Torchwood: Outside the government, beyond the police, not beyond the awesome
June 6th, 2008
All my Torchwood love is thanks to Kiki. Much like Jessica’s footy obsession, I initially resisted, thinking it would just be like Buffy which I straight up hate with the fire of a thousand suns. But Kiki was persistent and she made me watch a YouTube fanvid (lol! fanvids) of Captain Jack getting it on with a dude – bitch got me right in the vagina.
Torchwood is by no means a ‘good show’ in terms of dialogue (well it has awesome dialogue but it’s no No Country For Old Men. Which actually I haven’t seen or read and have no knowledge of how good it’s dialogue is, I just know Zeffie said he wished he could do a film like that, and that’s good enough for me) or character consistency or any of those fancy things, but it honestly has everything you could ever need to be entertained. Mans kissing, girls kissing, aliens kissing, SO MUCH KISSING. All of them are shagging each other on and off, except Jack and Ianto (two dudes! Yes!) who shag regularly and play naked hide and seek (fo rlz. They actually talk about this in one of the episodes. Unfortunately we don’t see it. BOOO).
It brings the lolz, and the violence, and the sads. It even made our cold-as-ice friend Yassy shed a tear (which she stresses was a LONE TEAR). Some of the stories really make you think too – I couldn’t sleep the night me and Kiki watched the episode where they talk about it being ‘just darkness’ after you die. Neither could she, apparently. Why we didn’t crawl into bed together and spoon all night to soothe our fears of death I’ll never know. It’s also totally self-referential, like in this one ep where Captain Jack has this guy all up in his face and he’s like “So, this is quite homoerotic”. YES. YES IT IS JACK.
The hetero stuff is pretty hot too. Take this for example, when Owen pins Gwen up against a tree and says:
“When was the last time you screwed all night? When was the last time you came so hard and so long you forgot where you are? Doesn’t happen with him, does it? Too familiar. Whereas you and me, we’re not cosy at all. We’d be amazing. And that scares the shit out of you”
pic via torchie_caps
OH MY *fans self*.
And for those of you who aren’t really into any of that, there’s the aliens. It is a spin-off of Doctor Who after all, so there’s lots of sci-fi goodness complete with bad CGI. They cover sex aliens (they feed off orgasms – kind of makes you reconsider banging someone you don’t know), cannibal villagers, evil fairies, aliens that impregnate you (how pissed off would you be to end up preg without even Doin’ It to get there? Fuckin aliens. Honestly) and so much more. They also find lots of alien trinkets like this Resurrection Glove (which Ianto suggests they call the Risen Mitten. Oh Ianto, you goose!) which does exactly what you’d think – brings back dead people – and a necklace which lets you read people’s minds (this results in lesbian sex if any straight dudes reading need a reason to watch besides the guns and aliens. I care not why you watch, just that you do).
So in summary I’d like to take from the Book of Kiki and quote “Torchwood and everything related to it is infinitely amazing”. Because oh, how true that is.
edit: I can’t believe I forgot to mention how amazing John Barrowman is. Expect more on this in a future post. The Torchwood set sounds like a riot btw, apparently John and Eve Myles have this adorable pervy Jack and Karen-esque friendship where he smooshes his face in her boobs and asks how “the girls” are, n stuff.
kiki
sassy
lozzy
interns
