending a day hanging out with us drinking coffees and browsing the books and mags in Borders. (It also helps if you don’t laugh at us for naming the Wildcats after the basketball team in High School Musical and the 1980s Goldie hawn movie).
And the Hottie McHothots, who … well that one’s pretty self-explanatory, huh?
We picked the boys carefully to make our teams as respectively charming and as good-lookin as we could. We trained them, supported them, took them on camps to play trust games and drink cordial. We bedazzled their uniforms by hand, then stood back and watched to see whether personality or beauty would be more successful at playing footy.
Here’s what we learned:
HOT PEOPLE ARE FRAGILE. Sure, they may have rippling abs, biceps like Greek Gods, chiselled jawlines and lovely twinkly eyes, but if you tackle them, do they not break?
Apparently, they do. They break A LOT.
Back in round four we lost SEVEN players to injury. Seven! It was almost like they were being punished by the Cosmos for being beautiful.
But despite being complete dreamboats and/or being made of glass, the Hottie McHotHots still put up a good fight. Several times they almost outplayed the Wildcats. Go, hotties, go!
And even though they are adorable, even the Wildcats get tetchy sometimes. Sometimes they just lost their damn minds and forgot how to play.
And best of all, Fantasy League gives you an excellent topic of conversation if you unexpectedly meet John Cartwright. TRUE STORY.
But let’s talk results:
YUP, WILDCATS! Not by much in the end, but the sweetheart who makes good jokes, likes all your fave tv shows, and takes the piss our of himself narrowly beat out the man whose abs are visible through his shirt.
You can send my my Nobel Prize for Science nomination in the post.