project health volume one – the announcement
July 14th, 2009
Okay. So this is probably the scariest post we’ve ever had to write. But entirely necessary.
First of all, YES WE ARE SERIOUS. STOP LAUGHING PLS. We have been thinking about doing this for aaaaages but been a) too lazy and b) too scared to get started. But now is the time.
How we put this? We are kinda, well … unhealthy. As we’re sure you’ve noticed, none of us here at Errol are exactly clean living individuals. There are two types of people out there : the ones who go jogging at 6am and the ones who stumble home at the same time clutching a kebab in hand, and shame in their hearts. It’s fairly obvious which group we fit into.
Don’t get us wrong, we aren’t complete libertines. We don’t do drugs or smoke or anything. Okay we’ll admit to the (very) odd drunken cigga, but thankfully we’ve only bought maybe 3 packets of Marlboro Lights between us in our entire lives.
But we definitely like the good things in life. Eating, drinking and lounging around. It’s all very ancient Rome at Errol HQ. Intern John John really loves his toga.
To give you a better idea what we’re dealing with, we’ll each explain ourselves:
SASSY -
My current state of gross unfitness and general … squidginess is still kinda new. I blame getting a car, too many glasses of champagne and a few office jobs. I was a sports dynamo (hard to believe, right?) as a teenager. I was all over swim training, water polo, netball, softball and aerobics. I was the year six all-school backstroke champion. I even wore lycra. Shit was intense.
Note: this is NOT the only reason I did water sports. I WAS HEALTHY. I SWEAR.
A few years ago one of my oldest friends announced that I used to have ‘the body of a fierce killer’. Now it’s more like, I dunno, the body of an occasional manslaughterer. Or maybe like, a money launderer. My idea of exercise is walking around in the park while Dolly Parton the greyhound sprints laps, and drunkenly busting moves to Britney, Whitney, J.Lo and Chisel on the dancefloor. Yeah I’m a pretty enthusiastic dancer, but that’s not really gonna cut it in the health stakes.
Hi my future ass!
So in the interests of general health, wellbeing, and being able to prance around in shorty shorts without scarring any small children down at Bondi, Kiki and I are starting Project Health. It’s not like I’ve ever had to shop at a special store or take an escalator cause I just can’t make it up the steps, but I’m definitely not fit and crazy healthy like I used to be. Plus, they keep playing that ad on television. You know the one with the guy who walks down the line towards the camera, then gradually gets old and obese without even realising? That thing puts the fear of god in me. I don’t want to be a grey-haired old man who can’t pick up his kids! HEEEELP!
So we’re trading in Italian takeaway on Super Saturday for running, pilates, and general healthytimes. We have an awesome overseas trip planned in five weeks and we wanna get a big headstart before we enter America, the land of orange cheese, giant coca colas, and Krystal burgers. That stuff is lethal for the bodyfat ratio. WISH US LUCK!
KIKI
I’m not sure if anyone would ever look at me and think YOU BIG FATTIE, but I am definitely not a picture of health. Okay so one time this boy I was with, his psycho ex was staring at us from across the pub and sent him a text message saying ‘KIKI IS FAT, WHY ARE YOU WITH HER’.
Now this is a direct violation of Girl Law because that bitch is FATTER THAN ME. Girl Law dictates you can only call someone chubby if they are bigger than you. Not only is she at least 2 sizes bigger than me, she also wears vast amounts of flammable material, including pleather. Enough said.
Errr anyway. I should basically be obese. I do NO excercise. And I don’t mean I just go for walks and do yoga … I literally do nothing. Exercise for me is walking from the lounge to the fridge. I also eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I am all about the Easy Mac and the Burger Rings and the late night Maccas runs.
Thanks to the wonder of genetics I have somehow managed to never be bigger than a size 12. It also helps that I have skinny little stick arms and legs so with some clever dressing (thanks babydoll dresses) I can fool people into thinking I’m not a walking heart attack.
However, I feel like absolute shit. I have had periods of fitness in my life but they have never lasted particularly long as I get bored easily. I used to be dancer during highschool and I have all these photos of me in leotards with skinny legs up to my chin. Sigh, those were the days. Now I look like a dancer who was kicked out of her company for having a drinking problem and binge eating disorder. It ain’t cute.
Basically I’m sick of getting puffed when I walk up the stairs. That’s okay if you’re in your 60s, but in your 20′s…not so much. I would also like to actually see my hipbones again. I miss you old friends!
So I am gonna sacrifice my indulgent lifestyle, get my shit together and become one of those annoying healthy people who points out how many calories there are in Boost smoothies. Yep yep.
So, now you’ve read both our stories you understand why we have decided to do our health campaign publicly. Neither of us are good at following through with things like this. We need to be accountable otherwise it will never happen. So you guys are gonna share this journey with us, whether you like it or not.
We will blogging a few times a week about our adventures into the world of heath and fitnesss, including photos of our attempts at cooking and the details on the ridiculousness of us trying to exercise.
If any of you want to join in with us, that would be awesome. We are super excited to post photos of our sweet sweet abs. Also, if you are hot and have abs, just post them anyway. We love fit-spiration.
kiki
sassy
lozzy
interns
Now it’s more like, I dunno, the body of an occasional manslaughterer.
hahahhaa
i really need to start working out. i got puffed out the other day from making my bed.
go bbs go!
go go GO GIRLS!!
I’m behind you 100%! (and in saying that, i mean i will do occasional exercise and bitchmoan because you “made me do it”)
Oh girls, I SOOOOOO hear you!
I have a similar story to Sassy. Played sport all through high school & even university, then to my amazement continued long after the tutes were but a distant memory.
Then found too many excuses, not enough time & decided it was all too hard, so packed it in while vowing that I’d find something else to take its place that was more manageable…. 2.5 yrs later, I’m still looking!
I was never super skinny or had a killer bod, but I always felt healthy & was comfortable with my size & that made me happy.
Since I’ve stopped exercising, I’ve put on some weight that I’m always wishing away & find it more difficult to wear some of my favourite clothes, so I guess I’m also coming to a point where I can no longer complain about it & just have to literally get off my bigger butt & do something, cause no-one else is gonna fix this problem for me.
So perhaps you 2 can be my inspiration to kick-start my own campaign to get healthy, fitter & lose some weight – this is what it’s all about, isn’t it?
Cheers to a healthier us, girls!
Omg im so joining in on this.
I do already exercise a bit and eat somewhat healthily but I want to be slimmer for Japan in 4 weeks because I have visions of hot tokyo nights and me in slinky dresses w a tan.
Huzzah.
Good Luck *high kick*
That’s so awesome!
I hear you about the whole high-school sport thing…like how you could eat whatever you wanted without thinking if it was good or bad for you because you knew you were gonna burn it off anyways…i miss those days
But I’m with you guys, can’t wait to read your blogs
Good luck!
can i suggest something like this…….http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhagBQwz9Sk&NR=1
Well, good luck with sticking to that, girls.
Now, back to that nice little red I was enjoying…
cheers
HI NECKBEARD! please comment on errol more often.
Amen sisters. I am in. I started last week and i have a sore arse from some exercises I am doing. It feels good. If you have fox check out “All Star Workouts” on Discovery Health. Sure, there are bad accents, over-zealous woohoos from the instructors etc, but I am finding it to be an effective home based work out. I am also trying to eat healthy. My sister and I set up a secret hidden facebook group where we log everything we eat, and our daily exercise. Keep the faith girls, I need you as motivation, so my health kick sticks too.
Go Team
GOOD ON YASSSSSSS!!!!
glad to hear you chicks are going down a healthy pathway!
i started doing Boot Camp about 8 weeks ago (5 mornings a week, 6am starts, 1 hr long sessions, with groups of other fatties between 6 and 20 with a HAWT HAWT, did i mention HAWT male trainer).
try and get involved in a Boot Camp LOLZ. that’s bound to give you some more hilair blogging material.
the Boot Camp I go to is not a army-style one, where they get in u stupid camo gear and yell and scream at you, or make u workout until u vomit….it’s relatively tame. (although I wouldn’t mind a bit of “abuse” from the HAWT male trainer hehe)
yay for youse 2! Before and After pics please….Cronkster.
Good luck!
You publicly posting this means you actually HAVE TO DO IT NOW.
My darling husband was looking at my pre-pregnancy pics the other day. His comment? “Wow, you were really toned and skinny before you got pregnant” thanks love.
You can do it!
HI EVERYONE!!
thanks for the support and love. we just got home from a long ass walk involving alot of stairs and hills and sassy is doing glute exercises on the floor.
cronkster there wont be any before fotos of our guts coz i dont think the internet deserves to be punished that bad..hahaha. definite after fotos tho.
WE WILL DO THIS BITCHES
also we aren’t dancing fatties..FUCK U NECKBEARD.
no you guys are the skinny hot bitch thats dancing with the fat guy.
NICE SAVE NECKBEARD.
I just wanted to let you all know I just did a super painful ass workout from oxygen mag. GO SASSY’S ASS.
i could have been worse i could have posted this link, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-67Xt5R8DY
and also i won the tipping comp this week, suffer.
Hot tip: purge after meals ALL the time
Holy shit. I saw that one night at the judgement bar!
“I should basically be obese. I do NO excercise.”
I am obese and I do exercise. Luckily, I really like being a fatty fat fatty.
Good luck on your health kick, girlies! But please please tell me you’re not going to be eating sad-ass salads like that last picture. THERE’S A BETTER WAY, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO EAT STEAMED BROCCOLI.
GO PUT YOUR SKINS ON AND GET BACK TO ME SUCHY.
i have a feeling they’re always on.
You should get some. They are awesome. I’ve become aerodynamic without having to shave my legs and no longer have to wear pants outside.
I have a pleather jacket.
One day, kitty called it a ‘placket’.
It remains in the wardrobe, unworn, ever since.
NOW PUT THAT CHERRY RIPE DOWN.
x
guys i am so sore after my walk for reals. how sad is that.
a placket hahaha
HI SAM COMMENT MORE OFTEN PLS
of course you are! you’re not used to it. you’ll be fine after a few more
We could NOT be at further ends of the scale. I might go home for a curry and 3 beers tonight.
have u got some bitchin’ walking tracks on your iPod?
i got Destiny Child’s “Lose My Breath” and George Michael’s “Flawless” amongst others on my running playlist.
JOHN TURLINGTON IS VERY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR NEW FITNESS AND LIFESTYLE CHOICE. You think I am joking but sseriously he is very happy you are coming back to see us and you are HEALTH NUTS.
You go girls – I am so with you, with the aid of the treadmill (I live in the UK and will bloody drown if I go outside as all it does here is rain!)and the WII sports – although 5 year son beats the crap out of me in the boxing on a regular basis. I am sat here in my wonderwoman pants (her face slightly distorted due to the size of my arse) in need of inspiration when I saw a mail in my inbox from your good selves and now feel duly inspired – keep up the good work!
I’m in. My arse once bought me six cocktails (true story, has visuals). Now it’d have to busk to get a juice.
See you on the streets of Sydney, cheeks held high, mesdames.
HAHAHHA awwww jono!! how sweet
Does this involve no drinking???/ I know I have cut back way on my drinking but I feel its time to actualy stay away from it forever. I threw up the other day on the inside of my dress…. that’s right the inside. I I was so drunk I couldn’t even lean forward. It was a cream dress and I was drinking red wine. Enough said. After finding this surprise the next morning and downing a large red rooter chips I said to myself ENOUGH! U are 28. U have inspired me to get fit to…..
John Turlington makes me very excited.
I think that’s allowed though when you’ve played cricket on everest though … isn’t it?
HAHAHA oh god
now he’s gonna expect us to be fitness machines isn’t he?
*immediately starts doing crunches*
hahahah have to busk
not only will our cheeks be high, but so will our muscular asses.
hahahahahah kate
but u have been so well behaved in the last few years. i mean compared to how you used to be.
well our plan is to have 6 days of health, one day off. our day off is allowed a few drinks and whatever we want to eat. but 24 hours only!
yay lets do it together miss Jo!
“downing a large red ROOTER chips”. Are these freely available and legal?
I’m like some film stereotype of a sad washed-up sports star now. You can’t close my bin for empty home-delivery containers and my only achievement recently has been recreating the great pyramids of giza with bottles of Becks.