update…live from Errol HQ!

I haven’t written anything for awhile. You kids must be missing me terribly…right? Well I’m here to give you your much needed Kiki fix AND update you on the goings on at Errol HQ. HOORAY!

First of all, I would like to announce the arrival of our newest intern….DANNY WICKS!

As much as we love our boy John John, we are heartily sick of him making us feel bad about ourselves with his constant physical perfection. He is always just returning from a beach jog, or off to Bikram yoga or making some insanely healthy protein based lunch….and we are totes over it. We need a mans around the office that can indulge in our favourite group activities – eating and and drinking to excess. And if one man in the NRL can do this better than Fattest Man In League nominee Danny Wicks I am yet to find him.

The man is a hearty individual. We need this sort of bulk around the office. One of our favourite stories of the year involved Intern Danny Wicks crashing his scooter into a car…..and coming away pretty much unscathed. In fact, the car was more damaged than him. AMAZING.

“The bike went into the radiator then I dented the bonnet, hit the windscreen, dented the roof, dented the boot, then landed on my feet on the tar.”

HE LANDED ON HIS FEET! He is so….agile. Like fat Superman!

His bemused coach Brian Smith tells us that “The car’s been damaged from top to toe and he’s walked away with a scratch on his left elbow.”

This is the sort of amazing physical resilience we need at Errol HQ.  Plus when we fired Intern Greg Bird he left a shitload of mini meat pies in the freezer and John John flat out refuses to eat carbs. Thankfully, Intern Danny Wicks is currently polishing them off. The messy bitch got sauce all over Work Experience Boy Lachie’s Seasame Street colouring book.

In other vitally important Errol news, we are busy little bees preparing for our Movember campaign. We have some seriously exciting announcements coming up soon. We are so antsy to tell you…but we can’t just yet. OOOOH THE SUSPENSE.

We went on an Errol excursion last night to witness the crapness splendour of the World Cup Opening Ceremony and Sassy will be delivering her thoughts on that this week. We have also been frolicking about with our beloved Wolfhounds and are off to watch them take on Tonga tonight. We are a tiiiiiny bit worried about their physical health as most of them have never met a Tongan before, let alone lined up against one.

On the upside, the big Tongan boys are gonna tire easily in this heat. Hopefully our boys can use their smaller stature to their advantage and be speedy out of dummy half.  I mean this is the least patronising way possible, but I like to imagine them as the teeny roman gladiator facing off against his larger, slower opponent. If only they were wearing fierce manskirts. Mmmmm….manskirts.

We will be reporting on all the Irish goings on through the week so keep checking back. You bitches better be cheering for Team Ireland. We are seriously struggling to cheer on the Kangaroos. We realised last night we pretty much loathe the entire team. It’s chock full of Dirty Queenslanders for chrissakes! How can I cheer when BRENT TATE scores a bloody try? It’s physically impossible. I tried to clap and my hands repelled from each other in protest. It just Cannot Be Done.

GO IRELAND!